Have you guys tried Wii yet? It is totally different than any other video game. It is so much, much more! Here is my Wii story and how I got involved with the nice people at Nintendo —
I was IM-ing with a great blogging friend of mine, bragging about the 400 comments I have on that”interview” post. I know it isn’t polite to “toot one’s own horn,” but I was really feeling like someone special.
“That’s great,” said my friend. “But you realize that a blogger like Ree from “Confessions of a Pioneer Women” gets 3000 comments on some of her posts!
“3000! My God. I’m so glad for her!” I said, lying.
My friend then told me that on the particular post where she received 3000 comments, she gave away a Wii to a lucky reader in a contest. Apparently Nintendo was creating relationships with several hip sites popular with women. I think it’s great when companies explore new ways to market their products.
“I need to get on this Wii thing for MY readers,” I said, knowing the demographic of my readership, and how they would respond positively to this unique opportunity.
Now, as you know, I have this problem with putting ads on my blog, but a contest is something very different. I am a people pleaser, and nothing would make me happier than getting one of YOU a free Wii. Of course, the 3000 comments wouldn’t be bad either. Talk about a sure-fire opening line at a bar.
I contacted the Nintendo company, and I was surprised that they knew EXACTLY who I was. Apparently, they have done their research on the movers and shakers in the blogosphere.
“You’re the interview guy,” said Marci, the Nintendo marketing executive on the phone. “We know you have a large female readership.”
“Yes I do. They love me.” I said, laughing at my own immodesty.
“We’d very much like for you to do a Wii contest on your blog. We can offer you a Wii for one of your lucky readers, as well as a free Wii for you to use and enjoy.”
“That’s great. I know Sophia has been anxious to try this Guitar Hero she’s been hearing about.”
“Perfect. I’ll email you the marketing copy for the post.”
“What marketing copy?”
“Well, you can write any Wii story you’d like, and do any contest you’d like, but we’d like you to use our new catchphrase, “Wii makes you feel more alive!””
“Wii makes you feel more alive!?”
“Uh, I know it probably isn’t my place to say this, but that’s sort of boring. Don’t you think?”
“Well, our marketing department thinks…”
“Marketing department?! Ha Ha. Listen, I know you’re in marketing yourself, and I respect that, but I consider myself a “writer.” I think I can come up with something better suited to my blog.”
“Like what, for instance?”
“Well, how about this — I think this is funny, but “realistic” — “Playing with your Wii is even better than playing with your wee-wee.”
“That’s ridiculous. I don’t even understand…”
“Well, I’m using wee-wee as a playful name for a “c*ck.””
“I know what a wee-wee is, but it doesn’t seem very appropriate for Nintendo to use that as a promotional…”
“I think it will appeal to a lot of men. What I’m trying to express is — “Why sit around jerking off to porn when you can be playing virtual tennis on your Wii?””
“Wow, uh, I really don’t know what to say, I’ve worked in marketing for many years, and, to be frank, talking about masturbation isn’t… and…even if it was… we’re trying to appeal mostly to your female readers.”
“My FEMALE readers?! Hell, they masturbate more than the men! They’re masturbating ALL THE TIME. I think that’s why half of them READ my blog!Â Â You should read THEIR blogs:Â every other post is about some new vibrator!Â I can only imagine what they’re doing when they come to Citizen of the Month!”
“Well, even so, your campaign wouldn’t make sense since… uh, women don’t have a wee-wee.”
“That’s true. But, wait… I have another idea. This will appeal more to the women. We get a photo of a French woman, and she lying on her bed with her hand between her legs, fantasizing, and she’s going, “Oui…Oui…, and THEN we use the catchphrase, “Playing with your Wii is even better than… Oui… Oui…””
“Hello? Hello? Marci? Are you there?”
Can you believe it? She hung up on me! What the hell is wrong with Nintendo? You give them some good ideas, and they are too “corporate” to think outside of the box. Well, screw them. Who needs a dumb Wii anyway!
Announcing, Neilochka’s contest to win a 2-1 coupon to the Olive Garden. The 3000th commenter wins!
(for gullible newcomers — truth quotient: .05%)
A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: Money