the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Yes, I am Wearing Women’s Panties!


Rachel Kramer Bussel writes a popular sex column for the Village Voice called “Lusty Lady.”  A couple of weeks ago, she wrote an article titled “F***ing and Feminism”.   In the article, Ms. Bussel criticized feminists for their ideological views on sex, one which pooh-poohs women doing anything “submissive” to men, such as giving them oral sex, getting bikini waxes, or enjoying being “spanked.”

“I may like to get spanked until I scream, but I still deserve to be treated as an intelligent human being. Submitting sexually doesn’t equal becoming a doormat outside the bedroom.”

I agree.  If a woman wants to be spanked, why not?  That doesn’t mean she can’t be a nuclear scientist or get equal pay for equal work.   Of course, if ALL she wanted to do all night was get spanked, I might wonder about some of her “personal issues,” but I would still recommend her to friends if she was a good neurologist.

What I found most interesting about the article was when Ms. Bussel talked about men’s sexuality:

“Men are also unfairly judged—as brutish horndogs selfishly out to get as much sex as they can. The truth is, they’re confused and constrained by the “macho” role too.”

She went on to talk about the desires of men that “aren’t sanctioned by popular culture,” such as wearing women’s panties, getting tied up, and other kinky stuff.  These men are frustrated, because they are afraid of opening up to their women.  What if their girlfriends/wives laugh at them?

The great irony to it all was — as I was reading this — I was wearing women’s panties.

Yes, I did just say that.   I was wearing women’s panties.

You expect complete candor and honesty when you come to Citizen of the Month, and damn it — you’re going to get it!  If you want to take me off your blogroll right now, let it be so.  I will not hide behind this facade anymore.

I will come “out” as a panty-wearing man as a public service to all men who want to express themselves in new and exciting ways.

This might come as a surprise to you, since I  normally seem pretty white bread.

“Neilochka, why WERE you wearing women’s panties?” you might ask.

Well, there is actually a story behind it.

Saturday night, Sophia and I went to a wedding.  It was a nice ceremony and romantic to see a couple so much in love.  During the ceremony, Sophia and I had a little discussion.  We decided that if we ever divorce and remarry, we’ll be each others’ best man/maid of honor.  Isn’t that cute?

The wedding had an “Italian” theme and the programs were all shaped like wine bottles.  The only glitch in the wedding was that the specialty wedding cake was decorated to look exactly like a large wheel of Italian cheese.  Unfortunately, people started slicing it up when they walked in, thinking it was an appetizer of real cheese.

Sophia and I danced for a large part of the evening.  It was a lot of fun.  We even re-danced the “first dance” from our own wedding — a swing dance to the Andrew Sisters’ Bir Mir Bis Du Shein.  Later that evening, we met a single woman who was by herself, so we invited her to dance with us.  Let me tell you — dancing with two women — that was as close to a threesome as I’m probably ever going to get!

The next day, I got up early because the radio station was calling me at 7:45 AM for my radio “interview” with Washington Post radio about Mel Gibson.  After the interview, I was wired.  I suggested to Sophia that we go have some breakfast..   She agreed.

Now, remember — Sophia and I are separated and live in two different homes.   As I started to get dressed to go out, I realized I only had my underwear from last night.  After all my dancing, I was all sweaty, and I certainly didn’t want to put on the same pair of underwear.

“Sophia, do you have any of my underwear around?”  I yelled.

“No, I think you took them all to New York.”

This was the trip we took to New York and the Berkshires several weeks back.  Which meant that most of my underwear were still in my luggage, sitting in my living room at the other apartment.

“I have no underwear!” I sobbed.

Now, in our past discussions on underwear, I learned that many of you like to go “commando,” which is an expression I had never encountered until I started blogging.   Let me just say, in the strongest terms possible, that I find going “commando” completely uncomfortable and unsafe.  God would not have created underwear if he meant man to be freely flopping all around like that — especially when there are dangerous zippers nearby, ready to snare their prey.

No, I would not go “commando.”

Instead, I went into Sophia’s underwear drawer.  I pushed aside the thongs (how do women wear those things?) and the granny underwear (hey, I’m fashionable!), and tried to find something that was as close to a male brief as possible.  My closest choice was a cotton yellow brief with red trim, and “I Love Curious George” written across the ass.  It didn’t fit perfectly; it looked like a small Speedo with Curious George’s face in front, but it would do until later.

And yes, I am still at Sophia’s right now  — and I am still wearing her panties!

I hope you realize how brave I am for telling you all this.  I hope this enables men all over the blogosphere to explore their own sexuality and not be afraid to experiment.   Men love to tell stories about getting into the panties of some woman.  But how many are confident enough to tell a story about getting into the panties of some woman — and I mean literally wearing them?!


  1. Rachel






    I just spit out my drink.

    First off – I like a man to take control during sex. I dont like being spanked but I like the “throw down”. I also like giving oral (and receiving of course) and when I love a guy giving oral is just as enjoyable as getting it because I like giving pleasure to someone I love. I don’t think that makes me shammeful to feminists or less equal to a man.

    I like wearing mens undies to bed. THey are comfy, especially boxers 🙂

    I also go commando 🙂

    I am so glad you enjoyed your “panty” experience. God help your soul. 😉

  2. Fitena

    hahaha! lol! I must say this was starting to get me worried Am glad to se that you did it for good reasons! Going Commando! Who came up with this expression anyway! What does a commando have got to do with going underwearless huh?


  3. ian russell

    are they the panties in question at the top of this post?

    he he, i’m sorry to tell you they aren’t what most men would call ”women’s panties” – they may belong to a woman but that does not make them ”women’s panties”. (frankly, to me they look a bit like trainer pants – which would mean a different sort of fetish altogether.) ;o)

    is oral sex submissive, per se? i believe not. though i’m not sure whether those are your words, ms. bussell’s or those of the ”feminist circle”. :o/

  4. ian russell

    a commando never carries unecessary equipment.

    i see ms. bussell is an ”appointed” editor of a men’s monthly porn mag. it’s not really the voice of reason then, more partisan-defensive.

  5. deannie

    I am with Rachel – she already wrote what I said to my monitor as I was spitting out my coffee…laughing my head off all the way. I have borrowed my former husbands underwear before but he could never fit in mine since I am so much smaller.

    Yeah, the idea of going out with no underwear doesn’t work for me either on many levels.

    Honestly, I get sick of people who try to classify what I enjoy in the bedroom as ‘feminist’ or NOT, submissive or NOT. Bah, I like it because I like. It doesn’t make me feminist or submissive. The only person’s opinion that matters to me is my partner’s.

    Curious George underwear?!? bwahahaha

  6. emma

    Rachel is right on about the fact that you can do what you like in the bedroom and still be a strong woman. And I have to admire you, it really takes some guts to admit you’re wearing women’s panties. Enjoy!

  7. kristen

    You chose well considering you could have had a marble bag (aka thong) which is how it all would have looked had you decided to wear such.
    What is it about Jewish guys and not going commando?? I generalize here since I’m married to a Jew that would rather lay in bed all day without any clothes (not that there’s anything wrong with it) than suffer the misery of going without underwear, for your very same reasons. I say, just stuff it in your sock and get on with the day!

  8. Bre

    That’s quite a post to read first thing in the morning!

    When it comes down to it, giving into your own desires sexually doesn’t make you submissive, nor does it make you less of a woman if those desires include oral sex, spanking, being tied up, whatever floats your proverbial boat. I think it makes you all that much stronger of a woman because you are comfortable enough with yourself to admit to your desires!

    Neil, you should have gone for the thong – don’t believe the hype! They’re extremely comfortable!

  9. Charming, but single

    Teehee. Those are cute panties. I generally try to avoid getting panties with words on them. I do have some with shoes and purses on them, oddly enough …

    And I’m not a big fan of the thong, but I’m not a big fan of the panty line either … so I deal. However, the next time you’re wearing women’s underwear, I would recommend boy shorts, because the way they are cut in the back makes your ass look cuter. They are the next best thing to comfy granny panties because they’re full coverage in the front, but sexy in the back. (I’ll stop now.)

    And yay! Neil’s penis is back to blogging. I really think The Penis should have its own blog.

  10. Neil

    Kristen – I think it may be Jewish thing because in the old country, if there was an fatal accident with your oxen and you had to be buried, everyone would see that you were wearing no underwear, and it would be considered a “shonda” — a shame to the family. Also, many Jews were in the clothing business, so the more clothes, the more sales!

  11. TWM

    The sexist in me often rates woman on the spank-a-bility index. Not out loud of course. I don’t want to get beat up.

  12. elle

    I’m all for pushing the boundaries in the bedroom. I think I scare my husband. But like I just said to a friend, if you can’t be a freak with your spouse of 16 + years, then what’s the point? Gotta keep things interesting….

    Were you also wearing her bra? (now be honest) because THAT”S HOT!!!


  13. justrun

    Is it odd that I was glad you put on clean panties rather than turning your worn underwear inside out?

  14. Elisabeth

    My take on this, Neil, is that those curious George panties are not exactly women’s panties – and I agree here with Ian Russell (comment #3.) They vaguely try to emulate a little boy’s underwear.

    No offense to Sophia, and to each his/her own, but what’s the deal with adults wearing underwear with cartoon characters on them? (yeah, thrown me the first stone – I wear Snoopy pajama bottoms in the winter…).

    The main point is, though, did the penis like the Curious George underwear?

    I basically think that what people do in the bedroom is up to them, as long as mutual consent is involved. Although I do not own a pair of handcuffs, no feminist is going to tell me what is submissive and what is not.

  15. Dagny

    Makes sense to me. When my friend Jade was living with this one boyfriend, she used to wear his boxers if she discovered that she had run out of clean panties.

  16. tiff

    ALong the whoe feminist line, I used to love to read “The Black Table” before they shut the whole thing down in January, because, among the other Manhattan-oriented snarkitude it had a cadre of strong women who were VERY candid about their love lives. It’s time we stopped trying to hide our carnality, dammit!

    So, were there PICTURES of this monkey underwear? Hmmm? :>

  17. Serena

    Love this! Congrats on your strength in coming out ; )

  18. Autumn

    Adorable. Really.

    I was laughing so hard. Thank you for that lovely good morning. I can just picture trying to rifle through a draw to find something that would work.

    Thank you for sharing.

  19. Alissa

    Neil – so honored to be your blog crush today! And aside a post about you wearing women’s panties. Just perfect! 🙂

  20. Nics

    I wonder if Mel Gibson wore knickers for his role in the terrible ‘What Women Want’.

  21. Alison

    Well, yeah, I can relate. I’ve worn my partner’s boxer’s before. But they didn’t have Curious George (who, by the way, is so damn cute) on them.

    If they had, I would have stolen them for sure.

  22. bettyonthebeach

    Genius! So funny!
    And there is absolutely nothing wrong with a little spanky spank every now and again.

  23. bookfraud

    after i stopped laughing, i re-read the piece. yay for feminists who know what they want in bed, spanked or whatever. but ms. bussel is dead wrong when she says, “men are also unfairly judged—as brutish horndogs selfishly out to get as much sex as they can.”

    well, *of course* we are horndogs selfishly out to get as much sex as we can. perhaps not brutish, but we’re horndogs. no doubt about it.

  24. Danny

    I’m still stuck on the part about you and Sophie being each other’s best man/maid of honor at your weddings to other people. I can’t imagine that would be anything but agony for you to stand there in that role watching Sophia get hitched. But since I still can’t make my brain think of you two NOT together, I’m not really worried that this will ever take place. If it did, though, I’d like to meet the woman who would be okay with having her husband’s ex-wife as the maid of honor at her own wedding. OY! Having a husband who likes wearing women’s underwear will seem like the least of her problems.

  25. M.A.

    Hahaha. I have nothing else to write.

  26. Nance

    So many puns are available here: curious, yellow, monkey…I will restrain myself. Instead, I applaud your continued unflinching honesty for your readers, Neil dearest. And to you, Sophia, I love how you use your undergarments to maintain a connection with your inner child.

  27. Kevin

    So that’s how you resolved the great boxer v. brief debate? Women’s panties? Interesting tactic.

  28. V-Grrrl

    I can just imagine Curious George’s smiling face thinking he’d gotten a banana….

    When I was huge and preggers I wore giant men’s boxers under my flowy, flowered maternity dresses. Ha, ha, ha. The woman who wears the Joe Boxers AND rocks the cradle rules the world.

  29. Trixie

    Tell your penis to settle down. So maybe you did misinterpret his desire for you to get in to her panties, but so what? At least they were CURIOUS GEORGE panties. NOTHING is cooler than that. I want a picture, cuz that’s just so hot.

  30. Blonde Vigilante

    Neil, you crack me up. I think I own the exact pair of underwear. Hmmmmm….

  31. LisaBinDaCity

    Ugh, I am so grossed out right now 😉

  32. Jack


  33. ms. sizzle

    you are so funny neil. but i am now concerned. is this other writer about the feminists and the f***ing mean to say that as a self-defense instructor i shouldn’t enjoy or engage in the spanking?

    uh oh. (ahem!)

    subject change: Bir Mir Bis Du Shein is one of my favorite songs. 🙂

  34. Leese

    I wore my husband’s briefs when I was pregnant because they were the only ones that fit me comfortably.

    And I thought that was really cute, you know, me wearing his undies. But you’re right, it doesn’t sound the same if I were to say that he wears my panties.

  35. Edgy Mama

    Hell yea! If us chicks can get away with wearing boxers, I don’t see why you can’t get away with Curious George.

    If you move on to Sofia’s thongs, though, I want a photo!

  36. Pearl

    You really like to share everything, every little detail with us, don’t you, Neil?
    One question: why is that “I love Curious George” is written across the ass, and not the front of the panties? Seems more correct across the front.

  37. V-Grrrl

    If Neil wears Sophia’s thong, I do DO NOT want a picture.

  38. party girl

    The thing about ‘feminist’ articles is that one side or the other gets pissed at whatever side is writing the said, ‘feminist’ article.

    Now, I realize I used ‘air quotes’ twice when using the word, ‘feminist.’

    Here’s why.
    (I know you’re dying to know)
    If, in the stated article, a ‘feminist’ comes out and says it’s about openness and discussion and doing whatever the hell I want in the bedroom then hear me roar as I am woman!

    If that should include such submissive acts as spanking, being tied up, having a ball-gag in my mouth or being peed on well, then I am simply a doormat and not a ‘feminist’ at all. No matter how many times I came, I am a doormat. I am letting The Man boss me around. (Ah, yeah, that’d be the point of being a submissive, but whatever.)

    But, if I am the one spanking, tying up and peeing on my man, well then I am too dominate, too aggressive, too independent and no man would ever want me inside, let alone outside, the bedroom.
    I am not woman, I do not roar.

    It’s a lose/lose situation no matter what, ‘feminist’ view I take.

    To me, it’s about choices. I choose to write about my sex life. I choose to exploit myself on TNF, I choose to write about sex toys and orgasms and what not.
    Me, I, PG, little ‘ol ‘feminist’ me.

    But yet somehow, The Man is bringing me down and I am not woman, I will not let you roar.

    I say, “Grrrr” You big macho-Curious- George-lovin’-girlie-panty-wearing-man- you…go roar, wear your panties loud and proud!

    I am ‘feminist’ and I said so.

  39. missmckay

    they cut the cheese at the wedding? oh my.

    The Penis can’t have his own blog, as he needs Neil to type.

  40. 3rdtimesacharm( 3T )

    I’m open-minded. If you or any other man wants to wear women’s panties, I just don’t see the big deal. Live and let live, to each their own, and all that good shit.

    Although it does seem your penis is not happy with the arrangement, I’m sure the two of you will work it out.

  41. The Cynical Girl

    It’s only perverted and sick if you wear Care Bear underwear.

  42. deezee

    I don’t know which is more disturbing – imagining you in the Curious George panties or Sophia having bought them…okay, I jest.

    I guess we’re all entitled to our own panty desires, though, gotta ask…would that turn a guy on to greet that little monkey as he got his date’s pants off filled with anticipation??

  43. Viscountes of Funk

    I agree that feminism has ruined a lot of things. The other day I was wearing a skirt, blouse and heels, walking down a sidewalk here in Seattle. An older gentleman who looked like Earnest Borgnine driving a $100,000 Mercedes and smoking a cigar pulled up along side me and growled, “Now THAT’s what I like to see! A woman who looks like a woman!” I was flattered, truly. I thanked him for making my day.

    I love being a woman and I love that men appreciate it. I also love that you’re wearing women’s underwear and are BIG ENOUGH MAN to admit it! Rock on.

  44. Tara

    I thought feminism was all about having choices to be the woman you wanted to be – in the bedroom and out?

    I think the Curious George panties are adorable. What did Sophia think?

    You must VERY comfortable with your masculinity and that’s hot.

  45. femme d'espoir

    You made my day!

  46. Cookiebitch

    I don’t think the fact you wear women’s underwear is the thing that concerns me. But I must say I’m intrigued by the fact you chose to go with a “curious George” theme to wrap the package in. Are you saying you have a monkey penis?

  47. Neil

    Ian — Yes, those are the panties on top!

    Elle — No, I’m sorry. No bra. Sophia’s cup size is completely wrong for me.

    Justrun — You mean some people just turn their underwear inside out?!

    Elizabeth — So, if these are not what you consider “panties,” which type would you consider in that category?

    Party Girl — I’m off for people doing whatever, but even I find “peeing” on someone a little disturbing. And wouldn’t it stain the carpet?

    Cynical Girl — How about Thomas the Train underwear?

    Deezee — I think a woman in Curious George panties WOULD be a turn-on. I’m also a big fan of “Planet of the Apes.”

    Cookiebitch — That depends. Is having a monkey penis a good thing or a bad thing? I’ve never really looked.

  48. Tina M

    Damn Neil, you crack me up!!
    I really needed that today.

  49. chantel

    Neil, whats the world coming to? I show my boobs and you’re wearing Sophia’s underwear.

    P.S. I go commando unless absolutely necessary. I’m sick of thongs, grannie panties and the like. It all goes up my butt anyway.

  50. better safe than sorry

    those womens panties in your photo are actually based on boys underwear, so i think you need to slip into a thong to really get a feel for womens panties.

  51. Laure,

    The other night my boyfriend wore my chunky red bracelet from Paris and I found it so sexy. You should do a calander Neil of you in Sophia’s panties.

  52. OldOldLady Of The Hills

    Your so called “seperation” from Sophia seems to not really be seperate, at all. Why don’t you both just face belong are mostly together most of the time, anyway….Sooooo….Why don’t you just stop all this silliness and live together once again…? That way, you could wear Sophia’s underwear any old time you please…well, it sounds like you already have that in place.(lol)

  53. Non-Highlighted Heather

    I was 17 the first time I saw Tim Curry step off that escalator and reveal himself to the world in all his garter belted Frankfurterness. It was at that moment that I discovered my weakness for men in women’s underwear. That, and there was such a thing as spontaneous orgasm.

  54. Rebecca

    You are so hot! And your panties are adorable.

  55. Jocelyn

    Commando is great, Neil. But NO thongs…it’s like having a permanent wedgie!!

  56. Karl

    Dude, nice panties.

    That’s why I always keep a spare in glove compartment. You never know when you’ll be forced to wear monkey panties.

  57. Leesa

    So will this be a regular thing? Are you taking donations? 😉

  58. Melissa

    I love wearing men’s underwear. I just got a new pair of Aussie Bums the other day. The little “y” front pair with the animation characters.

    Where did Sophia find her Curious George ones though? I’ve been looking everywhere!!!

    Btw, I’m sure your ass looked fabulous.

  59. Lord Chimmy

    Just don’t start wearing Sophia’s bras…unless you have man boobs.

  60. Anne

    Well, now I know what “commando” means. I guess we do actually learn it in cyperspace seeing as I learned it here on your blog! Enjoy Curious George!

  61. Neil

    Anne — finally, someone is learning something from reading this blog!

  62. party girl


    To pee or not to pee, that is the question.

    Personally, I only pee in the toilet. Perhaps the occassional parking lot when I’m really drunk.
    I’m holding the pee in my bladder.

  63. paperback writer

    Are you trying to kill me?

    I almost choked on my lunch!


  64. 2nd Pearl Past the Post

    The best way to be a liberated woman or a liberated man is to be practical.

    the blogosphere taught you commando? I think it was my university newspaper for me. That and straighten out the whole blow job as blowing air thing.

  65. Roberta

    I believe the term commandowas first used in this manner on an episode of Friends. (One of those rare perfect sitcom episodes, where every moment is golden — 2nd season, everyone getting ready to go to Ross’s awards dinner.)
    If I’m wrong about that being its origin, it is certainly what brought it to its popularity.

  66. Dana

    I dunno, Neil, I liked the mental image of you in the Ms. Neilochka panties better. But, variety is the spice of life. [Oooh, and the Ms. Neilochkahoes! I would buy the shoes, too. If I were twenty years younger and a tart.]

  67. la nadine

    THANK YOU!!!

    i just wrote an entire post about what penis’ would say if they could talk, and someone directed me here.

    i feel enlightened.

  68. johnboy

    I don’t see why all the chatter……. I’m 58 years old and recently started wearing WOMEN’S PANTIES. I find them very comfortable, very cool, and I like the silky feel. I have discovered MANTIES of which I now a couple dozen pairs.
    the more lace, the better. I am as straight as an arrow and have no desire to be otherwise. I feel very lucky to have a wife who supports this and even helps in finding new sets so that we can have :matched panties”for certain events. Comfort is comfort….. why do women wear men’s sweat shirts, men’s socks, men’s tennis shoes, etc>

  69. fringes

    Holy cow…this site is blocked from me as I’m working, but there is such a thing as manties. I’ve officially lived long enough to see it all.

  70. paul

    Good on you for wearing panties. It really aint a big deal in the u.k. Every single Englishman in the whole world wears them. But we dont all drink tea, lets just end that vicious rumour! Cheerio.

  71. tgardiner

    I been wearing panties since i was 12 iv tried 2 wear men that lasted about a day im very much strait and people find it hard 2 understand this i bet any men out there 2 try it them they will. i dont do it 2 b sexy there jurt very comfurtable.

  72. Viviem

    I also love wearing ladies bikini panties all the time! pink lace is my most favourite one! It makes me crazy! or you can call me as “Bikini”!

  73. steve

    everyone wear you panties and what ever else u want on may 1 and lets stop being secret

    MAY 1 wear you panties skits what ever

  74. Worn Underwear

    I was more shocked at people cutting up the wedding cake than you wearing ladies knickers!

  75. jimmy

    I’m 81. Been wearing pink, nylon Vaniity Fair “Grannies” since I was 13. 81-13 is 68. My God! I’ve been wearing panties for 68 years. Neil, you’re got some catching up to do.

  76. cezzy

    i’ve been wearing knickers for a full year now, i have over 120 pairs ranging from old regulation schoolgirl briefs, ladies full briefs, high leg, bikini & thongs. also a large collection of schoolgirl panties. i will never wear boxers ever again. theres no law out there saying us men can’t wear them, its a free country and its doing nobody any harm. i also like to do some self caning in them but would much rather a strict lady cane me instead.. any offers please feel free to e-mail me at

    cheers & have fun..

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