This week was a milestone for me. I submitted my Fame post as an op-ed at the Los Angeles Times.
Will they ever actually print it? Extremely doubtful.
But it was the first time I ever submitted my writing anywhere (other than scriptwriting). Deezee pushed me into it. She literally emailed me three times to make sure I did it. So, thanks Deezee, for being such a pushy bastard.
I’m sure I looked unprofessional in my query letter. I wrote “Dear Editor” rather than using a specific editor’s name. I didn’t know you were supposed to include a page count. After I submitted the article, I found an informative article in Daily Kos about writing op-ed pieces. I wish I had seen it before! It is a must read if you want to write a piece. Don’t look like an amateur nudnik like me!
I’m always reading blog posts from YOU that would be perfect for a op-ed piece, so I’m going to try to push some of you to submit your work.
Deezee also advised me to take out certain words from my post, such as “penis” and “balls,” which I did. Rather than saying “If John Stossel had any balls,” it now reads “If John Stossel had any guts.” I know that totally destroyed the sentence. I totally wimped out, but it’s all part of the game.
People who have met me in real life know that I am actually a polite guy who never curses. I’m always surprised when I learn that a blogger who writes beautiful poetry can “curse like a sailor” in real life. Maybe it is because I rarely use words like c**k, p***y, f**king, etc. in the real world, that I LOVE to use them on my blog. But every once in a while now I might clean up a post, especially if I have a job interview that week.
It would be a shame, though, to refrain myself from using these obscenities on my blog. I liked to imagine that whenever I say tits or c**k in a post, that thousands of women around the world are getting so turned on that they having orgasms right at their work cubicles. That is happening, right?
For some of you, this is the only sex you get all week, so I can’t just eliminate this sex talk. It is a public service! So, I’ve come up with a way to both talk about sex AND be PG-13 for the Los Angeles Times and prospective employers. It is called USING CODE. Talk having your cake and eating it, too!
From now on:
c**k = iPod
p***y = Toyota Prius
tits = John Updike
f**king = “Deal or No Deal”
So, for instance, imagine you’re reading the following post. Can you decipher it?
A BLOG POST
Happy New Year, fellow bloggers! How was your Christmas and Hanukkah? I had a great vacation. And guess what — I got a iPod as a Hanukkah gift. What a great toy. I don’t think I’ve every had more fun playing with anything in my life. I’ve been using my iPod constantly, plugging it in, buying all these accessories, and looking for friends to share my playlist with. I love the way it fits right in your hand. And I didn’t even get the mini one! No way!
Soon, I’m hoping to figure out a way to install my iPod right into the Toyota Prius. Then I can listen to music as I’m driving to the store. I love that Toyota Prius. It’s so comfortable inside, I almost want to sleep in it! Dude, that would be the ultimate!
Do you make any New Year’s Resolutions? I promised myself to read more this year. I’m a big fan of John Updike and I hope to read all of his books this year. There’s nothing better than curling up in bed with a good book by John Updike, especially one of his 500 page novels.
I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait for the new season of “24” and “Lost.” So far, I haven’t been impressed with the new TV season other than “Deal of No Deal.” Has anyone been watching “Deal or No Deal?” It seems to be on TV every night lately! One of my blogger friends recently told me how she Tivo-es it and then watches 4-5 episodes a night with her boyfriend! That made me feel old. I haven’t watched that much TV in one night since I was in college! In fact, sometimes I even zip past the commercials, and fall asleep in the middle of the show.
I’m glad they renewed “Deal or No Deal.” Hopefully, I will be watching it a lot more this year. Usually. I’m watching it in the bedroom before going to sleep, but I think I’m going to change things around in 2007. I’m going to watch it on the living room TV and even on the little TV in the kitchen! This is a YEAR of CHANGE! I’m going to try to watch it every chance I get, with or without Sophia! Who knows, maybe I’ll even get the chance to watch the show with two friends at the same time! I could throw a little “Deal of No Deal” party! I can’t tell you HOW MUCH I love that show! I wonder if you can download “Deal or No Deal” directly onto you iPod and watch it in your Toytota Prius?
Anyway, I love you all! I’m gonna go take a cold shower now. Or maybe I’ll just relax and read some John Updike.
A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: Girls Gone Geeky