A Tribute To Teachers

Teacher2.jpg

I noticed that in Sunday’s papers there were already a ton of ads for school clothes and school supplies.  Who can forget those weeks before school — the excitement of getting new clothes and buying a new lunchbox.  Do kids use lunchboxes anymore?  Is there an American Idol lunchbox?

A number of my new online friends are teachers, and I see that they are writing less and less on their blogs as they get ready for the new year.  Is there anyone more important and less glorified than a teacher? 

I can say without hesitation that I wouldn’t be who I am today without the influences of my marvelous teachers.   Even yesterday’s Ken and Barbie sex post was easy to do because I already did something similar years ago with my GI Joe and the model I made of my nine grade teacher, Miss Donne.  Thank you, Miss Donne!  I know you would be proud.

I love teachers.  I remember you all, every single one of you — from kindergarten through college.  I have so many great memories of my teachers.  Some of my best memories include sitting in the school bus on the way to school and singing songs in your honor. 

Like this one:

Glory glory hallelujah!
Teacher hit me with a ruler.
Hit her in the bean with a rotten tangerine,
and she won’t be coming round no more.

What fun I used to have!

By the way, did you know that most teachers spend hundreds of dollars of their own money just to get school supplies in cash-deprived school districts?

Here’s another one of my favorite "teacher" songs:

Mine eyes have seen the glory
of the burning of the school.
We have tortured every teacher,
we have broken every rule.
When the principal tried to stop us,
we just flushed him down the stool.

Why do we pay idiots like Hollywood actors so much money and we can’t pay a teacher a decent salary?

I’m sure you all remember this popular song:

Row row row your boat
gently down the stream.
Throw your teacher overboard
and listen to her scream.

It’s especially hard to be a teacher today because with most parents are working, and the teacher has to become a parent figure to many of their children. 

You can just hear the appreciation in this little ditty:

On Top of Old Smokey
all covered with sand,
I shot my poor teacher
with a green rubber band.
I shot her with pleasure,
I shot her with pride,
I couldn’t have missed her—
She’s forty feet wide.

I understand the lack of posts written by my blogging teacher friends.  All of us are with you.  You are the custodians of our country’s future.  It is you that mold the minds of the young, and make them into responsible and caring human beings ready to take us into the next century.

Teachers, I salute you with this final song, one that is especially popular with children coming to their first day of school:

Heigh ho, heigh ho, it’s off to school we go
with guns and knives and full bee hives.
Heigh ho, heigh ho, it’s off to school we go.
We’ll put some ants down teacher’s pants!
Heigh ho, heigh ho.

We love and appreciate you.

For more popular songs, go to Studies in Popular Culture.

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44 Responses to A Tribute To Teachers

  1. modigli says:

    haha! A teacher post! and somehow I got to be first on here today. (that’s a first in itself!)

    At first you made me sad for being a laid off teacher. But in the end, I’m happy again to have a wee little break this year for the start of school!

    BTW, Brooke is gonna love this, Neil! You are so wooing her. lol ;)

  2. Megarita says:

    Even though I’m not in the real trenches of public school teaching, I love the post, Neil. And the songs. (For some reason I can now remember all the words to that terrible song about Comet. Also the one about diarrhea. “When you’re sliding into first…” Hilarious!)

  3. M says:

    We sang it:

    Glory glory hallelujah!
    Teacher hit me with a ruler.
    I hit her back with an old cricket bat,
    and that’s what made her cry.

  4. ashbloem says:

    My sister is a public elementary school teacher and I was SHOCKED to learn that she buys her own supplies. And even with teacher discounts, it isn’t exactly small change.

    That helped me reach a whole NEW level of cynicism about our government and public services.

  5. leesepea says:

    This as I’m on my way to deliver yet another application for a teaching position.

    Funny, getting into teaching is turning into something as difficult as getting into show business; I’m hearing a lot of “don’t call us, we’ll call you” responses.

    If nothing more, I’ll return to a third year of full-time subbing.

    And I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for a teacher to get beaned who won’t come back anymore.

    *Wink*

  6. sweetdecline says:

    That was a great post! I loved the jingles, just loved them.
    Pretty soon my cannotbetrusted will be teaching. I’m excited for him to be a positive male figure in these kids’ lives. Your absolutely right, teachers have become a lot more like parents.

  7. Tuck says:

    Where’s the discussion on hot teachers? Didn’t every school have their Mrs. Greenspan (the Terri Hatcher of our day) or Mr. Teitelbaum (the Robert Redford of our day). Wasn’t it every (boy) teenager’s fear that they would be called to the blackboard in the middle of a fantasy? Or course, teachers back then were not as “bold” as they are now. Hmmm, do you think Mrs. Greenspan was diggin’ me back?

  8. meme says:

    hallelujah – ruler…gotta be an east coast tune.

  9. Neil says:

    Tuck, who do you think my Miss Donne was a alias for? The ever-hot Mrs. Greenspan. She used to come to class in those sexy “meant for walking” boots!

  10. Bad Maria says:

    This was a great way to start my day. My mom was a teacher at the same junior high I went to – it was heaven and hell at the same time. I could get away with a lot because I knew what my teachers acted like when they were drunk (BBQ on Labor Day) and they knew I knew. Unfortunately, it was hard to get away with a lot from inside my locker where the students who hated taking algebra from my mom shoved me, shut and padlocked the door (you would not believe how many times I had to tell my combination to the janitor).

  11. Edgy Mama says:

    Ahhh, this is why I’m no longer teaching. Okay, Neil, you’ve proven that you remember every dirty, mean rhyme from elementary school. What else do you remember?

  12. kristine says:

    teachers love this kind of attention. it makes up for the fact that we cannot hit our students. thanks neil!

  13. Jason W. says:

    That brings back fond childhood memories…

  14. JJ MacMillan says:

    My wife is a teacher here in the “No Student Left Behind” state so she spends twice as much on supplies. However, she doesn’t have to pay for the bright shiny new standardized tests our nitwit governor (God, you’re so lucky he wasn’t your governor) got for us.

    BTW, the most spectacular beatdown I ever received was when I brought a lunchbox to middle school in New Jersey. It was brown paper bags forever afterwards.

  15. susan says:

    wow. my years, our lyrics weren’t as innocent as yours. our rendition:

    on top of the school house
    covered with blood
    i shot my poor teacher
    with a .44 round (?)
    i went to her funeral
    she wasn’t quite dead
    so i got a grenade and
    blew off her head

    that’s damn scary. and i’m quite a few years ahead of the columbine years.

    • name says:

      on top of a school bus
      all covered in blood
      i shot my poor teacher
      with a 44. slug
      she wasn’t quite dead
      so i shot her again
      i took my bazooka
      and i blew off her head
      i went to her funeral
      i went to her grave
      everybody threw flowers
      but i threw grenades

      thats all i can remember but thats the way i remember it

  16. M.A. says:

    I could never teach middle school. I think that all middle school teachers should be given a new fancy car. Neil, you’re a good man–even though you had naughty thoughts about your teacher… :)

  17. Megan says:

    This post made my day. Actually, it made my crappy week much better. Thanks Neil! I promise to get back to writing more in my blog once I’m used to my new schedule.

    Last year was my first year teaching at my school, and I easily spent 3 grand on supplies for me and my students (I needed access to a computer, so I bought a laptop to take to work everyday, so that is why that number is so high).

    Somedays I feel like quitting, but then I have moments like yesterday. Before one of my students left for the day, she said to me, “Miss _______, it’s teachers like you that make this world a better place.” Wasn’t that sweet?

    Oh, and I’ve been asked out by a few students too, but I’m no hussy!

  18. amanda says:

    whew…those little ditties certainly brought back memories, and now i have songs stuck in my head. i am going to sing them to all my teacher friends. just to get them warmed up for opening day.

  19. modigli says:

    Megan! You’re Mrs. Greenspan! :)

    cute story!

  20. Brooke says:

    Awwww Neil. This was so great! I’m so exhausted right now I’m crosseyed, but this was well worth reading even in my fatigued state. Today I got my class roster, tomorrow is open house, and on Monday the little ones arrive! Yikes!

  21. jenny says:

    My family is full of teachers and I always wonder why they chose a profession that pays so terribly. They all have graduate degrees and make less than I do without one. You have to want to help people. And over the years, they have paid for tons of shit for their classrooms. The Canadians got it right. We got Republicans.

  22. Helena says:

    I also had a much more violent version of these lyrics in my school (though they were banned):

    Glory, glory hallelujah
    my teacher hit me with a ruler
    I hid behind the door
    with a loaded .44
    now my teacher don’t teach no more.

    How HORRIBLE is that?? And to think that it was my life’s ambition for so long. I can only be taken for granted in one area of my life at a time, and I’ve got my hands full for now without thinking about that thankless job.

    Hats off to them.

  23. Beautiful. I have a tear in my eye!
    TEACHERS ROCK.

  24. introspectre says:

    I went to her funeral, I went to her grave,
    some people threw flowers, but I threw hand grenades…

    Yah. What a bunch of demented little bastards (we) children are.

  25. Pingback: Citizen of the Month » Teacher of the Year

  26. edward schwarzmann says:

    … ROTTEN TANGERINE
    AND I DON’T GO TO SCHOOL NO MORE

    Is the ending we used to sing

  27. maya says:

    We use to sing it like: (our school was on a hill)

    On top of a mountain
    all covered in blood
    i shot my poor teacher
    with a 40 foot stud
    I went to her funeral
    i went to her grave
    some people thew flowers
    but i threw a granade
    The coffin went up
    The coffin went down
    the coffin went *splat*
    all over the ground
    I opened the coffin
    she wasnt quite dead
    so i got a bazooka
    and shot off her head.

    Our whole class used to always sing it all together and once we even made one of our teachers cry… was funny at the time.

  28. maya says:

    we use to also sing:

    Ding Dong the teachers dead!

  29. yp says:

    i’ve heard a different version than Maya

    On top of a school bus
    all covered in blood
    i shot my poor teacher
    with a 40 foot stud
    I went to her funeral
    i went to her grave
    some people thew flowers
    but i threw grenades
    My mom came and got me
    and sent me to bed
    so i got my bazooka
    and shot off her head

  30. no more shcool says:

    this i my version

    on to of a moutian all coverd in blood
    i shot my fat teacher witha
    4 80 slug
    she went up to heven but was’nt qutie dead so i got a bazzoca and blew off her head
    i went to her funeral to vist her grave people therw flowers i threw a greandeThe coffin went up
    The coffin went down
    the coffin went *splat*
    all over the ground
    I opened the coffin
    she wasnt quite dead
    i got a sledge hammer and cracked open
    HER HEAD

  31. Amy says:

    this is the version we used to sing:

    on top of a mountain
    all covered in blood
    i shot my poor teacher
    with a 44 slug.
    i shot her with glory
    i shot her with pride
    it was not hard to miss her
    she was 40 foot wide.
    i went to her funeral
    i went to her grave.
    some people threw flowers
    but i threw grenades.
    her coffin went up
    her coffin went down
    her coffin went splat
    all over the ground.
    40 years later
    look up in the sky
    and there’s my poor teacher
    still trying to fly!

    good times, haha!

  32. lazyamy says:

    another version:
    on top of a mountain,
    all covered with blood,
    i shot my poor teacher,
    with a machine gun!

    i went to her funeral,
    i went to her grave,
    some people threw flowers,
    i threw grenades.

    a thousand years laaater,
    she rose from the dead,
    i got my bazooka,
    AND SHOT OFF HER HEAD!

    im so sorry to all my teachers, lol

  33. Joe says:

    On top of Old Smokey
    All covered with sand
    I shot my slow teacher
    With an old rubber band

    I shot her with pleasure
    I shot her with pride
    For I couldn’t miss her
    She was forty feet wide

    She runned out and catched me
    The throwed me cross her knee
    But at the set of my britches
    I had my old geography

    She reached for her ruler
    Took a swipe at me
    She missed old Kentucky
    But hit Tennessee.
    The real one!

  34. Ashley says:

    MINE IS EXACTLY LIKE MAYA’S CEPT THE ENDING GOES

    IT ROLLED OF THE STREET
    AND INTO A DITCH
    AND THAT WAS THE END
    OF THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH

  35. TJ_MAXX says:

    This is my version:

    On top of a school bus all covered in blood, I shot my teacher with a .44 stud.

    I went to her coffin she wasn’t quite dead so I took a bazooka and blew off her head!

    I went to her funeral there was a parade, some people threw flowers I threw a grenade.

    The principal saw this and thought it was cool so he took a A-BOMB and blew up the school!

    We were demented….

  36. josh says:

    On top of the school bus all covered with blood i shot my poor teacher with a 40 foot stud i read in the newspaper that she really wasent dead so i ttok a bukoka and shot off her head i went to her funerail and peeded on her grave some people throw flowers but i threw grenades

  37. Jozay says:

    This was the version i remember…

    Spaghetti and meatballs,
    All covered with blood.
    I shot my poor teacher,
    With a .44 stud.
    I went to her funeral,
    I went to her grave.
    Everyone threw flowers,
    I threw grenades.
    My mom came and got me,
    She threw me in bed.
    Five seconds later,
    I blew off her head.
    Police came and got me,
    and threw me in jail.
    Ten seconds later,
    I farted to hell.

  38. ben says:

    An add-on to many that end in the demise of a teacher;

    I’ve got a new teacher
    But he’s a bit thick,
    So I got out my pen-knive
    And chopped off his…

    Don’t be disgusting!
    That’s not what I meant!
    I took out me pen-knife,
    And chopped off his head!

  39. frey says:

    one that i heard was this:
    on top of the schoolhouse
    all covered in blood
    i shoot my poor teacher
    with a 44 slug
    i went to her funeral
    i went to her grave
    some people threw flowers
    i threw a grenade
    it blew up the city
    it blew up the town
    it blew my poor teacher
    right out of the ground
    i went right up to her
    ishe wasn’t quite dead
    so i took my machette
    and cut off her head

  40. Pete says:

    The long version

    On top of the schoolhouse
    all covered in blood
    I shot my dumb teacher
    with a 44 slug.

    I shot her with pleasure
    I shot her with pride
    I couldn’t have missed her
    she was 40 foot wide.

    I went to the funeral
    I went to the grave
    some people threw flowers
    I tossed a grenade.

    The coffin went up
    the coffin went down
    the coffin went ‘splat’
    all over the ground

    But when I looked,
    she still wasn’t dead
    so I got my machete
    and chopped off her head.

    The next day at school
    when the new teacher came
    I took my machine gun
    and started again.

  41. thomas says:

    On top of the schoolhouse all covered in blood I shot my poor teacher with a 44. slug i shot her with pleasure i shot her with pride i couldnt of missed her she was 40 feet wide i went to her funeral i danced on her grave some people through flowers but i therw a grenade they took me to jail for dustribing the peace but i brought my bazooka and shot the police!!!

  42. Leah says:

    One that is similar (but different) that we used to sing was

    As i was walking
    through the middle of a war
    i saw my own teacher
    in a puddle of blood

    with a knife through her belly
    and an axe through her head
    i came to conclusion
    that she must be dead

    i went to her funeral
    i went to her grave
    some people through flowers
    i through a grenade.

    And

    Joy to the world
    the teachers dead
    we barbequed her head
    what happened to the body
    we flushed it down the potty
    and round and round it goes
    and round and round it goes

  43. monguku10 says:

    this is how it goes
    on top of a school bus, all covered in blood
    i shot my poor teacher, with a 44 stud
    i went to her funeral, and pissed in her grave
    some people threw flowers, i threw a grenade
    20 years later, she rose from the dead
    i got my bazooka, and blew up her head
    she rolled down the mountain, and fell in a ditch
    and this is the end, of the wicked old witch

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