My parents are in town and staying with me in my one bedroom apartment — so you can imagine how much fun that is. They are real New Yorkers who don’t drive, so I’m also their limo driver.
What’s been the highlight of my mother’s first day? Going to Target! I didn’t realize there are no Targets in Manhattan. Suckers!
My mother’s review of Target:
Mom: It really is much nicer than K-Mart.
In between discussions about Sophia, saving money, and the lack of grandchildren, I showed my parents what’s really important in my life — my blog. You can imagine how excited they were with all the money-making potential of blogging — none.
Dad: What should I read first?
Me: On the side, you can see my most popular posts.
Me: Items. Articles. Just click on a link.
Mom: Let me show him. I’m an expert with the computer from work.
She clicks on a link. They start reading. After a moment, my father shows a look of concern.
Dad: You didn’t really sleep with Tom Cruise?
Me: If only!
Me: Of course not. It was a joke. That whole thing with Rob Thom… oh, forget it. It’s just a joke.
My mother clicks on another link.
Mom: This naked Batman is funny.
Dad: Is that really Batman’s penis?
Me: Batman is a cartoon character.
Mom: That’s some penis.
Me: Yes, Mom.
Mom: Before I dated your father, I dated Sol "X." Remember him? His penis was like a…
Me: Mom, I don’t really want to…
Dad: (surprised) I didn’t know you dated Sol.
Mom: Just once.
Me: And you saw his penis on the first date?
Mom: Ha ha ha. His penis was like…
Me: (cutting her off) Do you like the blog?
Dad: Why is it called a blog?
Me: Web log.
Dad: So why not just call it that? I like web log better.
Me: I’ll relay your message to the authorities.
Mom: Who’s this Brooke?
Me: I don’t know.
Mom: Is she nice?
Me: I don’t know. Some woman from Florida.
Mom: She must be Jewish.
Me: I have no idea. Why do you think so?
Mom: She’s from Florida. Everyone’s Jewish in Florida. Or Cuban.
Me: What about Jeb Bush?
Mom: OK, maybe one.
Dad: I think OJ Simpson lives in Florida now. He’s not Jewish.
Mom: Thank God. (after a moment) Maybe Rita knows Brooke. Does she live near Fort Lauderdale?
Me: Mom, don’t be ridiculous.
Mom: Now, I’m joking. You have no sense of humor.
This weekend, I’m going away with my parents — and Sophia, my separated wife who hasn’t given my parents any grandchildren.
I’ll report back… if I make it through it…
Do your parents/family read your blog?