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Andrew started to unbuttton Jane’s top. Â
“I want you,” she said.
“And I want to…”
[the following paragraph has been deleted by the editors of “The Carnival of the Mundane.”]
Jane took another puff of her cigarette, the sweat still on her body. She caressed Andrew’s strong and manly chest.
“That was amazing,” she said.  “It’s like we are soulmates. I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but I think I’m in love with you.”
“Why would I mind. I’m in love with you!”
Jane laughs and kisses him.
“You make me so happy.  You know, I’ve never been in love before.  Have you?”
“Well, many years ago, there was this high school teacher in Ohio named Nance, but she became obsessed with how Jesus is portrayed in movies, so it didn’t work out.”
“That must have been hard on you… your first love.”
“It was. But I quickly rebounded with this woman from Minneapolis. I used to call Not Faint Hearted because she was kinky as hell!”
“What happened with her?”
“It’s pretty sad actually. We had a big fight when we went shopping for a toilet.”
“I didn’t know all this about you…”
“I didn’t think it was important…”
“I think it is good that you’ve been in love before. It shows that you’re a loving person.”
“I like being in love. And I like being with you…”
Andrew kisses Jane’s stomach, then starts moving his downward, finally kissing…
[the following paragraph has been deleted by the editors of “The Carnival of the Mundane.”]
Jane rolls off of Andrew and lights another cigarette..
“So, there were other women, too?” she asks.
“Yes.  I remember how much I loved Postmodern Sass, but she had this problem deciding if someone was a boy or a girl!  It was very odd… and it made me uneasy to be around her.”
“Sounds odd.”
“I also was in love with this exotic poet named Madeleine, but she went bonkers whenever her computer hard drive crashed.  And then there was Fitena, but she loved reading more than partying. Oh yeah, there was also Marisa. She was a real hottie, but when she found water leaking in her closet, she blamed me! Women!”
“Is that when you started doing online dating and met me?”
“Oh, no. Not yet.  After Marisa, I fell in love with Maliavale. She had the cutest mole on her butt. But when the mole was removed, things just weren’t the same. I tried starting a relationship with this woman I used to call “Better Safe than Sorry,” but her constant stressing and inability to follow directions bugged me. I was head over heels over Finn, but she was never home. She was always out grocery shopping at 8PM.”
“My god! How many women have you been in love with?”
“Well, certainly no one as sexy as you…”
“Oh, really?”
“Absolutely. And you know what I’m in the mood for?”
“What?”
“I’d like you to…”
[the following paragraph has been deleted by the editors of “The Carnival of the Mundane.”]
“… you mean there were more?!”” she asked.
“There was Stephanie. She was really cute, but I was kind of embarrassed to be hanging around a woman who didn’t know how many sides were in a trapezoid.  Ellen was fun, but spent way too much time re-organizing her clothes in her closet.  Ascender was wild in the bedroom, but she was a little too New Agey for my taste… always gazing at the sky.”
“My god. I don’t know you at all.”
“That’s exactly what Fringes said when I moved in with her. But I really resented having to pay extra rent for her dog, so I left. I enjoyed living with Elizabeth, because she was very mellow and appreciated the quiet sounds of an ordinary day. Too bad she caught me in bed with Tamarika. Now that was one freaky chick! She used to dream about pale green razors.
“It’s like one woman after another.”
“Not always. There was the time I tried a threesome with “Life with Mother” and Roadchick, but that was a major headache. I never understood why “Life with Mother” had to get her TV Guide every week.   And if I had to hear Roadchick’s “frozen pees” story one more time…
“Where did you meet all these women?”
“Oh, it wasn’t just women. There were men, too.”
“Men?”
“It was a time of experimentation. There was Karl, this exotic dancer from Florida, but he had a bit of a nasty streak — always wishing a boulder would fall on the car in front of him. I was definitely in love with him. And there was Lefty. What a hunk! If only, his office desk wasn’t such a mess.”
“Do you just fall in love with any person you meet?”
“Of course not. And it doesn’t just have to be a person, either.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was so distraught over Karl and Lefty, that I then decided to leave the big city and move to a animal farm in Kansas. While I was there I started a relationship with a….
[the following paragraph has been deleted by the editors of “The Carnival of the Mundane.”]
“… that’s sick!” she cried.
“You want to have sex again?” Andrew asked.
“Sure,” Jane answered, and climbed on top of him.
The end. Â
Happy Mundane Day!
 
 
 
