the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

A Story for My Younger Readers


Once upon a time, there was a boy named Max.  One sunny day, while Max was walking through the park, he met a female Genie who lived in a bottle.  Max and the Genie became friends. 


This female Genie had these two Magic Orbs.  Max learned to love these Magic Orbs more than anything.  He loved to hold them, play with them, and squeeze them for good luck. These Magic Orbs made Max the happiest boy in his little town. 

One night, there was a violent storm and the Genie was blown out of town. 


Max had no Magic Orbs to play with anymore.  Max was very sad.  Max’s father saw that Max was sad.  He told Max about this other toy that he could play with instead. 


For several weeks, Max played with this other toy, sometimes two or three times a day.  Still, Max missed the Genie’s Magic Orbs.  

Max went to the park to find another Genie with Magic Orbs.  


While in the park, he saw many other Genies.  Some had big Magic Orbs.  Some had little Magic Orbs.  Max liked these Magic Orbs, but they were not his to play with and hold. 

Max became sad again.  Suddenly, Max heard a friendly voice.  It was the Good Spirit of the North, who came to help Max. 


“Here is what you must do,” said the Good Spirit, and whispered the secret into Max’s ear.

Max ran home as fast as lightning.  Now he knew what to do.  He would not be sad anymore. 

Max ran upstairs to his computer and wrote a blog post about Magic Orbs, letting the sadness disappear, and then Max played with his other toy until he fell asleep. 


  1. Danny

    Oh…my…God, the longer Sophia is gone, the more demented you are getting. But in a brilliant way. Where the hell did you get those illustrations?

  2. Dave2

    Hmph… my guess is that the genie was “blown out of town” by the cops for sharing her “magic orbs” with a minor!

  3. Nics

    I’m torn between saying ‘Awwwwwwwwww’ and laughing. Hope you get to talk to Sophia today!

  4. DawnKelly

    I am taking my orbs to the park –STAT!

  5. Edgy Mama

    Maybe I can teach my five-year-old to start saying: “Look, Mom, she has beautiful Magic Orbs,” instead of “Mom, check out HER nursies.”

    Your insight astounds, Neil.

  6. Alison

    Oh. my. God. What Danny said.

  7. Cover Your Mouth

    Real subtle.


    Genies are dangerous.

  9. Jody

    Ditto on what Danny said. And are your sure you wrote this or did you steal this story from Neil’s Penis?

  10. ExpatJane

    Hahahahaha. I agree with Dave2 though. She got picked up by the cops for letting a minor play with her orbs. Tsk, tsk.

  11. M.A.

    So clever. So very clever.

  12. trouble

    I’ve always thought the orbs were rather magical. Now, it’s confirmed. 😉

  13. Dagny

    Jody, thanks for asking. That’s exactly what I was thinking.

  14. lizardek

    I feel vaguely unsettled.

  15. Tatyana

    I find myself agreeing with Danny, especially with “demented” part. [what’s this world is coming to?]
    I’m sure this is going to count for something, there, in the Book, till the Yom Kippur.

  16. Neil

    I have no idea what anyone is talking about. It’s a children’s story!

  17. Wombat

    The best gifts are those not requiring batteries.

  18. Roberta

    I disagree with Wombat.
    But… when is Sophia coming home?

  19. ms. sizzle

    … i don’t get it. . .

    oh neil! 🙂

  20. sarah

    See the magic of those magic orbs? He didnt even ask for his 3 wishes.

    Men, never thinking, and left with only their own toys…

  21. girlgoyle

    orbs are great!
    By the way, good matchmaking I must say!

  22. sara lee

    Magic Orbs!! Love it! 🙂

  23. emma

    What a cute and heart warming story, but I have to warn you Neil, you are losing it, losing it big time. You need to get your hands on some magic orbs, now!

  24. tiff

    Wasn’t Max’s last name “Wanker”? I think I read that someplace.


  25. e.

    When I first read the words “Magic Orbs,” I thought it was refering to her eyes. I may be in a sadder state than Neil here. Damn.

  26. Sweet

    I’ll never look at a genie the same way!

  27. kapgar

    That sounds like something my parents would have read to me as a child.

  28. othurme

    Does chapter two introduce the genie’s pet cat?

  29. Mari

    Nice pics!

  30. Pearl

    You’ve got children’s picture books down pat. Maybe you and Madonna/Jaime Lee Curtis/Billy Crystal/Mel Brooks/Judge Judy/John Lithgow/Maria Shriver/Jerry Seinfeld could collaborate on a future children’s volume.
    Your story could be entitled: The Naughty Adventures of Neilochka.

  31. Dana

    Uh, I think “bottle” is a euphemism for The State Pen. And the “park” was the exercise yard. Didn’t you notice the curly barbed wire? Also, what Danny said again. Great images, especially the Good Spirit.

  32. Melissa

    Magic Orbs aren’t all they are cracked up to be. When you can’t sleep on your stomach and you can’t sleep on your back and you can’t play golf and you have to set the seat on the curling bench at the gym really low it’s a total pain in the… chest.

  33. Non-Highlighted Heather

    God, this place is going to be boring when you finally get laid.

  34. Lux Lisbon

    i’m printing this out and reading for my daughters next bedtime story.

  35. Akaky

    Neil, you need to take a really cold shower.

  36. sbukophile

    Won’t Neil’s Penis be bothered you are calling him a toy? Does he get jealous of the orbs?

  37. orieyenta

    OMG…too funny.

  38. Leesa

    They’re magic? Really??

  39. Tara

    Neil, quick. Check your palms for hair.

  40. Neil

    It’s a kids story!!!

  41. psychomom

    Now I understand. Orbs. That’s the book my son took into the bathroom.

  42. Jody

    Definition of orb: an object with a spherical shape
    Synonyms: ball, globe

    Obviously we are not buying the children’s story bit given your current living conditions. 🙂

  43. Viscountess of Funk

    Where did you find those illustrations? They are beautiful. (Oh, and your little story about the orbs and your weenie was good too).

  44. 2nd Pearl Past the Post

    It would be too racy for less prurient minds. I’m so glad that’s for young clear-eyed readers. Like the 4-year old who saw the naked woman standing up in the convertible and said, look at the woman! Mom did you see her? She didn’t have her seatbelt on.

  45. laurie

    I have magic orbs.

  46. bella

    This is the bestest story I’ve read ALL day!

  47. V-Grrrl

    Oh to have orbs that inspire such happiness. My orbs don’t generate a lot of attention. Maybe I need to blog about the “The Little Orbs That Wanted to be Loved.”

  48. ally

    oh my!

    nothing more to say. i agree with the other commenters.

  49. Stickyweb

    I suspect that Neil’s penis would view this parable from a less ‘wide-eyed-innocent’ perspective

  50. Felicity

    Hey I was wondering about what your Penis might have to say about the Magic Orbs!

  51. Party Girl

    I love bedtime stories.

    Especially those that involve magic orbs and toys…

  52. plain jane

    Ok, now I’m more than a little scared!

  53. CrankMama

    All hail the magical orbs… So, who exactly ARE your “young readers”… Does 38 count as young??

  54. better safe than sorry

    oooooooooooooo, magic orbs.
    some things just can’t be replaced.

  55. Michael

    Ohhh, your commenters made it clear — the orbs were the boobs of Sophia, who’s outta town. I thought this was a metaphor for you having some woman take your testicles away.

  56. teahouseblossom

    Well, Max could play with his two magical orbs as well.

    Someone call Jocelyn Elders! This story should be published and widely distributed to public schoolchildren.

  57. Therapy Doc

    Neil, you have to go to and read her post, Sept. 26, I AM SO NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION. and read the comments, Linda

  58. Jules

    Isn’t the 2nd chapter about Max’s mom walking in and warning him that he’ll go blind if he plays with his toy too much?

  59. deannie

    What I love about children is that size doesn’t matter, orbs are orbs and they are content to just have their own. Now, WHO can the Good Spirit of the North be and where can I find her? I know of a pair of orbs in need of release from their genie bottle…

  60. Awesome Bitch

    This story is adorable.

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