the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Will You Share Your Bed With Me?

Tonight I asked Sophia if she wanted me to come to New York for a visit. She said… uh, no. I would be too much of a distraction. They’re already shooting the film and she’s insanely busy.

She’s probably right. I am a distracting person. I’m very needy. I’m lonely and miserable. But I just want what everyone wants — someone to share a bed with.

But wait. I completely forgot — I have YOU, my dear blog reader.

Will you share YOUR bed with me?

That’s right. You can share your bed with me by emailing me a photo of YOUR BED. I will post it later in the week.

Here is an example — the bed of the generous Two Roads at Lindbergh’s Crossing:

If enough people share their beds with me, I think I will be sufficiently satisfied until Sophia’s return.

Men, I don’t mind if you share your bed with me, also — but we’re just going to spoon, OK? (it also might be a good way for the chicks to check out your bedroom, if you get my drift — so make the bed first)

Update, Monday morning, after reading the comments: You women are so picky about what your “Neilochka” must look like, I might just hang out in the guys’ beds. They’ll sleep with anyone.






Update: Both Rhea and DaveG pointed me to a New York Times article today titled, “People Who Share a Bed, and the Things They Say About It,” which only goes to show that bed-sharing is the hippest thing in town!

A Year Ago in Citizen of the Month: When I’m Sixty-Four


  1. Roberta

    This is pathetic. I just got into a whole thing with Joe, “the boyfriend” (always in quotes).
    We are 200 miles apart, and he has yet to come visit me.
    So Neil, the answer is yes, a resounding YES, I am so happy to have someone who wants to share my bed!
    I’m going to it now, but once it’s more presentable, it’s all you, baby.

  2. paperback writer

    Do you mind snuggling with my husband and I?

  3. modigli

    what a cute idea, Neil!

    Oh, BTW, I like Linburgh’s wall color choice. Very nice.

  4. Daisy Mae

    I don’t have to make my bed first do I?

  5. Tara

    I actually sleep on a futon in the living room, so I’m not sure if you would want to share it with me or not…but it’s not like I’ve had any other offers, so I’ll give it a shot. How does tomorrow sound?

  6. Jody

    Modigli – thanks – I don’t care what the critics say about a dark color in the bedroom for me it is very calming. The color is Ralph Lauren (thoroughbred series) Black Watch Navy on the walls and Ralph Lauren (whitewash series) Tackroom White on the ceiling, doors and trim.

  7. Alison

    Let me check with Allan first…

  8. cruisin-mom

    you missed it Neil…you could have met me tonight at another blogger’s home. Too bad.

  9. Jody

    Neil, nice PJs – are those required with the bed sharing?

  10. Dagny

    Crap. You have to wear PJs to bed? And must the bed be stylized? Because I could take a photo of my bed but it’s gotten some use this weekend. For too many hours to count.

    What? I really don’t think that I’ve shared too much.

  11. Pearl

    Neil, I’ve got a bad cold and have been sleeping in the bed in our home office for the past few nights. I don’t think you really want to share a bed with a sniffling, hacking, soon-to-be-45 year old woman! (or do you?)

  12. V-Grrrl

    Let’s start at your place. We can have a virtual slumber party if you pony up a photo of your bed.

    The dude in the silk pajamas? He’s NOT invited. Ewwww.

  13. Neil

    V-Grrl — Oh really, I thought I would sucker you in with that photo of that underwear model… uh, I mean of myself. Should I change it to someone more rugged?

    Pearl — As long as you cover your mouth when you cough, I’m in!

  14. Violet

    That guy looks like a young Hasselhof. Would you call yourself a young Hasselhof, Neilochka?

  15. tamarika

    Neil, if you look like the photo – I’m not interested!

    Am not sure if T. will give permission for me to share “our” bed with you. I’ll ask. Although … he *is* in Idaho for a fishing trip all this week … so … perhaps … are you sure you look like *that?* Just, simply does not *do it* for me …

    Wow – it seems like such a long time since my “menage” days. Oh well. Ho hum!

  16. deannie

    dang, I need to wash those sheets! You caught me! NO I DIDN’T DO ALL MY HOUSEWORK THIS WEEKEND!!! Oh, and guess what?? I made an offer on a condo that was accepted so very soon now I really will have MY OWN BED to send you a picture of…


  17. Paris Parfait

    Nice photo. But sending you one would mean I’d actually have to make the bed and clean up the room. It’s 2 p.m. here and I’ve been too busy writing to bother with such drudgeries. Sigh.

  18. Elisabeth

    Why do men think that hunks like the one in the blue PJs are attractive to women? I like nerds, Neil – Elvis Costello and David Byrne are the hottest men I can think of, and that’s why I love you as you are, smart, cute, and sexy.

    I shared my bed with my readers here last month.

  19. Felicity

    I dunno, Elisabeth…I like almost ALL boys, as long as they are clean and can carry on a conversation and make me laugh. Pj’s or nerdy, it’s all good.
    And Neil, I absolutely would love to share my bed with you. Kiss, kiss, baby!

  20. chelle

    IF that is you in the picture..then I will definitely share my bed with you……oh wait….you just wanted a picture of my bed?? Damn!! 😉 lol

  21. paperback writer

    Elisbeth! Word on Elvis Costello!!!!


  22. Mr. Fabulous

    Well, okay, but I can only spoon on my left…

  23. fringes

    Still with the cropped-out ass…oy


    Do we get an up-to-date bed photo from you?

  25. wendy

    Well, I actually prefer to sleep alone..I know..What a cold “B”!! no..just a very light sorry..But I do have someone in mind for you…and heres a heads up..she loves sleeping with my husband..loves his armpits and his crotch.. so you might REALLY enjoy this….I’ll send her along shortly…

  26. The Cynical Girl

    Do you prefer a bed with cat fuzz or without?

  27. defwnsivetwat

    my bed glows in the dark (well with a black light on anyway) i don’t know if you want a picture of that…

  28. Rhea

    I like you a lot, Neil. You’re clever and fun (and you added my link to your list). So, yes, you can share my bed. Let’s spoon and be friends (I’m a lesbian).

  29. Neil

    Rhea — lesbians are fine.  As long as you don’t snore.

  30. treespotter

    now i have to rearrange the lights etc.

    didn’t you post a pic of the spectacular bed a while ago? will that make another cameo?

  31. V-Grrrl

    Hmmm, I’m worried now. I’m not a lesbian and there are residents of Chez V circulating rumors that I snore. So I can’t compete with Rhea but I think Pearl and I are the right age for this, though I do have this annoying tickly cough. Hmmm.

    As for the icky guy in the silk pajamas, he’s not inviited because I think six pack abs are kinda gross and any guy who waxes anyTHING is, well, NOT for me.

    Hmmm, Neil, maybe I should send a picture of my bed to Colin Firth. He always looks lonely in the movies, and he’s not buff and he’s got good hair…

  32. chelle

    On your update…..can you BLAME us for wishing that man is who we would be sharing the bed with?? LOL

  33. littlepurplecow

    But… what about the six pack?

  34. better safe than sorry

    we have a king size bed and i’d be happy to share my space with you, lots of room. i’m having camera issues, i would actually love to send you a pic of the mess my bedroom is in at the moment (thanks to my dog and a gallon of paint) but my ubs port (or whatever you call that thing) isn’t working so i can’t load any pics into the computer to send.

  35. Non-Highlighted Heather

    Colin Firth! Wooooot!

  36. 2nd Pearl Past the Post

    Bed? nooo you scallywag. Avast, that be waters guarded with the fierce cutlass.

    (Happy talk like a pirate day. )

  37. Hilly

    I’m sorry, did you want something? I got lost mopping up my Colin Firth drool.

    Anyway, I will be back once I actually erm, make my bed and stuff.

  38. Charming, but single

    Colin Firth! Colin Firth! There is no man hotter than Colin Firth!

  39. V-Grrrl

    That’s a priggish Mr. Darcy photo of Colin. We need an irresistible photo of him, one where he’s wearing the riding pants and the wet shirt from the pivotal scene in Pride and Prejudice. Or maybe Colin in the grey sweater from Love Actually. That may be even better. Or that blue button down from Bridget Jones Diary. Preppie never looked so good.

  40. Neil

    V-Grrrl — I used to think Sophia was a pain in the ass, but now I see it is your entire gender. I changed the Colin photo for you so he is less “priggish.” Jeez, I might just snuggle with Mr. Fabulous in his bed.

  41. Jody

    I think I want Colin too! Sorry Neil but all you’ve given us is half a face, a back and no ass!

  42. ElizaF

    Your bed is very tidy for a chap on his own…..

  43. mckay

    not only did i get rid of the mattress, i got rid of the whole dang bedroom set. well, not because i wanted to, but because it was way too huge for my mega downsize. i’ve also bought a new bedspread and sheets (that stuff’s expensive!) on the verge of a new relationship. i’ll email you a pic of my old bed. i miss the bed more than the man.


  44. Dave G

    This was in the New York Times today. Bizarre coincidence?

  45. Roberta

    When did you add and cross out Colin Firth? I’m a bit miffed… Colin is top priority. I have a picture of him under ‘who I’d like to meet’on my page.
    :- |

    (Do you think less of me ’cause I have a page?)

  46. Caitlinator

    I’ll send you a photo of my bed. Does it matter if there are feet sticking out of it?

  47. jaime

    I have definitely done the bed-sharing thing with my male friends, all platonic of course. In fact, I almost got into a fight with my friend, because I was hogging the bed, i.e. crossing over the “line”. Funny I have the same arguments with my husband.

    You are welcome to share our bed, but our cat now has joined us, and I am a bed hog. One blanket isn’t enough for me, I also swipe my husband and sleep diagonally. : )

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