I am sick with a cold. And it sucks. And I feel miserable. And I feel like lashing out at whoever or whatever made me sick. Cause I am a big baby and I am a mean-spirited person. So, here is my short list of the most logical culprits. I curse you all!
1) That red-haired kid near the dinosaur exhibit at the Museum of Natural History on Saturday who kept on coughing in my face, and the mother who was too busy with her Blackberry to notice or care. Children should not be allowed in museums.
2) New York City. That’s right, the whole damn city. I never got a cold in Los Angeles. I’m in New York a few months, and BAM!
3) That empanada place in Jackson Heights that I went with Astrogirl. They didn’t have a restroom. Did the cooks even wash their hands?
4) HotBabesTakingOffTheirBras.com. Too much porn watching lowers the immune system, making you more susceptible to catching a cold.
5) My mother. Yes, I am including dear ol’ Mom on the list. She is the one who told me that it was time to wear “my winter coat already,” and I was so hot outside wearing this behemoth jacket built for Eskimos in Antarctica that I took it off and went around coat-less on Friday in the cool Fall weather.
6) The blogging community. You made fun of me for owning and wearing a jean jacket, saying it was too 80’s, so I didn’t wear it, out of shame, and ended up listening to my mother and wearing that hot, oversized parka. If you would have kept your mouths shut, I might have avoided the whole situation.
7) The motley crew of passengers who travel on the F train from Manhattan to Queens at 1AM. I mean MOTLEY.
8) The recent Chinese immigrants in downtown Flushing. I hate to point my finger at any one ethnic group, but who else can we blame for the Hong Kong flu? It isn’t called the Swedish flu, right?
9) The four women who play mahjong with my mother. This week my mother hosted the game in her apartment. Who knows what type of kinky lifestyles these strange women in their sixties and seventies lead on the outside? Also, mahjong — Hong Kong Flu again?
10) French kissing that sexy Hungarian supermodel at the nightclub. (Oh right, that was just in my dream. Skip that one)
11) McDonald’s. Just walking in there is enough to make anyone sick. And this Flushing franchise across the street is so cheap, they only give you one napkin.