Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Message from Time Magazine

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This week, we chose YOU as the Person of the Year because:

 “In 2006, the World Wide Web became a tool for bringing together the small contributions of millions of people and making them matter.”

Three days later, the editors here at Time Magazine have decided that the Year of “You” has officially ended, due to an online blogger holiday concert that started out as a day for holiday cheer, but quickly denigrated into a night of chaos, violence, and protest.

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Events at the concert unfurled quickly as two female bloggers sang similar versions of “Santa Baby.”  Fists started flying after Pam of Nerd’s Eye View called Erin of Villanovababy a “Britney wannabe who should stick to her stupid blog.”  Erin of Villanovababy simply said, “Pam is a blogging bitch who can stick her ukulele up her ***.”

Several bloggers were asked to leave the Hyatt Hotel on LA’s Sunset Strip after trashing the “Presidential Suite” in an after-concert bash. 

“I’ve never seen such sick depravity in all my years as hotel manager.  It was like a wild drunken orgy, except they used their laptops!” said Richard Ortiz, a 25-year veteran in the business.

Many bloggers were disappointed in the management of the concert.  Outcries of nepotism were heard because bloggers were only allowed to perform one song each, but Sophia Lansky of Redondo Beach, was allowed TWO songs.  An anonymous caller, a disgruntled blogger who goes by the alias of “Brooke,” said that Ms. Lansky isn’t even a blogger.  Further research revealed that the Ms. Lansky is the separated wife of the concert organizer, Neil “Neilochka” Kramer.  Requests for an interview were refused.

Disruptions to the concert are expected to continue this evening as Al Sharpton prepares to lead a large protest march against the Holiday concert. 

“Despite being called a Christmahanukwanzaakah Concert, not ONE song for Kwanzaa was included in the festivities.” said Mr. Sharpton. “It is not surprising that this concert was organized by someone named “Kramer.””

Time Magazine deeply regrets picking ordinary people to be Time Person of the Year. 

“If this is what happens when bloggers get together, forget this s**t about YOU.” said a senior editor.  “We should have just picked Tiger Woods!”

A Year Ago on Citizen of the MonthBlogging the Big Event

28 Comments

  1. Leave it to the mass media to focus on the negative…and to leave out any mention whatsoever of the ACCORDION.

    😀

    Anyway, Neil, thanks again for a fabulous time. When I read the Time article, I thought immediately of what we did here, too. Thanks for leading.

    Hey! Am I first?

  2. I’ve been stuck in the bathroom here since Wednsday! Didn’t anyone hear me pounding on the wall? So anyway, what did I miss?

  3. I noticed that lack of Kwanzaa tunes myself, but I figured the Latkes recipe more than made up for it.

  4. I knew it couldn’t last. SOB! Nothing good ever comes out of California! SOB!

    Hey, is that my new car that’s burning?

  5. Ok, this is even better than the concert, especially Al Sharpton. It totally makes up for the fact that we don’t have a Christmas tree this year.

  6. And not only that. There weren’t enough Port-a-Johns at the concert.

  7. I was in Seattle for the WTO riots and let me tell you, that was nothing compared to what happened after the concert. As for the whole Santa Baby thing, well, things were said, there may or may not have been some pushing, but Erin and I remain the best of friends. And I wasn’t being a diva when I asked for the blue and white M&Ms. I have blood sugar issues that impact my behavior. If you’d read my contract, the whole incident could have been avoided. My lawyers will be in touch.

  8. NOW I regret missing it. I am the best at riots!
    Say “no” to “collective spirit”, kumbayah (sp?) and “online communitity”!

  9. And where the heck was my backstage pass???

  10. Nothing warms the cockles of my heart like a festive holiday extravaganza erupting into a drunken orgie of violence.

    Mmm….warm cockles…

  11. I have nothing to add. Mr. Fabulous said it all for me.

  12. Way to go Kramer…and I was so excited to see my face on the cover of Time magazine.

    I boycotted the concert anyway because you didn’t include Festivus.

  13. Your post was such a riot!

    Mr Fabulous said “warm cockles” again. This blog just keeps getting better and better.

  14. ROFLMAO!!! Damn, but that was fun! What a wild night huh? (Yes, I realize I only donated a photograph, but someone had to be in the audience clapping and drinking!) 😉

    Pure genuis Neil! (LOVED this post!)

    3T

  15. Your 15 minutes of fame is over!
    I left the concert early. Why didn’t I know about the after party? I like warm cockles.

  16. What Time Magazine forgot to mention is that a terrorist destroyed my computer the day I was ready to record my best hit ever for the concert, namely “Mi Ymaleh gvourot” which noone else featured by the way (therefore, I suspect one of the bloggers that was featured to have financed the act of terror on my computer to avoid hearing this mostly significant song).

    But since our people is very resilient, I will prepare it for next year, and will add a version of “haneirot halalou” that nobody else thought of sending, and that will do it.

  17. I have it on very good authority (I have a friend who’s a senior editor at Time) that their intention was to name YOUR PENIS as their person of the year, but the graphic designers insisted on going with a 392 pt font, so they had to trim it.

  18. Perfect. Love the fire shot.

  19. I’m flattered, really, but I’m so over myself. I am so 2005.

  20. Had I known it would all end in a riot, I definitely would have participated in the concert…

  21. I was second on the program, and not party to all of the hue and cry afterward. My friend Jessica Simpson called and suggested I have my performance removed from the final version of the recording.

    I’m ashamed and disappointed. I was never too happy about being listed next to Neil’s penis anyway. At least one of us always comes up short.

  22. PostModern Sass- I’m assuming “trim it” means “trim the headline” and not “trim Neil’s penis”, because I feel certain that’s already been done.

  23. That was no accidental sprachspiel, Digital Father. 🙂

  24. Aw shucks! Thanks for making me your blog crush today, Neil. I just hope no one gets too upset about it. I’ve heard how tough your readers can be when they think there’s favoritism going on.

  25. Yes well, a little known fact about me is that I ALSO play the ukelele…so nanny nanny boo to PAM! 😉

  26. You know, I wondered if it was the same Kramer!

  27. and that prissy maitresse had to go and “break” her “microphone.” whatEVER. what a loser.

    sorry to cop out…

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