Normally, Sophia thinks I spend too much time blogging, but lately, she’s been curious about other bloggers.
“After all, I’m going to meet some in Portland,” she said.
This morning, she brought her laptop into my room.
“Tell me who each of these people is who said happy birthday to me.”
“Each person?!”
“Who’s Hilly?”
“She’s from Orange County. She’ll be in Portland.”
“We’re going all the way to Oregon to meet someone from Orange County?”
“I guess so. In a strange way, it’s easier that way.”
“And what type of name is Lizardek?”
“I have no idea. She lives in Sweden. Maybe it has something to do with Sweden.”
“It doesn’t sound very Swedish. Didn’t you ever ask her?”
“No.”
“Aren’t you curious?”
“I guess so. In the beginning.”
“Why don’t you ever ask her? “Why are you called Lizardek?” Or ask this Leahpeah “Why are you called Leahpeah?” Does it have anything to do what onomatopoeia?”
“OK, I’ll ask them. Better?
“It’s like you’re not even interested in your own readers.”
“I’m interested… up to a point.”
“How many Heathers are there out there? There’s this Heather and that Heather and Heather B. and Heather C.. I’m getting all the Heathers mixed up.”
“Believe me. Everyone does.”
“What the hell is a Jurgen Nation? It sounds like some racist organization.”
“I think Jurgen is the dog.”
“Jurgen is the guy’s dog?”
“Jurgen is a woman. I mean she is a woman, and the dog… I don’t know what the dog is. She’s really a Stacy.”
“The dog?”
“No, Stacy is the blogger.”
“So, why doesn’t she just say she’s Stacy?”
“Am I my blogger’s keeper? You’ll have to ask her some day.”
“But this Kapgar is a guy, right? I remember sending him a photo from New York.”
“Right. He’s in Chicago. There is a whole bunch of bloggers in Chicago. I don’t know why. A lot of bloggers are in Chicago and Washington D.C.”
“And who is this V-Grrrl? Is V for victory?
“Veronica. She’s the one who sent me the statue of the Belgian pissing boy.”
“Is Whoorl the one who is married to the ex-priest?”
“What?! I never said anything about any ex-priests.”
“Isn’t one of your readers married to someone who was a priest?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Who is she married to?”
“I don’t know.”
“Don’t you read her?”
“I don’t know every detail of these people’s lives! I know Whoorl had a baby. I don’t even remember her real name.”
“Of the baby?”
“No. Of Whoorl.”
“Is the baby a girl or a boy?”
“Huh… jeez… Uh… uh… wait…. some other blogger had a girl. I think she had a boy.”
“Do the other bloggers realize how little you KNOW about them?”
“You can’t get to know everyone that well through blogging.”
“Why not?
“It’s the wrong medium.”
“So, it’s the right medium to talk about your penis, but the wrong medium to ask a person’s name?”
“I think I actually did write a post once asking people their real names.”
“If I were blogging, I would know more about the other bloggers. Who are they? What do they do? Who they are dating?”
“Why this sudden interest? Are you thinking of starting a blog?!”
“No way.”
“Thank god.”
“But since I’m meeting some bloggers in Portland, why don’t you tell me who is coming?.”
“I don’t know all of them.”
“Isn’t Ms. Sizzle going to be there?”
“Yes. She’s nice.”
“Is she the one who sent you a topless photo of herself?”
“No. That was someone else.”
“Do you still have it?”
“It’s on my desktop somewhere.”
“Where?”
“I don’t know.”
“Yeah, right.”
“Why is this Portland thing just one night? Shouldn’t it be like three days?”
“Three days? Who has three days? We all have to get back to blogging.”
“It just seems so silly to travel thousands of miles to have a couple of drinks for one night.”
“I think there’s someone travelling in from England.”
“You people are crazy.”
“Well, most of them are pretty nice.”
“Yes, it was very nice how they wished me a happy birthday.”
“Maybe I should email everyone back and thank them.”
“It’s not necessary, Neilochka. You can do it on your blog.”
“But maybe it would be nicer if I did each person individually.”
“No. You don’t need to do that”
“Why not?”
“Because I already did it last night.”
“What do you mean?!”
“I sent everyone an email and thanked them.”
“You WENT on MY email and stole their addresses?!”
“No, silly. Everyone’s address is on the blog administration page.
“Wait… so you emailed them… FROM YOU?! From your email address?!”
“Yes. You are so odd. Of course I emailed them FROM ME. What are you getting all hysterical for? I just wanted to thank them for their birthday wishes.”
“It’s going to confuse them. They’re going to get all concerned!”
“Calm down… Concerned?”
“Don’t you see? You’re NOT REAL to them. I’m the real one.”
“And what am I?”
“You’re more… you’re sort of… what are you doing? Are you trying to steal my readers?”
“Why would I steal your readers?”
“You’re trying to win them over to your side, aren’t you?”
“You’re PARANOID!”
“They can’t get to know you.”
“Why not, Neilochka?”
“Because… they need… they need…they…”
“Oh, I see. …they need to only hear your side of every story?”
I am sooo easy. Sophia won me over with that one email. Her parents raised her properly, that much is clear. Very sweet Sophia.
Awesome!! I’m already a big fan of Sophia, but now I love her even more. And although I didn’t wish her a happy birthday the other day…I’m going to wish her one now. Sooooo here goes it.
Happy belated Birthday Sophia!! Here’s to hearing more of your side of the story too.
Whaddya say Neil? Is sophia going to guest-blog soon? Hehe
I was thrilled to get my personal email from Sophia. She can email me anytime.
By the way, this post reminded me of the first time you wrote about me when your parents were talking about me being in Florida.
I think she IS trying to steal your readers, and it’s totally working. I got her email thanking me for the birthday wishes. If you two break up (again), I’m going with her and shutting you out.
Brooke… those were the days. Remember when it was just the two of us, before we chatted and ruined everything.
i don’t think the name leah ever was in a top ten list. but i’ve met more leah’s in the blogosphere than i thought existed.
happy belated b-day, sophia. i believe you are real. and tonight, i’m crossing my fingers for a dollar under my pillow. that tooth was a big one.
Yeah yeah Heather… You have an obsession with dooce, admit it.
Ya’ll are all my imaginery friends according to my “live” friends – that’s why I’m Two Roads – hard to choose – real or not real….
Happy Birthday Sophia! You go girl!
I always thought the pseudonym nature of the blogosphere was to prevent would-be suitors and potential employers from finding one in a Google search.
A little bummed that I won’t be making the trip to Portland. Oh, I should probably clue Jenny in on that…
Of course, idiots like me are screwed.
All that aside, I literally had to wipe tears (of laughter) from my eyes as I read this dialogue.
That was a great one Neil. Funny, your pictures remind me of Charlie McCarthy. Now I envision you sitting on Sophia’s lap with her hand up the back of your shirt.
Just so you know, my name is actually Dan. Everyone calls me Blitz and it’s self explanatory I guess.
You know. Sophia’s plot to take over your blog pals is working. Look. 60 comments!
Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they are not out to get you
I’m so upset. I thought I was your only Swedish reader!
Sophia offered me a bottle of fine Russian vodka if I would leave your site and come to hers; what are you offering me to stay?? I am not easy, but I can be bought!!!
This reminds me of many conversations I’ve had with my husband over the past almost 8 years. LOL Good to know I’m not the only one out there that tries to take an interest in their husband’s online things.
What the–!
I thought I was the only one Sophia was secretly emailing!
Sophia! How could you!
BTW my name is also Heather. And I was also born in 1980.
Love this post. You two are adorable.
woah! i’ve been so busy taking care of my new VP i haven’t been blogging or reading much. i completely missed sophia’s bday.
arrrggh.
i hope your birthday was very special, sophia, as i think you are a pretty cool chick..
mck.
Ahh yes, the magic of blogland. Who knows how far it may reach?