the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Sophia Went to Temple with the Satin Slayer


Someone has been killing half of the town of Pine Valley on “All My Children,” including the beloved Dixie Martin. This week, the mysterious and villainous “Satin Slayer” was revealed as Billionaire Alexander Cambias Sr.!   Not only was Alexander Cambias previously dead on the show, but this billionaire serial killer was famous for something even more important: in September, he helped Sophia obtain impossible-to get-tickets for temple during Rosh Hashanah services when they were both working on the same movie in New York.  The actor, Ronald Guttman, was playing a Rabbi, and Sophia was there as a Russian dialect coach par excellence.

I’d like to think that his good deed for Sophia was “paid back” by the producers of All My Children, when they brought him back to life again for such a juicy role.  Mr. Guttman, you are doing a smashing job, although to be honest, you look a little bit too kind and bohemian to be a serial killer. But, hey, you’re getting paid! We’re looking forward to the big scene where you and Zach Slater finally have your big showdown (and he will probably kill you).  But who knows? — maybe when Zach finally kills you, it won’t be forever.  After all, you were dead once before, and see…

Sophia and I even forgive you for killing off Dixie.

So, let this be a lesson to everyone out there. Do something kind for someone today and you will be paid back in an unexpected way — like being brought back to life to play a serial killer on a soap opera!

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: the always popular “Briefs or Boxers” post

Remember:  Send Carnival of the Mundane links to neilochka at yahoo dot com.


  1. Not Faint Hearted

    I agree. Way too kind and bohemian looking to be a serial killer. So, have they kept in touch?

    Don’t worry Neilochka, you’re an internationally published writer now… 😉

  2. Blitz Krieg

    Tickets to go to temple, church or even snake handling services just seems wrong to me. Does Ticketmaster deal in this yet?

  3. Katie

    Sophia went to Shul with the Satin Slayer is even more alliterative. Just sayin’.

  4. psychomom

    “Satin Slayer” I think I saw this band in the 70’s.

  5. RD

    I thought this was Al Gore with hair extensions. I like the look on him.

  6. Churlita

    Serial killers’ looks can be deceiving. Look at Ted Bundy. He seemed like a handsome frat boy. Maybe the Bohemian look for serial killers is in right now.

  7. Bre

    For a quick moment I read “Alexander Cambias” as Alexander Canabis…

    It took Pine Valley to a whole new level

  8. V-Grrrl

    RD rocks my world–Al Gore with extensions–ha, ha, ha.

  9. Danny

    Don’t think I haven’t been thinking of Sophia in the clutches of the Satin Slayer during that whole ridiculous storyline. Honestly, you need to drop the blog and all other pursuits and get a job writing for “All My Children,” that show has jumped so many sharks you could open up an Aquarium at ABC studios. But love the Sophia-Satin Slayer connection. I only have my 1980s makeout session with the deceased Phoebe Tyler Wallingford to boast about.

    P.S. Now that we know that Alexander Cambias is an observant Jew, maybe the whole storyline is indicative of the anti-Semitism that is clearly raging through Pine Valley. Look at the initials of the Satin Slayer: SS–sound familiar? Come to think of it, can you name a single Pine Valley Jew?

  10. Bice

    I could use some good karma like that. I want a life ‘do over.’

  11. Caron

    “Do something kind for someone today….. Have you been reading more about the secret?

    Wasn’t Zach Slater one of the Saved by the Bell kids?

  12. Neil

    Danny, since you are the only other reader brave enough to admit watching a soap, does the serial killer plotline make ANY sense to you? Even if Cambias wanted to cause Zach pain, why would he kill his grandson’s own girlfriend? The whole gimmick seemed more like an excuse for the producers to dump some high-priced actors.

    My apologies to the other 95% of my readers, who have no idea what I’m talking about.

  13. deannie

    Oh Neil. I must watch this show.

  14. Two Roads

    Oh Neil, we have got to find you something to occupy that brilliant mind of yours besides soap operas! Just saying..

  15. Dagny

    Why do I suddenly feel like I am hanging out with one of my grandmothers? Oh no. I take that back. One only watched NBC soaps; the other watches CBS. Oh yeah. Now I remember. It’s Jade’s mom who tapes All My Kids everyday.

  16. Rabbit

    Serial killer eh? He looks like he should be teaching college-level poetry.

  17. Oopsy Daisy

    It’s a good thing no one ever dies on a soap opera. I saw a guy get killed 4 ways to Sunday on one of the soap operas about 20 years ago. He is still on the same soap opera alive and well and has been killed about 6 more times since that first time. I bet he could get Sophia tickets!

  18. teahouseblossom

    Wow..that is so awesome that Sophia is a Russian dialect coach!!!

    I bet you didn’t know that Lord of War is one of my favorite movies ever. Did Sophia coach Jared Leto?

  19. Neil

    Yes, she did. Both Jared Leto and Nic Cage. She’s been to both of their homes.

  20. V-Grrrl

    Danny made out with Phoebe?!!!! Get out of town! Danny, I demand a blog post on this titillating tidbit.

  21. Danny

    I will write about it one day, V-Grrrl, as soon as I can admit my dirty “All My Children” secret on my own blog. (Way to keep a secret considering Neil has a thousand times more readers than I do!) Yes, I did get one planted on me by Ruth Warrick, aka Phoebe Tyler, whose first movie role was Orson Welles’ wife in “Citizen Kane.” It was on a stage in Chicago and she also sang a song to me AS Phoebe while comparing me to her TV husband Langley Wallingford. Oy.

  22. Moviequill

    they’re bringing Greenlee back but not the same actress… apparently Ryan is trying out actresses as we speak… Zach is my fave, when he and Kendall dressed up as gansgter wannabees the other day was classic

  23. Roberta

    I met Langley in the 80’s. He came to see Rocky Horror back when I performed in the NYC floor show… big mo, he was.
    And Tad had a little trouble with the cannabis when he was a teenager, as I recall.
    But I can’t believe Dixie’s dead. Again. I think it’s again. I think she’s been dead before.
    (I haven’t watched in a good ten years, but there were a good 20 where I did. I remember Sarah Michelle Gellar as the original Kendall, and I always thought she sucked, and now I’m a huge Buffy fan.)

  24. Hatti Stevens

    I think Ronald Guttman is HOT! I love him on AMC…I was glued to the set when he was on the first time and this last time. I hope they keep him. He is very sexy, and Jewish…who could ask for anything more!

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