I’m a crazy guy with marital issues who currently lives with his mother and talks about his penis all the time. You’re an attractive, intelligent married woman with two children. We both blog.
Can we ever really become friends?
Was I “safer” as a male blogger when I was living with Sophia? Should I steer away from commenting on your cleavage in every Flickr photo, even after ten other women did the exact same thing? Should I even try to say hello to you on IM or does it seem like I am on the prowl, especially after I admited to my one night wild online sex email night? Do you think it bothers the Palinode that I am better friends with his wife, the better-looking Schmutzie? If I were travelling in your town, would your family put me up for the night? Would your husband care if he caught us in bed together during the afternoon, even though we were only eating malomars and watching “All My Children” (but in the nude, since it is the best way to watch soaps). Is there a way to be a buddy with you, respecting you wit and intelligence, while at the same time, acknowleging that I am a man and you are a woman, and that I am not your gay sidekick from Sex in the City?
Imaginary IM Conversation:
Me: “.. so anyway, you just click on that WordPress plugin, and that should take care of you blog backups..”
She: “That was so easy. Thanks, Neilochka. You Rawk!”
Me: “Oh, and I saw that new photo of you on Facebook. Wow, your breasts are amazing! Your husband is one lucky man.”
She: “Thanks, I’ll tell Jim you said so. You coming to the BlogHer pajama party on Saturday?”
Me: “Absolutely. I’m already working on the Swedish meatballs for the pot luck.”
She: “Mmmm. All the girls can’t wait to see you. We loved how you felt us all up — one by one — during the night. You have such big… hands! Jim thought that was so funny and… typical of you. Are you going to be doing it again this time?”
Me: “If it is OK with Jim and the other husbands…”
She: “Sure, sure. They love it when we have a good time with you. I mean, we work so hard during the week with the kids. Why shouldn’t we have some fun?”
Me: “Jim’s a great husband.”
She: “He’s the best, and a good provider. And despite whatever problems you have with Sophia, it’s wonderful that she is understanding, too. It really isn’t such a big deal that your female blog friends enjoy giving you oral sex so much. She knows that it isn’t serious — only a form of affection for our “Neilochka.” We consider it more “social media” and “community building.”"
Me: “My community is building right now thinking about it… if you know what I mean.”
She: “LOL (spits diet Coke onto monitor) You are so… funny!”
Frankly, I think it’s iffy. Maybe I’m old school but developing a friendship with a single (or married) guy at this point in life would feel a little weird unless there was a girlfriend/wife connection.
But if you ever came to Seattle, I would make you dinner and let you bunk on the couch.
i remember your dessert post, i wanted that cheesecake! we don’t have mallowmars here, so if you’re coming for dinner, you can bring them! and bring your mom too, she can sleep over, i’ve always got room for “nana”.
I was all ready to write something pithy and wise at the same time, but got distracted by the thought of living in a box on Redneck Mommy’s lap.
Dear Neilochka, I believe you have left out one of your most endearing qualities–your Penis actually talks and can write its own blog. My hubby is generally not jealous of my friendships with talking body parts–at least, not yet.
Onto the subject of gender and friendships…you may want to rethink the question and ponder the dynamics of friendships and the internet. While I can feel a kinship with writers of blogs &/or their comments, for me, it’s not the same as really knowing them or being real friends. And, I am quick to suggest that this may be a generational view of the technology.
However, a small suspicion…just like I yell out to my TV every time one of these news stories comes on…THERE ARE NO 14yo girls getting online to meet old geezers in motel rooms and THERE ARE NO hitmen meeting crazy-trying-to-kill-their-husbands-women in seedy bars. Those are all cops. An intelligent, thoughtful, sensitive and funny man who blogs??? Cop.
i’m friends with some married dude bloggers. i think it helps that they live on the other side of the country from me though, in terms of not creating problems with spouses and the like.
but, if they were single? yeah, i think that might make for some weirdness.
i’ve always subscribed to the belief that men and women can be friends without any sauce on the side.
i say this b/c i’ve always had a lot of male friends, i’m not big on the girlie girl stuff.
i cannot imagine any hard and fast “rules” about it b/c every person is different. certainly, lines can get crossed but if a person’s motives are honorable, there shouldn’t be anything to worry about.
p.s. i shoulda read this before i tweeted you with my question.
Seriously, Neil, you could roll around naked in my bunk and as long as you didn’t let your cookies crumble directly where my husband wants to lay his head, he could give a crap.
I might not let you rub my honker, but I’d definitely want you as my Mr Big!