the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Changing Goals Throughout the Years

1992  (SEX)



1998  (MARRIAGE)








Fashion photography by Sophia. 

Models courtesy of “99 Cents Only Store”  Modeling Agency.


  1. Anne

    Was marriage really a goal in ’98? Come on: 98, people. For me, it was sex.
    Gah, straight from sex to technorati… No morals, no dreams, no job. Where does it stop?

  2. The Moviequill

    I recently saw a play that had a section using barbie and ken dolls in um, compromising situations. It followed their courtship, nuptials and consummating the marriage including various angles, Barbie was busy that night…hilarious

  3. kristine

    hahaha! love it!

  4. Jef

    I love it when Ken and Barbi have a threesome.


  5. lizriz

    That’s so disturbing on so many levels.

  6. Leese

    Noooo…my innocent eyes!!!

  7. Pauly D

    I agree with Lizriz. I had to turn the screen away for a moment while I caught my breath.

    So very eerie.

  8. Melliferous Pants

    I thought the only things sold at the 99 Cent Store were stale potato chips and sketchy condoms.

  9. sunshine

    I see redheaded Barbie got the ring in the second photo. She must have been better at threesomes than blonde Barbie.

  10. leesepea


    I hope no one at my temp job caught me looking at this!

  11. Aurorealis

    Phooey on Technorati… I want to be dead last and I’m well on my way 🙂

  12. ashbloem

    You have sex with a shirt on, but check Technocrati shirtless?

  13. introspectre

    I loved the visuals. More such visuals, please. It pleases my brain monkey. Also, live models would be an acceptable alternative.

    Thank you.

  14. JJ MacMillan

    That Smith rant about Witherspoon is exactly why I feel actors should be darted, tagged, and caged. Their payment for a movie shouldn’t be 20 million of our hard earned dollars, it should be getting out of the cage for a while.

  15. JJ MacMillan

    Okay, so I hit the back button and posted to the wrong blog. Shoot me. You don’t have the delete comment thing turned on.

  16. Neil

    Ha ha, JJ, ultimate control here. I’m gonna leave it up. And you’re absolutely right about overpaid actors. My four actors in this post only cost me three bucks.

    Ashbloem, just wanted to show off those recently exercised upper back muscles.

    And Moviequill, she’s not Barbie. Although the packaging looks exactly like Barbie, it says “Laura.”

  17. jamy

    Is technorati blogger porn?

    I’m still all about the hit count.

  18. a.m. griff

    beautiful. loved the post. and wouldn’t you know it but the damn women’s hair stays perfect even after a threesome.

  19. Carl V.

    That’s terrific! Reminds me of the Twisted Mego Theater things they do in Wizard and Toyfare magazine where they use superhero and other dolls make up entertaining stories. Very funny!

  20. JasonW.

    If I don’t move up on Technorati I’m firing my agent!

  21. Nicole

    That was hilarious! At least that last transition wasn’t sitting in front of a porn site… (or is it?)…?!?!?!?!

  22. Neil

    Nicole — Who has time for porn when you have to keep on blogging every day? Did you know there is a new blog every second? Think about the competition.

  23. Modigli

    I noticed how pumped the technorati dude is. That isn’t your governor over there, checking his Technorati rankings, is it?

  24. M.A.

    We have the same computer. Once I looked past the half-naked faux Ken doll, I noticed that you have Presario too! Or is it Sophia’s?

  25. Sophia

    It was Neil’s computer until a few days ago he fried my laptop by plugging it in a special AC only hotel outlet, that was clearly marked with “Don’t plug anything in here.” So, now I guess it’s mine… Right, Neil? 😉

  26. Neil

    Sophia — As usual, “Yes, dear.”

  27. Edgy Mama

    Nice visuals. Looks like our living room right now–dolls and stuffed animals in compromising positions all over the place.

  28. Brooke

    I used to have a roommate who had Gumby and Pokey dolls. He and my then-boyfriend used to think it was the funniest thing in the world to put them in sexual positions. Boys will be boys.

  29. Neil

    Brooke, are you sort of insinuating that I’m exactly like your favorite old boyfriend, the one you still pine for during those warm Florida summer nights… and were hoping to meet someone just like him?

  30. jenny

    I’m diggin’ the 3-some. All you need is the Barbie Camaro!

  31. The Moviequill

    she told me her name was Barbie…lying bitch, remind me not to drink at that bar again

  32. modigli

    Neil, I think you just ask Brooke out for a date! You know you have a crush on her!! 😉

  33. Neil

    Oh, there’s no way I’m good enough for someone like her.

  34. Danny

    Jesus, I bet you ARE headed for the Technorati Top 100, you get as many comments as Wil Wheaton.

    Fantastic visuals. The New Yorker should publish this entry as is. Mattel should sue the 99-Cent Store’s ass for creating these spawn-of-Satan Barbies and Kens that are going to haunt me to the grave. Yikes, what are those back muscles on Ken?

  35. Neil

    Danny, you should see his ridiculous abs.

  36. ubermilf

    Now I have to one-up you on the doll pictures.

    Must get to work.

  37. modigli

    Not good enough?!!! …. ha! Again, you blaspheme, but this time on your own site.

    I say you both must go on a blog date. If you’d like I will provide the setting and premise. Then you both can blog about the date and we’ll see how it goes. Hmmm… what do you say? Isn’t matchmaking part of the Jewish tradition, anyway? 🙂

  38. susan

    hilarious, simply hilarious!

  39. susan

    that’s hot.

  40. akaky

    Yeah, that’s about the size of it.

  41. V-Grrrl

    I am not at all surprised redheaded Spawn of Barbie beat the Blonde Bitch and Got the Man. Not AT ALL. As an auburn-haired goddess, I know my POWER (Able to defeat bland blondes with a single smart remark!)

    As I scrolled down I was relieved to see that no one had violated the corned beef sandwich.

  42. Paris Parfait

    I can see your expectations are becoming more realistic. Hard to match the satisfaction of a good corned-beef sandwich. Hilarious images.

  43. fringes

    The second best part about your blog is reading through all the old and current comments. Your commenters are like the 12th man or the sixth man or whatever off-topic sports analogy I need to make my point.

  44. chantel

    Wow, I think I need to look at my priorities.

  45. missmckay

    i got a little bit tingley with that 1992 picture.

  46. tinapopo


    Why do you have barbies? Did you buy them just for this post? In that case, do they qualify for some sort of blog tax write-off?

  47. cruisin-mom

    Neil, I’m willing to go on a pursuit of the best corned beef sandwich in L.A. with you, but only if Danny joins along. (of course, Sophia is a given)

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