My Wii Story


Have you guys tried Wii yet? It is totally different than any other video game. It is so much, much more! Here is my Wii story and how I got involved with the nice people at Nintendo —

I was IM-ing with a great blogging friend of mine, bragging about the 400 comments I have on that”interview” post. I know it isn’t polite to “toot one’s own horn,” but I was really feeling like someone special.

“That’s great,” said my friend. “But you realize that a blogger like Ree from “Confessions of a Pioneer Women” gets 3000 comments on some of her posts!

“3000! My God. I’m so glad for her!” I said, lying.

My friend then told me that on the particular post where she received 3000 comments, she gave away a Wii to a lucky reader in a contest. Apparently Nintendo was creating relationships with several hip sites popular with women. I think it’s great when companies explore new ways to market their products.

“I need to get on this Wii thing for MY readers,” I said, knowing the demographic of my readership, and how they would respond positively to this unique opportunity.

Now, as you know, I have this problem with putting ads on my blog, but a contest is something very different. I am a people pleaser, and nothing would make me happier than getting one of YOU a free Wii. Of course, the 3000 comments wouldn’t be bad either. Talk about a sure-fire opening line at a bar.

I contacted the Nintendo company, and I was surprised that they knew EXACTLY who I was. Apparently, they have done their research on the movers and shakers in the blogosphere.

“You’re the interview guy,” said Marci, the Nintendo marketing executive on the phone. “We know you have a large female readership.”

“Yes I do. They love me.” I said, laughing at my own immodesty.

“We’d very much like for you to do a Wii contest on your blog. We can offer you a Wii for one of your lucky readers, as well as a free Wii for you to use and enjoy.”

“That’s great. I know Sophia has been anxious to try this Guitar Hero she’s been hearing about.”

“Perfect. I’ll email you the marketing copy for the post.”

“What marketing copy?”

“Well, you can write any Wii story you’d like, and do any contest you’d like, but we’d like you to use our new catchphrase, “Wii makes you feel more alive!””

“Wii makes you feel more alive!?”


“Uh, I know it probably isn’t my place to say this, but that’s sort of boring. Don’t you think?”

“Well, our marketing department thinks…”

“Marketing department?! Ha Ha. Listen, I know you’re in marketing yourself, and I respect that, but I consider myself a “writer.” I think I can come up with something better suited to my blog.”

“Like what, for instance?”

“Well, how about this — I think this is funny, but “realistic” — “Playing with your Wii is even better than playing with your wee-wee.”

“That’s ridiculous. I don’t even understand…”

“Well, I’m using wee-wee as a playful name for a “c*ck.””

“I know what a wee-wee is, but it doesn’t seem very appropriate for Nintendo to use that as a promotional…”

“I think it will appeal to a lot of men. What I’m trying to express is — “Why sit around jerking off to porn when you can be playing virtual tennis on your Wii?””

“Wow, uh, I really don’t know what to say, I’ve worked in marketing for many years, and, to be frank, talking about masturbation isn’t… and…even if it was… we’re trying to appeal mostly to your female readers.”

“My FEMALE readers?! Hell, they masturbate more than the men! They’re masturbating ALL THE TIME. I think that’s why half of them READ my blog!   You should read THEIR blogs:  every other post is about some new vibrator!  I can only imagine what they’re doing when they come to Citizen of the Month!”

“Well, even so, your campaign wouldn’t make sense since… uh, women don’t have a wee-wee.”

“That’s true. But, wait… I have another idea. This will appeal more to the women. We get a photo of a French woman, and she lying on her bed with her hand between her legs, fantasizing, and she’s going, “Oui…Oui…, and THEN we use the catchphrase, “Playing with your Wii is even better than… Oui… Oui…””


“Hello? Hello? Marci? Are you there?”

Can you believe it? She hung up on me! What the hell is wrong with Nintendo? You give them some good ideas, and they are too “corporate” to think outside of the box. Well, screw them. Who needs a dumb Wii anyway!

Announcing, Neilochka’s contest to win a 2-1 coupon to the Olive Garden. The 3000th commenter wins!

(for gullible newcomers — truth quotient: .05%)

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: Money

This entry was posted in Advertising and Marketing, Blogging and the Internet, Products and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

81 Responses to My Wii Story

  1. Loralee says:

    Look at it this way. If you were the Pioneer Woman, you would be banging The Marlborough Man on a regular basis.

    (And I think your penis just MIGHT have some words to say about THAT)

  2. OMSH says:

    Sex Ed. 101

    Vagina, meet Wii.
    Wii, meet Vagina.

  3. OMSH says:


    I’m sorry…it just came to me.

    Um, yea.

  4. Diane Mandy says:

    Ooh La La! I need to get me some Wii!

  5. Danny says:

    All video games scare me, it must be my addictive personality. This weekend my 12-year-old nephew slept at a friend’s house and they were up until 5 AM playing “Guitar Hero” on their Wii. It’s the devil’s tool.

    My understanding was that “Weh” was more the Parisian pronunciation of “Oui,” I still know lots of Frenchies who pronounce “Oui” as “Wee.”

    I checked out Ree’s site prepared to resent her as much as I do Dooce, but thought it looked kind of fun. However I still can’t for the life of me figure out why a blog like that gets hundreds and hundreds (sometimes thousands?) of comments on every post while others get bupkis. I couldn’t even get 50 comments when I recently begged for it (I only made it to 48). I guess some people (including you) just have their finger on the pulse of the blogosphere!

  6. I wish the truth quotient had been .95%. What a brilliant advertising campaign.

  7. lfar says:

    You tried for us… you tried. And that’s all we can ask for, really. Thanks for trying.

  8. Theresa B. says:

    Oh, I’m playing with mine right now.
    Wee, Wee, Wee. All the way home.
    Thanks for having our backs, even when you’re imagining us on our backs. And for virtually standing up to those product pushers. That’s why I read you.
    PS I’m heading back to Olive Garden territory in a few days. No everlasting salad bowls up here in Alaska.
    Wah, Wah, Wah. All the way home.

  9. Karl says:

    Looks like you’re well on your way with the comments, bud. And you really need to get a Wii. It’s the bomb. Or shiznit.

  10. Marge says:

    I’ve been reading PW for a while but her posts net literally hundreds and thousands of comments and it makes me feel small and insignificant so I never say anything. You don’t want to be that blog that is too good for your readers do you?
    Oh – And you are totally onto something with the Wii sex toys. But when they really do come knocking at your door, don’t be rude to them just because they snubbed you the first time (they might have trouble remembering that). :P

  11. Jay says:

    Aw, aren’t you sweet.

  12. You can call me, 'Sir' says:

    Spectacular. Well done, Neil.

  13. Liz says:

    Okay, but I would have LOVED to have won a Wii, because we are perhaps the only family, in the blogosphere, that doesn’t have one ;o(

    Good luck!

  14. LOL You’re so gonna get your 3000 comments… happy v-day to you and sophie!

  15. But what about shipping?

  16. Neil says:

    Stuck without access to my site today. Happy Valentine’s Day, all.

  17. Jennfier says:

    I bought a Wii for my husband for Christmas. I found it back in September and I can’t tell you how many guilt trips I went on between then and the holidays, hearing all the horror stories about the poor children who wouldn’t have one under their tree because they were so hard to come by. THINK OF THE CHILDREN!! said my sister-in-law.

    Did I waver?

    Not even once.

    For the record, I’ve played it twice.

  18. Ashlie says:

    Man. You totally had me going until the wee wee part. I am so gullible.

  19. L.A. Daddy says:

    Yay! I’m number 71! Only 2929 to go! Woo-hoo! Err… I mean Wii-hoo!

  20. savia says:

    Masterbation is probably the only way Nintendo could sell me on a Wii. Though my vibrators cost a lot less than that, so it better have a variety of programs and settings or it won’t be worth my while.

    I’m only commenter 72, but we don’t have an Olive Garden in Saskatchewan anyway, so there!

  21. Manictastic says:

    You’d better made a song. Advertising companies like songs.

    Oh Wii Oh Wii OH! I have a big thing to do! Oh Wii Oh Wii Oh! I just know for sure! Oh Wii Oh Wii Oh! I’m playing tennis with U2! Oh Wii Oh Wii Oh!

  22. I think I have mentioned this before.


    Can I comment another 2,900 times and get the coupon???

  23. piglet says:

    personally, i think you could have tried just a bit harder to get the wii.

    don’t forget, “with great power comes great responsibility”.

  24. Pingback: Deep Muck Big Rake » I’ve been experimented

  25. aka_monty says:

    I was going to leave a really excellent comment right here, but I decided to go masturbate instead. ;)

  26. torrie says:

    It’s official. I like you.

  27. JChevais says:

    I am inspired! Everytime I say oui now, I’ll be thinking and saying wii.

  28. YESH says:

    I have a Wii, there is absolutely nothing good about it, save yourselves and buy a Xbox 360 or Ps3.

  29. kayla says:

    i love my wii it rocks and so does my ds

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