It’s one thing to have a woman run for President, or become a CEO, but enough is enough. It’s not fair. You keep on infringing on our territory, without giving us anywhere to go. You can wear a dress. You can wear pants. We can wear pants. Can we wear a dress? Of course not! We would be mocked by you! You don’t even like us to cry.
It used to be that our penis made us unique. But like Delilah, you feminists will do anything to further your cause in destroying the men you hate so much, slowly pushing us towards the end of the cliff. First you start using all these exotic vibrators, making us irrelevant in the bedroom. Seriously, how can we compete with an electrical object made in Japan? They are like a Sony TV or a Honda Civic — they never break!
And seriously, how many men do you know with a nine inch erect penis? We see the disappointment on your face when we undress. We do.
Next, you infiltrated one of our special male clubs — the “peeing” standing up club. What evil feminist invented the P-Mate, Female Freedom? God should strike you down.
I’m sure some of you have sons. Do you remember that look on your son’s face the first time he held his dick in his hand and pissed on your flowers in the backyard. Pure glee. Power! The greatest day of his life. I remember that day better than my bar mitzvah and wedding. That’s when I really became a man. Peeing standing up is for MEN! Some things should not change. I believe in equal rights. I believe gay men should be married. But c’mon, women, we STAND when we pee. You don’t.
Yesterday, events took a turn for the worse. I was beginning to accept these new gender roles. I am a liberal thinker, and secure in my manliness. I can live in a world with a woman president who uses a vibrator at night and pees standing up. But this —
The Smart Memory Bra by Lisca lingerie senses a woman’s arousal through her body’s heat, then squeezes her boobs together accordingly. The integrated memory foam bra reshapes under the influence of heat to enhance cleavage, so when she becomes excited, her larger breasts will indicate to others that she is horny.
What is this? It is a publicly visible female hard-on! Is this really necessary? We enjoy your mystery. We don’t want to see your breasts tell us that you are horny. Stop it women. This is the one male thing left to us that you should not steal — our overtly visual sign of arousal.