Make Me Insecure Friday


In the tradition of Poetry Tuesday and Sunday Scribblings, I’d like to welcome you to the hottest blogging craze — Make Me Insecure Friday!

Yes, it’s Friday.  You’ve worked hard all week.  But before you go home and have a relaxing weekend, why not sit back while I tell you what a loser you are.

Today’s topic is:  Numbers.



Is there anything that makes us more insecure than numbers? 

The Top 10.  The Big 5.   The Technorati 100.  Hah Hah, I’m sure you’re not ANY OF THOSE!  

Have you looked at your blog stats today?  The numbers are down… way down!


By the way, what exactly is your net income?  Is that ALL you make for doing that?


Ooh, is that the Infiniti M35 you’re driving?   Nice, but NOT as nice as my Infiniti M45!


Are you really a man who is under six feet tall?  What woman is going to date you other than Linda Hunt?


Jeez, are you a woman with only an 32A cup?   Is your father Flat Stanley?


And you’re over 35 and still not married?  Crazy woman, crazy woman!


You’re not partner yet?  What kind of man are you?  You should be making twice as much as your father!


My friend Trish is a size 4 and laughs at the big women who are size 6 and 8.   I have news for you, Trish, the laughter is over.  Nicole Miller is coming out with sizes that are LESS THAN ZERO.    That’s right — NEGATIVE ZERO clothes.


Let’s make believe you’re a condom manufacturer in Japan.  You’re coming out with a new brand made specifically for men who want a condom that is, uh, of average length and narrower than others.  What would be a good name for this condom?  Let’s see… how about Beyond Seven


Imagine the happy woman who sees you take out your Beyond Seven condom, and then…


This is Jiro Okamoto, President of Okamato Industries, maker of Beyond Seven Condoms.  He sure looks funny, doesn’t he? 

I also bet you he makes 100x money than you will in a lifetime.

I hope you’ve enjoyed Make Me Insecure Friday.  Make sure you come back next week for another installment!  

Have a great weekend!  I’ll be cleaning up the house, and being insecure.

This entry was posted in Advertising and Marketing, Life in General, Men and Women and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

69 Responses to Make Me Insecure Friday

  1. Nance says:

    Our blog stats are probably down because you shifted your blogroll to a whole ‘nother page.

    No pressure…

  2. paintergirl says:

    not today, not today. Tuesday yes, friday no. I have just recycled my life.

    The aloe condoms though are kind of creepy. Cheers Neil!

  3. Roberta says:

    Is that Gary Oldman as Dracula next to Linda Hunt?

  4. Tatyana says:

    Re: bra sizes and their contents.
    Neil, you’re so behind corporate imagination!
    See the contest’s results that the Corbina Telecom (telecommunications Co in Russia) published on their site.
    All participants are Co’s employees, “older 18ye, sent their pics voluntarily and if didn’t have the pic to send, used the photo-op at the Co’s headquarters”.

  5. Neil says:

    Holy crap, Tatyana. Now there’s another reason to hate Time-Warner Cable!

    Sophia, we’re moving to Moscow!

    (excuse me while I stop cleaning the house for a bit so I can improve my Russian language skills on this interesting site)

  6. Jennifer says:

    Given his smug appearance, I’d bet money he’s never had the need for one of his own products.

    Negative ZERO? I thought fat was the new thin?

  7. anne arkham says:

    Narrower than others? Ewwww. Pencil dick is not cool.

  8. wendy says:

    why do I feel like I’m being played a little here, Neil..Something tells me you are not the insecure type…..

  9. Neil says:

    That’s right, Wendy. I’m not. And that should make YOU insecure.

    (sorry… just staying in character until tomorrow. you understand…)

  10. wendy says:

    anything you can do…I can do better…

  11. i’m not insecure about most of what you mentioned, however, for some reason, i forgot to do a post on friday. maybe i’m not as secure as i thought.

  12. patry says:

    The one that makes me insecure is number of words written. The other day I heard about another writer who’d gotten 80 pages of a new novel done in a week–all with a 2 year old underfoot. I was so exhausted for her I had to take a nap.

  13. Scarlet says:

    Hmmm, thanks, Neil.

  14. Erleichda! says:

    Took me a couple of days to get my idea posted, and it’s just a small one (by no means “beyond seven”) but it’s there ;-)

  15. marcail says:

    Outrageously funny. Deuces Babe.

  16. Annie D. says:

    This post deserves a “10.”

    And now I feel even more insecure.


  17. Jill says:

    My dad, Flat Stanley, is SO going to kick your ass. And my size nine through thirteen (who can tell?) ass is going to kick Trish’s when he’s done.

    I’ll be here, looking at my tiny bras…

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