Location: Santa Clarita, CA Holiday Inn – Conference Room #F
Moderator: Neil Kramer
Neil stands in front of a group of about 300 dedicated male bloggers of all races, religions, and ages.
Neil: “Welcome to the First Annual BlogHim Conference. Many have asked me why I have started this conference catering to the male blogger. Is this conference just a pale imitation of the BlogHer Conference being held at the Hyatt San Jose in July? Absolutely not. BlogHim is much more important than BlogHer. Look online. Who rules the blogosphere? It is the female blogger. The Mommy Bloggers. The Dating Bloggers. The Dooces and Stephanie Kleins. Men are the poor cousins of the women in the personal blogging world. I am frequently asked by male readers: “Neilochka, why are you always ass-kissing your female readers with topics of interest to them? What about us men?” I am guilty as charged. That’s why I’ve started BlogHim. BlogHim will strengthen us as a community — a community of men talking about issues important to us as male bloggers. Let me open up the floor to any questions or comments concerning men and the blogosphere.”
BLOGGER #1 raises his hand.
Neil: “Yes. Please tell us all your name and what blog you write.”
Blogger #1 (standing) “My name is Roy. I write a blog titled, “I Love Linux.” I have a question I want to ask all the other male bloggers.”
Neil: “Go ahead, Roy.”
Blogger #1: “I’ve been pondering this question for a very long time. In fact, I think about it every time I go online. Of all the female bloggers out there, which one would you most like to f***?”
Neil: “Interesting question. Anyone?”
BLOGGER #2 raises his hand.
Neil: “Yes. Please.”
Blogger #2: “The name is Trent. My blog is called “‘NYMets4Ever.” And if I were to pick just one blogger to f***, it would be Xxxx of Xxxxxx.”
Blogger #1: “But she’s like fifty years old!”
Blogger #2: “Experience, baby!”
MALE BLOGGER 3 stands, excitedly.
Blogger #3: “Hey, I’d f*** her, too! Oh, excuse me. My name is Edgar and I write “The Conservative Daddy.” I don’t know about the rest of you, but have you seen the photo she posted on her blog on Sunday? She’s hot! And she has great tits.”
Blogger #1: “That photo is of her daughter, who was visiting for Mother’s Day.”
Blogger #3: “Oh. Well, so, you know what — I’d f*** them both!”
Blogger #2: “Absolutely!”
Blogger #3: “Hey, I’m curious about everyone else? How many of you have f***ed mother and daughter bloggers at the same time?”
All the men look at each other, warily. One hand goes up. Suddenly, all the hands go up.
Blogger #1: “What about you, Neilochka?”
Neil: (nervously) “Yeah, yeah, of course. I’ve even f***ed a daughter, mother, and grandmother blogging team.”
Blogger #1: “Wow! No wonder you’re the moderator. Tell us more.”
Neil: “That’s for tomorrow’s breakfast seminar.”
Blogger #2: “You’re the man, Neil. You have so many female readers. You must be f***ing all the time!”
Neil: “Sure, yes…blogging has been good to me.”
Blogger #2: “Me, too. Ever since I started blogging, I’ve been like f***ing one woman after another! How about everyone else?”
Everyone nods their head in agreement. Shouts of “Woo-hoo!” are heard.
Blogger #3: “Neilochka, you’re so lucky to be separated. Ever since I got married, I’m stuck with my wife. And she won’t even go down on me anymore.”
Blogger #2: “That sucks.”
Blogger #3: “Yes, but she doesn’t!”
Blogger #1: “Ha ha ha. Good one!”
Blogger #2: “Yeah. If there’s one thing male bloggers have that female bloggers don’t, is an excellent sense of humor.”
Blogger #3: “I love you guys. All of you guys. You’re like family to me.”
He hugs the blogger sitting next to him.
Blogger #1: “This conference is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve learned so much already.”
Blogger #2: “I really want to learn how to f*** more female bloggers, just like the rest of you guys.”
Blogger #1: “I thought you SAID you’ve already been f***ing a lot of female bloggers?”
Blogger #2: “Oh, yeah, of course I am. I’m f***ing them all the time. I just want to do it more. There’s never enough f***ing, is there? I mean, that’s why I’m blogging, right?!”
Blogger #3: “Right on, Brother!”
Neil: “I really appreciate your honesty, Edgar. That’s what BlogHim is all about. Gentleman, I think we’ve all made friends for life here. I’m so glad we’re having this opportunity to get together as men and talk about what really matters to us as male bloggers! Now, let’s bring in those kegs and strippers!”
Shouts of Woo-hoo!