Dear Michael from October, 2007.

“A “Bloggy” Santa Baby”
performed by Kristy of She Just Walks Around With It (via San Francisco)

“Grown Up Christmas List”
performed by Allison at Maple Mama (via Vermont)

“Winter Wonderland”
performed by Redneck Mommy (via Alberta, Canada)

“The Little Drummer Boy”
performed by Abbersnail of Bright Yellow World and The Horse Whisperer (via San Francisco)

“Mary Did You Know”
performed by Gingersnaps (via Nashville)

“iPhone Ocarina Silent Night”
performed by Aimee of Greeblemonkey with Bryan and James (via Colorado)

“Greensleeves”
performed by Sarah of Whoorl (via Southern California)

“Do You Hear What I Hear?”
performed by Sweetnote (via East Peoria, Illinois)

“Hava Nagila”
performed by Fancy of Fancy Schmancy (via Connecticut)

“Wishing You a Very Merry Christmas”
performed by Mr Lady (and family) of Whiskey in My Sippy Cup (via Canada)

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”
performed by Sarah of Sarah and the Good Squad and Ian (via Washington D.C.)

“It’s a Very Penguin Christmas”
performed by Marie and Family of The Snake Charmers (via Texas)

“Good Tidings”
performed by Loralee of Loralee’s Looney Tunes (via Salt Lake City)

INTERMISSION

photo by Metalia (via New York)

“Mi Yamalel”
performed by Psychotoddler (via Milwaukee)

photo by MommaKnows (via Alberta, Canada)

“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”
performed by Saucybritches and her husband, Tim  (via Oklahoma)

photo by Margalit (via Greater Boston)

“Hayo, Haya”
performed by Otir of Un Jour a la Fois (via Northeast U.S.)

photo by Jamelah (via Michigan)

“Caroling, Caroling”
performed by Merry Mishaps (via Annapolis, Maryland)

photo by Leesa of Piece of My Mind (via Montana)

“White Christmas”
performed by Backpacking Dad (via Menlo Park, CA)

Photo by Poppycedes (via New York)

“What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?”
performed by Ms. Sizzle  of Sizzle Says (via Seattle)

photo by Catheroo (via San Francisco)

“It’s a Marshmallow World in the World in the Winter“/ “Merry Christmas Polka”
performed by Not Fainthearted (via Minneapolis)

photo by Secret Agent Josephine (via Southern California)

“Sevivon”
performed by Danny of Jew Eat Yet? (via Los Angeles)

photo by Karlababble (via Texas)

“Coventry Carol”
performed by Alejna of Collecting Tokens (via Northeast U.S.)

photo by NoireBettie (via Los Angeles)

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel
performed by Suzannesez (via Florida)

photo by Ali of Cheaper Than Therapy (via Toronto)

“Burning Bright”
performed by Mommymae (via Missouri)

photo by Maggie Dammit (via Wisconsin)

“Merry Christmas, Darling”
performed by Laurel St. Clair (via St. Petersburg, Florida)

photo by Kim of 180/360 (via Las Vegas)

O Holy Night performed by Maitresse (via Paris)

photo from Ry at Arts and Dafts (via New York)

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
performed by Mommy Melee and kids (via Florida)

Photo by The Bloggess (via Texas)

photo by Kirida

David the Jewish Reindeer
Had a very Jewish nose
All of the other reindeer
Used to think of themselves as foes

David the Jewish Reindeer
Kvetched about his daily woes
He couldn’t get no p***y
Even from the reindeer hoes

Then one icy Christmas Eve
Santa screwed it up
Forgot about the holiday
Too much bourbon in his cup

David the Jewish Reindeer
Scratched and scratched his Jewish ‘fro
“Hey, I have the perfect idea.
Let’s put on a blogger show.”

Let’s make it for Jew and Gentile
Black and white, all one voice
So, when it’s time for lovin’
We’ll have a multi-cultural choice

Santa clapped and said, “That’s brilliant.”
Giving him a big wet kiss
If we can elect a black President
Why not have a reindeer with a bris?

All of the reindeer laughed now
Everywhere the bells did ring
Cause it was getting time now for
The Christmahanukwanzaakah Blogger Online Holiday Sing!

PAST SHOWS:

The 2006  Blogger Christmahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert

The 2007  Blogger Christmahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert

The 2008  Blogger Christmahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert will be on December 23, 2008.

It is simple.  You record a song or video and email it to me before the concert day.  Your kids can sing along with you, BUT you — the blogger — must sing along or play an instrument.      We want to be impressed by YOU, not by the daughter you are forcing to take piano lessons against her will.

Poetry, story readings, and interpretative dance performances are also permitted.

Just so everyone doesn’t do the same Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa song, please sign up on the list below, stating your song, if you have decided on one.  Of course, there will be duplicates, but let’s try not to have ten “Silent Nights.”

For those too wimpy to sing, please send me a favorite holiday photo so we can decorate the blog post that day.

Be of Good Cheer!

OK, enough promotional stuff for one weekend.   Sorry about that.   It’s part of the job.

Back to blogging tomorrow.

Asking you for your perception of me was a powerful exercise.  It has enabled me to look at myself from an outsider’s perspective.  And you know what –

Screw you!  What the hell was I thinking?!  Who wants to face the real person inside?  I have been nagging myself all night.

Nagging Neil: “You thought you were writing all day, but in reality, you only worked for an hour and a half today.”

Me: “No, I worked all day.”

Nagging Neil: “No, if you were honest with yourself, you would see that you did a tiny bit of work, then went on Facebook, then ate lunch, then you did a little more work, and then you took a walk to buy a new toothbrush that you didn’t really need.”

Me: “You know, I don’t like knowing myself.”

Nagging Neil: “And then in your last post, you told everyone how much you loved to “hang out and bullshit with the guys.”

Me: “I do.”

Nagging Neil: “So, when Rob called last night and asked if you wanted to go for a cup of coffee, why did you say you were busy.”

Me: “I WAS busy.”

Nagging Neil: “Hmmm… busy doing something important?

Me: “I was doing “research.”

Nagging Neil: “Why don’t we both take a look at what you were doing on Twitter?”

VIA TWITTER — NEILOCHKA’S TIMELINE

“Watching videos on YouTube.”

“Any guys have this hair in the 1970’s? — from ELO video, Sweet Talking Woman.  I love long hair!”

“80’s hair wasn’t as interesting. Even the mohawks.”

“If my hairline wasn’t receding, I would so wear my hair long like a 70’s rock band member.”

“Uh, only joking.  I still have my hair.”

“And that’s not why I’m wearing that hat in the profile pic.  I just saw that in a Seinfeld episode where George was wearing a hat and people thought it was cause he was bald.  Really, I have hair.”

“I am totally nostalgic today on You Tube. Like some old guy reminiscing about Frank Sinatra.”

“Tears in my eyes remembering how “meaningful” Pink Floyd was. WTF.”

“I really liked that girl when I was 13 and we were listening to Pink Floyd.”

“Everyone was smoking pot.  I didn’t inhale.”

“Bruce was really sexy when he pulled Courtney Cox from the audience.”

“I once spoke to Bruce Springsteen in an LA Gym. We were alone. Neil: “Using these dumbbells?” Bruce: “No, go ahead.”"

“@VGrrrl — I also had bad taste also. I used to dance in my room to Hot Chocolate’s You Sexy Thing

“@VGrrrl — I was probably a little young for the lyrics of “You Sexy Thing” at the time… a very bad influence…”

“Hot Chocolate also did this video called “Girl Crazy.”  Very interesting.   Lyrics about meeting hot chicks.   But the video seems completely gay-oriented.”

“Hot Chocolate also did Brother Louie.  But like this version better by The Stories.”

“She was black as the night
Louie was whiter than white
Danger, danger when you taste brown sugar
Louie fell in love overnight”

“A question for black women: is it still appropriate nowadays for me to use the term “taste brown sugar?”"

“@culturefx – Never called anyone brown sugar before, but I think it is 1 of those 1,000 things you’re supposed to do before u die.”

“Trying to come up with a cool sexy metaphor for white women like “brown sugar.” Cool Whip? Snow? Mayonnaise? Kosher Salt?”

“@Notsoblonde say “White Chocolate.”"

“Best answer from @metalia — “Rice Krispy treat!”"

Nagging Neil: “So, you were doing something important, huh?”

Do you remember two weeks ago I wrote about this “YouTube for Pornography?” My conclusion: I wasn’t very impressed with this site. Who wants to see those robotic men pounding away at the woman on the kitchen table? It’s also like watching some other guy’s slideshow of his trip to the Bahamas. It’s more interesting to HIM than me.

OK, I’ll admit it. I felt a little lonely tonight. Sunday nights are like that. What is a separated husband supposed to do?

I know this is probably sharing too much, even for a blog, but would you like to see something that REALLY turned me on? I mean A LOT. I mean I WANT this woman. NOW. I must have watched this 25 times in a row –

(Don’t worry, it is safe for work — but not for me)

(the song is from “Damn Yankees” a musical revival I saw today at City Center, but this rendition is NOTHING like the one in the show)

And the winner for the best description of the meaning behind Starship’s “We Built This City” is — the beautiful Memarie Lane – with this gem:

I think I’ve got it. They’re alluding to the founding of our country, the philosophies of which (freedom of religion and speech and all that)were considered very radical (i.e. rock and roll) at the time. But since then we keep rolling farther and farther back,through soft rock and disco and Motown and so on until “we just lost the beat.”  So basically they’re saying we need to vote for Ron Paul.

As I mentioned two posts ago, she wins nothing.  No Wii Fit.  Nothing other than my gratitude and me wondering what she looks like naked.

As you have probably guessed by now, this post is really about nothing.  I’m writing it very quickly, in between my morning shower and breakfast.  Since it is a toss-off post, it gives me a chance to show you the “real” Neilochka, who can be a bit of an asshole.  Most of the time, I try to be “literary” in my posts, making sure there is a intellectual point.  I usually write my posts out in longhand first in a notebook.  Today, I am just spitting out crap right onto Wordpress.  And it feels pretty good.  Perhaps it was my therapy session yesterday that helped open me up to new possibilites.  Why do I need to worry about you — the reader — so much?  I’m not “dependent” on you.   What is the worst thing that can happen if you think my blog sucks?  You’ll stop reading it.  Will I die?  I doubt it.  There are plenty of you who once read this blog and have moved elsewhere.  Maybe you’re trying to move into the elite mommyblogger’s circle and have no time for the men.  Perhaps you were insulted by my post where I portrayed Archie and Jughead into violent superheroes.  You might be a new reader who wrote a comment, and then I never responded to you… and was disgusted at me.  I apologize.  I feel the same way as you when I comment and the person doesn’t respond.

“What’s wrong with her?” I wonder.  “Am I not good enough?  What a snob she is!  Blogging is so elitist!”

Well, we do things differently here.  If I don’t respond to you right away, don’t take it personally.  I love you.  It’s not YOU.  I’m the one who’s f**ked up!  That’s right.  That’s exactly what I was thinking while sitting in therapy with Brenda yesterday.  I’m f**ked up!  How long have I been writing about MOVING — yet I never move?  Why do I have such a weird on-again/off-again relationship with this “separated” wife?  The only honest answer is that I’m… f**ked-up.  Ta-dah.  There I said it.  Now I can work on the solution.

Let me make the announcement here.  If Sophia and I split up “officially,” I don’t want any of you sleeping with me for at least six months.  No matter how hard I try to get into your pants at BlogHer, just say NO.  I am NOT ready for it.  Don’t get suckered into it when I say that your eyes are like God’s soul, and shit like that.

Besides, I’ve been with one woman for eleven years.  The first time with someone else WILL be bad.  And over very fast.   And I will be crying.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

OK, back to blog comments –

So, if you write a witty comment on the blog, and it looks like I’m blowing you off, now you know the reason.  I’m f**ked up.   Just keep commenting, because it makes me feel good — and that is a public health service.  Besides, a lot of cool people who come here.   You should read their blogs.

Granted, there are funnier and more popular blogs where you will make more connections — such as Bossy — but I compensate by being advertising free.   And I don’t make you put those dumb badges on your blogs.

Also, since I am a bit emotional unstable, you never know what I’m going to do next.  So, I’m not boring.

For example — only a real nutcase would write three posts in a row about Starship’s “We Built This City.”  Most bloggers would be all worried about losing their readers and people hating him.

But  — I DON’T CARE.  I’m crazy like that!  I’ve been laughing for the last ten minutes because I’m now going to put up ANOTHER version of the song — the third in a row!  Ha ha ha ha.  You see, I’m not THAT nice!  I have a bit of a mean streak!  But I find it soooo funny, like the inner child I am.

And that’s what blogging is really about, isn’t it?!

Sometimes the God of Rock and Roll works in mysterious ways.   Consider Sunday afternoon –

It was hot in Los Angeles, and I was sitting around in my underwear, looking at different music videos on YouTube.  By chance, I hit upon Starship’s “We Built This City on Rock and Roll.”  I’ve always liked this song as a guilty pleasure.  At the same time, it was sad to see that the former members of the great Jefferson Airplane falling so low.  This 80’s music video had a self-importance to it, but I couldn’t figure out what was the “message,” if any.   What City were they talking about?   Was this a cry against corporate radio?  Who were all these teenagers running from the huge rolling dice in Las Vegas?  What was the symbolism behind the Lincoln of the Lincoln Memorial coming alive and singing the chorus, “We Built This City on Rock and Roll.”  Was this song about Pierre-Charles L’Enfant, who created the plans for Washington D.C.?  Abraham Lincoln was one of our finest presidents, but I doubt he would ever be about “rock and roll.”  I decided to write a post about this video.  I ran a contest.

The winner of this contest is the one who writes the best description of what the artists are trying to communicate in this music video.

As I expected, I received humorous comments from my readers.  After all, many of you were the “class clowns”  and “misfits” during high school.  But the most intriguing comment came from someone who didn’t even watch the video.  It was from Natalie, who writes the blog Tell Me About It.  She lives in Turkey.  The Turkey Turkey.  Isn’t that interesting?  I’m not exactly sure how this New Orleans girl ended up in Turkey, but I bet you that after drinking that Turkish coffee, she ain’t ever coming back to Starbucks.

Here was her comment concerning the music video:

– and once again i miss out because youtube is still banned in turkey. dadgum. i so wanted that prize!

“YouTube is banned in Turkey?!”  I asked.

Fascinated, I Googled the subject to learn more.  Apparently, this is not the first time Turkey banned YouTube.

According to the Huffington Post:

A Turkish court has again blocked access to the popular video-sharing Web site YouTube because of clips allegedly insulting the country’s founding father, according to reports Sunday.

It was the second time Turkey banned the site because of clips deemed disrespectful to Mustafa Kemal Ataturk. It is illegal in Turkey to insult the revered figure, whose portrait still hangs in nearly all government offices nearly 70 years after his death.

Some of the most offensive videos came from Greece, where the Turkish founding father was called “gay.”  This was considered an insult to “Turkishness.”

Turkey is not alone in blocking YouTube. Last year, the Thai government banned the site for about four months because of clips seen as offensive to Thailand’s revered monarch, King Bhumibol Adulyadej.

And in May, Moroccans were unable to access YouTube after users posted videos critical of Morocco’s treatment of the people of Western Sahara, a territory that Morocco took control of in 1975. An official blamed a technical glitch, but could not explain its nature or why it affected only the YouTube site.

Suddenly, the music video made complete sense to me.  It wasn’t the ”worst song ever recorded.”  It was a political anthem about freedom.   I even understood why Abraham Lincoln was singing along.  No country — Turkey — included should be allowed to prevent her citizens from rocking and rolling, even if it is to really crappy 80’s songs!  We as Americans must change the world and give everyone the chance to have big hair and giant dice… and make fun of their esteemed leaders.  And we shouldn’t be doing it through WAR and BOMBINGS!

We should be doing it through the POWER OF ROCK AND ROLL.

Free the bad 80’s videos on YouTube!

Natalie – here are some ways to work around your government’s censorship (via boingboing)

C’mon, Americans — it’s time to take our message of free speech to Ankara, to Bangkok, to Rabat –

We built this city, we built this city on rock and roll
Built this city, we built this city on rock and roll

C’mon, Mt. Zion High School Swingsations — let’s show the world what America is all about!

The winner of this contest is the one who writes the best description of what the artists are trying to communicate in this music video.   

The winner wins nothing.

How can there be hate in this world when there is music, hot babes in elevators, and cool unshaven singers walking the streets in music videos?

Sucaria — Sexy song by Israeli Pop Star Roni “Superstar” Duani

Algerian Rocker Rachid Taha singing “Rock the Casbah” in Arabic

(for Secret Agent Josephine)

“Where Do You Go to Go Away” by Gale Garnett