Citizen of the Month

“Sing a Christmahanukwanzaakah Song,” recorded by Neilochka (mp3)

Sing, sing a song
Sing out loud
Sing out strong
Sing of dreidels and snow
Sing of Santa and mistletoe

Sing, sing a song
If you’re a blogger
You definitely belong
Don’t worry that you don’t know the words
To Frosty the Snowman well

Just sing
Sing a song

La la la la la… it’s Christmahanukwanzaakah!

It is now time to raise our voices in song again in this new holiday tradition. Hanukkah songs about miracles. Christmas songs about faith. Winter songs about the beauty of the season. Kwanzaa songs about new traditions. It is the 2007 Blogger Christmahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert, right here on Citizen of the Month on Monday, December 10th (with a re-broadcast on Christmas Day). The concert is for YOU and by YOU — and this year will be bigger and better than last year.

If you want to participate, just say so in the comments or email me ASAP. Please try to tell me what song you want to sing, so we don’t have five people all performing “The Little Drummer Boy.”

1) You can send me either an audio file or a video.

2) You can host it on your own site or send the recording to me directly. If you host it yourself, just send me the URL.

3) A blogger must participate in the performance, not just your kid dressed as a snow angel. It must be YOU and your kid singing together, or YOU playing the guitar as backup.

4) I must receive the final song by December 9 for the concert on December 10th. This gives you two weeks to record it.

5) If you have any question on how to record a song, just email me. It is very easy to do using your computer.

6) Have fun! You don’t need to sing perfectly!

7) If you are too much of a wimp to sing, send in a photo of your Christmas tree, Hannukah menorah, snowmen, or your family all dressed up in their Holiday best — we’ll use it to decorate “the set.”

And remember, on November 30 - December 2, the weekend before the concert, there will be the Blogger Holiday Online Arts and Crafts Fair , also hosted here. Come and find some cool Holiday gift ideas, made by bloggers themselves. If you sell your artwork or crafts, and you want to participate as a “vendor,” email me at neilochka at yahoo dot com.

Tags: bloggers, Chanukah, Christmahanukwanzaakah, Christmas, Christmas Concert, Holiday Concert, Holiday songs

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Cliquish Blog Post About Other Bloggers I Like

(Leah, I’m stealing this photo you took to give
others a false sense of my sophistication. )

On Friday night, I saw the musical “Wicked” at the Pantages Theater with Wendy from Quiet About Alot of Things. Although Wendy lives in Colorado, she grew up in Pasadena, and came to town for her high school reunion.

Although I didn’t find Wicked’s music that memorable, the story was fantastic. It is based on a novel by Gregory Maguire, and is a revisionist re-telling of “The Wizard of Oz. The Wicked Witch is the moral heroine, the Good Witch is a bimbo, and the Wizard of Oz is a selfish, power-hungry tyrant. It all works perfectly and makes you feel as if the Judy Garland movie is nothing more than a propaganda film. I’m a big fan of the Wizard of Oz, but I always felt there was something sinister about the Wizard, especially the way he hid behind his curtain.

Do bloggers hide behind curtains? I love meeting bloggers because I get to see them without the smoke and mirrors of their blog posts. I don’t suggest that we are sinister behind the scenes, but that we can only show a representation of ourselves in our writing. Most of us hide behind curtains, even in real life. Part of the reason I’m in therapy now is that I’m trying to peek behind MY OWN curtain. I think we sometimes would rather see our own superficial self-image than confront who we really are inside.

If I read someone’s work, I usually get a sense of their character from the page. What is surprising is how much MORE the person is in real life, as if the real Wizard has just stepped out from behind his curtain.

I talked a little bit about this with Wendy because I visualized her to be slightly different than she turned out to be. On the page, she is very introspective, and she writes very evocative, sensual poetry. I imagined her as a pretty, but somber Poetess, perhaps someone who wears a lot of black. I did not expect a feisty dynamo of a woman jumping out of her rental convertible, her hair flying in the wind, someone who relaxes at home by showjumping horses competitively! Which one is the real HER? Probably BOTH of them! She is a MOMMY and a WIFE and an ATHLETE and a POET. I really enjoyed hearing her stories. I might write “spicy” stories on my blog, but believe me — there are some who have actually LIVED them! (I’m not going to mention anyone’s name, Wendy, and ruin their innocent reputation)

On Saturday night, a group of bloggers got together in LA to welcome the very cool Heather B from No Pasa Nada, who was visiting California. She seems to know everyone in the blogosphere. I’ve met Leah and Abigail before, and they are both really wonderful people. Leah — who organized the LA Bloggers Live group — always seems to be working on some new creative project. Here is her new Leahpeah Store! She took some nice photos of our meeting, like the one on top. I recently kicked Abigail’s ass on Facebook’s Scrabble. Next time, I need to be a little more careful because her confidence is strong after winning five thousand dollars on a game show.

I didn’t know Heather from Nabbalicious until recently. Her photography is terrific. I expected her to be very chic and artsy in person, but I didn’t expect her to be a little… klutzy, in a sexy, Lucille Ball kind of way. She walked around all night at the Grove and the crowded Farmer’s Market with this beautiful, expensive camera around her neck, looking very professional, but she also had a habit of poking random strangers in the back with with her zoom lens. Now, that’s sort of goofy, but hot.

Sophia liked this photo that Heather took of me.

Probably, my biggest surprise of the evening was Joe, Leah’s husband. First of all, I tend to avoid talking to men when there are four beautiful women around. The first time I met him, I was under the impression that his blog was mostly about PHP code, which is about exciting to me as… well, PHP code. But I was totally wrong. Joe’s been blogging before “blogging” was even a word. Even though there is a lot of tech stuff on his blog, there is also a good amount of heart-felt personal stuff, including recent posts about his mother and her health. His blog is also the perfect place to sneak a view of what Leah looked like in 2002.

The next blogger I’m scheduled to see in person is Laurie of Crazy Aunt Purl. She starts her book tour on Thursday, October 11th at the Barnes and Nobel at the Grove at 7:30 PM, right across from the restaurant where I met the other bloggers. When we passed the bookstore, I told Heather B. about Laurie’s book signing. Heather spoke about Laurie’s amazing writing talent, and how popular she is with her readers. I had to laugh to myself because if I had known about Laurie’s popularity, I would have feared approaching her, much like Dorothy meeting the scary Wizard of Oz. Instead, the first time I accidentally came to her blog I noticed a photo of the Farmer’s Market, where she is involved in Stitch N’ Bitch. I emailed her, excited to see this location in a photo, because it is one of my favorite places in LA. After she responded, I immediately started to flirt with her, as I tend to do, making mention of some sexy boots she was wearing. At first, I didn’t even bother to read her blog. Who wants to read a blog about knitting and cats? Is there anything more girly? However, once I started reading her blog, I realized that Laurie had a lot more to say underneath it all. She doesn’t just write about knitting. She has a unique way of combining humor and emotion, so you laugh while getting a glimpse behind the “curtains” of her personality. I remember thinking to myself, “This blog should be more popular because it is so good. I really should tell people about it,” imagining a shy woman who is writing just for herself and her cats. And then I noticed she was getting like 300 comments a day. Oops.

(Laurie, no need for any thank you for this public service announcement about your book tour, but I wouldn’t mind a photo of you wearing those boots for my personal collection — and please write my name as “Hot Stuff” when you sign my copy of your book tomorrow)

Tags: bloggers, blogging, No Pasa Nada

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The Overcoat Photo (Behind the Scenes)

IM Message One (Neil and Sophia)

Sophia: (in Los Angeles) How’s the weather?

Neil: Tonight it is freezing.

Sophia: What are you wearing?

Neil: My leather coat.

Sophia: Don’t wear that. It’s too cold for a leather jacket. Wear that other coat.

Neil: The old one?

Sophia: Yes.

Neil: It think it may be too short on me now. Let me see. Later.

IM Message Two (Neil and Sophia)

Neil: I took a photo of the me in the coat. I’m sending it to you. How does it look?

Sophia: I can hardly see anything. Everything looks orange and dark. Can’t you photoshop it?

Neil: It will be faster for me to take another photo. Be back.

IM Message Three (Neil and Sophia)

Neil: I’m sending another photo. This one is special for you.

Sophia: Ha Ha. That’s cute!

Neil: I used Photoshop and combined two photos — a naked one and one with the overcoat! I stood in the exact same spot for both.

Sophia: What color is the coat?

Neil: Grey.

Sophia: It looks orange in the photo.

Neil: It is the bad lighting. I tried to fix it in Photoshop, but it just washes everything out.

Sophia: It looks like your mother’s coat.

Neil: It is not my mother’s coat.

Sophia: What man wears an orange coat… other than a pimp?

Neil: Do you like the photo?

Sophia: It’s funny. You should post it on the blog.

Neil: Are you serious?

Sophia: Yeah, why not. You can’t see anything.

Neil: I’ll think about it. I don’t have anything for tomorrow anyway.

IM Message Four (Neil and Charming but Single)

Neil: Hey, C! What’s up?

Charming: Not much. Work really sucked today.

Neil: Why?

Charming: Because my boss…

(Fifteen minutes later — Why do women remember every little detail of their work day while men just answer, “Nothing”?)

Neil: Can I ask you a favor? I want to send you a photo. Tell me if you think it is OK to post.

Charming: Sure.

Neil: It is a little risque.

Charming: You’re not sending me a photo of your penis, are you?

Neil: Why would I send you a photo of my penis?

Charming: You write about your penis.

Neil: I write about my penis. I don’t take photos of my penis.

Charming: Well, some men do.

Neil: You have men sending you photos of their penises?

Charming: Some guy from match.com just sent me one last week.

Neil: Why would he send you a photo of his penis? What are you going to do with it? Put the photo on your fridge?

Charming: I have no idea.

Neil: Believe me, I’m never going to send you a photo of my penis. Expecially when it is so cold.

Charming: You are an enlightened man. Please tell other men that sending a photo of your penis to someone you just meet on Match.com does not make you good dating material.

Neil: If you are going to send a woman something, it should be a photo of your bank account.

Charming: I just want a nice, normal guy.

Neil: I will pass the info on to the blogosphere.

(note: C is available and very charming. Men, I perfectly understand your love of your own penis. But please do not send any photos to a woman you are interested in. Let it be a mystery until the day of the big unveiling. Would you want her to send YOU an unrequested naked photo of herself? [uh, note -- edit out that last sentence later])

Neil: Well, C, here’s my picture?

Charming: Oooh, cute!

Neil: Cute? It is supposed to be a little risque, not cute.

Charming: I find it cute. I like your little hat.

Neil: Can I post this on the blog?

Charming: Yes. Hot!

Neil: Do you like the coat?

Charming: Is it your mother’s?

Neil: It is NOT my mother’s!

Charming: It’s orange.

Neil: It’s gray.

Charming: So, is this what you are doing in New York? Taking naked photos of yourself?

Neil: Just one photo. To show how cold it is… in an artistic way.

Charming: Yeah, right.

Neil: Do you have any “artistic” photos of yourself you want to run by me?

Charming: No.

Neil: OK, so thanks. Let me post it.

Charming: Wait, wait, wait… I haven’t finished telling you about my boss today.

Neil: Oh, yes… go on…

Charming: So, we’re at this conference, and I’m giving this presentation… and remember, I was working on this all weekend… and… my boss…

(As she told me about her day, I thought about the title of my first best-selling self-help book on male-female Venus-Mars relationships: Women Like to Chat, Men Like to Photograph Their Penis)

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: Neilochka Leaves His Apartment

Tags: bloggers, photography

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NaComPoMo

First of all, thank you for voting me in as President at Heather Anne’s Hoagies. The best thing about the election was that I learned about some really cool new blogs, including Heather Anne’s.

Currently, I have two items on my presidential agenda:

1) Pushing for the legalization of gay marriage.

2) But — after attending the Pet Shop Boys concert last night, I have also decided to ask for a ban on gay men wearing tight tank tops in public concert halls.

For last nine days, I have been participating in NaBloPoMo (National Post Blogging Month), conceived by the popular blogger, Fussy. The idea of NaBloPoMo is that a blogger should post every day for the month of November. While the idea is brilliant and I will continue doing it, I’m beginning to think it is the worst blogging concept ever created.

I had an email exchange with Stacy at Jurgen Nation yesterday about how our readership has done a nosedive because so many bloggers are struggling with writing every day. I have hardly read or commented on anyone’s blog because I feel overextended with writing every day. This is embarrassing to admit, but I actually started crying yesterday as I was making my way down my blogroll, my body going into sensory overload from caring about the lives and dreams of so many people, and feeling as if I were “falling behind.”

Has anyone ever had a nervous breakdown from blogging?

On Saturday, I attended a writing group at the home at the inspiring Leah Peah. There were a number of bloggers there, including one of my favorites, Deezee of Confessional Highway, who I carpooled with to Leah’s home. I found it interesting to hear about the different motivations for starting a blog. Some approached blogging as a purely promotional tool for themselves or their business. Others use blogging to nurture their writing or creativity. I blog for both those reasons, but if I were really honest, my main motivation is that I like to talk with hot babes living in faraway places like Belgium, considering I would probably never have to nerve to talk to these accomplished women in real life. So, sue me for telling the truth! I love the social part of blogging. If I really wanted to “focus on my writing,” I’d write a book, rather than exploiting my relationship with Sophia for your enjoyment (and for free!).

Last February, Fashion Week Daily interviewed six of the blogging success stories while all dressed in sexy pajamas (so don’t blame me for sexing up the blogging world). One of the questions was, “How often do you blog?”

Jessica Cutler (www.jessicacutleronline.com): Whenever I feel like it, but never more than an hour per day.

Heather Hunter (www.thisfish.ivillage.com/love): Five hours a week.

Mimi Foe (www.miminewyork.blogspot.com): Usually about five or ten hours total [each week].

Melissa Lafsky (www.opinionistas.com): About 20 or 30 minutes a day, if you count answering comments and e-mails.

Tweny mintutes a day! It takes me that long just to wait for Wordpress to publish a post and ping it to Technorati!

It’s clear to me that these women have moved beyond the blogging community, because there is no way to be part of it and blog 20 minutes a day (including writing posts!) I see nothing wrong with this if you make this decision. I might one day decide to just focus on writing rather than caring whether Charming but Single gets a date for Saturday night.

NaBloPoMo is great for your writing, but terrible for blogging. If everyone really wrote EVERY SINGLE DAY, including weekends, no one would read anyone else. We would be a bunch of highly creative writers writing for ourselves and our mothers. I was much happier writing FOUR times a week.

Can I suggest a NaComPoMo for the month of December, where every blogger promises to COMMENT on at least one new blog a day to keep the interaction of the blogosphere going strong. Hey, commenting is writing, too.

I truly believe that most of the best writing on my blog is done in the comment section. I had this little exchange with Sophia while driving to the Pet Shop Boys last night:

Sophia: Have you thought about putting advertisements on your blog?

Neil: I have.

Sophia: So, do it already. No one cares if you make a few dollars.

Neil: You’re right. But it seems a bit unfair. Part of the fun of each post are the comments. It’s like part of the post. Make believe I make sixty dollars a month on the blog. Shouldn’t I give each commenter 2% of the profits for their contribution?

The idea didn’t go over very well.

A Year Ago in Citizen of the Month: Truth in Advertising

Tags: bloggers, book deals, NaBloPoMo

I Don’t Understand Women

(Three Women by Fernand Leger)

Thank you for all the nice things you said about my dancing debut on Citizen of the Month. I was frankly surprised by the positive reaction, especially from female bloggers. In fact, I’d like to talk about this response by the women… just with the men.

Privately.

Women — would you be kind enough to shut off you monitors for a few minutes so I can talk to the men alone. Thanks.

Men — did you see that response to me dancing? The babes were practically throwing themselves at my feet! Who knew that putting on an old suit has that effect? But isn’t it a little ironic that women are doing this at the EXACT moment when I’m making a romantic gesture to my wife? Where were they a month and a half ago? Why didn’t they do this when I was so horny I was writing pornographic children’s stories? Do you remember when Sophia first left town, I actually asked female bloggers to ease my pain by sending me photos of themselves topless.

Do you know how many tits I got to see? NONE!

Here I was back then — alone, and no one even swung their bra in the air for my amusement. But I do a little dance step FOR SOPHIA, and all of a sudden they’re throwing me their panties? Are they crazy? Or do women just like to torture us?

I don’t understand women. Do you?

Female bloggers — you can turn on your monitors now!

Back to the post –

Thank you again, ladies. Here’s a story I think you’ll enjoy. There’s food in the story, and I know you women LOOOOVE to eat.

One of my favorite local bloggers is Sarah from The Delicious Life and Slashfood. She’s one of the best food bloggers out there. I’ve been bugging her for weeks to let me come along and see her in action. On Thursday, she relented. She invited me to join her in checking out Mao’s Kitchen in Venice. We decided that I would pick her up and we’d drive together to the restaurant.

Although this wasn’t a date in a romantic sense, I was still having some pre-”date” jitters. After all, I was picking up a cute woman at her apartment and going to dinner with her, and I haven’t gone on ANY type of date since…. well, since… Sophia.

You know that cliched romantic comedy movie scene where a woman puts on five different outfits before she goes on her date?

On Thursday, that woman was me.

I changed shirts three times, then stared in the mirror at the awfulness of my hair. As much as I tried to brush it, it seemed as if the ghost of Donald Trump’s hair had decided to move in. I used some of Sophia’s mousse, and since I never use this gooey junk, it just made my hair look like a helmet. I ended up taking a second shower just to shampoo it out.

I decided to take Sophia’s SUV, thinking it was the most comfortable ride. I jumped in and was about to drive off, when I noticed that the windows were filthy. This was not acceptable for me to pick up some glamorous food blogger in a muddy car.

I stepped out of the car and decided to do a quick washing with the garden hose. I’m sure my face registered pleasure as the grime and dirt slid off the car, that is until I noticed that the passenger window was half open and I was spraying water from the hose INTO the car!

(DO NOT TELL SOPHIA ABOUT THIS)

Four towels and a quick drying later, I was off to my “date.”

Once Sarah and I met, we clicked instantly. We fought our way through traffic to make it to Mao’s Kitchen, buying a bottle of incredibly cheap wine on the way (it was BYOB). While Sarah liked the atmosphere of the restaurant, I thought it was pretentious. There was a “Mao’s Communist China” theme to the menu and all the dishes were creatively named after something from the period. For instance, the egg rolls were called “peasant rolls.” There was a “Gang of Four” fried rice. Call me overly-sensitive, but should you make Disneyland kitsch out of a regime where so many people were murdered?

But what do I know? The place was packed with trendy people. Maybe I should open up a trendy shish-kabob stand and sell young Hollywood types the Saddam Hussein Pita Sandwich.

As Sarah and I got drunk (actually, it was mostly me), the mood changed between the two of us. We stopped our joking and our gossiping about blogging. Our conversation became intimate, as it frequently does when a man and woman sit across from each other in a dimly-lit restaurant. Yes, you guessed it. I blabbed on and on about Sophia and she talked about her ex-boyfriend.

When I told Sarah that my wedding anniversary was the next day, she couldn’t understand why I didn’t go to New York to spend it together with Sophia. I explained that I asked Sophia SEVERAL TIMES if she wanted me to come to New York, and each time she said, “No.” Sophia told me that she was working long hours and didn’t want to get distracted by me, so I listened to her.

Sarah didn’t buy the story. She insisted that I SHOULD have gone anyway, despite what Sophia said.

“That makes no sense.” I said.

“To a woman it does,” she answered.

The next morning, I told Sophia about my conversation with Sarah.

“Sarah was right,” said Sophia. “You should have come to New York. We could have gone out for our anniversary.”

“But you told me explicitly NOT to come!” I cried. “I would think you would be pissed off at me if I just showed up.”

“I would be pissed off. Very pissed,” she answered. “But if I opened my door and you were there, holding flowers, I would be very impressed that you were there, despite what I said.”

“That makes no sense.” I said.

“To a woman it does,” Sophia answered.

Women – would you be kind enough to shut off you monitors for a second time so I can speak freely with the men? Thanks so much for you patience.

Men — WTF?! Do you hear that craziness?

I don’t understand women. Do you?

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: My Class Action Suit

Tags: bloggers, food blogging, life, person, restaurants, romance, women

I Used to Be Lonely, Now I’m Not

(from bedjump.com)

I was down. I was depressed. I was lonely. At night I would sit alone, listening to the wind. Or watch an informercial for a product I didn’t need — with the TV sound off.

We’ve all been there. Some of us are there right now.

Thank you kind bloggers who “shared their bed” with me to ease my loneliness.

My father never spoke to me about marriage or sex, but he would always say “it is good to have someone to hold around in bed.” (he really said that – ask Sophia!)

This week is Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year. My New Year’s wish is that during this year, everyone I’ve met online who doesn’t have somebody should meet someone worthwhile to “hold around in bed.”

THEY SHARED THEIR BED WITH ME:

CAITLIN’S BED

Caitlin’s bed is in New York.

Caitlin (of Caitlinator) has gone back to school, does not eat at McDonald’s, and loves her pet chicken.

LAURIE’S BED

Laurie’s bed is in Los Angeles.

Laurie (of Crazy Aunt Purl) is a popular knitting blogger who has inspired me to start making my own socks. She does not need an alarm clock to wake up in morning because her bright orange bedspread does that for her.

DAGNY’S BED

Dagny’s bed is in Berkeley, California.

Dagny (of Dagny’s Empire) is out dancing the night away so often that her cat spends more time on the bed than she does.

DAISEY MAE’S BED

Daisy Mae’s bed is in Indianapolis, Indiana.

Daisy Mae (of Daisy Mae was here…) is well-known for making beautiful blog templates. She is such a talented graphic artist, that she has made a cut-out of herself to fool her children while she blogs at Starbucks.

FELICITY’S BED

Felicity’s bed is in New York.

Felicity, of Zelos, is not a shy woman. In fact, she’s thinking of taking up pole dancing. For some reason, her bed intimidates me.

HEATHER’S BED

Heather’s bed is in Orange County, CA.

Heather works and takes care of her kids, and doesn’t have time to blog. Her bed reflects her “do it all” lifestyle — a little messy, but very homey.

LAURA’S BED

Laura’s bed is in Los Angeles.

Laura is in the process of starting up her first blog. I’m guessing there were many sleepless nights in this bedroom with the crib right next to the bed!

LIZARDEK’S BED

Lizardek’s bed is in Sweden.

Lizardek (of Lizardek’s Obiter Dictum) works, has a family, and sings in a choir. Look at the exquisite European craftsmanship of her bed! (and no, she didn’t get it at IKEA).

ROBERTA’S BED

Roberta’s bed is in New Jersey.

Roberta (of Roberta’s Voice) is the only blogger I know who is both Jewish and Wiccan. She’s also pretty funny. I’m still trying to decide if her bedspread looks more Jewish or Wiccan.

SWEET’S BED

Sweet’s bed is in Washington D.C.

Sweet (of Sour N Sweet) co-blogs with Sour, but her bed is all hers. I love the relaxed, lived-in look, and the retro wood-grain wall, which reminds me of the time I slept in the basement of Rachel Kinder’s parent’s home in Merrick, Long Island.

TARA’S BED

Tara’s bed is in Iowa City, Iowa.

Tara (of Scruffylooking) is a mother and a lover of literature, and she lives in a city with a rich literary life. Her bed has an Asian, Zen-like feel to it, a perfect place to meditate or read Dicken’s Great Expectations.

MR. FABULOUS’S BED

Mr. Fabulous’s bed is in Gainesville, Florida.

Mr. Fabulous (of Pointless Drivel) is a brave man. Not only was he recently fired because of his blog, he is the only man MAN enough to send me a photo of his bed. Why do I have the feeling that Mr. Fabulous — and not Mrs. Fabulous — bought that dark blue comforter?

VISCOUNTESS OF FUNK’S BED

The Viscountess of Funk’s bed is in Seattle.

The Viscountess (of Postcards From Somewhere) is a mother, a lawyer, and a writer of great imagination. I also think her bed is large enough to fit my entire blogroll.

DEEZEE’S BED

Deezee’s bed is in Venice, California.

Deezee (of Confessional Highway) is the coolest Mom ever. She just took her son to see his first rock concert — the Red Hot Chili Peppers! As you can see, Deezee is not afraid of showing herself in her bed, although she is clearly upstaged by her sleeping dog.

LATER ADDITIONS:

TWO ROADS’S BED

Two Roads’s bed is in Atlanta, Georgia.

Two Roads (of Lindbergh’s Crossing) is from Atlanta and has some “Scarlett O’hara” in her, which means she frankly gives a damn about having a very nice bed (I know it’s Rhett’s line, but I liked the way it sounded).

MARI’S BED

Mari’s bed is in the United Kingdom.

Maria (of Argentine Babe) is Argentine-born artist in the UK, who gets her best artistic ideas in bed while working with her assistant (shown).

CHARMING’S BED

Charming’s bed is in a Southern city.

Charming (of Charming but Single) is a Southerner who likes both her drinks and her boys tall, but her bed nice and soft.

Tags: bedrooms, beds, bloggers, life, Life in General, sleep

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Two Neurotic Bloggers

One of my father’s biggest faults was his inability to accept gifts. He was uncomfortable when people did favors for him because he felt pressure to return the gesture. He didn’t even like getting birthday gifts, which was odd since he was generous with others. He was always picking up the bill in restaurants, even when others wanted to split the bill. Rather than finding this quality endearing, I found it somewhat petty and insecure. But he was the oldest of three brothers, and never grew out of the role of the “big brother,” so I understand where he was coming from.

I’ve inherited some of these tendencies. Oh, I’m not as bad as he was, but at times, this insecurity just pops out.

Like this morning.

In the blogging world, there are some special bloggers who go out of their way to make the blogging experience as personal as possible. These bloggers don’t only write comments on your blog, but send you an email after you comment on THEIR site. I really find this an endearing gesture. Of course, I rarely do this myself.

One of these special bloggers is named Abby. (I’m using Abby as an alias to protect the identity of Alison of Ali Thinks).

After writing a typically dumb comment on her blog, I received a humorous email from her. At first, it made me laugh, but then, immediately, guilt set in, both for writing such a shitty comment to begin with, and for never sending HER an email when she writes a comment on my blog. Like my father, I didn’t feel comfortable with our uneven relationship. Why should she send me an email when I rarely send her one?

Out of total anxiety, I wrote her the stupidest email I’ve written in a long time.

Dear Abby,

As much as I adore getting emails from you in response to one of my dumb comments, you don’t have to always write back to me. I won’t be upset. I know you love me either way! I just hate that I’m giving you all this extra work.

Neil

A few minutes later, Abby wrote back:

Dear Neil,

It’s habit, Neil. And the truth is, sometimes I don’t write back. The funny thing is that as I was hitting send on that last e-mail to you, I thought “He doesn’t want to answer that stupid question you’re writing him, Abby! Don’t respond to comments with questions!”

If it bugs you, I won’t answer your comments. But trust me, I like to do it.

Abby

At this point, I was totally embarrassed. Does she really think it bugs me that she is such a kind-hearted person? Did I just insult her by saying I hated her emails? I quickly wrote back:

Dear Abby,

Shit, I should have never wrote you that last email. I DO LIKE you writing to me. In fact, I love it! I was just trying to make it easier for you by telling you that I wouldn’t feel bad if you didn’t. Jeez, this is so neurotic. I was worried about you, not thinking myself worthy of your time to write those emails.

Neil

Abby wrote back:

Dear Neil,

And I was thinking that I wasn’t worthy or your time and attention! Gah! Neurotic! Insecure!

Abby

After laughing a bit, I wrote to Abby again:

Dear Abby,

Two people pleasers trying to please the others. Just like I wrote about in my blog post a few days ago. But since I’m trying not to be a people pleaser anymore, I’m going to start asking for what I want. And yes, I do want you to email after a comment. In fact, I demand that you do it every time! Or else.

Neil

After I sent off the email, I thought about how this ridiculous exchange would make a great blog post, so I sent her my fourth email of the morning:

Dear Abby,

I might just write a post tonight based on our email conversation. Wouldn’t that be interesting? Of course, I won’t mention your name, unless you want me to. Is it OK? Again, if you don’t want me to do it all, I’ll understand. Is this being neurotic? Email me!

Neil

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: A Tribute To Teachers

Tags: bloggers, insecurity, Life in General, neurotic, therapy

NY Bloggers

When you meet another blogger on his home turf, it is a good idea to meet him in a establishment that mirrors the blogger’s unique personality.

Sophia and I met the sophisticated Tatyana at the Cafe Sabarsky. Housed within Museum Mile’s Neue Galerie, the restaurant is patterned after the old-style Viennese kaffeehaus. We talked about architecture, politics, and why Austrian cafes serve coffee with a glass of water and metal spoon on top of the glass.

(The answer: Viennese tradition bids to serve a glass of water together with the coffee, although this is coming out of use in our hectic days. Originally the water was served as an excuse for the customer to keep his seat even when he had finished his coffee, to be able to read the newspapers provided in the café, or to have lengthy discussions. The latter was important because the “Kaffeehaus” in Vienna was used as a meeting point for writers, artists, etc.)

The next night, we met the mysterious Retropolitan at the Cabana Cafe, a restaurant designed to look like a cafe in pre-Castro Havana. We talked about 1940’s radio shows, Retropolitan’s perfect radio voice, and the hardships of breaking up with a significant other.

The next day, I met the very professional and talented Amanda at a hip business-lunch cafe near Union Square. We talked about our blogging “styles,” writing, and relationships.

One caveat:

1) Tatyana gave her cellphone number to Sophia, but not to me.

2) Retropolitan, on leaving us, said, “It was a nice to meet you, Neil. It was ESPECIALLY wonderful to meet you, Sophia.”

3) Amanda, on hearing that I alone was coming to see her, “What a disappointment! I was hoping to meet Sophia.”

Do you see a trend here? Next time, maybe I’ll just send Sophia with a cardboard cut-out of myself.

Tags: bloggers, Cafe Sabarsky, New York

Reader’s Digest

I love all my blogger-friends. I really do. But there’s no way I’m going to sit here all day and read your dopey blogs on my mother’s dial-up here in Flushing — while I fall asleep during the page loads. Did we once all used dial-up? It’s like still using morse code.

But I hate not keeping up with the lives of other people. What if someone gets engaged or finds a new job or has sex with a midget — and I miss the post? It just won’t be the same reading the post a week from now, when everyone else has moved on and I’m the only one at the party.

So, I have a favor to ask. Could you write a one sentence synopsis of what’s going on in your current life so I can feel like I’m still “plugged in” to the blogosphere — sort of a “Reader’s Digest” of my usual blog reading.

Please ONE SENTENCE only. After all, I’m on vacation. And seriously, how interesting is your life anyway that it deserves more than one sentence?

We’ll be in the Berskshires next week if anyone wants to come visit.

A Year Ago in Citizen of the Month: Judging a Man by His Shoes

Tags: bloggers, Reader's Digest, reading

Neil Kramer is a writer in Los Angeles. Citizen of the Month is his blog. Make yourself at home.

Email and IM:
neilochka at yahoo dot com

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