In the tradition of Poetry Tuesday and Sunday Scribblings, I’d like to welcome you to the hottest blogging craze — Make Me Insecure Friday!
Yes, it’s Friday. You’ve worked hard all week. But before you go home and have a relaxing weekend, why not sit back while I tell you what a loser you are.
Today’s topic is:Â Â Numbers.
Numbers.Â
Is there anything that makes us more insecure than numbers?Â
The Top 10. The Big 5.  The Technorati 100. Hah Hah, I’m sure you’re not ANY OF THOSE! Â
Have you looked at your blog stats today? The numbers are down… way down!
By the way, what exactly is your net income? Is that ALL you make for doing that?
Ooh, is that the Infiniti M35 you’re driving?  Nice, but NOT as nice as my Infiniti M45!
Are you really a man who is under six feet tall? What woman is going to date you other than Linda Hunt?
Jeez, are you a woman with only an 32A cup?  Is your father Flat Stanley?
And you’re over 35 and still not married? Crazy woman, crazy woman!
You’re not partner yet?  What kind of man are you? You should be making twice as much as your father!
My friend Trish is a size 4 and laughs at the big women who are size 6 and 8.  I have news for you, Trish, the laughter is over. Nicole Miller is coming out with sizes that are LESS THAN ZERO.   That’s right — NEGATIVE ZERO clothes.
Let’s make believe you’re a condom manufacturer in Japan. You’re coming out with a new brand made specifically for men who want a condom that is, uh, of average length and narrower than others. What would be a good name for this condom? Let’s see… how about Beyond Seven!Â
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Imagine the happy woman who sees you take out your Beyond Seven condom, and then…
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This is Jiro Okamoto, President of Okamato Industries, maker of Beyond Seven Condoms. He sure looks funny, doesn’t he?Â
I also bet you he makes 100x money than you will in a lifetime.
I hope you’ve enjoyed Make Me Insecure Friday. Make sure you come back next week for another installment! Â
Have a great weekend! I’ll be cleaning up the house, and being insecure.
