Today, I stop being depressed. I do this by coming up with a plan. I have decided to look at the positive side of things. If things fall through with Sophia, I will see the opportunity, and not the regret. I will focus on my FREEDOM to be who I WANT to be and to DO what I want to do!
Let me speak to my male blogging friends directly:
I know that many of you are married with children. I am happy for you. You are living lives of comfort. But we both know the truth — you have sacrificed your dreams in accepting this marital bliss. You have gained a wife’s soft bosom and the joy of a child’s laughter, but it has required a compromise — you have packed your dreams in the dusty attic of your mind, never to be seen again.
I understand. I was once JUST LIKE YOU, content just to be able to play with a woman’s breasts ANY TIME I wanted to (well, accept before 8AM or during periods)! Who wouldn’t become complacent under those conditions?
But I am lucky. Show no pity for me concerning my situation with Sophia. This might be the best thing to ever happen to me.
My plan now is to LIVE MY DREAM. It may be too late for you, my married male blogger friends, but you can certainly help me plan my dream. Maybe you can live your dream vicariously through me.
I’ll probably end up back in Los Angeles to live, but I thought of going to New York for a while and visiting my mother… maybe even check things out there while I get some therapy. I was going to fly there, but then I had an idea — why don’t I just drive across this great country of ours? Then came inspiration! It was like the stars converged over my head, giving me the opportunity to accomplish my life-long dream —
— yes, getting laid by a different woman in all fifty states.
Why settle for just one when America offers so much variety?!
All men have this dream, but how many of us get to achieve it? We always get bogged down with marriage and babies and cleaning out the garage!
I’ve had a slow start. I’ve only had sex in two states. Sure, they are the most populous — New York and California, but even Barak Obama can’t win the election with just two states under his belt. (wait a minute: I think there was one time in Vermont. I just don’t remember if I made it through the actual “sex” part).
Men, here’s where you can help. What do you think would be the best route to accomplish all 50 states from California to New York? I’m not really sure how to program the GPS for this type of information? How much time should I take in each state? Remember, I need to drive in town, get a hotel, meet someone, AND get laid — all before I move on to the next state. Do you think I will need the same amount of time in red states as blue states? So far, I don’t have any specific plans. The only “sure-shot” I know about is Blogger X in New Jersey, but she is mad at me right now for not reading her blog lately. I guess I can always tell her that “I read it in Bloglines!” Women buy any excuse, right, guys?!
Back to the planning phase. I will need to also hit Hawaii and Alaska. Do you think I should hit Hawaii first for the lei, since fares from LAX are pretty reasonable? I’m also debating whether I should go the southern route via the Gulf States first — before we get too far into the hurricane season. I’ll probably wait until it is colder before I make the Northern States. I’m figuring that by then, women will probably be hornier and more desperate, especially around the time of the Christmas parties and New Year’s Eve.
What do you think? Will it take that long or can I wrap this up by Columbus Day?
Men, I really hope that I can be an inspiration to you. If I can impart any wisdom to you, it is “Don’t Let Women Rule Your Life — Always Follow Your Dream.”
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