Earlier this week, I was contacted by someone writing an article for Penthouse. She had read this 2007 post of mine titled “Fifty States, Fifty Positions.” The post, as you might guess, is about my life-long “dream” to have sex with a different woman in every state. Finally, the media has caught on, and was writing an article on this important subject.
“Why do I have this dream?” you might ask. Well, I love women. I love to be challenged. And like the people behind Fox News, I love being a patriot. I believe in America first. Why sleep with a foreign woman in Paris or Tokyo when you haven’t tried all that America has to offer, from the Housewives of New York to the Belles of Birmingham?
Back in 2007, I was lagging in my goal. I was bi-coastal — New York and California — in more ways than having just been inside two state’s voting booths during election day. There were still 48 states to explore, and the clock was ticking. Each gray hair was like another missed opportunity in some far-flung state of the union. And with global warming creating havoc on the environment, it was becoming essential to travel to locales such as Alaska before it melted away.
It is now 2010, and sadly, I have not progressed much during these three years.
But don’t write me off just yet. During that time, I have been training on my own, every day, like Rocky.
Clearly, speaking with this writer for Penthouse has stirred old passions within me, an urge to return to my life goal, but is it still possible? Or is it all a pipe dream?
And then I remembered that I have an important new ally. Buick! (see last post)
Here’s the pitch, GM. I will drive a luxury car throughout America (rental cars in Alaska and Hawaii) and sleep with a different woman in each state. Take that, Bossy and Jane Devin.
An essential part of this “sponsored” blogger trip will be making love with a different woman in each state. And here’s how you can help! —
Many of my female readers live in these weird states that I would normally have no reason to visit. WTF am I gonna do in crazy places like Idaho or Wisconsin, for instance? But, now that I have a strong motivation to go there, it is a different story. So far, based on previous emails with certain female bloggers, I am pretty confident that I have Florida, Rhode Island, and Nevada all wrapped up for the trip, but the slots for the other states are still available.
This is a wonderful opportunity for me to give back to my readers. Besides the excitement of having sex with me, this will be a great boost for your blog. After each sexual encounter, I will be writing a blog post describing our evening (please include room and board — local cuisine recommended — along with the sex — thanks!) and how amazing I was in bed — and, GET THIS! — including a LINK to your BLOG!
It’s a win-win situation.
Neil’s Brain: “This post is a waste of your talent.”
Neil’s Penis: “Wimp. If you were a real man, you would DO it, not make a joke about it.”
Neil’s Heart: “I think I’m a little depressed today.”
Neil: “I need to do the laundry.”