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What makes the blogosphere so special is that we are here for each other, to share each other’s joys and pains, and to make each individual feel a little less alone.
Today’s Good Samaritan is “Nilo.” I may not know him personally, but today we have bonded in a very special way. Here is an email I just received concerning my dream of “visiting” all 50 States:
The “Get Laid in Every State” Trip
Neilochka —
You inspired me, man!
Being that I’ve been a mapper by trade, I decided to draw up a little suggested route for you, steering you as close to the more heavily populated cities in most states, and then just barely dipping you into others.
Let me know what you think…
California –  LA Area    Â
Arizona  –  Phoenix Â
Nevada  –  Las Vegas Â
Utah  –  Salt Lake City  Â
Idaho  - Pocatello, Boise Â
Oregon  –  PortlandÂ
Washington -Â Seattle, SpokaneÂ
Montana – Missoula, Butte, Bozeman Â
Wyoming - Casper  Â
Colorado -  Cheyenne  Â
New Mexico  – Albuquerque  Â
Texas  - El Paso, Abilene, Fort Worth, Dallas Â
Oklahoma  – Oklahoma City  Â
Kansas  –  Wichita, Kansas City  Â
Missouri  –  Kansas City  Â
Iowa  - Des Moines  Â
Nebraska - Omaha  Â
South Dakota - Sioux Falls  Â
North Dakota - Fargo  Â
Minnesota  -Minneapolis  Â
Wisconsin - Madison, Milwaukee  Â
Illinois -  Chicago  Â
Indiana   Indianapolis  Â
Michigan  - Ann Arbor, Detroit  Â
Ohio -  Toledo, Cleveland  Â
West Virgina - Charleston  Â
Kentucky - Lexington, Louisville  Â
Tennessee  – Nashville  Â
Arkansas - Little Rock  Â
Louisiana - Shreveport, Baton Rouge, New Orleans  Â
Mississippi - Jackson, Biloxi  Â
Alabama - Mobile,  Montgomery, Birmingham  Â
Georgia  - Atlanta, Savannah  Â
Florida -  Orlando, Daytona Beach, Jacksonville  Â
South Carolina - Columbia  Â
North Carolina –  Charlotte , Raleigh  Â
Virginia -  Richmond  Â
Washington DC  Washington  Â
Maryland  - Baltimore  Â
Pennsylvania - Philadelphia  Â
New Jersey  – Jersey City  Â
New York - New York City  Â
Connecticut - Bridgeport, Hartford  Â
Rhode Island - Providence  Â
Massachussets - Boston  Â
Maine -  Portland  Â
New Hampshire - Manchester  Â
Vermont -Â Â Burlington
~Nilo
Nil0 —
I am touched beyond words.  I hope this proves to the women of BlogHer that men care about each other!   I think your mapping skills are excellent. Have you tried applying for a job at Rand McNally? You would be great. And chicks love a man who is confident in his directions.
I will need to look over your map some more. I’m still concerned about some of the weather issues down south.  And, dude, where’s Alaska and Hawaii? Are they chopped liver?  I also have some problems with hitting Orlando and Jacksonville, and skipping South Florida? What am I going to do in Orlando — f**k Minnie Mouse?  Jacksonville over Miami Beach? Have you been to Jacksonville? Are you crazy? I have relatives in Boca Raton anyway, so I would probably do a little visiting in the middle of the “getting laid” trip.
But, all in all, this is much appreciated, man!
— Neil
(Update from Nilo — Crap. I forgot Delaware. So you go from Baltimore to Dover to Philadelphia instead.)
(This is a real email. At first I thought Nilo was a fake — “Nilo?” — but he actually has a real email address. But a mapper by trade???!)
Ingenious, your readers are the best! Please visit my family when you’re in Chicago (but don’t have sex with any of them–they’re too fragile and may turn into Glenn Close on you). And may I suggest that you lose Hawaii and Alaska? They’re just not feasible in this plan even though it seems cooler to talk about all 50 states. Let’s just pretend it’s pre-1959 and you’re tooling around the country in your 1958 Studebaker. And if the sex falters, just blog about cool roadside diners in every state–as a reader I’d be far more interested in that info than your love-em-and-leave-em conquests.
Interesting. I wonder if I could combine every man’s love for sex in every state with his love for roadside diners?
how ’bout you name your tour:
Gettin’ down in the lower 48
and I would recommend smaller towns… the women there would have to be kinda tired of the same ole same ole guys so your odds of getting laid would be greatly improved. Just a thought…
I’m with Danny though, roadside dining reviews would interest more. I dare you to eat a pecan log from Stuckeys!
(if there are any Suckeys left in the world)
In terms of Jenn’s suggestion, women in smaller towns may be more motivated, but would they be scared off by a Jewish guy? Would that be way too exotic?
Dude, Nilo either A) has something against Colorado or B) has a woman here and wants you to STAY AWAY because Cheynne is in Wyoming. And Cheyenne, though very beautiful and cowboyish, is going to give you much fewer chances than say, Denver, where women outrank men nearly 2:1. Just saying…
I was going to mention the same thing about Cheyenne and Denver.
BTW, I know another “Nilo”. The name’s not so unusual in Brazil…
I am opposed to the idea of this trip. Mostly because I hate road trips.
Another problem is that we have both a Prius and an SUV, and different types of women might respond to different types of cars. I guess I could always change cars depending on the local — for instance a 4×4 truck in Wyoming.
Oh hey, I just threw “Cheyenne” into Colorado to see if Neil was paying attention.
Not really.
I’m a poster child for ADD, and I think I was talking on the phone at the time while I was putting the spreadsheet together.
I’d love to go on this trip, and while Neil was courting different prospects, I’d be out reviewing the roadside diners… because I love food, and I’m married with kids.
~ “Nilo”
PS: Yes Neil, stay away from ANYTHING wearing mouse ears in Orlando.
You will probably not get laid in Ann Arbor. I don’t think anyone does. Go to Pontiac, Royal Oak or, if you want a girl who just wants you for your cash, Birmingham.
Ann Arbor is seriously the coolest city ever, however, so definitely go there if only for the Zingerman’s sandwich which will be UNDOUBTEDLY the GREATEST SANDWICH OF YOUR LIFE. Actually, forget all those other places. Zingerman’s is better than getting laid.
i live in the LA area. just saying.
“Nilo,” this was great. Definite blog crush material. I’m so glad it was someone “normal.” Just to show how anxious I can get, I actually told Sophia “I hope this Nilo isn’t some college kid who is now going to try this for real, like imitating some stunt on Jackass!” We’re both old and mature enough to know that it is impossible to get laid in several states: Connecticut, North Dakota, and some parts of Kansas.” Just curious, “Nilo” while your wife is out, what is your “state quotient?” And how the hell was I supposed to know there wasn’t another Cheyenne in Colorado? I was in Denver once and couldn’t breath the entire time. Some “mile high” fun!
Jurgen — Sophia and I have been to Zingerman’s. Excellent. Danny even shipped some of their stuff to Sophia when she was going through surgery. But a little pricey. And yes, sadly, a good sandwich can be better than sex. Pizza, too.
Heather — Sorry. I’ve “done” LA already.
Aw, crap! Now I’ve got a Beach Boys earworm!
“Well, East coast girls are hip, I really dig those styles they wear…”
You’re welcome.
It’s not impossible to get laid in Connecticut. But I certainly wouldn’t go to Bridgeport for girls. I know a very nice women’s college full of young, nubile, bi-curious girls.
He forgot Asheville, NC. Lots of cute hippie bloghers and bloghims here.
Ingenue — I tried once at Yale, with little success.
Edgy — Asheville deserves it’s own trip!
Man, I would love for you to visit Nashville. I am not sure I can help get you laid, although I am willing to talk to loving wife about it – she owes me a favor. Regardless, come on over . . . would love to meet you.
Don’t be dissin’ my beloved Fargo! Even though I live just west of Mpls, I would gladly volunteer to show you all the hip that is Fargo N.D.
All the really hot girls are in South Florida, Nilo.
What are the odds a mapper reads your blog. really?
I’m not “down” with the overall plan, but since I live in the Cleveland area, it would be nice to meet up. Do I need to find you a substitute sex partner, or can we just have lunch or something?
Another Nashvillian welcomes you should you ever visit. Just not in that way. 😉
http://www.willywardrobe.com/
I know a few girls here in Nashville who are up for a romp. Since I live in Nashville now, I can even personally introduce you to some of them.
As for Florida, Miami is too far to hit if you’re trying to minimize travel time. Make it a Tallahassee/Gainesville double-header (pardon the expression), get some FSU and UF ass (grade A stuff), and then be on your way.
If you make it to the Tampa area, you might be tempted to have sex with a girl on Clearwater Beach (yes actually on the beach), but let’s just say you wouldn’t be the first to do that.
I wouldn’t recommend Montgomery, but I can tell you first-hand that Birmingham is allllllright (you can always pick up a skank at Bell Bottoms if things get desperate.) I’ve only been to Mobile once, but catch some girls on vacation looking for some “What happens in Mobile stays in Mobile” fun and give that a spin.
Charleston isn’t bad in WV, though I found Huntington to work out well for me when I lived there.
If Indianapolis doesn’t work for you, Bloomington is a short drive and well worth it for the crop of women they have there.
Lou P — Women and MUSIC — Nashville is on the list!
Eliza — Thanks for the list. Cute little cock illustrations. Let this be a reminder to all young me trying to accomplish their dream, that they can still do it safely. Who wants a baby in all 50 states?
Three of the cities I’ve lived in are on the list. Should I be worried?
Some advice and/or a random “tip”: Richmond, Virginia is a lovely town, but the prettiest women are in Charlottesville.
Chicks love a man who will actually READ the damned directions! Of course you’ve be better off stopping in Olympia than Seattle. Seattle is totally overrated. 😉
I think you need a map for Europe too. You can start with Amsterdam 😉
huh…. my new city is on the nilo list…. as for diners – you are SUCH a new yorker (and that is a good thing)… in jersey, there is the tic-tock diner right outside of the city on the way to the GWB across the highway from the pharmacutical plant…. if you end up in the middle of pennsylvania, take a side trip to state college and go to “the diner” and get a “mount nittany” – a warmed grilled sticky w/ a scoop of ice cream….and i am blanking on all the others that i know
This is male bonding at its finest. I’m almost weeping. xx, JP
Make sure to wave from the window as you drive through Jersey.
Dont go to NYC. Everything is extremely expensive, it has become just like disneyland. The only cool thing about NYC are the buildings/architecture, but that gets old fast. Also, dont even think about getting laid there, IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN! I can say this because I live there and I am a former road warrior, having lived in many different places. It is just as hard to get laid in NYC as it is in CT. The women here really hate men, unless of course you are rich or famous.
Say,
Anyone know anything about Austin TX, Denver CO, San Diego CA, Seattle WA, Miami FL, Phoenix AZ. Is it easy to get laid in these places? Are the women at least friendly? I have been meaning to go do a roadtrip this summer, but the funds have been kind of low. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
“You will probably not get laid in Ann Arbor.”
Ann Arbor, WTF???!! It’s a freakin’ college town. College town, parties, alcohol = sex for almost everyone.
I know more than 1 person who has gotten some in Austin. Denver and Phoenix, I didn’t hear any good.
Don’t listen to what Mike said.I am born and raised in New York and I can tell you that YOU CAN GET LAID IN NYC .It’s actually quite simple.Mike if you can’t get laid in new york I suggest you take a look at the link.
I have lived in a lot of different states __ at least five since college. I think it is much easier to hook up in the South __ particularly Tennessee __than anywhere else. And I agree what some of the other have said about Connecticut. Bridgeport or Hartford? Don’t waste your time. Head to one of the two casinos _ way on the eastern part of the state or drive 90 minutes north to Boston, fellas.
I know this reply comes late…Ohhhh, but seriously.. I was in New York around the time of the first post and was told by a local that, “If you can’t get laid in NY, give up all hope”. Within 1 hour of that conversation I was in a portacan size bar stall with a knockout NYer! Oh, and Austin has some of the coolest hipster hotties in the nation. I’m passing the baton though and about to embark on an excursion on foot similar to the mapped plan, wish me luck.