Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

On the Radio

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At first, Sophia used to make fun of my blogging, calling it "a waste of your time" as if my old habit of sitting around watching three straight hours of "Lingo" every night on the Game Show Network was useful experience.  Gradually, she began to accept my blogging, seeing I didn’t complain as much about my dull life. 

Sophia has become the greatest advocate of my blog.  She is a frequent inspiration for my posts.  She edits my posts.   And more recently, she has become my Public Relations person.  With all this help, you’d think we’d still be together.  But this just shows how generous a person Sophia is — and how desperate she is for me to finally make a normal living.

When I wrote a post about a Jewish celebrity seminar in New York, Sophia actually sent an email to the New York Times.   The NEW YORK TIMES!  Can you imagine that?

"Hey, New York Times, the most important newspaper in the country, you should read Neilochka’s post on Leonard Nimoy being Jewish."

No response.

When I wrote a post about a mash-up of Jane Austen and the Pussycat Dolls, Sophia emailed Entertainment Weekly.

"Hey, Entertainment Weekly, big-time magazine of the Time-Warner empire, you should read Neilochka’s post on Jane Austen and the Pussycat Dolls!"

No response.

Yesterday, Sophia told me that she sent a link to my "Dating for Liberals" post to some conservative Los Angeles morning talk show host.

"There’s no way he’s going to talk about that dumb post."

"I think he will.  It’s funny AND it makes fun of liberals."

"That wasn’t my intention."

"But it does.  It must be my good influence.  I bet you he talks about it."

This morning, I’m going through my blogroll, like I do every morning, when I get a phone call from Sophia, who’s driving to work.

"Turn on your radio to 1240 AM!"

"I’m busy.  I’m reading some blog about someone having sex for the first time in a year."

"Turn on your radio to 1240 AM!  The guy I sent your link to just said "Right after the commercial, I want to tell you about this fascinating blog I just learned about."  Turn on your radio now.  Can you believe it?  I’ve never heard him talk about blogs before, ever, so it must be about your blog!  Hurry."

I hung up and quickly rushed… well, I wasn’t sure where to rush.  Who has an AM radio in their house anymore?  I grabbed my cellphone and bolted outside in my underwear, running into my parked car.  I turned on the radio.  I called up a friend who lives nearby.

"Gary!"

"Huh?  What time is it?  I’m still sleeping."

"Gary, turn on 1240 AM on the radio!  They’re gonna talk about my blog!"

"What the hell…?!"

"Shhhh…"

The commercial was ending.  The talk show host was back.

"And now I want to talk to all of you about this incredible blog I just read…"

"Hold on…this is about me…" I said to Gary, as the talk show host proceeded to talk about…

……………………………………………………………………………………………

……………………………………………………………………………………………

……………………………………………………………………………………………

…two teenagers who just killed their parents and wrote about it in their blog.

42 Comments

  1. Time to go out and kill somebody!

  2. Serves you right for cheating on your Chinese food, guy.

  3. Neil, don’t fret, your time will come. Some billboards along the Santa Monica Freeway will give a shout-out to your blog. The Times Square famous marquee will put your blog’s name up in lights. A blimp flying over the Astrodome during a game will shlep along a banner announcing: “Read all about it, read all about it…on Citizen of the Month.”
    Just get back in your corner and keep typing for now.

  4. I’m just so flattered that you were reading my blog this morning when Sophia called you. And it won’t really be a year until December…

  5. At least you have an advocate, yeah? I mean, dude, that is sick with a ph.

    Plus, if you really get desperate, just commit some heinous crime, you have to look up in the broadcaster’s desktop reference which crimes are considered ‘heinous’, and then write about it in your blog.

  6. Jenny, I was just thinking: but it’s actually been OVER a year, Neil! Great minds think alike!

  7. OMG I’m not the only one hitting a year… (that makes me feel so much better)

  8. Let’s see… I’m writing this down… Jenny, no sex for almost a year… Megan, over a year… Uh, ladies, what are you doing on Saturday night?

  9. Ouch! You’re famous with everyone here Neil. Course, all this adoration added up, won’t buy you a cup of coffee.

    But with Sophia in your camp, eventually you may be able to buy all of US a cup of coffee, while signing copies of your bestselling book.

    3T

  10. ha! i totally remember going to those kids’ blogs the other day!

    oh, wait, i don’t think that was the point of this post.

    by the way, could you ask Sophia if she’s willing to take on another client? i could use a publicist, and my eastern european wife won’t even read my blog.

  11. I just love that you have a Technorati tag of “Life with Sophia.” That should get you laid.

    Great post as usual.

  12. Neil, it’s their loss. Look at the numbers: who’s losing subscribers and who’s getting trackbacked like crazy?

    And “almost a year”…ha! Rare case when I end my workday laughing.

  13. i am too easy, i seriously thought you had
    “news” –

    now i am really bummed.

  14. I love how everyone thinks that the blog in question is theirs– that’s really cute. (Was it Jordan’s? I bet it was Jordan’s…) 🙂

    Sorry you were yet again this close to stardom!

  15. ha ha ha ha.

    ha ha ha ha ha ha.

    that was good neil. very good!

  16. oppps, close, very close but no cigar. Well, I think Sophia deserve a standing ovation for her commitment to your blog. That is soo cool.

    Whats with the blog-media thingy? Why all the pitching? If it is a good fight, do carry on. There is still hope! cheers!

  17. I’m pullin’ for you, Neil…and frankly, for me, too. I’m happy to ride on your blogroll coat-tails. 😉

  18. At least Sophia encourages you.

    A direct quote from my boyfriend, letting me know the hot dogs he’d been grilling were ready:

    “Come on, now. It’s time to turn that thing off and deal with me and the rest of the real world.”

    Harumph.

  19. Pauvre pauvre Nielochka.

    I feel your pain. There’s a blog I’ve been reading now for a couple of months that only started in August ’05 and she’s already gotten a book deal. What the..?!! I’ve been bummed all day since I read that.

    You will surely have your moment in the spotlight.

  20. Yeah. I was thinking about some cold-blooded murder to spice up my blog.

  21. p.s. I’m adding you to my link list, so I don’t miss you again. It’s hard to keep track of all you witty, wonderful people!

  22. Neil, I already told you: I’m not a hussy; I don’t mess with married men. (Maybe that’s the reason I haven’t gotten laid in over a year.) Got any single friends? I can pretend I’m easy!

  23. Bummer. At least it gave you an excuse for running around outside in your underwear.

  24. Ouch.

    But at least you can write about it.

  25. I spent many years working in radio. And this sounds SO radio. I’m just suprisied they knew what the Internet was, much less a blog.

  26. Neil…if it makes you feel better, you’re famous to me 😉

  27. A year? Ladies, that’s nothing!

  28. Why the heck are you constantly making fun of yourself?? lol

    *Kiss** you silly boy.

  29. hahah! lol! I don’t even why am laughing! It happened to me and I didn’t find it the least funny! lol! (can’t stop laughing!).
    In my case it was TV. I was supposed to appear in this Information technology I took part in. My team won and the TV people told us we’ll be on it that night. I called everybody I could think of. At 18.30 We sat and waited. The local news. over. My mum says “wait, they’ll probably show it after the internationals”. We waited. Internationals over. Weather news. Over. The NEWS. Over. And I was still sitting there mortified. My sister did the answering of the phone. I switched off my mobile.
    I must say, running out in your underwear to…. lol!!!!

  30. “”I’m busy. I’m reading some blog about someone having sex for the first time in a year.”

    So tell us, who was it really ?

  31. Firstable, it was 406 days, which is clearly more than a year.

    Second, I immediately assumed it was me. . .until I read the comments. Why are there so many brilliant women out there not getting laid? What is wrong with our society?????

  32. once again, you made me spray coca-cola over my computer monitor! hilarious, neil!

    but then again, i am DISTURBED with the murder blog. O.M.G.

  33. O, yes, I’m intrigued with all the not-getting-laid out there. What’s up with that?

    Neil, you’re not getting laid + a bunch of your female admirers are not getting laid (not me, I’m getting all I can handle) should = sexual synchronicity of the best sort. Start buying plane tickets, guy!

  34. I think if you blogged about getting laid after several years and then going out and killing somebody after attending a celebrity seder (featuring Chinese food) while dressed in Victorian garb, THAT might get you a radio spot.

    Just thinking out loud. Can ya hear it?

    Namaste.
    ~HDJ

  35. I’m more stupified than intrigued, mama.

  36. The things people will do to get famous…geez.

  37. Maybe Sophia should call that radio station back and tell them about THIS post.

  38. Always nice to have someone in your corner cheering you on…

  39. Yes, JordanBaker, it was you. And, uh, congratulations. May we all soon follow in your footsteps, knock on wood.

  40. Betcha they’re on the A-list.

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