Stars of David (or My Mother Will Find This Funny)

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On Wednesday, November 15, 2005, the 92nd St. Y, one of the premier cultural institutions of New York, presents a special program titled "Stars of David" — Jason Alexander, Leonard Nimoy and Kyra Sedgwick:  Prominent Jews Talk About Being Jewish.

Jason Alexander, Leonard Nimoy and Kyra Sedgwick:  Prominent Jews Talk About Being Jewish.  The "Stars of David," some of America’s most prominent Jews talk about their Jewish identity (or lack of one) and reveal how they became who they are today. Jason Alexander played George Costanza in Seinfeld. Leonard Nimoy, most famous as Mr. Spock in Star Trek, directed Three Men and a Baby and The Good Mother. Kyra Sedgwick is known for her film roles in Born on the Fourth of July and Something to Talk About and stars in TNT’s Closer. Celebrity guests subject to change.

As one of the premier Jewish bloggers in the Blogosphere,  Citizen of the Month was invited to sit down and have a pre-program discussion with the three prominent Jewish celebrities.

Neil:  Hello, all.

Leonard, Jason, and Kyra:  Hello, Neilochka.

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Neil:  Let me start with you, Leonard.  What was it like playing Spock, the only Jew on the Starship Enterprise?

Leonard:  Spock was a Vulcan, not Jewish.

Neil:  I always heard that the Vulcan hand sign was a Jewish thing?

Leonard:  It’s actually based on a special priestly blessing gesture I once say in temple with my father…

Neil:  Interesting.  So, what was it like being the only Jewish actor on the set?

Leonard:  Actually, William Shatner is Jewish.  Every year on Passover, I throw this celebrity seder and…

Neil:  Is Chekhov Jewish?

Leonard:  Yes, Walter Koening is…

Neil:  Thank God he wasn’t a Russian Russian.  They’re a bunch of anti-Semites. 

Leonard:  Walter is not really…

Neil:  I was wondering about this recently — do you think there will be anti-Semitism in space?  Wherever we go, there always seems to be.  With our luck, the Jews will be blamed for every meteor shower.

Leonard:  I don’t know, but like I was saying, every Passover at my celebrity seder, Bill and I…

Neil:  Bill doesn’t really use Priceline, does he?  Because it just feeds into that "Jews are cheap" thing.

Jason:  Excuse me, Neil, if I can step in for a sec.   I really think we should focus more on the positive issues of Jewish identity.

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Neil:  Yes, yes, thank you, Jason.  Actually, I was always wondering, was George Costanza Jewish?

Jason:  Well, Larry and Jerry never really specified…

Neil:  But they’re both Jewish, right?

Jason:  Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld are both Jewish, yes.

Neil:  So, why didn’t they specify that George was Jewish?

Jason:  I think NBC was too worried that the show was too Jewish.

Neil:  I see.  I guess Jerry was Jewish.  And Elaine was Jewish.

Jason:  No, Elaine was Catholic.

Neil:  Yeah, right.  Elaine was like totally Jewish.

Jason:  In the show, she was supposed to be Catholic.

Neil:  Sure.  But you know and I know that she was really Jewish.   (to Leonard)  Just like we all know that Sulu was always gay.  Right, Leonard?  You could see it in the way he held his phaser.

Leonard:  Actually, I didn’t know about him.  But I have this very funny story where one Passover, George Takei came over to my celebrity seder and he never had gefilte fish before and…

Jason:  I throw a celebrity seder, too.  A lot of Jerry’s friends come over.  Comedians.  You should hear Bob Saget read the Four Questions!  Kyra, you were once at my celebrity seder, right?

Kyra:  Yes, I was, Jason.  It was a wonderful celebrity seder.

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Neil:  Kyra, I had no idea you were Jewish.

Kyra:  I am.

Neil:  You have one of the most recognizable faces in Hollywood.  But remind me again, what have you been in?

Kyra:  I’ve been in many films, including…

Neil:  But basically, you’ve most famous for being Kevin Bacon’s wife?

Kyra:  Well, maybe is some circles, but I’ve also…

Neil:  Don’t you find it ironic that someone Jewish marries someone named Bacon?

Kyra:  I think that comment is a little rude.  Kevin deeply respects the Jewish people.

Jason:  Kevin attended my celebrity seder, also.

Leonard:  Your little shindig sounds very nice, Jason, but my celebrity seder recently got a write-up in Los Angeles magazine where they called it the A-list celebrity seder.

Jason starts laughing.

Leonard:  What’s so funny?

Jason:  I’m sorry, Leonard, but George Hamilton is just not A-list any more.

Leonard:  Listen, shmendrick, how kosher are those KFC drumsticks you hawk?

Jason:  At least I’m not a pervert.  I’ve seen those sick photos you call art of naked Jewish women wearing prayer shawls.

Leonard:  My photos have been displayed in museums, you shlemazel! 

Jason:  Do you know who you’re talking to?  I’m friends with Jerry Seinfeld!  Jerry Seinfeld!

Leonard:  Like I’m scared of your scrawny nebbish friend.  And, by the way, how many failed sitcoms are you going to be in before you realize that you’ll always be George Costanza.  And he wasn’t even Jewish!

Jason and Leonard stand, ready for a fight.  Kyra runs in between them.

Kyra:  Men!  Men!  Please!  We’re all mishpocha here!

Jason:  How would you like a Vulcan hand sign in your eyes, Nimoy?

Leonard:  Your last sitcom was awful, you little pisher!  Awful!

Jason:  I spit on you, you alter kakher.  I spit on your celebrity seder!

Leonard picks up a chair, threatening Jason.

Leonard:  I’m going to break your head in half, like the afikomen!

Jason:  (in Galican Yiddish)  Sie haut gevain a courva in de momma’ s bouch.

Leonard: (in Lithuanian Yiddish)  Shainera menchen haut me gelicht in drert.

Jason wrestles Leonard to the ground and they start fighting.  Kyra runs away screaming.

Kyra:  Kevin, Kevin, help me.  A farbisener and a kvetch.  Get me away from these crazy Jews! 

Neil:  (to you, my dear readers)  Remember  –  Wednesday, November 15, 2005, the 92nd St. Y — "Stars of David" — Jason Alexander, Leonard Nimoy and Kyra Sedgwick:  Prominent Jews Talk About Being Jewish.

This entry was posted in Gossip and Celebrities, Jewish, New York City and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

72 Responses to Stars of David (or My Mother Will Find This Funny)

  1. Neil says:

    I’m waiting for the new NBC show Will and David, where both characters are Jewish and gay. Now that would be different.

  2. Tovah says:

    I like Will and David. hahaha
    ‘Just Jack!!”

  3. kris says:

    I wasn’t being literal with my comment – I was actually joking . . . I think I need to learn how to use my words. ;)

  4. La Dauphine says:

    Elaine Catholic??? No way. I don’t know any Catholics that use Yiddish on a regular – or even occasional basis. And single Catholic females usually don’t hang out will all Jews becuase – hello! – they’re looking for a nice Catholic boy to marry. Kramer was more of a former Catholic schoolboy gone awry!

  5. […]Citizen of the Month wonders what the 92nd St. Y’s upcoming Stars of David Panel will look like.[…]

  6. Elvira Black says:

    Jason Alexander? Hmmm..shouldn’t he be busy sitting shiva for his dead career?

  7. Melissa says:

    The autograph from Jason Alexander was a nice touch.

  8. groovebunny says:

    The Jewish marrying Bacon line was pure genuis!

  9. Lon Cohen says:

    I don’t think there’s enough Jewish on the web. That’s the problem with the internet. Not enough Jews. Thanks for doing your part. I know I’m doing mine.

  10. Jack says:

    Lon,

    Just what we need, more of us. :)

  11. George Costanza was Jewish? Are you saying you want a piece of me???

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  13. zoozan says:

    definition of Chutzpah

    A Jewish man is standing trial for murdering his parents – he asks for mercy from the jury because he’s an orphan

  14. Phil Bookfor says:

    Hi,
    I loved the part in the book about Fran Drescher. I wish you interviewed Linda Lavin. Fran is incredible and The Nanny proved just how funny and fattening Jewish life could be. One question I have, is Fred Savage Jewish?

    Thanks,
    Phil
    Jewish in Margate

  15. Neil says:

    Uh, Phil, I never wrote a book, but if I do, I’ll find the lowdown on Fred Savage.

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  17. Judy K says:

    This is hilarious. Its making a sexy senior citizen’s day, who happens to be very tired, feel great. A great picker upper. This should be a comedy skit as someone said.
    Judy K

  18. Jose Landman says:

    I loved the little nimoy alexander shtick. What do you produce? My wife is planning a romantic comedy film festival in miami. Do you know producers of romantic movies?

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