Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Never Trust a Female Blogger

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The recent discovery of the Gospel of Judas after 1700 years shows "Judas Iscariot not as a betrayer of Jesus, but as his most favored disciple and willing collaborator."

So, it probably time to stop using the word "Judas" as synonymous with "betrayer." 

May I suggest a new term — "Megan."

Yes, cute and lovable Megan, the blogger who befriended my wife despite my concerns that this friendship will only means trouble. 

Men, do not let this happen to you.  Keep your girlfriends and wives locked away when meeting fellow female bloggers.  Women will always betray you.  It’s like they have a secret sisterhood.

What happened?  Why am I so up in arms today?  

Well, yesterday, I was in a very happy mood.  I got all my passive-aggressiveness out in my blog post and I was pure positive energy.  I even thought I’d surprise Sophia when she came home by opening the door wearing nothing but my boxer-briefs.  But as I opened the door, all I noticed was a scowl on Sophia’s face.

"I hear you wrote about me on the blog today." she said.   "And you portrayed me in a unflattering light."

"Uh… no, I portrayed you as nice.  How did you know what I wrote about today?"

"Because Megan called me.  She didn’t like how you wrote about me.  She said I need to bop you on the head when I get home.  And if she could, she’d beat you up, too."

"Megan… called you up… about my blog post?"

This was utterly shocking to me.  My Megan… the blogger I used to flirt with in emails.. can she be turning into a fink rat informer?    If she did this, she just broke one of the major rules in the blogger’s handbook.  "Do Not Rat Out Blogger to Wife."

"You are so TAKING that post down now.  You promised that you would ask me first before writing about me."

"I can’t take the post down.  I’m getting tons of comments on it.  And you’re the good one in the post.  Really.  It’s all about how I’m the passive-aggressive one."

"Did you tell them how you bought the exact cake that I told you NOT to buy."

"Yeah, yeah, sure, sure… I made you look good and me bad."

"And I’ll say it again.  I’m not like my mother."

"Of course not." (add appropriate emoticon for sarcastic effect)

(Editor’s note:  The last two lines were never really exchanged, but were added for "humorous effect.")

Sophia is really wonderful.  Eventually, she said it was OK to keep the post (after making a few minor adjustments to the story).  I see it as a victory for male bloggers everywhere.  Like Woodward and Bernstein, I stood true to my story.   I didn’t let the woman call the shots.  

For once, I roared like a Belgian tiger!

Later that afternoon, we got ready to attend our second Passover Seder.  No cake debacles here.  Our second seder was one of the nicest I’ve ever been to.  Sophia and I were invited to the home of blogger Danny Miller, who not only writes his own terrific blog, but contributes to the Huffington Post.  So going to his big-wig seder is the blogger’s equivalent of going to the celebrity seder of Leonard Nimoy.  Danny and his wife, Kendall, have an amazing historic home, the brisket was perfect, the guests were interesting, Sophia sang wonderfully, and Danny’s daughter, Leah, impressed us all with a puppet reenactment of the Ten Plagues.

But perhaps the highlight of the evening was when Kendall served me the matzoh ball soup with two giant matzohs balls.

"I hear you like big boobs."

Obviously, Danny told this bit of information to his wife.  But that’s OK. I don’t mind Danny imparting that type of information to the world.  I know Danny would NEVER rat me out to my OWN Wife. 

Eh tu, Megan?

19 Comments

  1. I’ve began catching my husband mid-sentence with a warning, “Careful, lest I blog this!” or, right after something funny happens (let’s be honest – after he’s done something really stupid), I’ll laugh and say, “Oh, I am SO blogging this.”

    He may be filing for divorce soon.

  2. ‘eh tu?’

    Julius Canadius?

  3. Gonna say it…that’s a bunch of BS. She never should have said anything. How tacky. You’re right to be pissed.

  4. I wish I knew enough Biblical history to make an appropriate joke. But I don’t so my comment is jokeless.

  5. Sorry, Neil, you got me with that fascinating link (seriously, I had no idea they found a manuscript like that– and if in response they rewrote “Jesus Christ, Superstar” to cut out all the times that Jesus screeches “Judaaaaas!” in true rockin’ fashion, then what would be left?) and I don’t think I read the rest of your post. I’m sure it was good, though.

    Julius Canadius=hahaha

  6. See? Now I’m scared about going on that trip with Katie out to San Francisco where we were going to meet up with Sandra and Jacynth. Can you come up that week to help balance things out a bit? Maybe I’ll drag Dave down from Seattle so it’s three on three.

  7. Passive Agressive Much?

  8. You could do what I do — don’t meet new people. It goes a long way towards preventing these problems.

  9. Ahhhh….I wrote about my Ex a year ago and he got QUITE upset about it. I’ve since sworn off writing about the significant other.

    And yes, girls are part of a secret sisterhood.

    And lastly, I went to my first Seder several years ago. I was having a blast eating the cheese and fruit appetizers. But then I decided that brisket was either a)not tasty or b)not prepared well. And then I was supposed to sing, and I had no idea what was going on. And plus I realized that I hate horseradish. And lastly, I made a fool of myself when I finally noticed that front door was wide open and I called it out to the family by saying, “Hey guys! I know you live in a good neighborhood, but you should really close the front door. It’s not safe!”

    They laughed and laughed at me. It was for Elijah. Duh!

    How’s this Southern Baptist girl supposed to know that?

  10. “Eh tu” is a way of being accusatory, but still California laid back.

  11. I think this fits:

    Killing Independent George Neil
    To have disparate and independent areas of your life meet, usually in an undesirable fashion.
    The term is based on an episode of Seinfeld Citizen of the Month where, to his great dismay, George’s fiancé Neil’s wife starts to socialize with his other friends. Hilarity ensues.

  12. “I didn’t let the woman call the shots.”

    Dude, women always call the shots. Don’t you get that yet?

  13. Without knowing any of the people involved, I recommend severing all ties with this Megan woman. If she gets away with this, she’ll believe that she has the freedom to do it to you at any point in the future.

  14. Lou, you’re so pretty. 😉

    Here’s a re-post of my comment from the blog entry above (after this post was removed). This is why I love Neil:

    Thank god for Bloglines, otherwise I would have missed that post! I thought it was very funny, though I was curious about the comments. I’m sure some people thought you were dead serious and thought I was a bitch! haha

    Since none of your blog readers know me, they may not have realized your cunning use of hyperbole. After all, one of the most hyperbolic statements came at the beginning of the entry when you quoted Sophia saying, “Megan called me….” After all, we all [well, the three of us] know I never call people due to my aversion of the telephone!

    And the comment by Brandon? That just might be the funniest thing I’ve ever read. I’m glad you posted a few of those, Neil!

  15. I think I have turned this blog into a soap opera. There goes that Pulizer Prize!

  16. Thanks for the clarification, Megan. It seemed believable to me, as I’ve had similar enough things happen to me with my blog. If I misunderstood something said in hyperbole, my apologies.

    (But, Neil is right about women betraying men. I think of Lucy pulling the ball away from Charlie Brown, that sort of thing.)

  17. A Belgian Tiger….hummm….must be a new breed. I wonder if they like chocolate. lol

  18. There is an actual Belgian Tiger — it is a fighter jet!

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