Ever since I was a teenager, I listened to music when I was feeling down.  Remember my obsession with ABBA a few months ago?   Sometimes, I’m in the mood for some hard rock to lift me out of the doldrums, and sometimes I just look for the most depressing song possible in order to feel MORE miserable.  Once you hit bottom, you can laugh, and start your way up the ladder again.

Do any of you have any really depressing songs that you just LOVE?  Songs about broken hearts, suicides, and cars going off the edges of mountains? 

For my money, this old song (Blue Magic’s Side Show (1974)) is one of the saddest love songs I’ve ever heard.  It also makes me think about how we post about our lives on blogs for others to read — like a sideshow.   Read the downer lyrics!  

Hurry, hurry, step right up
See the side show in town for only fifty cents

So let the sideshow begin (hurry, hurry)
Hurry, hurry, step right on in
Can’t afford to pass it by
Guaranteed to make you cry

Fortunately, after I listened to the song a few times, it made me laugh hysterically.  Who the hell sits down and writes such a depressing song?! 

Remember to vote for me for “The Best Humor Blog” in the Blogger Awards!

Merry Christmas!

Neilochka: Help me, I’m Jewish! Why am I on this weird guy’s lap?

Santa Claus: Now listen very carefully, young Jewish Neilochka. One day, you will have a “blog.” I know you don’t know what that means right now. But you will. Right before Christmas, you should have a Holiday Concert right ON THE BLOG. Take my word for it. Chicks REALLY dig guys who throw Holiday concerts!

Have a wonderful day filled with love and joy. No Christmas is complete with music. So, if you haven’t checked it out yet, why not listen (or listen again) to some of your blogging friends creating some special Holiday memories?!

The 2007 Blogger Christmahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert

Have a wonderful Christmas day. Good health and happiness to your families. See you at the movies, fellow Jews!

So let’s see, the Pet Shop Boys, Vince Gill, and a chamber concert all in one week? Dude, my life is so boring. We’ve done Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, the Book Fair, and Drama Club this week. Sigh.

– V-Grrrl, commenting on yesterday’s post

When I was a teenager, my father gave me two pieces of advice on how to deal with women:

1)  Never hurt a woman.

I still don’t really know if he meant physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

2)  Take your wife out on weekends.

This completely went over my head when he first told me this piece of wisdom.  Tickets for the weekend was a central concept to my father’s vision of marriage.  My father was always getting theater and concert tickets “for Elaine” (my mother).   Even though he always said he was getting it “for her,”  I think he got them equally for himself.  My  father was the type of person who could never admit doing anything for himself.  It always had to be for someone else. 

My father was also obsessive-compulsive, so he had a huge bulletin board in his bedroom where he would micro-organize all his tickets to concerts, shows, and events.  He believed that if you bought tickets ahead of time, this would force you to go out, even if you got lazy at the last moment.  He would sometimes subscribe to a theater season a year ahead of time, so he always knew he had something to go to every weekend, and didn’t have to worry about it.  Box offices throughout New York City would know his name when he called up, because he would send his check in the mail before the season actually began.  He subscribed to the Roundabout Theater, Circle in the Square, Lincoln Center, Queens College Concert Series, Theater in the Park, and several others, including discount Broadway show tickets from the Theater Development Fund. 

My parents would go out practically every weekend, frequently taking me along.  There were times when it was clear that no one wanted to go, but we went anyway because we “had the tickets.”   It was my family’s version of being forced to go to church on Sunday morning.  We would travel two hours into Manhattan during a snow storm to see a poorly-reviewed version of an Ibsen play (awkwardly updated to 1920’s Chicago) just because the tickets hung on the bulletin board and the date was penciled in on the large calendar my father kept next to the bulletin board.  My friends would be drinking beer outside on Saturday night while I would be dragged to hear Chopin with my parents.  I  frequently fell asleep during these concerts and my mother would elbow me so I wouldn’t snore.

I realize that when I described my parents on this blog in the past, I created a picture akin to the parents of Seinfeld — real Jewish outer borough types.  That IS an accurate description of them.  But there was one big difference,  My father had an obsession with high culture.  Where did it come from? — I have NO IDEA, but it was important that we immersed ourselves in it. If my mother didn’t have a sense of humor about some of the boring stuff we saw, I would have turned into a hopeless prig.

Years later, though, much of my father’s wisdom has started to make sense — especially about the importance of going out.  In the two weeks since she came back from New York, Sophia and I have gone to three concerts, a Broadway musical, and a movie.  Like my father, we bought the tickets early enough to force ourselves to go out.  We knew that if we waited until the last minute, one of us (usually me) would start copping out, wanting to watch “Dancing with the Stars” instead.  But to be honest, going out is pretty tiring, especially to someone like me, who is happy enough just sitting at the computer, blogging.   Tonight we didn’t go anywhere, which was pretty nice.   After we watched — what else? — “Dancing with the Stars” (dancer Cheryl Burke is so cute!), Sophia turned to me and said, “Remember, tomorrow we’re going to the Improv with Danny.”

“Do we have to?” I sighed.

“Yes,” she answered.  We already have the tickets.”

Some things never change.

My Republican-voting separated wife is a little down today after all the Democratic wins yesterday during Election Day. To cheer her up, I’m bringing her to see the British duo, Pet Shop Boys tonight at the Wiltern Theater. This should be special for her, since Sophia is a classy dame who likes jazz and classical music, so I think this might be her first “pop” concert. And as an added treat — I think they are also going to be performing on her beloved “Dancing With the Stars” later tonight.

One little problem. Artists frequently sing a lot of the songs from their latest CD. I just looked up the Pet Shop Boys latest on Amazon. It is titled “Fundamental” and it is supposedly their most “political” work. They have one single that was a hit in Europe titled “I’m with Stupid,” which is an attack on Bush and Tony Blair, and even posits them as gay lovers. I even found a video of them doing the song where extras walk around in mocking “George Bush” masks.

If I’m divorced by tomorrow, you will know the reason why.

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: Stolen Photos, Stolen Lives

Radio DJ: “Welcome back to KNEIL, the HOTTEST music station on EARTH, home to the WIN WIN WIN KNEIL CONTEST. The fifth caller gets free tickets to this weekend’s HOTTEST concerts and MORE! Hope you’re all enjoying your weekend out there. It’s definitely SUMMER. It’s a SCORCHER out there. HOTTTT!!! Hoping you’re keeping COOL at the BEACH. Woo-hoo, I wish I were there RIGHT NOW! Bikini babes and surfer dudes — BLASTING KNEIL and rocking with the SUMMER BEAT of the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, and today. IT’S KNEIL. K-N-E-I-L. More commercial-free music. More rock. More soul. More. More. More. Summer means music and KNEIL plays the best summer songs all SUMMER LONG. Who doesn’t associate the summer with music? Remember the song that reminds you of your first kiss? Of that special summer vacation? Of “See You in September” playing in sleep-away camp? DING. DING. DING. It’s dedication hour. Call in RIGHT now with your favorite summer song from yesterday or today! What summer memory does this song remind you of? Call KNEIL! And the first caller is DING DONG: You’re on KNEIL!”

Neil: “Hi, this is Neilochka.”

Radio DJ: “Yo! Neilochka! What’s happening. What’s the STATION THAT ROCKS?”

Neil: “KNEIL!”

Radio DJ: “RING. RING. RING. What song do you want to hear and why?”

Neil: “It’s an old Donna Summer song, called “Bad Girls.” I remember being at a friend’s house and his sister putting it on the stereo, and some girl chased me around the pool, and I slipped and needed stitches. But I had the last laugh because the girl got in trouble  for running around the pool.”

Radio DJ: “BING BING BING. What a hot summer memory! BEEP BEEP BEEP. It’s SUMMER LOVE WEEKEND, all day today — COMMERCIAL FREE — on KNEIL, where it pays to PLAY! Neil, would you like dedicate this great song to anyone special?”

Neil: “Yes. I have a blog at citizenofthemonth.com, and I’ve become good friends with many brilliant, creative, and gorgeous women who I’ve met through my blog. I’d like to dedicate this summer song to these talented women, because I now think of them whenever I hear this song.”

Radio DJ: “GONG! This is for you, female readers of Citizen of the Month — a special song dedicated to YOU, here on KNEIL!”

Bad Girls by Donna Summer

Bad girls
Talking about the sad girls
Sad girls
Talking about bad girls, yeah

See them out on the street at night, walkin’
Picking up on all kinds of strangers
If the price is right
You can’t score if you’re pocket’s tight
But you want a good time
You ask yourself who they are
Like everybody else
They come from near and far
Bad girls, yeah

Bad girls
Talking about the sad girls, yeah
Sad girls
Talking about bad girls, yeah

Friday night and the strip is hot
Sun’s gone down and they’re out to trot
Spirit’s high and legs look hot
Do you wanna get down
Now don’t you ask yourself who they are
Like everybody else, they wanna be a star

Bad girl
Sad girl, you’re such a naughty bad girl
Beep-Beep, uh-uh
You bad girl you sad girl
Your such a dirty bad girl
Beep-Beep, uh-uh

Now you and me we’re both the same
But you call yourself by different names
Now your mama won’t like it when she finds out
That her girl is out at night

Hey, Mister, have you got a dime
Mister, do you want to spent some time
Oh, yeah
I got what you want, you got what I need
I’ll be your baby, come and spend it on me
Hey, Mister
I’ll spend some time with you

P.S. — It seems that everyone has music on their mind during the hot summer in the city: more music favorites at Fringes and Rebecca.

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: Lies and Lying