poster girl Jamelah

THE CONCERT PROGRAM

Ellen performing Jingle Bell Rock

Digital Father performing O Holy Night

Psychotoddler performing Sevivon

Becky performing God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

Elisabeth and Claire performing il est ne le divin enfant

Sheana and Colleen performing The Dreidel Song

Fitena performing Silent Night

Mr. Fabulous performing Blue Christmas

Villanovababy performing Santa Baby

Sophia performing Hanukkah, Oh Hannukah

Heather B performing O Come All Ye Faithful

Tiff performing The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)

INTERMISSION

Nelumbo performing Up on the House Top

Non-Highlighted Heather performing Silent Night

Sophia, post-accident, performing Ocho Kandelikas in Ladino

Qatherinn performing A Christmas Song

Neil performing How to Make Latkes!

Stuntmother’s son, Daniel performing Jingle Bells.

Danny performing Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah

Caryn performing The Chipmunks Christmas Song

Paintergirl performing Rock and Roll Round the Christmas Tree

F.D. (from Therapy Doc) performing Dovid Melech (more here)

Pam performing Santa Baby

Chana’s daughter performing Ocho Candelikas

Doris and Edda performing We Wish You a Merry Christmas

photo by Leesa

photo by Jenny

photo by Chantel

photo by Two Roads

photo by Michelle

photo by 3T

photo by Pearl

photo by Orieyenta

photo by Nics

photo by LeahPeah

photo by Smitten

photo by Pam

photo by Sarah

photo by Claire

photo by Edgy Mama

photo by Tamarika

photo by Leezer

photo by V-Grrrl

photo by Chloe

photo by Neil and colorized by Sarah

(from The Miracle of Kew Garden Hills, Chapter One)

“Here’s what I want, Neil.  Have you ever thought about hosting a Holiday Concert on your blog, where other bloggers spread the joy by sending in holiday music and songs they recorded themselves?”

“Host a Holiday Concert?  Me?  But I’m Jewish!”

“So am I, Neilochka…” said Nick.  “So am I…”

“Who else do you think they could get to work on Christmas Eve?” he laughed.

“And how exactly would this Blogger Holiday concert work?” I inquired.

“Ho Ho Ho.  Easy as fruitcake.  Tomorrow on your blog, you would put up a sign-up sheet.  Bloggers could volunteer to perform a holiday song for Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa.  They can sing or play an instrument, or both.   They could send the finished piece over the internet either in .wav or MP3 format, edited or unedited.  I’m sure you can help explain all this.  Even with all those Playstation 3s I’m hearing about, I’m not much of a techie.”

“And when would I hold this Christmahanukwanzaakah Concert?”

“December 20 sounds right.”

“And what about those bloggers who can’t sing or play an instrument?”

“You mean the talentless ones?  They could always send you a photo of their menorah or Christmas tree.  Just NO KITTENS.”

“What did you say your name was again?”

“Nick.  Although some call me Kris Kringle.  Or Santa Claus.”

“Santa Claus?!  You have to be kidding?”  I cried, my eyes rolling in disbelief.

The elevator door opened.  My mother was standing down the hall, waiting for me, much as she used to when I would come home from school.  I grabbed my suitcase and rushed towards her, trying to get as far away from this nut as possible.

“Hurry, Mom!  Let me in and then close the door behind us!”

“Hello, Neil,” my mother said in her usual cheerful, comforting voice.  “And hello, Nick.”

“Nick?!”

I twirled around like a dreidel and saw Nick following right behind me.

“My Sweet Elaine.” Nick purred, as he took my mother in his arms.  They kissed, passionately.

“MOM?!  What the…!!!”

My mother took my hand, sensing my concern.

“Neil, I was going to tell you later about Santa… uh, Nick.. but… but…”

Nick took my mother’s other hand.

“Your mother and I are friends… ” he said.

“Very good friends…” added my mother.

It suddenly became real to me.   This was Santa Claus.  And Santa Claus was a horny older guy leering at my mother’s figure!

“Mom?”  I gasped.  ”Are you doing it with Santa Claus?!!”

(TO BE CONTINUED)

(Easter eggs vs. Passover matzoh balls)

Yes, it’s that time of the year again as Jews and Christians battle it out for Spring Holiday of the Year. 

Let the Games Begin!

1)  HOLIDAY CANDY  — EASTER VS. PASSOVER

Marshmellow Peeps  (-10)
Cadbury Mini Eggs  (+12) 

Fruit slices (+5)
Barton’s Kosher for Passover Chocolates  (-15)

HOLIDAY CANDY WINNER:  EASTER!

2)  HOLIDAY CAKE  — EASTER VS. PASSOVER

Hot Cross Buns  (+25)
Assorted Easter Cakes  (+50)

Streit’s Macaroons  (-150)
Passover Cakes (-100)

HOLIDAY CAKE WINNER:  EASTER!

3)  HOLIDAY MEAL  — EASTER VS. PASSOVER

Glazed Ham  (-150)
Leg of Lamb  (-50)
Vegetables   (+50)

Brisket (+150)
Matzo Kugel  (+75)
Gefilte Fish (-25)
Matzo Ball Soup (+350)

HOLIDAY MEAL WINNER:  PASSOVER!

4)  HOLIDAY FUN  — EASTER VS. PASSOVER

Making Easter Eggs (+30)
Rolling Easter Eggs  (+3)

Finding the Afikomen [hidden matzo] and making money (+100)

HOLIDAY FUN WINNER:  PASSOVER!

5)  HOLIDAY "SURPRISE" GUEST  — EASTER VS. PASSOVER

The Easter Rabbit (+20)

Elijah showing up to the seder to drink his "glass of wine." (-1)

HOLIDAY "SURPRISE GUEST" WINNER:  EASTER!

6)  HOLIDAY MOVIE  — EASTER VS. PASSOVER

"The Passion of the Christ" — a violent and depressing movie (-25)

"The Ten Commandments" — old-school epic with lots of action and sex. (+140)

HOLIDAY MOVIE WINNER:  PASSOVER!

7)  HOLIDAY "HOT DATE"  — EASTER VS. PASSOVER

Bringing Heidi Klum to your Easter Dinner.   (+100)

Bringing Barbra Streisand to you Passover Seder. (+550)

HOLIDAY "HOT DATE" WINNER:  PASSOVER!