Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

How A Man Knows When He is Feeling Depressed

jessicaalba.jpg

Sorry about all these ranting BlogHer posts lately.   Making I just feel like being passive-aggressive to women in general since I saw the photos from the conference and everyone there looks like they have such nice tits and asses… like you know who with the Russian accent… who really is very blessed with those things… so it’s like you’re all on the same team. 

Since this blog is quickly tranforming from a humor blog into something else, I think I should admit that I’m feeling a little depressed today.  How do I know I’m feeling this way?  Well, I just saw this photo of Jessica Alba a minute ago online and all I could think about was “What the hell is she wearing — a diaper?” 

Now I feel bad because they are probably some super-sexy type of panties and I have no idea what they are called.  

But, just to be positive, maybe one day I will experience a woman wearing those panties.    Maybe even Sophia.  But if it isn’t Sophia, let me request it right now — in case I end up dating someone in the future,  maybe after a few months of therapy.   Maybe not on the first date, because I’m still not sure whether I like these diaper-looking panties or not.  But maybe during the fifth or sixth date, you can wear one of these type of panties, just for the variety, and so I can blog about it.

23 Comments

  1. Cheer up, Neil. Jessica is leaning over my shoulder right now as I type this, and she says “After I’m done with Greg, sure, maybe we can hang.”

  2. I feel like there is very little that one could wear on top of those panties without having creeper diaper lines…

  3. Greg – You’re the sucker! I bet all your guy friends are gonna make fun of you for being with a girl who wears old lady diapers! Ha Ha, the joke is on you! What a loser!

  4. I would classify those as “bloomers”. And they are only meant for “panty parades” — not under clothes. Question? A panty parade is the aimless walking about the house half naked in silly underwear for the sole purpose of being seductive — it is not seen very often because:

    a) either the average woman doesn’t have time for it because she has a job AND laundry to do
    b) the average woman feels too paranoid about her butt to do it
    c) the average woman can’t afford to spend money on such impractical underwear that it can’t even been worn under her clothes!

    When Matthew McConaughey and Christian Bale come over to my house to do the all-male boxer parade, I’ll be more than happy to sport some ridiculous underwear for them…I’m just sayin’…for the record. 😉

  5. Well…if it’s for blog fodder…

  6. Those panties look like the head gear the cafeteria ladies wore in high school. Ewww.

  7. i am so glad you thought she was wearing a diaper too because that was what i thought… then i gave her the benefit of the doubt, and thought “diaper cover” kind of like the diaper covers parents put over cloth diapers through the late 70’s when disposible diapers became the norm

  8. Don’t feel too badly. I thought the same thing about the panties when I saw the photo. And that was before I read your commentary.

    The picture is still way hot, though.

  9. They look like the old-fashiones rubber pants. And to her credit, she makes rubber pants look alluring. But still–they are rubber pants.

  10. Hehe… I thought the same thing first time I saw that pic. I’m partial to the VS styles myself.

  11. At first I thought, “Hmmm, hot chick. Neil has good taste.” Then I scrolled down enough to see the panties and immediately thought, “What the hell is she wearing?!” I’m glad you commented on it in your post because I was feeling very uncool and out of style.

  12. I recently bought some panties quite similar to these. While I think they’re cute, my daughter disagrees. She calls them my “country undies.” And guess what, Lisa? I bought them at VS!

  13. “diaper looking panties”. Oh man. That was my first thought. And then, it took me a while to jump on the bandwagon of the “boy short” panties that came in a while ago. I just still-do-not-feel-sexy in them but damn, they are comfortable. I can tell you now, I will not be wearing bloomer-style underwear.

  14. I think they’re called “training pants”.

    Snap out of it, Neil. The tomatoes need you.

  15. I saw a pair at Nordstrom’s labeled “bloomsters”.

  16. There’s nothing wrong with you, Neil, those diaper-panties are gross. But I think boxers on women are very sexy. All I can say is I’m glad I don’t work in a regular office and read your blog. Between the scary shirtless guys and cheesecake shots of women, I’d probably get fired. Not to sound too much like an old fogey (I guess using that term automatically makes me one) but since I could easily be her dad (aaaargh!), I have to say that Jessica Alba has acting talent and I don’t think she should do photos like this–it’s not going to help her career. Her first part was in a TV-movie written by two friends of mine when she was 14 so I feel a little protective. Stop it, Jessica! And take off the diaper!

  17. You know, if you wear those panties it ain’t gonna be for long because there’s not a damn skirt, pair of pants or shorts in the world that would look right over them.

  18. They are bloomers, but I think tap pants are far sexier for the panty display walk. Girl boxers are for when you’re comfortable with each other – I like to wear CK boys’ briefs, so comfy.

  19. I never heard the terms “panty parade” and “panty display.” Are these in the dictionary?

  20. I agree with v-grrl – that’s totally cafeteria headgear.

  21. Euw, those are fugly!!! It almost looks like she has a weird bulge in the front..like a she-male..

  22. Bloomers seems to be an apt description. And Danny once more is so right. Jessica is far too talented to subject herself to the cheesecake photos. Unless perhaps she is an exhibitionist.

    And the bloomers? Perhaps in another color.

  23. Maybe you can start dating that astronaut. She seems to like diapers.

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