This post I am writing right now might seem like I am poking fun of mommyblogger promotions and giveaways, but that is not the case. The following is more about me and my marriage, and what to expect from a wife:
Momdot.com has started an interesting promotion titled Dyson Domestic Divas.
Every 2 weeks from now till April, we are going to be picking a new mom to spend a full two weeks with our Dyson and then come on as a Dyson Domestic Diva and give everyone the lowdown on it. Comparing it to your current household cleaning, your vacuum that you use on a daily basis, the all around ins and outs of how you feel about the Dyson after spending 2 weeks with it in your home. You will be able to blog during your experience from set up to the day it leaves, posting pictures, videos and sharing your experience with the world.
The Dyson is an excellent vacuum. I have one myself. If I were a Mom, I would love to try-out this new model, the DC 25 Rollerball Animal.
Each Mom who gets picked after sign-up gets to keep the vacuum for two weeks before they have to return it to the company.
Just imagine how clean your house will be and how convinced your husband will be to let you get one after you have proven to him how great it is!
This last sentence made me think about my own marriage, and the roles we played in the home. Were Sophia and I out of step with current reality? Do wives still need to convince their husbands before buying a vacuum cleaner? Did I get a raw deal with Sophia? She is the type of woman who would never ask me before buying a new vacuum cleaner!
She might say, “Neil, I want to buy a new vacuum cleaner.”
I might answer, “Why do we need a new vacuum cleaner.”
And she might reply, “Because the old one stinks.”
What am I talking about? Sophia never used the vacuum or asked for a vacuum cleaner. I did all the vacuuming in the house. I was the one who bought the Dyson for our home! Am I the only husband in the country to do the vacuuming in the house? Not only did I do the vacuuming in the house, I had to SHOW Sophia how to used our year-old Dyson before I came to New York because she never used it before! Was I tricked by Sophia into thinking that a husband should do anything useful in the house, like vacuuming or doing the dishes? How did I get suckered into that?
If I ever get remarried, I’m going to be looking for a different type of wife — one who ASKS me before she buys a new vacuum cleaner? A woman who enjoys vacuuming so much, that she will give me oral sex after she finishes cleaning the house in appreciation for my staying out of her territory. That would be cool, and make me feel manly.
And if she did ask for a new vacuum cleaner, I would tell her that I need that money for my Maxim magazines.
“No! You cannot buy a new vacuum cleaner. Back into the kitchen, woman. And put on that French maid’s uniform!”
“Maybe we can get a cleaning woman?” she might ask, a little in awe of my Maleness.
“A cleaning woman? What for! That’s what you are here for. And I like watching your ass move when you dust!”
“Oh honey, you are such a rascal.”
I learned three important lessons this post about Domestic Divas that I need to remember if I ever get re-married:
1) A wife must ask her husband for permission before buying any household product.
2) Wives love to clean the house, especially with innovative appliances.
3) Men have no interest in household cleaning, or are they even expected to contribute and help.
Sophia apparently never read the rules. If I ever remarry, my next wife will be a Dyson Domestic Diva.