Song based on Alone Again (Naturally) by Gilbert O’Sullivan
(original mp3 here)
It was just a few hours ago,
That Sophia went off to her show,
Leaving me right here
Holding back a tear
And sitting here drowning in woe.
But my Penis said to me,
“Lonely? Neil, you’ll never be!
Cause around the clock
You can play with your c**k
Proving that you’re self-sufficient
Enough to be a man
Who doesn’t need a blogger’s pity
Cause all you really care about
Are photos of her titty!”
You may as well go home.
And do it on your own,
Alone again, naturally.”
A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: Deconstructing Gwyneth Paltrow
So, did you take your cholesterol medication today? If not, why not? And lose the dog; way too schmaltzy, guy.
Damn you, Neil, now I have that stupid pop song running through my head. Thanks. A. Lot.
You are KILLING me with these sad dog pictures. And I like how you managed to work boobs, loneliness, and masturbation into one song. That’s a very rare talent indeed.
Rebecca, I’m not sure that’s a particularly rare talent. Boobs, loneliness, and masturbation all kinda go hand in hand. Pun intended.
Here you go, Neil…
*flashing you my killer rack*
feel better?
If only that were all a lonely blogger needed.
Neil:
That is one sad looking pup. If you need those old girly magazines I was telling you about, just let me know.
It’s all about reciprocity. I’ve never once heard you offer to flash us with your he-boobies.
you should have a killer party at your house now that she’s gone.
i’ll bring the keg.
Elle, thanks for bringing a little joy to this lonely sad dog. Do you see that dog photo, ladies — I mean really see it? — a sad little puppy dog pulling at your heartstrings? Look at the photo some more. Don’t you just want to take him home and feed him a good meal? How hard it is to be caring woman like Elle (and her killer rack) and contribute to the cause in any way you can? (please check for viruses before attaching any jpgs). Thanks!
We all grieve in our own way, so I’m not going to question your loneliness setting in after Sophia’s been gone all of sixteen hours. But, I’m thinking that both Alone posts are here for when she checks in to read your blog. Under the covers? Staring out the window in sad longing? Riiiiight. Tipping the cute IHOP server with a bag of Winchell’s donut holes…much more likely.
Yes, Neil, I did pay attention to that other dog picture and here’s what i deduct:
somebody already took care of that doggie; somebody was generous enough to put him next to her on a nice bed; somebody covered him with a home-made blankie.
I can breeth easily; there are kind souls in this world.
Oh, sorry, the previous comment was mine. Was thinking of pastry, I was…
certain pattern are emerging here. worrying. not good. i am deeply concerned.
Not sure what to make of the ode to the penis Neil but that is one gorgeous beast. And by beast I mean the dog you perverts.
“And I finally learned that within me was an invincible summer.” – Albert Camus
You’re never really alone. You have a huge, gigantic throng of blogging fans who will be checking in on you to make sure you are okay. I’d like to rescind my earlier prediction that you are going to rapidly decompensate after Sophia left. I have total and complete faith that you will persevere, and I predict that many, many great posts will be inspired by your new (and don’t forget temporary!) circumstances!
ok…getting worried…i’ve sent someone over. his name is Pongo. don’t be shocked he only wears leather at the weekends, and he won’t bite.
let’s see, yup, it’s tuesday.
don’t forget to take your medication.
Your penis sings AND rhymes comfortingly to you? What a good egg. Er, penis.
mp3 of the original song now added in case you don’t know the tune –
BWAAHAHAHAHAHA!! (Sorry)
Great song Neil.
Pauvre Neil. She’ll return to you soon enough.
You and Howard Stern my friend, always breaking out the noodle when his girlfriend is out on the town or out of town.
I laughed…
and then I shed a little tear.
(And I will never get that song out of my head!)
Love the song! Thank you!