the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

The Romantic Post

This morning, I had a pleasant surprise.  Sophia sends me a photo of herself at work, taken with her cellphone.  I called her a half hour later, telling her I have a surprise for her in return.

Neil:  “Sofotchka, cute photo!  I made a post out of it for the blog.  Check it out.   It’s in draft.”

Sophia goes into my “manage” area of WordPress to look at the post.  It looks something like this:

Thursday Morning, 8AM,  Los Angeles —



Thursday Morning, 8AM, New York —


Sophia:  “Uh, I don’t get it.”

Neil:  “It’s supposed to be romantic.  It’s like we’re 3000 miles apart, but I’m still dreaming about you in bed.”

Sophia:  “Huh?  You’re really losing it.  No one is going to get that.”

Neil:  “No?’

Sophia:  “What it actually looks more like is, “Look here.  Sophia is awake and is already hard at work as a Russian Dialect Coach early in the morning while I’m still in bed lying around.””

Neil:  “Why would I write a post like that?”

Sophia:  “I have no idea.   That’s why I was confused.”

Neil:  “It’s supposed to be romantic.”

Sophia:  “Well, thank you.  But how old is that photo of you?  It doesn’t even look like you.”

Neil:  “A few years.”

Sophia:  “A few years?  At least five or six.  You don’t have one white hair on your head.  Are you trying to fool your readers?”

Neil:  “No, I just needed a photo of me sleeping.  I’m supposed to be dreaming about you, remember?!”

Sophia:  “I remember this photo.  This is like SEVEN years ago.  I took it while you were sleeping… of your tush.  You’re obsessed with this naked thing!  What is this — a porno blog now?”

Neil:  “It’s supposed to be romantic!”

Sophia:  “Email me this photo.  I forgot all about it.”

Neil:  “No.”

Sophia:  “Now you’re shy?”

Neil:  “I don’t feel romantic anymore.”

Sophia:  “Aw, come on.   You flirt with every girl on the blogosphere, but won’t send your own (separated) wife a  photo of your tush.”

Neil:  “OK, here…”

I email the photo to Sophia.  She starts laughing.

Neil:  “What’s so funny?”

Sophia:  “Forget about your gray hairs.  Your ass doesn’t look like that anymore, either!”


A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:  Neilochka vs. Nicole


  1. Alexandra

    So why are you guys separated? You’re so cute together! I really love how you two interact and play off each other! Very special indeed!

  2. Jody

    I get it – it’s your entry for half-nekkid thursday! Good job!

  3. Alison

    I almost can’t stand the cuteness!

  4. Neil's Penis

    Hey, Neil — the cuteness is actually making me ill. Soon this blog is going to be as sugary-cloy as Alison talking about her new little kitten!

  5. amanda

    i mean, she’s got a point, seven years is a long time. but is there really a statute of limitations on tush photos?

  6. Heather B.

    You two really are cute and I’m a big fan of gray hair, just FYI.

  7. Pearl

    Neil, 8 a.m. NY time is 5 a.m. California time. You SHOULD still be sleeping at 5 a.m. You need all the beauty rest you can get, if you want your tush to get back to the way it was looking several years ago.
    (I’m sure it’s a cute tushie!)

  8. Viscountess of Funk

    My best photos are from high school. I guess that was my peak.

    I agree with Alexandra. Just get back together again already!

  9. deezee

    ouch. who wants to hear their ass is aging??? (of course, between you two, it’s all said with love…)

  10. Neil

    Deezee — our asses may be getting older, but they are also getting wiser.

  11. Jessica

    Remember my mutual crush on you and Sophia? I think she may now be winning.

    The only thing keeping you in the game, Neil, is the fact that I LOVE gray hair.

  12. Roberta

    I am becoming quite the Sophia fan.

  13. kapgar

    Tell her she should just be happy you have hair on your head period, grey or not. You’ve got that on me. 😉

  14. e.

    I’m with Pearl on the timezones… Sphia’s highlights are looking great, by the way. Maybe you can try some to conceal the greys?

  15. sarah

    Awww, nice try. But I guess after 7 years (?) the romance is dead dude.

    She should have sent you a picture of her sleeping and dreaming of you. But then that would be unfunny and too cute, and a bunch of ‘gag me’ commenters isn’t good.

    But the aging ass is hilarious, but doesnt make me look forward to marriage!

  16. deannie

    oh SNAP! This isn’t the sort of conversation that draws folks together; kind of prickly. Dang, sure wish my ass looked like it did seven years ago…

  17. Miss Eight-oh-Five

    Neilochka – For some reason, you remind me of Bon Jovi in that photo. Do you go to the same hair girl?

  18. Anomie-Atlanta

    I think no one should be allowed to post a picture of their ass that is less than six months old without facing charges of false advertising.

  19. Thérèse

    Hee hee hee hee.


    Poor, poor Neil.


  20. trouble

    Hey, my ass looks BETTER than it did 5 years ago. Really. I swear.

    For the life of me, I don’t know why Sophia would let a funny sweet romantic guy like you get away. You know, it’s not like funny sweet romantic guys grow on tushie trees or anything.

  21. better safe than sorry

    something must be wrong with my eyes, cuz all i see is your penis trying to have his way with a pillow, i don’t see an a** at all
    and her photo is beautiful, very sweet that she sent you one.

  22. Tara

    Who cares what she said about your photo, at least she sent you one of her and she is damned adorable.

    Also, I think from now on, I’m only putting seven year old pictures of me on my blog.

  23. OldOldLady Of The Hills

    LOL, LOL…Well, I think you ass is cute in this photo, though covered by covers…!

  24. Neil

    Better Safe — Why do you spell out “penis,” but write a**?

  25. egan

    I’m fighting the urge to send you a naked picture of myself Neil.


    So, a beautiful woman sends you a fresh picture of her face and you reply with an old picture of your ass??

  27. Leese

    So where is the bottom half of that photo?

  28. fringes

    Finally, someone asks the million dollar question. Let’s see Neilochka Uncropped.

  29. darlin nikki

    I think you’re looking more seductively at the Table Monkey than anything 😉

  30. Sarcomical

    wow, nothing like someone giving you the cold, hard truth. 😉

    “but it was supposed to be romantic!”


  31. claire

    Isn’t that Curious George? Curious, indeed.

  32. Neil

    The Curious George thing will have to be another post someday. But be warned — it is also very cutesy.

  33. Brooke

    No comment.

  34. Scarlet

    Thanks for using the older pic;)


  35. V-Grrrl

    Ah yes, the first thing I noticed in the photo was Curious George. He’s probably wondering whether you’re going to put on the CG underwear when you get up or whether Sophie will continue to be the one who wears the (under)pants in the family.

  36. elle

    Am I missing something? I don’t see ass in that picture! Fork it over!!!

  37. Violet

    I think Sophia was right. It does look like you’re sleeping while she’s already up and working.

  38. Non-Highlighted Heather

    Nice tan.

  39. Leah

    Neil, I really must concur with the previous million comments that you and Sophia seem to be a natural pair. I’m rooting for a reconciliation with lots of makeup sex.

  40. ms. sizzle

    i really hope this is verbatim. not because i want you to have gray hairs or an older looking ass. of course not. 🙂

  41. Dustin

    Those ass photos always come back to bite you in the…well you get it.

  42. Miss Eight-oh-Five

    i look at that picture of Neil and I find myself asking the age old question (posed by the billboard advertisement for The Admiral, Chicago’s premier all-nude gentlemen’s club): WHY ONLY SEE HALF?

  43. Dagny

    Thank you for the chuckle. Your ass doesn’t look the same anymore? Tsk, tsk. Perhaps it’s time for another fitness challenge.

    As far as the gray hair goes, I think it’s just fine on men. Just not on me. That is why Ms. Clairol will be my friend for a long time. Because gray hair interferes with my ability to meet 20-something guys.

  44. the Yearning Heart

    “Uh, I don’t get it.”

    Jeez, the woman’s about as romantic as a bag full of wet sand.

  45. marcail

    Full Moons are romantic.

  46. Neil

    Yearning, in Redondo Beach we take that as a compliment. There is nothing as romantic as walking out together on the beach at night, the stars above (although you can’t see much because of pollution), and the feel of the wet sand between your feet. Oh, if I only had a bag of wet sand with me right now!

  47. Elisabeth

    Who did the crop job on your ass, Neil? I sure don’t see it on that picture. (I see that Leese noticed that too.)
    And great shot of Sophia, by the way!

  48. the Yearning Heart

    Neil, that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. Please have your penis IM me on Yahoo right away.

  49. Melissa


  50. question girl


  51. Heather

    wheres the ass dammit? I want some neilass!

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Social media & sharing icons powered by UltimatelySocial