I was going to live-blog the 2007 Academy Awards telecast, but I noticed that at least two thousand other bloggers were doing the same thing, so in my quest to be different, I will live-blog the 1987 Academy Awards show.
00:24 –Dianne Wiest wins Best Supporting Actress for “Hannah and her Sisters!” Big surprise. Ha Ha. And where’s Woody? I bet any blogger ten bucks that Michael Caine wins Best Supporting Actor.
01:02 — Where’s my money?! I was right. Michael Caine redeems himself for Jaws 3! Is this going to be a Hannah sweep? And what the HELL was Faye Dunaway wearing? Bob Mackie again? You could practically see her nipples!
01:44 — Oh, my god. Marlee Matlin wins best actress for “Children of a Lesser God.” I don’t care if she’s deaf. She’s HOT! I mean in a way where I can actually visualize her going out with me, unlike Lauren Hutton.
02:10 — That dance number is just plain embarrassing. I’m embarrassed for the dancers. I think I even saw Goldie Hawn yawning.
02: 34 — That song from “Top Gun?” Best song? How lame is the academy anyway?
02: 55 — Paul Newman is a great actor, but he doesn’t deserve it for “The Color of Money.” That movie sucked worse than his Ranch Dressing. And I don’t like Tom Cruise AT ALL. I think his career is going to fizzle out very soon. Or he’s going to drop out of show business and join some cult.
03:13 — Is Warren Beatty drunk? Will he EVER settle down?
03:45 — Jack… Jack… Jack… loved that exchange with Cher! That was the best part of the show.
03:57 — Chevy Chase is the best host EVER!
04:12 — Yawn. Please end. Please end.
04:30 — OK, get ready for “A Room with a View”… to win… or “Hannah” maybe… “Platoon?!” “Platoon?!” WTF! The Academy… always with their “message” film. How predictable. No wonder Woody never shows up.
04:32 — This was the most boring Oscars I’ve ever seen. I hope one day… maybe twenty years from now, when there is a whole new generation of filmmakers, that the Oscars show will actually be interesting…
A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: David Sedaris Ruined My Blog