Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Feminists Ruin Everything

clinton

It’s one thing to have a woman run for President, or become a CEO, but enough is enough.  It’s not fair.  You keep on infringing on our territory, without giving us anywhere to go.  You can wear a dress.  You can wear pants.  We can wear pants.  Can we wear a dress?   Of course not!   We would be mocked by you!   You don’t even like us to cry.

It used to be that our penis made us unique.  But like Delilah, you feminists will do anything to further your cause in destroying the men you hate so much, slowly pushing us towards the end of the cliff.   First you start using all these exotic vibrators, making us irrelevant in the bedroom.  Seriously, how can we compete with an electrical object made in Japan?  They are like a Sony TV or a Honda Civic — they never break!

vibrator1

And seriously, how many men do you know with a nine inch erect penis?    We see the disappointment on your face when we undress.  We do.

Next, you infiltrated one of our special male clubs — the “peeing” standing up club.   What evil feminist invented the P-Mate, Female Freedom?  God should strike you down.

pee

I’m sure some of you have sons.  Do you remember that look on your son’s face the first time he held his dick in his hand and pissed on your flowers in the backyard.  Pure glee.  Power!  The greatest day of his life.  I remember that day better than my bar mitzvah and wedding.  That’s when I really became a man.   Peeing standing up is for MEN!  Some things should not change.  I believe in equal rights.  I believe gay men should be married.  But c’mon, women, we STAND when we pee.  You don’t.

boypee1

Yesterday, events took a turn for the worse.  I was beginning to accept these new gender roles.  I am a liberal thinker, and secure in my manliness.  I can live in a world with a woman president who uses a vibrator at night and pees standing up.   But this —

bra

The Smart Memory Bra by Lisca lingerie senses a woman’s arousal through her body’s heat, then squeezes her boobs together accordingly.  The integrated memory foam bra reshapes under the influence of heat to enhance cleavage, so when she becomes excited, her larger breasts will indicate to others that she is horny.

What is this?  It is a publicly visible female hard-on!  Is this really necessary?   We enjoy your mystery.   We don’t want to see your breasts tell us that you are horny.   Stop it women.  This is the one male thing left to us that you should not steal — our overtly visual sign of arousal.

hard

23 Comments

  1. you are hilarious.

    i’m so glad i am not a feminist.. stepping on you poor men and your fragile egos.. you poor things!

  2. I don’t understand why women would need that bra thing. Can’t we just say “I’m hot for you?” It’s not like most men would be offended. Right? I don’t think I want my boobs to talk for me.

    Also, I don’t have a dick but I do have an inflatable sheep. It makes real sheep noises. It’s kind of awesome.

  3. Makes no difference to me, because I have big bewbs all the time. Wraths, that must be what messes up my writing.

  4. TY for the link! I have long wondered when this peeing standing up for women problem would be solved. FINALLY.

    You are an entertaining man. A world without men would be horrific. Don’t worry. I will stand with the guys when it comes to the final show down!

  5. truthfully I want the bra… that way I don’t have to talk to anyone. Everyone will magically just know when I am hot and horney

  6. Ixnay on the Smart Mammary Bra…enough with the voices already. Don’t need talking TaTa’s, too.

  7. …so, my concern is when you see her boobs slowly spread apart as they make their way to her back. For sure, a shrinkage moment. Rejection sucks, man.

  8. The last photo really needed a tie-in with awkward boners dot com. But god, I just actually LOLed.

  9. This has got to be one of the greatest posts ever written.

  10. You know, I don’t want a bra making decisions for me. But the whole peeing while standing up thing? I hadn’t seen that! That could be really useful! 🙂

  11. I don’t get the point of that bra. Or why that peeing-standing-up woman has her pant leg pulled up.

  12. Solidarity, brother! I can say that because my wife doesn’t read you.

  13. My boobs already do that all by themselves.

    Is that bad?

  14. You guys have blow-up dolls. And stag parties with strippers that your female friends can’t go to, no matter how much they beg or point out the fact that they’re bisexual – they’d actually enjoy the strippers!

    But never forget the blow-up dolls.

  15. I so do not need a bra like that. I would be in a lot of trouble.

  16. That’s silly, to think a woman would need a bra like that to get some action!

  17. I am not going to buy that bra. My blogging does not need to suffer any more than it already has.

  18. You are HILARIOUS!!! How have I not heard of you before???

    Okay first of all… I can’t pee standing up… but then again I’ve never tried… and I would LOVE not to work… So I say DOWN with Feminism also!

    But that bra… sounds AWESOME!!!

    Yet I care about my blogging…so I’m still pondering…

  19. Hilarious post.

    Hmmm… I think I’ll stay a lady and continue to pee sitting down. But I think that heat sensing bra is worth checking out, just for pure curiosity.

  20. My words is my cock. Got it.
    Burn the talking bra!

  21. That bra leaves me speechless.

    And, there are lots of devices to allow women to pee standing up, like the Shenis: http://www.magpiemusing.com/2009/03/sometime-you-have-to-pee-in-woods.html

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