Valentine’s Day has always been tough for us. The pressure of Valentine’s Day, with all the hullabaloo and candy-giving, makes us question our already unsteady relationship. How can we ever live up to the romantic images on those Hallmark cards?
Sophia and I got into a fight on the night before Valentine’s Day. I went to find somewhere else to sleep. I felt uncomfortable calling up a friend, so I drove to the nearest Holiday Inn to see if they had any availability. All the rooms were booked except for the “Honeymoon Suite” with a Jacuzzi for $250 dollars. See: Irony. I was too tired to keep on driving, so I went back home and parked my car in the driveway, exactly where I started. I went into the backseat, curled up, and decided to go to sleep, using my sweater as a pillow. I had always heard of people sleeping in their car. Hey, it was almost cool – like I was in a rock band! I was woken up a few hours later by the metallic sounds of a torrential rain storm pounding on the roof of the car. I felt like I was stuck in a car wash that had been taken over by HAL from 2001. It was noisy, the rain and wind shaking the car. I don’t know how I did it, but I fell asleep again.
In the morning, I woke up. Have any of you ever opened your eyes in the morning and realized that you were sleeping in the back seat of your car? If you have, you will understand how I felt. I stumbled out of the car, my legs all stiff and asleep. Standing a few feet away was my next door neighbor, a well-dressed attorney in her business suit, heading for her Lexus. I stuck my head back into the car, moving my hands back and forth, making believe that she just caught me “cleaning out the back seat” of the car.
“Good Morning, Lindsay,” I said.
“Hello, Neil.” she said, sternly.
I’m not sure I fooled her – at all.
I walked over to Starbucks, where I peed and washed my face, like a homeless man, feeling like Starbucks Inc. owed me for all those overpriced lattes. A few hours later, I headed to Beverly Hills for a meeting with a Hollywood producer! The meeting went well. Maybe he mistook the “fire in my eyes” for my bloodshot look from sleeping in the car.
I’ve been in a hotel since then.
Why am I telling you all this? I probably shouldn’t be. I have all these new, wonderful people coming here to read interviews, so it is a bit uncomfortable airing my dirty laundry, but as every blogger knows, a personal blog is about both the good and bad of life. We’ve all been there, and I am inspired by the openness of many of you.
I love Sophia. We have some problems. Some of you have been reading about us for three years now. We both attend therapy, but are finding it difficult to fix things. Maybe living together while “separated” is not the answer.
Who’s at fault here? Well, you would hear very different stories depending on who told the tale, but basically we are both responsible for our own marriage.
Today is Sophia’s birthday. She’s probably upset. I hope I get to see her later, but if I don’t, I hope she does something fun to celebrate her special day. Please wish Sophia a happy birthday. She’s a big part of this blog and I know many of you care about her.
Happy birthday, Sophia.
There’s a refrain from a Lyle Lovett song tyhat keeps running through my head lately.
“It ought to be easier when you turn your lights down low
and it
ought to be easier to leave when you know that you have to go”
I’m sorry for your struggles and I hope the two of you can find a your way to some peace.
And I know all about the pressures of V-Day–it’s also my wedding anniversary.
Happy B-Day Sophia
Happy Bithday Sophia.
Neil, I have a guest room.. Colorado is freezing right now..If you slept in your car you would be dead.
I suppose there is some sort of blessing..in your current geographical location? right?
See.. you’re not alone. Just in flux.
Love always.
Happy birthday Sophia. I hope things work out in a way that is best for both of you.
Neil, I am so sorry, I had an awful
Valentine’s day too, so I know how
it sucks. Best of luck to both of you
and Happy Birthday Sophia!
Happy birthday Sophia!
Happy birthday Sophia. Thoughts and hopes are with you both. xx
Happy birthday Sophia and *hugs* Neil. No pretty Valentine’s here either, maybe I should have joined you in your car.
So many things to say here, so I better shut up.
Happy Birthday Sophia… I hope everything turns out the way you want it to.
I don’t have anything worthwhile or additional to add – but I do hope that you two can work it out and/or find happiness. Happy birthday Sophia.
Big, happy b-day to Sophia.
Neil, I am genuinely sorry for everything that’s going on. Gosh, I haven’t slept in my car as the result of a fight with my partner, but I have had times where I feel just terrible, terrible and can’t see a way out of it. I’m glad you shared so we could all send support.
A Happy birthday to Sophia.
And to you, Neil, hang in there. maybe what you need to do now is move out for a while, just to sort things out. I seem to remember that it’s not the first time that you will have done that.
Whatever the outcome, I hope that all ends up being for the best. Keeping you both in my thoughts.
Oh and, BTW, last time I slept in a car was in the summer of 2006, and I was with my boyfriend (we are both in our fifties) – and no, there was no hanky-panky, we were exhausted, and there was a torential downpour (we could not find a hotel room, because of the flood in upstate New York.)
Happy Birthday to Sophia!
There, now that is out of the way I can just say I am so sorry things have been rough the past few days. I was wondering what was up based on a few clues here and there.
Sending love to you.
xo
Happy Birthday Sophia.
Fingers crossed for the outcome of your meeting Neil. And all the love and luck to both of you.
I feel bad for you and Sophia, but unless there is threat of violence, I don’t understand how you can’t sleep on the sofa until you work things out. Staying at a hotel seems so dramatic and expensive.
Happy Birthday, Sophia.
Neil, I’m so sorry to read this. It broke my heart. I’m now going to add you to my list of people I worry about. You know, it’s the Jewish mother in me. Please take care of yourself. Sleeping in the car just isn’t a good idea. Wish I lived closer. We have a nice comfy sofa you’re more than welcome to visit.
happy birthday, sophia. you are so special to all of us – for your generosity, whit, and truthfulness.
thank you, neil, for being real. the velveteen rabbit would be proud of you.
prayers and well wishes for both of you.
mck.
Hugs and very best wishes to and for you both.
Aw, man. This sucks. I’m hoping for the best for you guys.
And Sophia, hope you had a great birthday!
sending you both peace…
Late, but Happy Birthday Sophia!
Love to you both.
Sorry to hear that, Neil. I’m not really up on the background so please forgive me if this sounds out of place. When you say “Maybe living together while “separated” is not the answer”, maybe the reverse might work. A close friend of mine did the “living apart but still together” thing, and they eventually reconciled.
Be of good cheer, Neil. You are in my thoughts.
hang in there neil. you guy will be ok.
Marriage can be difficult; my husband and I had less than an excellent day ourselves. Sleeping in our car, however, is out – it’s disgusting back there, with all the dropped food and spilled drinks.
I’m so sorry Neil. I wish you both love, peace, and happiness.
That’s tough. I hope things take a positive spin for you both.
Ohhh. Hard times. I’m sorry to hear that, Neil. I applaud you for writing it, though. I hope it helps you.
Relationships are never easy, rarely simple – but hopefully very worth it in the end.
Happy Birthday, Sophia!
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happy birthday Sophia. I’m sorry that life has not been easy for you. John Lennon said it best…“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”.
Wow. Very brave post, Neil. I hope it all works out for the best, whatever that may be.
Happy Birthday to Sophia.
Happy birthday, pretty lady, and BIG LOVE to both of you.
Oh, happy late birthday to Sophia.
As for the rest of it…I wish I had some advice for you both, but considering that my husband and I went to our first couples therapy session yesterday, well, man, I’m SO not the girl to talk to about this.
PS, oddly, I just resisted the urge to type “May the force be with you”. I haven’t seen a Star Wars movie since approximately 1983, so this is very strange.
i think romantic holidays are the hardest days for couples with troubles. I hope you two can find solutions that are best for both of you.
happy birthday sophia.
Sorry I missed your birthday, Sophia, счасливым днём рождения ! (I hope I didn’t mispell it on top of everything).
Maybe we should start a tradition of wishing you a happy birthday everyday, to make up for being late once?
Love to you.
Belated birthday wishes to Sophia. I hope you are working it out with each other as well.
I wish I could buy you a beer.
After reading your twitter, I realized I hadn’t been here in awhile, and was out of the loop. I hope everything’s ok. *hugs*
Sorry to hear it Neil. (I would have commented sooner, but I’ve been sick the last week.)
i’ve been reading your blog for a few months and decided to read some of your archives while enjoying some much needed rest. wow…this post left me speechless. i have been in this EXACT situation and it truly sucks. the horrible fighting is bad enough but combined with the need to run off and humiliate one’s self in the back of a car makes the situation near intolerable. i have been there. getting out of that relationship, while drawn out and painful was the best thing that happened to me. now, in new york, it’s a bit harder to follow my first reaction and run away for the night. but luckily, it’s not as necessary with the current man. from someone who has been there, good luck resolving everything.
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