Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Girls Gone Geeky

girlsstudy2.jpg

I’m still a little sick from the cold I got at Vegas, but we finally made it back to LA.  Sophia, bless her heart, drove the entire way back.  Here are the highlights of our trip back from Las Vegas:

As we’re driving out of town, Sophia and I pass a huge truck painted with images of half-clad women and the words "Girls Gone Wild."

"That guy was brilliant." she says.

"Who?"

"That sleazy guy who came up with "Girls Gone Wild."  He’s a millionaire many times over."

"The whole concept is disgusting and exploits women." 

"I’m just saying he’s filthy rich…"

"So, are you saying it’s better to be sleazy and a millionaire, than not sleazy?"

"I didn’t say that.  What kind of logic is that?"

"Why, would you rather have married him?"

"I don’t know the guy from "Girls Gone Wild."" 

"You seem to know a lot about him."

"I read some article.  I know he’s a millionaire.  I know he had a very smart idea."

"I have smart ideas also."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, tons of them.  I’m having an idea now."

"Tell me."

"Imagine if you did something like "Girls Gone Wild," but with a twist!  Something that’s not demeaning to women, but actually empowers them.   We can call it something like "Girls Gone Geeky.""

"Girls Gone Geeky?"

"Yeah, imagine this.  At first, you’ll see three girls sitting in a coffee shop, all reading books.   Then I’ll show up with a cameraman and I’ll shout out to them, "Hey girls,what are you doing?"  And all of them will shout back, "We’re studying for our bio-chemistry exam!"  And I’ll say, "Hey, girls, how would you like to show me your books?"  And all of them will flash their bio-chemistry books up for the camera to see."

"Neilochka, why don’t you take a nap?"

Two or three hours later, Sophia wakes me up.

"I’m hungry and tired, and we’re almost out of gas," she says.

"Where are we?"

"Victorville."

"Where’s that?"

"I don’t know.  I’m just going to stop at the first restaurant I find."

I went back to sleep.  A few minutes later, Sophia knocks me in the arm.

"Get up," she says.

I look outside the window.  We are in front of Olive Garden.

"Shit."

This Olive Garden looks exactly the same as the last one we visited

While I’m not coughing as much as before, my stomach is uneasy.  Just opening up the menu makes me feel sick. 

"Do you want to share the soup and salad again?" joked Sophia.

"Sorry,  I don’t want anything.  I feel nauseous."

"Nauseous?  I think you mean "nauseated."  It’s a common mistake."

"I never heard anyone say, "I feel nauseated."" 

"So what?  People are idiots.   I’m a language professional and you’re not."

"Well, I grew up here and you didn’t.   And everyone says, "I feel nauseous.""

"I’ve also heard people say, "I have to nip it in the butt," but that doesn’t make it right. 

"So, how would you use the word nauseous?"

"You would say "Nauseous fumes.""

"That’s "Noxious fumes.""

"Geez, Neil, "noxious" means ‘harmful."   Nauseous fumes are fumes that cause nausea.   So, if you say,  "I feel nauseous," what you are really saying is that you are making me sick, which might be true.  But if you are sick to your stomach – you are nauseated."

"Huh!  So — "You are nauseous."  "You make me feel nauseated.""

"That’s right.  "I am nauseated because you are nauseous."

"Nauseated.  Nauseous.  Nauseous.  Nauseated.  Hmmm…"

The guy at the next table taps me on the shoulder.  He’s eating his pasta with his wife.

"Do you think you guys could change the subject of your conversation?  You’re making me nauseous"

An hour later, we’re back on the road, when we surprisingly find ourselves passing the same "Girls Gone Wild" truck. 

I turn to Sophia.

"Sophia, you know if we did that "Girls Gone Geeky" idea, we could spice it up by having a bunch of really attractive women on the beach, maybe even wearing bikinis, but they don’t do stupid things like play volleyball with their boobs jumping up and down.  Instead they discuss matters of linguistics, like that nauseous-nauseated thing we were talking about.  They can even be qualified grammarians, or linguists like you."

"Neilochka, why don’t you take a nap?"

46 Comments

  1. Yes, Neilochka, why don’t you take a nap?…. although, if you let us know when the auditions for “Girls Gone Geeky” are, I may try out. But I’m studying Biology, not bio-chem.

  2. Yes I say! Yes to language talks and finally making it look sexy and interesting and… all that!

  3. How about Geeky Girls Gone Wild Go To Olive Garden?

    I say nauseous…or I just puke instead of saying anything.

  4. So, Neil, if bought a DVD copy of “Girls Gone Geeky,” would it come with a bonus gift? Uh…maybe…a reference book or a subscription to PC WORLD or National Geographic magazine?

  5. Someone else told me about the nauseous/ nauseated thing a while back. But I let the masses win and didn’t correct those around me nor myself. I think Sophia would be dissapointed in me…

  6. I may vomit. That’s the statement that makes the other Olive Garden patrons move so you can continue your conversation.

  7. You ever get that Girls Gone Geeky idea off the ground, let me know. I’ll be first in line with my organic chem book.

  8. My God! You two are like an episode of Laurel and Hardy. More, please! Screw “Girls Gone Geeky.” I want a camera to follow the two of you around. Now THAT would be entertaining.

  9. “Girls Gone Geeky”,finally…a reality show I can actually be on.

  10. but. . .how was your meal at the olive garden?

    😉 sizzle

  11. For myself, I say Go Go Girls Go Geeky.

    Question, would Girls Go Geeky be composed of geeky girls, or would geeky girls comprise the Girls Go Geeky? Or… something else?

  12. Neil, you’re hilarious.

  13. haha, “nip it in the butt.” i’ll admit it, i laughed at that one. i hate that. someone recently wrote to me “for all intensive purposes” what the hell. come on now.

  14. Perhaps Girls Gone Geeky could have a college edition? Debaters, mathletes…all of those crazy kids…could do it wearing pasties and g-strings instead of ironed white shirts?

  15. Neil, your blog is just so educational. I also want to know how your meal at Olive Garden was.

  16. Hi! It’s delurking week, so I’m making comments on all my “usual” blogs…and I’m thinking really hard for something witty to say about this post…but nothing is coming to me. As usual, you’re hilarious, and I’d like to know when and where the tryouts for “Girls Gone Geeky” will be held!

  17. Celina, no witty comment necessary. Just seeing your charming smile is more than enough for me.

    And, Sophia ate the soup and salad. I just ordered hot tea, and stole one of those breadsticks from Sophia.

  18. I have a degree in linguistics. Sophia’s right.

  19. Sign me up! I look cute in a bikini AND I’m a geek who owns lots of textbooks.

    And I say “I’m nauseated” when I’m nauseated, so that argument holds no H2O.

  20. How about “Linguists Gone Wild”???

  21. I like to keep it simple: I’m going to throw up on your shoes. It gets the point across quite nicely.

  22. Seeing as everyone else has already effectively commented on the GGG concept, I’ll focus on your illness, commonly known as Vegas Throat. The best cure is Cream of Green Chile soup. A day of that, and you’re cured.

  23. Carly, sounds good, but does Campbell’s make it?

  24. I’m a little queasy now…

  25. What’s the deal, Neil? Not one man has responded to this post. I realize the men can’t be included in the GGG. But hasn’t every man who reads this post felt like blowing chunks at one time or another? (that’s just a classier way of saying nauseous, or is it nauseated?)

  26. Here’s the thing about nauseous: it’s been used incorrectly for so long that if you look in a current dictionary, it’s second definition is feeling nausea, nauseated. My edition notes that some object to that usage, but I imagine it’s only a matter of time before it’s accepted.

    I hope you’re feeling better!

    Also, your GGG idea reminded me of a skit on SNL where they had a 900 number staffed by women in scifi and fantasy outfits who would talk to callers as their favorite characters (Leia, Arwen, Uhura, etc.) Now that might bring in some cash. ;]

  27. Very funny. If they ever give away “Girl’s Gone Geeky”, let me know and i’ll get the word out. I’m a free for all enabler!

  28. You could do “Girls Gone Geeky” and film all the hornballs that try to impress them. The scene: hot girls who throw their halter tops away for biochem books and glasses. They are reading (like in the picture) and there is a line of guys drooling, waiting to get their stab at making an impression. But these are really stupid, meat-headed guys. So, the show is basically a ton of rejections. And then the girls get to say when they say no to the guy, “Don’t judge a book by its cover”. Brilliant!

  29. Wow. And all I ever do in Vegas is gamble to become a sleazy millionaire and get drunk on noxious booze and occasionally get lapdances from the Geek Gone Wild chicks.

  30. I realized that I am truly geeky the day that I explained elliptical clauses and correct pronoun usage to my theatre friends.

    I never took bio-chem. Will an MLA handbook do?

  31. why don’t you and Sophia just make out … All this verbal back-and-forth, it’s just games people! DO IT ALREADY!

  32. Now you’ve got me thinking that way … How about “Words Gone Wild”? Or “Syllables Gone Silly?” Or “Meaning Gone Mad?” It would be grab-bag of neologisms.

    Sexification!
    iPodilize!
    Kittycateous!
    Olivegardened!

    “Damn it, Madge! This meal’s been olivegardened!”

  33. erin, it’s no use. accept his inferiority issues and sophia’s desire to dominate and the world becomes a bit calmer.

  34. Oh, I have plenty of issues, thank you Doctor. But Sophia doesn’t have much of a desire to dominate. She’s way too self-assured for that. It’s always the quiet ones like you and I that want to secretly dominate the world.

  35. Go for your idea!! Go for your dreams!! If one day Neil you become a millionaire, I can tell my friends I used to go to your blog and I encouraged you to reach for the stars. You owed me 30% of your empire.

  36. This Girls Gone Geeky is also perfect reality-show fodder. Imagine Paris spending a day in a science lab, or Nicole Richie forced to take a computer programming class.

  37. Did you ride the monorail in Vegas? It is the coolest attraction.

  38. Maybe that’s why I was so nauseous when I was having dinner with you too.

  39. “Nauseous” has the same meaning as “poisonous.” So if one were to be nauseous, then one would cause nausea.
    If one is NAUSEATED, then one feels nausea.
    Bravo to you, Sophia. I have the same pet peeve.
    Namaste.
    ~HDJ

  40. LOL!
    You two are completely entertaining! How was Olive Garden?

    3T

  41. you should call it “girls gone mild.”

  42. Industry — That title is 1000x better than mine. I bow to you.

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