I signed up for his application that emails you when someone “unfollows” you on Twitter. This means that you immediately learn when a person has decided to refuse to see your brilliant 140-character “tweets” on their timeline, so they will never know how good your roast beef sandwich was at lunch. In internet terms, it is considered a “diss.” Like most people on this silly Twitter application, I get followed and unfollowed everyday. Usually, I am unfollowed by people I don’t “know,” like marketers, sex chat sites, or bloggers who mistakenly thought I was a bigshot and then dumped me immediately when they discovered the truth.
Yesterday, I received a notification that Gorillabuns “unfollowed” me as a friend on Twitter. For the life of me, could not understand why. Did she quit using Twitter? No. I knew that she was seven months pregnant. Perhaps she has gotten so emotional and irrational, as women tend to do in stressful situations, that she was striking out at random targets. Believe me, I know how women can get.
Or was there something else going on?! I did just write a post about my “date” with Astrogirl this weekend. Perhaps Gorillabuns was insanely jealous? Was there some sort of blogosphere “Fatal Attraction” going on? Has Gorillabuns been harboring a secret love for me all these years? Can my writing be such an aphrodisiac? I mean, it isn’t that surprising. I make myself horny with some of my posts. And she does live in Oklahoma. She is probably envious of my glamorous life in New York, while she is stuck there, having her husband drive her to the OBGYN in the old family surrey with the fringe on top. (dear reader: if you don’t get this reference, you don’t deserve to be reading this blog).
Anyway, what is the point of this post? Is he writing about blogging and Twitter again? Doesn’t this dude have a REAL life?
Well, actually — no. But I am finding that the virtual world is helping me overcome some issues that will hopefully transfer into the real world. Like how I deal with social situations like this.
Normally, I would have sulked for an hour after someone like Gorillabuns “unfollowed” me. I would assume that I did something wrong. But in this case — it made no sense. I’ve never had an unpleasant word with her. I even told her she looked “hot” as a pregant woman, and all pregnant women love to hear that!
So, I emailed her. I asked her why she unfollowed me. I told her that I was just curious, so maybe I could make amends.
But there is a twist to this saga. Within minutes of sending the message to Gorillabuns, I received a whole rash of emails from this Twitter “unfollow” application. Fifty other bloggers had just unfollowed me, including some “friends.” What the hell was going on? Had Sophia started up a “revenge” blog, telling the world about her nickname for me, “the Twenty-Three Second Man.” Had X been sending around that “photo” I made on that lonely, lonely night to all her blog friends? Or was it worse — were others under the impression that I was voting for McCain?
Eventually, I figured out that this “unfollow” application had gone as crazy as HAL in “2001” and was just sending me random and WRONG information. I quickly dumped the application and apologized to Gorillabuns for accusing her of treason (although now she really thinks I’m unstable and has sent me a restraining order from getting 100 feet from her home). But at least she is still following me on Twitter!
Even though the whole event was a mistake, I think I deserve some kudos. Do you know how brave of me it was to email Gorillabuns? I would have never done that before. I would have been too afraid of losing face… or learning the truth.
In the real world, has a friend or aquaintance ever thrown a party and NOT invited you? What do you usually do? Do you keep it to yourself and feel left out? Or do you ask your friend, “Hey, what’s up?” Maybe there is an issue that you don’t know about, or a conflict between you and another friend.
If I ever unfollow you, or don’t respond to a comment, or do something that confuses you — don’t be shy about asking me. If the farmer and the cowman can be friends, why shouldn’t we communicate honestly? (now do you get the reference?)
Note: My latest green post is up on Filter for Good: A Tree Should Grow in Queens