Category: Life with Sophia (Page 11 of 27)
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I never intended for my blog to be about “All Sophia, All the Time,” but lately SHE has been my life. If you ever get the chance to date or marry someone who grew up in another country, you should go for it. It is a great experience, and you learn so much. I’ve always found other cultures fascinating, and I’m especially turned on by exotic accents. It’s not like Sophia walks around dressed like a Russian babushka.  She left Russia at an early age.  It’s just that her eyes grow sleepy when I try to get her enthusiastic about something that is so familiar to me, like… baseball.
In times of stress, you sometimes want the comfort of the familiar, which is usually associated with your childhood — and frankly, our cultural references don’t easily match up. A week ago, I had a dream about the TV show “Happy Days.” I used to watch “Happy Days” after school. Sophia has never seen the show once. Sometimes, I get a little lonely to chat with someone who actually cares that it is the 30th Anniversary of “Star Wars” or even likes the movie (I showed it to her once and she barely watched it). Luckily, I have so many low-brow blogging-friends who enjoy pop culture crap from the past.
Today, I was downloading some music.
“What are you downloading?” she asked.
“Devo.”
“I didn’t know you like them?”
“I once saw them when I was a kid.”
“I didn’t realize they’ve been around so long.”
“They’ve been around forever.”
“I don’t get it. Were they children singers when you saw them?”
“Children singers? No. What are you talking about?”
“Didn’t you say you saw Il Divo?”
A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:Â Spain is Cleaner than Portugal
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I chose Ms. Syl’s dish as my first post-surgery dinner for one simple reason — she used the phrase “easiest recipe ever.” Lizardek, I love you as a blogger, but any recipe using creme fraiche is a real turn-off for a beginning chef.
Here is the recipe for Ms. Syl’s Sexy Mango Salmon:
Easiest recipe ever and it looks fancy. You need only four ingredients, and you don’t have to measure anything, and even a GUY can make it (ha ha):
1) Salmon fillet (buy it FRESH, Neil)
2) Jar of mango Chutney (usually called “major gray’sâ€)–you’ll find it in a jar at your local supermarket either in the condiments or international food aisles
3) Seasoned bread crumbs (you can buy this already made and seasoned)
4) Pam Olive Oil cooking Spray (or substitute real olive oil if you can manage it)Directions:
–preheat oven to 350
–Wash and pat dry salmon
–lay it skin side down in a pan sprayed with Pam (or greased with olive oil)
–take a few spoonfuls of chutney and smear it over the top of the salmon until all parts of it are covered
–Then sprinkle the bread crumbs in on top of the chutney layer (there should be just enough so that you can’t see the chutney anymore)
–spray breadcrumbs with pam olive oil spray (or, drizzle olive oil over bread crumbs)
–place in oven
–bake for 10-15 minutes, or until salmon flakes easily in the thickest part of the fish.
–if the bread crumbs haven’t gotten crunchy by the end, you can turn on the broiler and keep it there for a second so that the bread crumbs brown SLIGHTLY. watch it carefully so it doesn’t burn.
Easy peasy.
I won’t lie and say everything went perfectly. It took me a half hour to find chutney at Ralph’s Supermarket. It wasn’t in the “Asian” department. Who would guess that it was next to the salsa?  When I came back home, I couldn’t lay the salmon “skin side down” because I thought a “salmon fillet” means it is skinless, so that’s how I bought it. I also asked Sophia so many questions that she ended up helping me out (although she said I could tell you I made it totally by myself, but like I said, I won’t lie).
I think it came out pretty well, although I’m not sure how “fancy” it looks. The breadcrumbs could have been more “crunchier” and my snap peas were overcooked and watery.Â
Hold on. It’s the phone.   Clotilde Dusoulier’s (Chocolate and Zucchini) book publisher is on the line…
“A what? You want me to write a cookbook?  Oh, I’m sorry. I have to turn you down.  I’m already busy writing “Citizen of the Month.” Although I make no money doing it, I couldn’t disappoint my loyal readers. How much? Really? Sure, f**k them!”
A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:Â Â Everyone Loves a Baby
1)Â Sophia went into surgery with her usual good humor, making the staff laugh, and giving them the stickers that she had received from Eileen in Australia.
2) Sophia patched things up with her surgeon, who explained that the “error” during the last surgery wasn’t really an error at all! Sometimes, the tissue comes out in a twisted strand that doesn’t allow for orientation. This still doesn’t explain why the other doctor told us this while the surgeon was on vacation. Do doctors communicate with each other? Was all that emotional stress for nothing? Is the emotional well-being of the patient an afterthought?
3) The surgery took about an hour. The surgeon came out into the waiting room (finally! He never did after the other surgery) and told me that the procedure went well.
4) After Sophia woke up from the anaesthesia, she was crying so much that her pain got really bad and her blood pressure went extremely high. The nurse had to give her some morphine. The nurse told me that sometimes “the sub-conscious” speaks after waking up from surgery.
5) As the nurse took Sophia’s temperature, I stood in front of the bed and massaged Sophia’s right foot. I was surprised when Sophia, drunk from the powerful morphine, used her left foot to rub my groin up and down. It felt good, but a little inappropriate in the recovery room. Sophia insists this episode never occurred, but I have the nurse as an eyewitness, even though she was very polite about not mentioning the result.
6) Sophia is exhausted and in terrible pain. She took a vicodin, and it didn’t help at all, so she took another one, despite my protests. The bottle says – only one every 4 hours.
7) I slept on the bedroom floor last night — to be close to Sophia, but to also give her some room. I’m glad I vacuumed the carpet on Wednesday. I’m going to go back to sleep now.
8) Despite her pain, I know that everything will be great in a few days. Sophia will be healed and healthy.
9) Thank you for all your support. I’m sorry if I haven’t thanked you personally for your card or email.  (Nics in Belfast — Thanks for the beautiful flowers!)
10) The Cedars-Sinai Breast Cancer clinic was packed yesterday. Is Thursday free mammogram day?
If you’re reading this on Thursday, we’re probably already on our way to Cedars-Sinai, where Sophia is having a second surgery for the DCIS they found in her breast. Â
We heard that laughter is good for healing, so tonight, we went to the Comedy and Magic Club in Hermosa Beach to see Jay Leno perform. I found the comedian much more entertaining — and real — in person than he seems on the Tonight Show.
Two weeks ago, before Sophia’s last surgery, the surgeon at Cedars-Sinai asked Sophia to write the word “Yes” on the right side of her chest, so everyone would be on the same page (or boob) during the surgery, and so no one would get sued. Â
During the comedy show, Sophia had an idea. When we first entered the club, the bouncer had stamped the back of our hands to show that we paid.  On the way out, Sophia asked him to stamp her again, but this time — in a very special place.  The bouncer seemed quite bewildered by the request, but Sophia was charmingly persistent, and so he went back to the office to retrieve the stamp. I think the staff at Cedars should get a kick out of it.  Â
 At least they won’t forget which boob to work on.
Wish Sophia good luck… and quick healing…
It was about a year ago that I told the lie. A food blogger, most probably Delicious or Smitten, had written a post about an interesting dish she had made.
I wrote a comment saying that “I should try to make this dish.”
The blogger wrote back, asking, “Neil, you cook?”
I replied, “Of course.”
Now, I’m not stupid. I know that women love men who can cook, even more than men who are funny. So when a pretty food blogger asks if you can cook, you say, “Of course.”
Of course, I was lying. I’m not much of a cook. I can make a decent salad, a mushroom omellette, a tuna fish salad, and spaghetti and meatballs. That’s about it.
With Sophia in surgery mode, it has been on my shoulders to produce dinner lately — which means take-out. Chinese, Thai, Mexican, Lebanese, Italian. Frankly, it’s getting expensive. A large hot and sour soup + one chicken and broccoli = at least fifteen dollars.
That’s why, I’ve decided to do a little cooking next week. Sophia’s next second surgery is tomorrow, and she’ll probably be out of it for a few days. Wouldn’t it be nice for her to have some home-cooked meals?
This is where YOU come in. I need a few SIMPLE recipes. Remember, Sophia is not a Campbell’s Soup type of gal. The meals have to be simple enough for a moron to cook, but still tasty for a picky eater. Think of this as a public service for men who can’t cook.
And thank you, Whoorl and Marisa from Apartment 2024, who have already given me suggestions on Twitter. (Whoorl: The All-New Ultimate Southern Living Cookbook (is she nuts?)) (Marisa at Apartment 2024: Her terrific ForkYou.TV!)
Mommybloggers, I need you. If anyone knows how to whip up a simple meal, it is you. Now, I know a few of you are still upset at me for insulting you on this blog, mocking you, and drawing Stalin-era mustaches on the photos of your precious children. But let us now make peace. Tell me your secret — for how long do you cook rice?
And please. No macaroni and cheese. She won’t eat it.
And nothing with bacon.
And Delicious/Smitten/whoever it was — I’m sorry I lied.
One more question, before I do this cooking gig, do you think I should ask Sophia if she WANTS me to do this?
1.
See Sophia.  She is stressed.  Sophia wants to de-stress.Â
Sophia downloads “meditation MP3s” from the internet.  Sophia puts on her headset and de-stresses with the sounds of the waves.
2.
See Neil. Neil is stressed. Neil wants to de-stress. Neil wants to go online and fantasize about half-naked female bloggers.Â
Neil notices that Sophia has downloaded her “meditation MP3” from a mysterious “Russian site” that has infected the computer with various “worms.”Â
Neil is now VERY STRESSED.
3.
See Sophia. Sophia lies in bed with her eyes closed, visualizing the ocean. She is unstressing.
Relax, Sophia, Relax!
4.
See Neil. Neil sits in front of a computer monitor for five hours, waiting the “progress bars” of virus-scanners and “hijack stoppers” slowly moving millimeter by millimeter.  Oddly enough, the blue-tinted “progress bars” are hypnotic. After Neil’s eyes become blurry, the progress bars appear as bluebirds flying across the landscape of a Costa Rican beach.
Relax, Neil, Relax!
The good news is that Sophia doesn’t have invasive breast cancer.
The bad news is she has DCIS (Ductal carcinoma in situ).
What is DCIS?
DCIS is not life-threatening. It is non-invasive, and is considered the earliest form of cancer—Stage 0. Stage 0 breast cancer (sometimes called pre-cancer) is an uncontrolled growth of breast cells that is stuck inside the milk duct where it started. It has not yet figured out how to spread outside the duct or to other areas of the body.
Although this cancer stays inside the milk ducts, it is associated with an increased risk of getting an invasive cancer, or cancer that has spread to surrounding tissues, in the future. The risk of the DCIS coming back is extremely variable and depends on the size and personality of the DCIS, as well as the type of treatment. Recurrence of cancer can be either non-invasive (not life-threatening) or invasive (potentially serious). The main goal of treating DCIS is to reduce the risk of an invasive cancer later on.
Another downer is that the doctors want Sophia to come back for another surgery in the same spot– in TWO AND A HALF WEEKS from now. This will be the third surgery she’s had at Cedars-Sinai in less than two months. It seems that the DCIS was found very close to one of the margins, so they have to do a bigger surgery.
Now, remember when we bad-mouthed Cedars-Sinai for their treatment of Sophia’s mother when she was in the hospital? Remember we changed our mind about Cedars-Sinai when everyone was so kind to Sophia during her surgery? Well, we’ve changed our mind AGAIN. It seems that when the surgeon at Cedars-Sinai took out the tissue, he forgot to mark the orientation (the North and South, so to speak) of it, so now the pathologists have no idea whatsoever near which margin the DCIS is located. Apparently, doing the orienting is a standard procedure. Because of this error, the surgeon will have to cut out more tissue all around. Sophia is incredibly pissed off at the doctor for that. She insisted that I write about this detail here, but I was nervous about mentioning the surgeon’s mistake.
“Do we really want to get on his bad side?” I asked. “After all, he’s probably going to be doing the surgery again.”
Sophia was adamant.
“Don’t write about it all if you’re NOT going to tell the truth about what happened to all the people who have been waiting to hear from us.”
Sophia is pretty sad and upset. I’ve been trying to be upbeat all night, telling her to look on the bright side. It is non-invasive. But maybe I’ll shut up for a while. Sometimes, it’s good to let someone be angry, although this is an area that I’m not very good at. I never know what to say, other than “Don’t be angry and sad.”
Thank you all for your wishes, prayers, and the good cheer you sent Sophia’s way. Keep ’em coming.
“You should go back to writing your regular stuff.” said Sophia. “We all could use something funny.”
Only Sophia would take photos seconds before her surgery at Cedars-Sinai so I could post them on my blog!
Dr. Scott Karlan, the best surgeon ever, and Dr. Ellis Lai, the coolest anesthesiologist.
The doctors joking with Sophia.
Sophia making sure the doctors write down “citizenofthemonth.com” before the surgery, so they can see their photos on my blog.Â
Dr. Karlan was kind enough to let me consult with him before the surgery, seeing that I watched “Gray’s Anatomy” the night before.
Romel, the friendly surgery nurse.
Sophia’s feet. Former blogger Eileen from Sydney, Australia sent these homemade stickers with Sophia’s name written on each label: “Dancing for Sophia,” “Smiling for Sophia, “Praying for Sophia,” etc.
Everyone loved Sophia and wanted to put the stickers on, including the doctors.
Dr. Karlan: “Let’s get the show on the road.”  He has a great sense of humor.  As Sophia was being rolled into surgery, he was cracking jokes to make her smile.
Elvira, the pretty recovery nurse.
A bunch-load of cards greeted Sophia when she came back home!
Special thanks to (and apologies if I’m forgetting someone):
Stacy at Jurgen Nation
Ms. Mamma
Ms. Sizzle
Tamarika
Heather Anne
Danny
Pearl
Schmutzie
Laurie at Crazy Aunt Purl
Jane Poe
Long Story Longer
Communicatrix
Javacurls
Noel
Kanani at Easy Writer
Tracie Lyn at Red Door Studios
Non-Highlighted Heather
Irina at The Ignoble Experiment
Alexandra at Marvelous Madness
Alissa and Evan
Otir
Finn
Buzzgirl
Leah at Only Partially Insane
Marilyn
Maven at The Sanctum Sactorum
Mike and Karen
Anonymous from Albany
Kristen
V-grrrl
Claire
Expat Jane
Karl
Paperback Writer
Pia at Courting Destiny
Cynical Girl
Eileen
Richard Heft
Jason
Caron
Katie
Orieyenta and Little Orieyenta
Akaky
Ariel
Villanovababy
Better Safe Than Sorry
Michelle V.
Heather B.
Juliness
… and everyone who wrote such nice things on the blog and in emails!
Sophia is resting at home and we’re waiting…
Last night, we went to the pier to watch the sunset. It was very calming for Sophia. The water. The sky. The smell in the air. My mind was playing tricks on me because everything normal was infused with meaning, even the kids who were fishing off the end of the pier. I was rooting for the fish not to be fooled by the lure. Why should they be put into unnecessary danger? I wanted them to swim away.. safely.Â
I told Sophia about a new restaurant that opened, a real dive, but with excellent homemade Lebanese/Pakistani food (the female cook is Lebanese and the male owner is Pakistani), so we went there for dinner.  The owners were clearly Muslim, which didn’t stop Sophia from telling them how she lived in Israel and was Jewish, and loved this type of food.   The owners didn’t seem to care what we were, and kept on bringing us free samples to try. Sophia told the woman that she had surgery tomorrow, and the information brought out the mother in this female cook. She put some extra spices into the food, saying they are healing, and then promised to pray to Allah for her health.
It is now five in the morning. I am in the living room. I slept on the couch. Sophia is upstairs. She sleeps better by herself. I hope she got a good night sleep. She needs it. I wish I was upstairs with her. I’d like to be able to calm her. Hell, I could use some calming myself.Â
Maybe I’ll go back to sleep for another hour. We don’t have to leave until nine o’clock, but I wanted to clean out the car before we left and do another wash in the laundry. I have to remember that Sophia can’t drink anything today, even water. I’m not sure why. It is very hot in Los Angeles, which sucks, since we don’t have air-conditioning. Even Griffith Park is burning.
I wish I was upstairs, listening to Sophia breath as she soundly sleeps. I wish I was upstairs, kissing her, tasting her sweetness.Â
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