the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

It’s National De-Lurking Week

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Of all the blogging applications out there, developers forgot one important one — a quick and easy way for a reader to communicate to another blogger without writing a comment. Sometimes, I’m too frazzled to write a comment. Sometimes, I just don’t have anything intelligent to say. I’d love to be able to push a button on my keyboard and send an emoticon to my fellow blogger saying, “I love what you say, but I can’t comment right now because I need to work/have sex/wash the dishes/watch “Deal or No Deal.”

I just learned on Sarah’s blog, that this is “National De-lurking Week.” If you are a “lurker,” you are supposed to come out of the shadows and prove your worth. I wish I had this imaginary application for you, so you could easily communicate to me, but I guess we are stuck with the comment section.

Dear lurkers, I perfectly understand your reasons for not commenting on Citizen of the Month. I get tired of commenting on blogs myself. There are SO many blogs out there! I just hope it isn’t MY FAULT that you keep lurking away. Someone once told me that she never comments on my blog because some of the other commenters are too “clever” and she feels intimidated. Can you believe that? If you’re someone who regularly comments on this blog, could you do me a favor by revealing the truth about yourself: you are an idiot like everyone else… maybe even more so! Who else wastes their time blogging for no pay? There is not a reason in the world for anyone to be intimidated by you.ย  C’mon, Citizen of the Month commenters, make my lurkers feel welcome.

A bigger danger is that a lurker is turned off by cliquishness of bloggers. I have a habit of writing about other bloggers as if they were my “friends” and it can make this blog seem quite in-groupy at times. Some newcomer might even think we all know each other. I hate it when I go to someone’s blog and I’m made to feel like an outsider. I’ll comment and… nothing. Not even a hello. I know… I know… we’re all guilty of that, including myself, but take note — there is no clique here at Citizen of the Month. I dislike everyone equally. I don’t really know anyone, and the ones that I’ve met in person, let’s just say, you wouldn’t want to. And Sophia says I need therapy! Hah, wait until she meets some of YOU! Honestly, I’m blogging for one reason — tits, big, small, I know some of you have them and it keeps me focused on my writing. (keep that in mind when you bid on me for that charity auction)

So, don’t be afraid of commenting because you feel like an outsider. I treat everyone the same here at Citizen of the Month. Well, except for the male bloggers. You’re useless.

So, Happy National De-Lurking Week, my lurking friends. Comment here — if you DARE, you anonymous pussies!

91 Comments

  1. Rhea

    I long ago accepted that I would never be a part of your ‘in’ group. I’ve passed through all of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ stages of grief. It still hurts, but I’m coming to terms with it.

  2. Indiana

    I’ll leave a comment, but you still are not getting to see my tits ~grin~

  3. Amaya

    Hi. My name is Amaya and I’ve been a lurker for about a month. I found your blog through another blog, but now can’t remember which one.
    I never know what to say because I feel like I’m giving advice when I comment on someone’s post and hey, I don’t even know you.
    But here I go. Mostly because I don’t want you to think I’m a pussy.

  4. Mr. Fabulous

    You’re not gonna see my tits either.

    Well, maybe just a little.

  5. Katie

    Another lurker de-lurking. Hi Neil! Glad you clarified about not actually knowing most of your commenters. Did seem a bit in-groupy. I’m a nice married Jewish girl so I can only show you my…knitting patterns.

  6. Non-Highlighted Heather

    I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me as a member.

    ~Groucho Marx via Alvy Singer

  7. laurie

    Yeah, I am delurking too. Hi. Oh, and why do guys say “tits” … is it more macho than “boobies”?

  8. LisaBinDaCity

    I always avoid being part of the “in crowd.” I prefer to put a hand out in every group.

    I often leave comments unlike SOME anonymous pussies who lurk at MY blog ๐Ÿ˜‰

  9. Jenn

    Hi Neil! I’ve been a lurker for about three months. You’ve shamed me out. You dislike us all equally? How refreshing! But you don’t get to see my tits either!

  10. Sarah

    OOh!! Linky-Love!! Thank you, Neil!

    You’ve already seen my tits, so I feel no need to ever comment here anymore. Heh. But I’m always reading and often laughing.

    And you know damn well I’m no pussy.

    BTW, to Laurie above…my husband absolutely HATES the word ‘boob’. It is a pretty silly word. I prefere ‘tits’ myself. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  11. steppingoverthejunk

    wait, we’re not all your “friends” here? Come on, I thought we were DATING!!! HELLOOOO? AREN’T WE DATING?

  12. The Cynical Girl

    I don’t lurk. I stalk.

  13. Neil

    Laurie — a boob to me has connotations of being “a dummy.” Breasts remind me of chicken. Mammaries remind me of babies. Melons remind me of summer. Hooters remind me of that stupid restaurant. Bazooms and bazookas remind me of war. Honkers remind me of traffic on the San Diego Freeway. Knobs and knockers remind me of doors. Love muffins remind me of Starbucks. Mountains of love remind me of Space Mountain in Disneyland. Puppies remind me of Snoopy. Taters remind me of McDonald’s. And Twin Peaks remind me of weird TV shows.

    So, I’m left with tits.

  14. Non-Highlighted Heather

    I’ve always been a fan of “rack.”

  15. CiCi

    Officially not lurking today. Thanks for all the entertainment. ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. paintergirl

    I will admit that I lurk here for the very reason you said. Sometimes I do not feel very clever. Maybe I’m never clever (good band name). I always laugh when I stop by. I wanted to ask about the parade-wasn’t it scary to have storm troopers there? I mean I was terrified as a kid. I thought they were robots.

  17. Becky

    Never been much of a lurker here since I found it. And don’t consider myself smart or hip or “in.” Just dorky enough to keep putting in my 2 cents and figuring if ya’ll don’t want to read it you can scroll past.

  18. Hilly

    When I met Sizzle for the first time recently, she and I actually talked about being accused of being cliquey because we all talk about each other and know each other. I think some of our blog-friends have been around forever and we just are closer with them, like real-life friendships.

    But, like you, there is no one who is shunned away from my site and if a new person comments, I try my damnedest to email them back.

  19. Spinning Girl

    I am an idiot like everyone else!!!

  20. Megan

    OK, OK, I’ll show you my tits. Pushy bastard.

  21. Neil

    Welcome Amaya, Katie, Jenn, Cici!

    Heather — Rack always reminds me of Nordstrom Rack.

    Hilly — I do remember when I first started blogging, it seemed everyone knew each other, and I didn’t. So, I would hate if someone else would feel that way.

    Spinning Girl — That’s the spirit.

    Paintergirl — I saw a video on local TV (I think it is on Youtube also)of the guys practicing to be the stormtroopers for the parade. If you saw how dorky they were in real life, the Empire would have never Struck Back.

  22. mrsmogul

    Hey Neil, I am commenting today. It’s hard to comment all the time I know…but I am going to be a better commenter this year..even if my baby has to cry in his crib for my attention. It’s just that I don;t have the time to comment everyday..and I want to…MAN AM I RAMBLING!!

  23. ms. sizzle

    Neil, you know we are totally BFFs. Stop trying to be so P.C. Since you already saw my rack, what’s left to expose?

    I think you secretly just wanted to type “pussies” on your blog. Admit it!

    XO
    Sizz

    P.S. To all the lurkers- we’re nice! And not nearly as clever in person. Just picture us in our underwear (Neil already does). Heh!

  24. Neil

    Mrs. Mogul — I told you not to have a baby. I knew it was going to cut into your blogging time. But did you listen? Selfish. Soon, you’re going use hurricane season in Florida as an excuse.

    (Dear Lurkers: I hope my comment to Mrs. Mogul doesn’t sound too in-groupy. I don’t really know Mrs. Mogul either. I know she know lives in Florida, is married to some British guy, has a baby, and grew up in Queens, just like I did. And although I have no idea what she looks like, I imagine her as being pretty hot)

  25. Neil

    I am so lame. I had to look up BFF. I was hoping it was something like “best friends who ****,” but alas, it wasn’t.

  26. Scott

    Well, here goes nothing.

    I found your blog a while back and have been avidly following your “adventures”. Quite good reading dude. Keep it up *thumbs up*

  27. Lou P.

    Blogging for tits — I like it!

  28. better safe than sorry

    i’m not a good lurker, i actually prefer to comment on other blogs than post anything on mine. sign me up for the idiot club!

  29. Danny

    Oy, like YOU need National De-Lurking Week, Mr. Hundred-Comments-on-Every-Post! If I get 10 comments, it’s cause for celebration.

    Yikes, could I sound more pathetic? First I am filled with envy over your thick mop of hair and now I’m coveting your comments. You will soon be blocking my IP address or taking out a restraining order. Would it help if I sent you a photo of my wife’s tits?

  30. Pearl

    I certainly de-lurked for you long, long ago. Can I regress and just lurk for a while? I want to see if the saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” has meaning in blogland.

  31. Fresh Hell

    I’m not nearly as clever as you are, but I’m no pussy and we’ll have see about showing my tits. I don’t see it happening any time soon, though.

    Respectfully submitted,
    Officially a De-Lurker

  32. deezee

    I only lurk when I’m grumpy. Otherwise I’m a damn chatterbox.

  33. Neil

    Danny, I have just made a copy of your last comment and will use it to blackmail you some day. I’m sure your wife will love that offer you just made to me.

    {note to lurkers: this guy writes an “intelligent” blog about brainy “topics,” and then complains about his lack of comments. How many times do I have to tell him the same thing, “Write about Britney Spears not wearing underwear — with a photo — and you WILL get comments! It’s that simple.”

  34. n

    since it is NATIONAL de lurking day in US. it doesnt apply to me. I am still OFFICIALLY LURKING.

  35. Caron

    Whatever happened to the term, “Magical Orbs?” Wasn’t that yours too? It was so poetic.

  36. Scarlet

    Usually when I don’t comment it’s because dial up is busy sucking out my soul.

  37. Neil

    Hiya, Fresh Hell and Scott. You both seem like very interesting and unique people.

    N – Aussies are always the troublemakers.

    Pearl — I don’t think that works online. Here, if you go on vacation and don’t blog for a week, everyone disappears and never comes back.

    Caron – Thanks, I forgot about that. Consider the term now officially trademarked.

  38. Karla

    I’m not a lurker in the blogging sense–I comment here pretty regularly. But I AM a lurker in the sense that I hide in the bushes outside your house a lot, and I often follow you on your route to work. I sometimes break into your place when you’re gone and scrub the grout in your shower, while wearing your underwear. But in the spirit of National Delurking Week, I’m going to quit scurrying out an unlocked window when I hear your key turning in the front door. I’ll just stay put and say howdy.

  39. Neil

    Karla, just the thought of you wearing my underwear… wow…

    Scarlet — You really need to have a charity auction to get yourself some DSL.

  40. Neil

    Oh, speaking of charity auctions, here is a sneak preview of the blogger auction, of which I will be participating —

    http://www.thenotgirls.com/auction/?browse

    Is this photo any better or do I need one where I am actually smiling?

    I still need to come up with a blurb.

    The auction starts on Thursday.

  41. Mist 1

    What about those of us who don’t lurk? Do you still wanna see my tits?

  42. Eileen

    I lurk- therefor I am

  43. Susan

    All right. I read Citizen of the Month almost every day and comment almost never…because…if I’m going to write a comment somewhere, I feel like I should go through and read all of the previous comments before I add my two cents. I mean, what if someone 37 comments above me said exactly the same thing I was going to say?! How embarrassing! But you, Mr. Neil, are SO popular that your posts generate too much witty discourse for my lazy self to wade through. By the time I get to comment #58, I’ve forgotten what I was going to say in the first place.

    However, in the interest of delurkification (if only for just this week), I’ve boldly skipped all the way to the bottom of the page, against my better judgement and natural tendencies, to leave a comment (at your request). So there you go.

  44. Amanda

    don’t mean to be a lurker but i guess i’ve got to come out of the shadows of the “still reading but haven’t commented lately” to say hi. hi, neil, my favorite west coast transplant blogger. xoxo happy new year.

  45. Jules

    Neil – I’m guilty of lurking on Danny’s site…and Sarah’s too…and possibly more. I guess I better confess over on their blogs now.

    As for the new picture – I love it.

  46. jleeody

    Hello, my name is Jody, and I am a lurker.

    And kind of a pussy. You had me pegged.

    But for this week I will grow a pair and un-lurk. Or de-lurk. Lurk-less? You get the drift…

  47. Sarah

    i try not to lurk. a comment every now again isn’t too difficult.

    but lurkers should know… we know you visit. we can check our sitemeter and see where you’re from!

  48. Sarah

    and thanks for the link about my blogiversary!!!

    v. much appreciated ๐Ÿ™‚

  49. Neil

    Susan — Loved you honeymoon photos.

    Jody — I am very excited about knowing you. I haven’t interacted with a blogger from Alaska yet. Is it true about there being 100 men for every woman? Sort of like the personal-blog blogosphere in reverse.

  50. plain jane

    Of course I read you every day. Some days (weeks/months) I don’t feel very chatty.

    Much better photo! Why are there no bids yet?

  51. Neil

    It starts on Thursday. I’m not even sure if I was supposed to show it to yet. But I wanted the OK for the photo.

  52. Karen

    Hi,
    My name is Karen. I admit it. I lurk. Haven’t quite made it to stalker status.

  53. Neil

    Karen, I de-lurk you. Rather than stalking me, can I suggest bidding on me for a charity auction starting on Thursday.

    By the way, I don’t exactly understand the rules. Do I take the woman out or does she take me out? Because if she takes me out, I’m getting the most expensive dish.

    I asked Sophia if she is going to bid on me and she just laughed. That’s because she already knows my real worth. Luckily, you don’t. Can we start the bidding at $20,000?

  54. Maliavale

    1. I arrived via Stacy at Jurgen Nation and have been reading you on RSS for a little over a month.

    2. I have tits.

    3. The phone story in the NYC bar is adorable.

    4. I could care less about the cliqueishness, if it even exists, and think everyone should also cease to care.

    5. The above items are in no way related.

  55. Neil

    Lurkers — For educational purposes, let me point out to you that Maliavale mentioned Stacy of Jurgen Nation as a go-between. This type of name-dropping is important in the blogosphere, as it is in the real world. Obviously, this “Stacy” can open a lot of doors, so it is good to read her blog. I don’t even have to read Maliavale’s blog to see if I like it.ย  “Stacy sent me” is more than enough.ย  Sometimes, I go to new blogs and say “Dooce sent me.”ย  It isn’t true, but screw it — no velvet blogging rope for me! However, saying “Neilochka sent me,” won’t do much for you other than get you more Viagra spam.

    But, I operate without a velvet rope here. So, don’t feel that you have to mention Stacy or some other “connected” blogger in order to comment here. Even Maliavale should have known that her tits were more than enough to get on my blogroll.

  56. lizardek

    I’ll de-lurk when Dooce does.

  57. Chantal

    Hi Neil, thanks for calling us out! As blogless delurkers, we sometimes feel left out of the discussion at hand for all of the reasons you mentioned. And commenting on someone’s blogpost, especially when you don’t have a blog yourself, can sometimes be like a conversation-crasher at a party who doesn’t know the group, but puts her two-cents in anyways. Everyone’s going “Who IS this weirdo?” as they give each other the raised eyebrow.
    Thankfully, the regular commentators at Citizen of the Month seem like a nice bunch who wouldn’t raise their eyebrows at anyone …
    Maybe one day I’ll have my own blog, but in the meantime, I’ll continue being your avid blogless lingerer. Your intelligence & wit have made you the first blogger that I read every morning, and waking up to you, Neil, is the best ๐Ÿ™‚

  58. V-Grrrl

    At Neil’s request, I’m offering the ugly truth: I’m old, I’m fat, I’m bored, I spend too much time on the computer, and I’m mathematically retarded.

    Does everyone feel comfortable now–because you know, I’m feelin’ seriously uncomfortable. Think I’ll go lurk somewhere.

    Neil–the things I do for you! Showing my tits would be easier.

  59. Jazz

    Hello my name is Jazz i am an idiot like everyone elseโ€ฆ maybe even more so! Who else wastes their time blogging for no pay? There is not a reason in the world for anyone to be intimidated by me. Yeppers, that about sums it up.

  60. Heather B.

    Awww Neil, I dislike you too!

  61. Leezer

    Neil:
    Of all the bloggers out there, you are the one who does the best job of connecting everyone. Thank you for that. I think the world would be a better place if there were more Neils around to fill bridge the gaps.

    And I’m no lurker, but evertime I get to your blog, there’s like a billion comments already and I think, “Sheesh. Everything’s been said already.” It’s like showing up to a party with only dried guacamole and corn chip crumbs and everyone is putting on their coat to leave.

    I’ve got to get a job where I can blog at work. No doubt about it.

    Thanks again, Neil!

  62. Serena

    You nailed it with the whole clique thing!

  63. Woman with Kids

    I’m officially submitting my application as a reader of the blog. I’ll patiently wait for the blog response button saying, “I have nothing intelligent to say, but this grunt means I agree!/I disagree!/I don’t know how to use words!

  64. Karl

    I may be worthless, but I’m speaking up, anyway. You know, in the spirit of delurking.

  65. sarah

    Hi Neil,
    I delurked a while ago, even though I am not clever and witty! Though I will say that I didn’t feel that I was invading a popular in-crowd… and if I shoulda felt more shy.. my bad! : )

  66. Neil

    Welcome, Woman with Kids. Great to meet you. We need more mommybloggers in the blogging community. (joking, hah hah)

    Sarah — Obviously you aren’t easily intimidated.

  67. deannie

    You write for tits?!? SUCH.A.GUY. Love that about you tho

  68. fringes

    I’m all for an international re-lurk day. I want to read and laugh to myself without having to think of something witty and quasi-appropriate for every blog post I read. February is All Nations’ Read and Appreciate in Silence Month.

  69. Diana

    I don’t wanna be just another lurker…

  70. ajooja

    I’m not necessarily a lurker, but I’m a horrible commenter.

    With 69 comments before mine, about all I can say is, “Yeah, what he/she said!”

  71. Nance

    Geeze, V. Now I have to support you AND help Neil’s cause…okay:

    I’m brilliant but I don’t have any tits to show.

    Damn you, Neil.

  72. Wendy

    ๐Ÿ™‚

  73. srah

    Hello. It’s my first time here, so I’m not much of a lurker, but it seems like cheating not to leave a comment during De-Lurking Week.

  74. Neil

    Welcome Di and Srah!

  75. RedVelvetRope

    Hello, I don’t comment because I have nothing to say;
    But I still love reading your blog everyday!

  76. Neil

    RedVelvetRope —

    Nothing to say?! What are you mute? OK, tell me one of your favorite subjects so I will write a post about it so you can have something to say.

    And I like your name —

  77. Mo

    I hate the term “tits”, doesn’t it only refer to nipples? And we all know the best term for nipples is “smuggling raisins”.

  78. Mariana

    I found this blog in September by googling “Sedaris blog”, if you were wondering. I usually don’t comment because there are too many comments and mine would get lost anyway (unless I say something really interesting, but that requires too much thinking)

  79. jleeody

    Being a habitual lurker i am not sure the protocal for responding to a question on someone else’s comment roll.
    But, there may be many more men than women up here. But when it comes to men with teeth… that’s another ratio entirely.

  80. Alison

    Looks like I picked the wrong week to take a break from blogging…

  81. plain jane

    1. Trust me. You don’t WANT to see my “tits” (I hate that word).

    2. Unfortunately, I think the deal with Sophia not bidding is the age old, “Why buy the cow (or bull) when you can get the milk (um. er. you know what I mean)for free.”

    3.I read your blog last. I always save the best for last.

  82. whoorl

    Neil Kramer, you’re my hero.

  83. AscenderRisesAbove

    looking at the lurker wiki…
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lurker
    and finding myself of the benign category..

  84. SFGary

    Not quite a lurker but it is somewhat intimidating knowing I walked into a party and don’t know anyone and everyone is talking to each other…

  85. littlepurplecow

    Here. Sitting at the back of class most days, but always entertained… waiting for just the right moment to pass a note.

  86. Neil

    SFGARY — Here’s a cocktail. Once you are a little drunk, you’ll have more nerve talking to the hot women who hang out here at the bar. It works for me.

  87. wanderingdave

    I don’t think that I’m really lurking — but then again…

    I’m David and my interest is communication (mass media). I’m taking a year-long trip and testing the utility of seven media channels: blog; newspaper column; online forum; map room; photo gallery; podcasts; and radio.

    Take a look — and leave a comment, if you aren’t a lurker…

  88. Michelle V - fost-adopt blogger

    I’m not a lurker, I’m still laughing about the David Sedaris link. I’d be bidding right now, but hey, you’re in CA and it would seem a waste of cash not to actually win.

  89. Akaky

    I do not lurk. Lurking is a heinous activity, like skulking or reading the National Enquirer with your socks on, and ought to be punishable by several years in prison or North Bergenfield, New Jersey, whichever comes first. I peruse the day’s offering, and if I feel motivated enough, I will make a comment, and if not, I do not. Motivation depends on a great many things, such as do I feel like making the mental effort and the price of gasoline on any given day of the week. But lurking? No, there’s none of that here.

  90. Jennifer

    I will proudly leave a comment on my very first visit. I never understand people who say they are afraid to comment. What exactly are they afraid of? Public ridicule? Taunting? Being exposed as a poor speller? Or perhaps some combination of the above? I will have to issue the delurker challenge on my own blog since no one EVER comments!!

  91. peefer

    They’re rather outdated, (and I’m late, and I’m an outsider), but you may enjoy my tits here.

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