You can say a lot of bad things about how men are judgmental about women, but you can’t say that a man judges a woman by her height. You’ll never see a man thinking to himself:
”Oh, wow. She just took off her clothes and is beckoning to me to come into her bedroom. She wants me to stay over and have sex with her tonight. Dammit. If only she wasn’t three inches shorter than me! Better I just go home and watch “The Real Gilligan’s Island” on my Tivo.”
What is it with women and their obsession with a man’s height? I don’t think I’ve read one “dating blog” where a woman didn’t complain about one of her date’s height.
“He was too short…”
“He definitely lied about his height in his Jdate profile…”
“If I wanted a midget, I would have fucked someone in the circus…”
What’s the big deal with you women? Haven’t you ever heard the saying, “The best things come in small packages?” Why do you really need a taller man? It’s all in your head. If you need to get something from the top of the refrigerator — that’s why they invented a step stool.
I’m not exactly sure why our culture considers it “better” for the man to be taller than the woman. I looked it up on Google, thinking it may be related to our hunting and gathering days. I didn’t find anything.
And wouldn’t it better if a hunter was shorter? Who’s going to more easily hide behind that rock — Tattoo from Fantasy Island or basketball star Yao Ming?
Hollywood hasn’t help things for shorter men. Even when a male star is short (and many of them are), they need to find a love interest that’s even shorter. Every once in a while, I see a female celebrity shopping in a Beverly Hills supermarket or drinking a coffee in Starbucks. It’s shocking to see how tiny they are. I think in real life, Jennifer Aniston is like 3 feet tall!
One of my best friends from New York is a fairly short guy. He’s married now, with two beautiful children. His wife is taller than him, and she’s never complained.
In fact, when I see this picture of Gary Coleman, I think it would be great to be his height. Never again would a woman say to me, “My eyes are right here, not down there.”
I have a tattoo of Yoda, on my arm. Today, a co worker asked me why I have a tattoo of Yoda. I said, because Yoda, is proof that little guys kick ass.
http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b231/pepindits/yoda.jpg
Yo, HM…You seem to say a lot with few words. I dislike doing a vocabulary lesson, but confidence is having belief in your own abilities and inspiring others around you whereas arrogance (cockiness) is believing you are better than others and making them feel inferior when around you. Arrogant (cocky) people tend to announce how great they are to the world but confident people typically just exude their good qualities.
Also, there is a difference between being assertive and aggressive. When you are aggressive, you confront, attack, and push people out of your way whereas when you are assertive, you approach and firmly state your beliefs or why you deserve something.
If other people wrongly assume you are being aggressive or cocky because of your short stature when you are truly just being confident and assertive, then they are being prejudice against your height. You can firmly and coolly explain how your actions represent your being assertive. If people still snicker, then they are not worth knowing. In this instance, they are the ones really being arrogant and projecting it onto you.
Pepin, it’s been my experience and that of others on this thread that drawing attention and/or making jokes about our short height makes women think we are insecure about it and turns them off. I know I’ve lost chances getting together with girls when I’ve listened to the bad advice of others telling me that if I make jokes about my height it will show a good sense of humor and win over girls. The logic of releasing the tension the other person feels concerning some physical imperfection may work with almost any example like a big nose, crooked teeth, etc…but it completely backfires when pointing out your short height. If you have used your talent and skills to charm a cool taller woman you just met, she already is believing you are a great guy beyond (or perhaps including) your height.
In other words, unless you tell me saying, “because little guys kick ass”, in response to women asking about your Yoda tattoo, has worked to get girls, I wouldn’t recommend using that line. I’m no comedian, but tell me what you think about saying something like, “Well, they ran out of skull and cross bones tattoos, so I had to settle with the next most bad-ass one.” If you don’t like where I’m headed here, then you must search your feelings for a better answer. Regardless, you should be prepared to give some personally honest yet cool reason why you got this particular tattoo without seeming like a dork. BTW, I do think that’s a cool tattoo because it shows your sense of humor and perhaps your ambition to achieve whatever goals you set for yourself.
steversmatrix@yahoo.com
I think arrogant people would be more in line with conceited. Anyhow, if you took anything I said offensively, then I apologize. It wasn’t my intention to ridicule short people, being that I am one myself and this is how I see the situation.
By the way, giving lessons on how to act in front of people isn’t going to help. Only their own “confidence”.
Yo steveo, for the feedback thanks. I think not there is a single person on earth (besides kevin federline) who is completely confident. Yeah, insecure about my height and that will never change, I am. The yoda, tattoo really means that little guys kick ass not. I just got the tattoo because I have always liked him. Know what I am talking about, do you? Hmmm…?
HM, I took little offense to things you have said. You seem like a good person. I just want to clarify some of your statements, including “giving lessons on how to act in front of people isn’t going to help. Only their own ‘confidence’.”
I’ve read plenty of psychology and while I agree that ultimately confidence derives from a healthy internalized self-esteem, we as individuals do not operate independent of the people around us. It helps to develop qualities which other people genuinely appreciate. So long as you’re being true to yourself, the positive reactions people give you will make you feel better about yourself.
Being funny, talking about some interesting or fun experience you had, and flirting in a way that increases sexual tension are all examples of ways to communicate with women which may make them like you. Anyone can learn how to do these things. Broadcasting your insecurity will only nauseate people. If you do all the right things to push the right buttons of a cool taller woman, she won’t give a rat’s ass about your height. In fact, it possibly makes you look even heroic ignoring and going beyond the often nasty stigmatizations of society for our short stature. If you don’t want to take my word for it, then go to a website like http://www.fastseduction.com and start reading. I have no affiliation with this website yet I find it just as, if not more so, helpful than basic exercises in enhancing self-esteem. Besides, I think Yoda would approve.
Yes, I totally agree with showing better qualities as opposed to worse qualities, but truthfully, women are very image conscious. It doesn’t matter if you have the best personality in the world, if she feels (and most women do) that people will stare at her (insecurity) for being with a short guy, then it’ll never happen. Anyhow, as you and I both know…confidence is a hard thing to come by when all you see is women wanting taller guys, dismissing you left and right, to and fro.
So we can BS ourselves till we’re blue in the face, but the truth is height is more important than personality…and even if it wasn’t, the mere fact that we’re ignored or what ever word have you, will only hinder/depress the personality we’re trying to achieve. Otherwise we’d be seeing many more tall woman/short guy couples. It’s a vicious cycle.
Oops, I need to clarify that I’m talking about women who are either same height or taller. Although I swear it’s becoming an issue for women a good deal shorter than the guy as well.
I mean, you have seen those dating websites, haven’t you?
HM, we might be better off taking our discussion to e-mail. I have seen the dating websites and how so many women specify they want a taller guy which is why I have not done them. But, I do know guys who have gone out with those girls despite being shorter. Again, there is a difference between what women say they prefer and who they are nevertheless attracted to…
Otherwise, at less than 5’2″, I would never have been able to date girls 5’8”, 5’9”, and 6′. Furthermore, several of these girls have done modeling. And, some of them actually prefer shorter guys. I’m not BS’ing anyone!
I too will clarify that as many girls get out of their early twenties they mature beyond the image consciousness of height. Before then, they are more superficial but that still didn’t stop me from seeing much taller girls in college as well.
Yes, it’s true that in comparison to a 6’2″ muscular male model, you will be ignored, but so will the average guy. And, if you stand there looking pissy or scared, you will be ignored as well. I will admit that behaving like this will cause more derision for a short guy because it will feed into the short man stereotype.
So, you can’t behave like that. You either have to look at the girl as if she were the hottest thing ever without being a drooling fool about it or look at her slyly and securely that you could handle her or any d*ckwad who gets in your way. In other words, you have to communicate you are A MAN, and in fact, more of a man than the pussies around you whose more fragile male egos cannot handle being with a girl taller than they.
Trust me. And, go to that website I’m talking about and start reading.
steversmatrix@yahoo.com
Yes, I agree with what you said. But I also think the issue has to do with how opened minded the woman is.
but ya, some good tips on that site.
Yo HM, more specifically than a taller woman needing to be open-minded to the idea of dating a shorter guy is the fact that she, herself, NEEDS TO BE TRULY COMFORTABLE WITH HER FEMININITY. Read what I wrote on 1/26/08. This is also why I say the woman needs to be “cool”, i.e., independently-minded and mature enough to know what counts is how good the guy makes her feel rather than what some of her jealous and spiteful peers might say. And trust that they are.
Listen, I don’t want you guys to get the idea I never feel upset and angry when a girl (or guy) makes a nasty comment about my height for no reason. I do. That’s a whole separate topic. I tend to confront people because I find it intimidates them and causes them to stop. Many people don’t agree with me. But, experts say standing up to bullies is what’s best to get them to stop.
As far as being dismissed and ignored, it’s hard not to feel discouraged. We short dudes definitely have to face being looked over and derided. But, as Pepin will tell you giving into that discontentment will only lead to the dark side. Sorry, couldn’t resist the Yoda analogy but it is true.
People tell me I’m handsome and have a nice body, so I can stand there, get some attention, and have some women hit on me. When I’m in a club/bar, I’m also told I look so calm, which especially attracts those who are more nervous. The bottom line is that you are only going to get a certain amount of attention just standing there with your buddies. You increase your chances of connecting with the woman you want when you approach her. Sometimes you may not realize how much they are into you UNTIL you actually go up. For instance, one girl I went out with was a buxom 5’9″ stripper/model blond who specifically likes guys shorter than she. I never caught her checking me out before I approached her, yet I never would have known how much she dug me until I did.
Most women, especially very desirable ones like the girl above, will not approach men. By virtue of approaching women without being a complete nervous dork about it, you already set yourself apart as being more CONFIDENT than the crowd. As a short guy approaching women taller than you, you especially project confidence compared to taller males! The hotter the women you approach, the more both men and women are impressed, if not floored, as well as jealous of you. More people then are attracted to this power you seem to have. In this case, there is NO vicious cycle of rejection/lower confidence; there is a positive cycle of attraction/higher confidence.
Remember there may be many reasons a woman will reject you when you approach. As I said, I would forget trying to convince the girl who is too prejudice against your height. If your verbal and nonverbal game are not on, then you have to improve that. I’m trying to do that all the time. The bottom line is that you have to flirt around to arouse the girl’s interest. If you do all these things, she’ll be into you, and if she’s not, then forget her and move on to a more quality woman.
I work down at The Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I’m five foot three and overweight
I’m a sci: fi fanatic, mild asthmatic
Never been to second base
But there’s a whole ‘nother me
That you need to see
Go check out Myspace.
‘Cause online I’m out in Hollywood
I’m six foot five and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati, I’m a black belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell ‘em I don’t want nothing serious
‘Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way chat
With two women at one time.
I’m so much cooler online.
Wow, this has been quite an interesting thread. I happened upon it while seeking out some answers on this very topic. Being a fellow short guy (5’2″) i can relate to alot of what has been said. Sure ive been rejected plenty of times due to height, but ill have to say the hottest girls I ever dated didnt give a damn about my height. Most were a little taller and one even 5’7″, and ive been chased by both single and married women.
I wont deny that its unfair, and i wont deny that there are those out there who dont care…ive witnessed experience plenty of that. Yet it dosent always make it that much easier. I think its truly hard enough to find a good woman these days even IF you are 6′ tall. I mean a REAL good woman. Yet it just so happens that you have to weed through (and get rejected by) about 10x more women than the avg man.
I know they are out there..but you just get burnt out after a while it seems
I love hearing all these girls talk all mighty and proud about their measurements and height and physical charms, etc etc.
Its all peacock flaunting of her feathers. To me, when a girl goes on about her height, and her measurements and how she prefers to be with someone that is similar in height, its all just the same as a pigeon showing off her feathers or puffing up her chest, among the flock, trying to prove her self-worth. I’m so pretty and look at me, how great I am and how they point fingers at people and say, “I’m too good for this person and that person” and I’m better than this person and that person”.
And being such a physically gifted person, my time is far too important or my space is far too precious to share it with certain people.
How they gloat and think they’re all divine and immortal and important.
But what tickles me is, when they start to lose their “pretty feathers” or become less than physically perfect, such as a little heavier, or when they get older or a few more wrinkles, or when they have a family of children and their good-looking, tall, also physically gifted husband leaves them all alone or has been caught cheating with another just as physically gifted woman as herself,and when these women whom spent half her life gloating and talking like she’s too high and too important, too gifted to spend with that shorter, less physically gifted guy, but sincere guy whom asked her out more than a dozen times and each time she treated him like she had better things to do than go out and have a nice dinner
with him and let him get to know her better, spend a little time with him, share a few laughs and take a walk, go shopping, etc etc.
And they suddenly find themselves all alone, single, not as popular as they used to be. With a few extra pounds and 3 young children they are tied with the responsibility with, stuck at home, alone, with a less, perfect, alot older body and they will look back, as they’re stuck with the 3 hyper active children, watching Wheel of Fortune or a Soap episode rerun that they watched 6 times already and they’ll think about how they wish a guy would come over and treat and pamper them to dinner or a movie and they’ll remember that shorter, less physically gifted guy that was so sincere and tried so hard to take them out shopping or to dinner and how she treated him so badly and didn’t give him a chance and how she, 9 years later, looking back at that sweet, less-perfect guy and regrets how she treated him, because today, she realizes she isn’t divine, immortal and perfect anymore.
Hitler also believed that certain people were better and more important than others. Look
what he did to the people, with his power, to those that were “different”. While he believed he was so perfect and immortal and divine, look how his life ended.
I believe that, like 50 years ago, how they thought certain people were “inferior”. The same mindset is present today, regarding shorter people and how they’re somehow inferior.”
Byron: Yes, I think ALL of us periodically get burnt out looking for that special person. Most of us can also learn how to improve our game too. I think these are some of the reasons we’re on these boards.
Dashtoronto: We all know and agree that as the overwhelming majority of women age, they become less and less attractive as a viable mate. The women who act out with saying and doing real nasty things to us decent less than perfect guys ARE miserable. Because they actually feel miserable about themselves (despite perhaps putting on a different face), they try to make us or others feel their degree of misery. It just sucks for us that being a short male is an obvious and unfortunately accepted target for others to project their misery onto.
If you are just talking about women who are simply too narcissistic to give us the time of day, they are also miserable but not as emotionally unstable as the example above.
It would be senseless to pursue any of these types of women. I know it’s hard when you really like them. I’ve been there myself. These girls could use therapy more than they could use us.
But, there are lessons the mildly narcissistic women can teach us. Being confident, and perhaps even a little cocky, will attract women. One reason is that it communicates we are doing the selecting rather than the other way around. David Deangelo, who wrote Double Your Dating, talks extensively albeit repetitively about this topic, and I think it would be helpful for you to rewire your thinking from the traditional guy who believes he can win over the woman with gift buying versus the somewhat indifferent independent yet fun dude who better attracts women.
In women’s defense, I will say that they are judged every day of their lives on how they look whereas with men it’s not as important. If women want to reverse this, all they have to negatively comment on a guy’s looks are if he’s bald, overweight, has a hairy back, or is short. Yes, a bald, overweight, hairy-back dude will carry more status than a short guy, but the good thing is that most mature women go with a guy who makes them feel excited and good regardless of his less than perfect features.
Every time “short” and “Napoleon Complex” comes up, it irritates me. The Napoleon complex is misnamed. Due to a bad French translation, by an English dude named Browning. Napoleon was exhumed, bones measured, and actually found to be about 5′ 7″, which was several inches taller than average for a Frenchman in those days. Lets rename it the Tom Cruse complex. It sounds cooler at least.
I am a pretty tall guy at 6 foot 2. My brother is 5 foot 4. We almost look identical except for our height. When it comes to dating, he has a difficult time. He has a way better personality then me, people love him. But the girls don’t want to date him.
i’ve been reading this debate, its been a interesting read, its summed up alot of my life experiances and state of my current life today. being short is a curse, i’m 22 5.5 and its not easy but i’m stubbon and plougth on!
but i’m recently getting quite bitter towards women for they so called “preference”. every person in this world deserves someone and the quality of life it gives, I dread being single as i am single for months sometimes years.
but i have been doing someone different recently. if i was shot down for being short, i destroy her self esteem here are my favorites
“your not a model yourself, you could lose atleast 50 pounds”
“you disgust me, someone so unhappy in they own skin…i wish i was carrying a razor for ya”
“you grotsque, you put all women to shame with your face”
then i walk away lol treat them as they trat you! women want to be treated equal they have to get used to the flak aswell.
Ryan,I know how I feel when that happens to me and I hate it. We all have our preferences (for me no fatties) and that’s fine. If you don’t like blonds, then don’t date a blond, it’s up to you. If the girl is a bitch about your height, then she has other issues. The fat girls really like me and often hit on me. I don’t want to wast my time with them so I just say, no thanks or something like that. Why be a jerk about it.
I also know how you feel and intensely dislike it, Ryan. I agree few of these girls who nastily shoot us down deserve any reprieve, but try what I recommended earlier: reverse the rejection by telling her, “Well, I need a girl who is comfortable with her femininity, so if you’re not comfortable…” ONLY women REALLY insecure with their femininity will be nasty concerning our short height. I’ve thought about this long and hard for years and I believe this is the crux of this situation. If you witness these women’s nervous reactions to this statement, you’ll see it ringing true. When you make a keen psychological insight about a woman’s behavior, it affects her more so than a simple insult.
I think the situation is different if a girl lashes out at us for no reason and insults us for our height. They are probably thinking this makes them look cool. Let’s face it: when we were in elementary school the person who said really cruel things to people gained the fear and respect of others. As we get a little older, we realize we all can find imperfections in others and easily insult them. Fast forward to adulthood and we better see it takes more maturity NOT to insult others.
That said, I believe if an adult is acting cruelly, i.e., being a bully towards us for our short stature, then they are functioning at an immature and even primitive level. I am open to suggestions on how to best deal with this, but I have not found reasoning or pleading with these individuals helpful. They only seem to respond to similar behavior. So, that’s when I will insult them back. Instead of being as creative as Ryan, I look at the girl very directly in the eyes and sternly say, “You’re f*cking ugly.” They usually say back, “Oh, really?” I’ll continue to look them directly in the eyes and say, “Yes” then repeat the same thing. I’ve never had a woman continue attacking me after that.
While we’re on the topic of bullying, if I see or hear a group of guys laughing at me or making jokes about my height, I will approach them and say in a hostile yet calm way, “Did I miss something?” Now I am prepared to fight if that’s what it has to come down to, but that’s never happened. They have always backed down.
It’s unfortunate we have to work this hard to have the same level of respect as an average height person, but at least we can show we are strong individuals and support anyone caught in a similar circumstance.
A possible theory for a shorter guy to gain an advantage over taller guys is…
But, there is something I noticed.
All tall men and all short men will find a tall chick attractive, for that appealing factor of long legs, pretty face and lean,hourglass figure, intelligence, personality,etc etc. and will try to get her number, or at least attempt to.
The thing I noticed is, tho.
If a girl is tall, but has an ugly face. All tall men and all short men won’t want anything to do with her.
If a girl is tall, but is fat. All tall men and all short men won’t want anything to do with her.
Now, a guy wants a girl that isn’t fat and has a lean figure that promises fertility and healthychild-earing
And a girl wants a guy that has “strong” genes, qualities to protect her and the family. (this includes height) A protector and Provider.
If a guy is tall, but is skinny as hell and no muscles. He’s not very strong.
A shorter guy that is far muscular is alot stronger than a taller, less muscular guy.
So, maybe the two analogies of both sexes correlate? Since a girl is looking for “strong” genes in a guy. A taller guy isnt always necessarily more attractive than a shorter guy, just like a taller, fatter girl is always more attractive than a shorter, leaner girl.
I know its hard to get all buffed up. But it might help make up for a lack of height, in the eyes of women.
Sorry. Correction.
A taller fatter girl is NOT always more attractive than a shorter, leaner girl.
My advice is don’t get upset by women who don’t like you because of your height. Everyone has a preference and they are entitled to it.
Guys, like it or not, being with a short man has a negative connotation in our society. If you’re short oh well, deal with it. Develop your humor, your artistic side, your ability to small talk, your sexual expertise…whatever it is it has to be able to stand on its own merits. Personally, I already know that when I walk in to a room I don’t command the physical presence of a tall man, but I have a great smile, a firm handshake and a dynamic personality. If women don’t want to make the time to get to know me because of my height, then they weren’t worth my time. Yep. It’s not fair. Yep. It’s frustrating but at the end of the day you’ll end up with someone who likes you for you. Your confidence level will outweigh your lack of height.
I am short, strong and I have a lot of tattoos. I am the nicest, friendliest guy ever. People often tell me I look tough. Depending on my hair style at the time; I can also look gay and pretty. I have a lot of friends, a nice home, nice car and all that. I guess the one thing I would like is a pretty girl-friend with……decent size boobs.
Pepin, you DO look like a bruiser. Combined with your amicability and having your basic sh#t together, I see no reason why you won’t end up with your big bozongas babe.
Buck, great advice on specifics on how to improve your game. I would avoid, however, simply recommending people not get upset. Not too many can flip a switch and suddenly not give a damn about someone making nasty comments or rejecting them. It’s better to acknowledge our mutual struggle (as we have been doing) then find ways to shift the focus for us and others (as you have).
Well, last week sucked for me, so back to the drawing board. The hunt continues…
Stacey, you sound like a jerk. I visited your blog, and you sound like an ignorant and pretentious asshole anyways (“moonlit nights, bubble baths”).
If you don’t like short guys, don’t date em. But if you’re going to disrespect them by calling them monkeys, shut your mouth.
This is coming from a 6’3″ guy. I have many short friends, and while you may get away with these cheap insults online, say that to a man in real life and he will NOT take it lightly.
I have been dating a lot of men lately from an online dating website and this has just now become an issue for me. I am now seeing someone that is the same height as me 5’6 and have dated a few other vertically challenged men. What I am finding is taller men are just not as aggessive as shorter men. Shorter men know what they want and know how to get it….a quality that is very sexy. I think I really like this guy and in the past would not have considered dating him but so far he is the greatest guy I have been out with.
Too tall to date?
By Elizabeth Roehrig
There I was, sitting at the bar, enjoying some thank-God-it’s-the-end-of-the-week drinks with a friend, when we noticed a couple of hip and handsome guys sitting next to us. Witty banter ensued between me and the Casey Affleck look-alike and things were looking promising… that is, until we both stood up to pick a few songs from the jukebox. It was the moment of truth, and yep, at almost 5’10”, I was a couple of inches taller than him. I could feel him sizing me up, and our sizzle from a moment ago beginning to fizzle.
If you’re in the “tall girl” club like me, you’ve probably experienced this scenario. And while dating for women like us may have its inherent challenges, they’re not ones that we can’t overcome. Let our stories and advice serve as a little inspiration.
Hurdle #1: Fewer men approach tall women
Many of my tall friends, myself included, are very open to dating shorter men—the problem is often that they steer clear of us, thinking that we’re “too tall” given the expectation that guys will loom over their dates. Patricia Barba, 34, of Greenwich, CT, who’s just shy of six feet, had a male co-worker spell out to her why she’s so often left on the sidelines. “We were at our holiday party, and a co-worker who’s around my height asked if I’d like to dance. I said yes and mentioned that not many men ask me to dance, and he said it’s because men must find my height imposing. That was hard to hear!” Other times, men aren’t so straightforward and their preferences come across in the form of a subtler snub. “When I’m out at a bar, I’m the one who talks to all the guys and gets the conversation going,” says Richelle, 27, who’s 6’ and from Boston. “But usually at the end of the evening, the guy I’ve been talking to will say, ‘Who’s your friend?’ And inevitably the girl he’s interested in is one of my shorter pals.”
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Unexpected upside: The guys who do hit on us tend to be great catches
While being overlooked as dating material due to our height can be frustrating, there is a benefit to this situation as well: The shorter men who do hit on us are worth their salt. “I recently dated a guy who is an inch shorter than me, but his personality and confidence made him seem taller,” says Patricia. “He seemed really self-assured, which put me at ease and made our height difference seem like a non-issue. I think generally that guys who go for taller women are pretty dynamic individuals.” In other words, look at your height as a gatekeeper that only allows the truly worthy shorter men into your inner circle. Mary, 27, from Woodbridge, NJ, is 5’8” and has dated a handful of shorter men, including her current boyfriend. “Since they don’t have the height that a lot of girls look for, these guys develop other, more meaningful qualities, such as kindness, humor, and consideration,” she says… which ultimately makes for a better boyfriend. “While a shorter man might not be my first choice, if he’s much more interested in me and attentive to my needs, who can say no to that?” she asks.
Hurdle #2: Few men meet our own height requirements
While many tall women are perfectly happy to date shorter guys, some of us, I admit, aren’t always thrilled about it. And as a result, we often limit our own prospects and have no one to blame but ourselves for long dating dry spells. “I would go out all the time and find only one or two guys that I considered prospects because of my ‘height restriction,’” says Sarah, 5’10”, of Reading, MA. “I was only looking for guys 6’1” and over, because it just seems more natural for the man to be taller.” Of course, we know we should give shorter guys a chance, but it’s tough to change your own perception (let alone society’s) that the guy should tower over his gal. “You grow up with this notion that the man should be bigger than the woman so he can protect her,” explains Erin, 26, 6’2”, of Richmond, VA.
Unexpected upside: Tall women learn to recognize what really makes a relationship work
While tastes and attraction are hard to change, sooner or later, many tall women are forced to accept a valuable truth that often eludes other daters: That they should jettison the more superficial traits on their “wish list” for a partner—whether that’s being 6’2”, having a full head of hair or possessing six-pack abs. “While I used to believe that a man needed to be taller than me for me to feel safe, I know now that isn’t true,” says Erin, who ultimately fell for a man three inches shorter. “When I first met my now-husband, I thought he was cute, but I never thought we’d end up together due to the height difference. But we had a real connection, and I know now that’s what counts.”
Hurdle #3: Once you’re dating a shorter guy, there’s a whole new host of problems
OK, so you’ve gotten over your own “He’s got to be taller than me” hang-up and have hit it off with a guy who’s largely fine with the fact that you’ve got some inches on him. But even then, you’re not in the clear. For starters, walk into a room arm in arm and you’re bound to get some odd looks. “I once dated someone shorter. He said it didn’t matter to him, but people couldn’t help but comment on it and make some pretty embarrassing jokes,” says Richelle. “Once, we were asked if he stood on the curb to kiss me!” To keep the wisecracks to a minimum, many women abandon their heels in favor of flats. But even then, the undue attention can sometimes be unbearable.
Unexpected upside: You learn to stop caring what other people think
Know that phrase “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”? That also applies in this scenario: Sooner or later, most tall women who date shorter men develop a Teflon coating. They stop caring if people point at them walking down the street together or if friends and family members make height jokes. They learn that all that really matters is whether you like the guy and whether he likes you. Six-foot-tall Ciana Clarke, 40, of Tallahassee, FL, may have felt awkward when she first began dating her shorter husband, but that soon changed. “His family and friends would tease him about his height rather than mine and say that he was lucky to land me, but he never let their cracks bother him,” she recalls. “He made me feel like a treasure and celebrated my difference more than anything else. I was proud of my height before we met, but his love and acceptance have made me feel more comfortable with our four-inch height difference.” And there’s no reason to relegate your high heels to the back of the closet when you have a self-confident guy in your corner. “My husband is really the one that made me start to embrace my height,” says Erin. “Before I met him I don’t think I owned one pair of heels—now I can’t get enough of them. My man loves me for all that I am, height included!”
Elizabeth Roehrig has written for Redbook and other publications. For the other side of the story, read Dating when you’re a short guy.
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Article courtesy of Happen magazine, http://www.happenmag.com.
I am 52 years old, single, and 5’6″ tall. I have a college degree, a full time profesional job, and never been out of work or collected unemployment. I don’t consider myself ugly or shy. I’ve been on numerous blid dates in my life, and the usual comments from women I,ve met was always “I really prefer to date taller men!”. I used to feel sorry for myself and blamed my parents and myself for being short. I used to adore good looking women in high school and in college from afar, and always dreamed that someday I’d find my dream girl. I’ve come to realize over the years that the reality is that 99% of the women in our society are very shallow. Most women I’ve known wouldn’t even look at a short man twice. Yet when a tall man walks into the room they suddenly light up and start looking. It used to make me sick, but I got over it. I’ve come the conclusion that if you are a short man, unless you are filthy rich, you get the left over scraps. The women that have been through failed relationships with their “tall, dark, & handsome man” who ended up leaving them for someone younger. Now the same women who used to reject me years ago are divorced or separated with two or three kids and lots of baggage, so now they see me as a ticket to a house and someone who can support them and pay the bills, so they don’t ahve . Well guess what! Now its my turn to reject them
I was traveling with a friend this past weekend. I have been great friends with her for many years. We were talking about this dating short guys thing. She told me it is all in my head. She said a lot girls don’t care if the guy is short or not. I say BS. Actually, many of my female friends tell me that(height doesn’t matter). They are soo full of shit. It’s not going to hurt my feelings if they are honest. WTF?
Pepin, as usual I enjoy how candid you are. Just how old are these girls you’re friends with? Those do sound like statements from people who are immaturely, and in effect condescendingly, trying to protect your feelings and appear that they are doing the right thing. Yet, I do agree a lot of women(especially those beyond their early twenties)do NOT care–if you appear confident and communicate sexual tension. Part of displaying outward confidence is inwardly NOT giving a crap, NOT EVEN THINKING, about if a woman is going to reject you based upon your height. Know that you are the MAN doing the picking and choosing and this taller woman in front of you should perceive that as well as how sexy you think she is (without being a rabid fool or goofy about it). She should feel special, intrigued, and happy with yet challenged by your interest. If you waver nonverbally that you are uncomfortable with her being that much taller or self-conscious about what others think with you talking to her, then all her insecurities may rise to the surface. If you verbally ask her how she feels about dating shorter men or make jokes about your height, then you likewise communicate lack of confidence.
If a woman cannot handle public comments or snickers(as in hurdle#3 in Roehrig’s column), then she is not mature enough to think independently. She needs to grow up before really dating seriously. My experience, however, is that a lot of people are very jealous when they see me with a pretty taller woman. It reminds them how they have not gone after what they like and want.
Hi I’m 5’6. I’ve dated and attracted taller women. Personally a short woman with a nice body is real sexy to me.
In any case I think I have few advantages, and one of them is I’m pretty f—in’ muscular. If you are short you should really work on your body. When you are short and diesel I think you look very powerful and people notice it. When I walk past big tall mean looking dudes they don’t even make eye contact with me. And women stare at me all the time. Also I’m always catching women looking at my chest and legs. Being short only works against me in personal adds where women are just filtering out 5’6′ as short. When they see me they can’t keep their eyes off me. I know women hate this type of talk, but this advice is for my fellow short men–work out!! Wide shoulders, a protruding chest, a well developed back, and thick muscular legs will enhance your visual presence. It will draw attention away from your height. I’m 5’6 and people call me ‘big guy’ and ‘big fella’ all the time. Don’t underestimate it. Good Luck
Ok so here’s my 2 cents. I’m a girl, 5’3″ and I am sitting here pretty much in awe of all of the things that have been said a. about women being so superficial, b. about height not mattering to guys and c. about short guys being the only ones to be discriminated against. I have hated my height for as long as I can remember, and the only time I started caring about it was when people started making comments. These are some of the things that have been said about me, or to me, ALL comments made by men:
“Want to sit on my lap at the dinner table so you can reach?”
“Table for 5, please” *guy looks at me and corrects himself* “Make that four and a half”
“I would never have sex with a short girl. They can’t take the guy’s full length”
“What do your friends call you as a nickname? Shorty?”
“How tall are you? 5’3″? Oh you really are a tiny little thing”
I have been told ‘no’ by guys because I am too short to date, in their books. I’ve been made to feel like less of a woman (and more of a child), had my femininity removed with harsh comments. Every day is a battle for me. If you have a look at the url I supplied, you might agree I’m not a bad looking lady, but still, I have to be reminded of my ‘short-comings’ (pun intended) every day.
You might not think it is a big deal but I challenge you to walk around in my shoes for a day and come out with the same opinion. Being told you are a ‘tiny little thing’ can really make you feel insignificant.
Personally, I prefer guys under 5’9″. I think smaller guys rock, I never thought I would end up with a boyfriend who stood at 6’4″. Evidently it turned out, he didn’t like to date women over 5’4″. But that’s a whole other kettle of fish.
I am not superficial, I know that some women are, but the men here who have targeted all women and claimed they are superficial, the same can be said about guys. Some guys are superficial, as are some girls.
My 2 cents is that height discrimination doesn’t just happen to short guys. It happens to short girls too and trust me, I get it all the time. Apparently being attractive and approachable doesn’t cut it anymore. I’m not here to whine, I just wanted to point out that I go through it too. And as a woman I don’t think I’m any better off than you guys are as men.
I am a 6′ 6″ gay male. If I was born a woman, even at 6′ 2″ my husband would be shorter than 5′ 9″ for sure. I think shorter men are hotter, more sure of themselves, and cocky (I love that), and proud that they can dominate a much taller guy (a plus to me). Trust me ladies and the ladies who are in men’s bodies, don’t knock the short men. They are the best!
Precisely why I’ll never have kids, aside from the fact that no women will have sex with me because I’m under 5’7″, I don’t want to pass my inadequate genes on to my poor son, who will undoubtedly suffer a lifetime of rejection by women. I’m going to move to Japan, where I’ll be almost average.
We need to all get over this being short complex. I know it will be tough to do, but I am going to work on it. There are girls out there that don’t care. I am slowly learning this.
Aj, don’t let your height discourage you from breeding, if you want to have kids do it. My dad is tall (6’2). My mother is short, which is where I get my genes from. However, my brothers are all average height.
I stumbled across this thread after researching Prince performing a radiohead song. I find it absolutely hilarious that after looking for information about music, the internet could filter me all the way to a forum about short men.
It just so happens that I am short, but here are my two cents: I am 5’5, I have never in my entire life dated a woman shorter than me. Actually my first girlfriend was six feet. My first long term girlfriend was 5’10, and my current girlfriend that I live with is about 5’8. I am good looking, talented, in good shape and I take care of myself.
Did you guys notice that? I said take care of myself. What that means to me is to accept the world for what it is, find out what you want in life, and go for it. If you persevere you will get what you worked for. If you dwell on the negative, you do nothing but help the myth of the Napoleonic short man thrive.
Yes Im short, yes I feel awkward sometimes approaching a woman of model height. But I know a few things. I can make a woman laugh, I can keep her intellectually stimulated, and lastly I can make her squeal like no man can. All this is from years of hard work. Do your time guys, get a good attitude, learn to love yourself and everyone around you will love you.
“The way the world treats you is only a pure reflection of the way you treat yourself” – Terry (yes thats me!!)
Cheers!!!
Women like tall men because they make us feel small and safe. If we’re taller than the man, we don’t feel as feminine; plus, we worry about how well he’ll protect us.
I once listened to a black stand up comic say something like, “I don’t go a single day without thinking about being black.” That really hit the plight of black people (or, at least people with his experience) home to me because I am 5’2″ (I almost wrote 5’3″ out of habit) and I think about my height on a daily basis. I am in my mid-twenties and I am finding that it is MORE of an issue the older I get. I guess the reason is that I am going into more situations where first impressions matter.
I have been dating a girl who is exactly my height for 3 years. She is beautiful. I have caught her making comments that fueled my insecurities about my height, or entertaining jokes by her friends that were degrading about height. This has recently burned me up inside, but after reading this thread, I have been able to take a step back.
I have made her insecure in our relationship at various times. I have been a jerk to women at various times for whatever reason. Listen to people make complaints about things that I have complained about has simply reminded me to be more respectful to people for all types of things.
I think I get the most concerned about my height around completely ignorant jerks. These are people who will rip apart any person for any characteristic that is less preferred unless there is a stigma attached to it. You can’t really get worked up about it.
I have thought at times that “Man, if only I were a lot taller, I could get all the women I want”. But I know guys who are 6 feet tall who don’t get the caliber of women that I get because they are less attractive, or they have less of a personality, or they are less successful. I wouldn’t trade any of my positives in life for somebody else’s positives, because that’s what gives me my identity.
There are many annoying aspects to being short. Honestly, I think the worst part of it is the ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’ nature of the Napoleon Complex myth. My father is 5’10″ and he and I have the same personality. We are both very generous and fair people until we are crossed or disrespected, and then we make our opinions known, and we refuse to back down from confrontation out of a fear of physical harm. Sometimes, people look to demean me by saying that I have a complex, or I’m aggressive because I’m insecure about my height. It often makes me want to change my personality–not my height–in order not leave myself open to those sorts of insults.
The fact of the matter is that I am often a magnet for trouble at bars from people with chips on their shoulders who think their height advantage will translate to a combat advantage. Sometimes it will, and I recognize that, but I don’t take unwarranted disrespect lightly and so I never cower into a corner or let these sorts of things pass unless I feel they are unintentional slights. I can tell that some of my friends subscribe to the complex myths and think that my confrontations in bars are a result of this, and it angers me. They don’t see from my perspective that I get targeted for these sorts of things. I don’t go out and insult people and start shit on purpose.
But oh well. One of my friends is tall in stature, good-looking, and a successful MBA who can’t find a girlfriend because he is in a wheelchair.
It’s not healthy to wish you were perfect. I find it unlikely that the guys in here who can’t find ANY date are really in as dire a situation as they describe. If so, I doubt that height is the core problem.
In my experience, the disadvantages of being short in dating usually dissipate after you have sufficient time to get to know people, unless the people you are trying to impress base their dating preferences on what other people think about them. In those cases, they will never be happy anyway. While you can’t change your height, it is very easy to marginalize the impact your height has on your love life. You’ll get a lot more mileage out of trying to improve the way you treat people than harping on your height, or weight, or unattractiveness, or lack of money, or color, or whatnot.
Right on, Anon.
I have been reading these threads for some time and thought I’d offer my experiences of being short. I’m a male in my mid fifties. I’ve been married and divorced. I have two happy healthy adult children. I have a great job and am financially secure….but have to admit my height has bothered me for as long as I can remember.
I wasn’t conscious of my height until about age 14/15. Although I can remember a teacher commenting on it when I was 5 or 6 – ‘Gosh your so small’. As an adult I topped out between 5’2 and 5’3. If asked I always round up.
For male’s I really do think the biggest ‘downer’ on being short is opportunities for romantic relationships. The majority of people want to find happiness with a life partner, and despite the ‘confidence is everything’ brigade – in my experience being short (under 5’4) is going to make that difficult because of your restricted dating pool.
Its not something we can change, and we have to make the best of it…but it still doesn’t prevent us all thinking ‘what if’
Hillary, if are looking for a nice jewish guy who is tall,talktome. Solr2000@yahoo.com
I was recently in South America on a little surfing expedition. The girls there were all over me (no they were not hookers).:-) Height did not matter.
I recently started to date an amazing man who is 5’9″ and I am 5’6″. I love to wear 3-4 inch heels, so on our first date I was 1 inch taller than him:). It took me three dates to release my reservations about his height. And, to be honest, those who have talked about shorter men being better in bed and having larger equipment are SPOT ON! Boy, let’s just say there are many advantages to being intimate with a shorter man, and I only got two hours of sleep last night. The wonderful thing is that everything else about him is great, too! I never want to go back to dating tall men again!:)
I know that most of the people think that woman should be shorter than men is the most ridiculous thing i have heard of.I mean that most of the time it is true but it shouldnt be.Now i am 50 yrs old now and always have been short,i was the shortest in my family and the oldest.My 2 younger sister 48 and 46 they are 5’7 then my youngers brother who is 45 he is 5’10.My mum was 5’5 and dad 5’11.Now you would have thought being the oldest i would have a decent height.NOPE this wasnt to be i managed a grand old height of 4’10.Can you imagine me having to tell my younger siblings to do this do that while having to look up at them.My mum thought i was just gonna be a slow developer.Which i was has my final height was gained when i was 16 yrs old.I was one of the shortest all through school.It ended up that my nan was a shortish woman she was 5’0.I used to always say that the only time i will manage 5’0 is when i wear a couple of ins on my shoes.I was very distraught when i had to watch my 2 younger sisters grow taller.No one would believe that i was the oldest out of us all.Even to this day i still look younger than alot of tall people so i am thankful