Need a Week Off the Internet

Since I seem to be having a mild nervous breakdown online ranting about everything under the sun, there is only one solution: get offline for a week!

I have never had any guest posters before on my blog. But you are in luck. I have arranged for FIVE of the finest and most popular bloggers to take my place on Citizen of the Month next week, all of them extremely well-respected and well-loved for their wit and wisdom. I am truly honored to have them replace me here at my home.

Starting at 1PM EST (10AM PST) today – THIS MEANS #1 WILL BE  THE FIRST PERSON TO COMMENT AT 1PM, NOT THE FIRST COMMENT IN THE MORNING — July 31st, the first five people FROM THAT POINT — new readers included — who write this comment — “I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month” will have the opportunity to write guest posts here next week.

But beware: I will be choosing your topic.

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82 Responses to Need a Week Off the Internet

  1. Turnbaby says:

    I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month

  2. SciFi Dad says:

    I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month

  3. Neil says:

    I know the times on my WordPress blog are totally wrong. You can sue me if you so choose. But from my very accurate Timex watch (now available at a Kmart near you!), the five guest posters for next week are:

    Rhea
    Marinka
    CharmingDriver
    Linsey
    Fort Knocks

    My entire blog will be in your hands. You will get your topics tomorrow.

  4. Rhea says:

    Oh, yay!!! I must confess, I used the super-duper, most-accurate-time-in-the-world-online clock to post my comment at precisely the correct time. This clock and your Timex are obviously in synch.

  5. 180/360 says:

    Shitsticks. I miscalculated Eastern Time. I am so retarded.

  6. shiny says:

    Dang! Too late. Oh well…

  7. Eileen Dover says:

    I protest.

    You’re biased against other world time zones. Oh, and like, biased against people who have real jobs and can’t secretly sneak and read blogs until (checks watch) 2:32 in the afternoon.

  8. I want to Guest Post on Citizen of the Month!!

    Drat.

    Only, like, an hour and a half late. I would be a very reliable guest-poster, though.

  9. HeyJoe says:

    I don’t want to Guest Post on Citizen of the Month. I’m not worthy. But thanks for the opportunity.

  10. Neil says:

    For those who have complaints about this “contest” being unfair because of time zones, etc, please call my customer service number for assistance:

    1-800-971-8866 and ask for “Menuel”

  11. sarah g says:

    Oh thank you today Neil.
    First, I laughed at your eager and anxious comments.

    Now, oh my, we get the number to your very ‘caring’ Menuel.

    OH. Laugher ensues. Enjoy your week away, stick to it! (we’ll miss you)

  12. Damn, I’m too late. I’d happily post while you’re away. We can play blog swap, you can be me sometime.

  13. kateanon says:

    Oh, I’m just catching this and am late – but I bore enough people on my blog – why contribute to someone else’s demise?

    (Although on Twitter last night you did say you liked it better with less readers)

    Can I be the alternate, the understudy? You know, if someone flakes out or gets run over.

  14. PAPA says:

    I want to guest host on Citizen of the Month – for the NEXT time you go away. Can you do it? Is that like waiting at Best Buy 3 days before the new gadget? I have snacks.

  15. Memarie Lane says:

    I’m pretty fried myself, I’m trying to get my brother to guest post about toilet paper for me.

  16. Great idea, Neil. I look forward to hilarious results.

    If they’re not hilarious, however, I’m going to blame you.

    I hope you can live with the guilt, and the dread of guilt. ;-)

  17. AnnieH says:

    Neilochka,I left you a little sumpin’-sumpin’ for your time away at my blogsite. Would have sent it here but not that computer/blog savvy. Please don’t protest, it was on sale. Again, enjoy the respite and don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine. Promise… no wild parties while you’re gone.

  18. melanie says:

    I am so freakin untimely… darnnnnit!

    *sulkee-sulkerson in so cal*

  19. formerlyfun says:

    Put me on the list for next time, I’ll be your LA correspondant. Maybe I can do a feature on male grooming.

    manscaping and the manzilian

  20. Well…despite the notion that 69 is a meaningful number, I’m guessing I’m too far down the list to guest post. My loss.

  21. Danny says:

    Does your hiatus mean you can’t go online at all and check what people are doing on your blog? Do you really think you can do it? I think it’s a great idea to take a break but I’m skeptical that you’ll be able to pull it off (and I’m really talking about the fear that I don’t think I could do it!).

    What rants? I haven’t noticed you ranting more than normal. But I say go ahead and have that breakdown — they are vastly underrated. I remember one of my favorite lines from a movie — I think it was Sigourney Weaver who said, “I’m trying to have a nervous breakdown but no one is letting me!”

  22. Dana says:

    Damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I should get to my Google Reader earlier in the day. Drats!

    Yeah, I said it. And I’ll say it again, with even more emphasis: Drats!!!!!

  23. Neil says:

    Danny — go down one or two pages —

    http://twitter.com/Neilochka

  24. so many eager commenters here that can’t tell time!
    honestly, i don’t see how your writing is showing you having a mild breakdown. but enjoy your week off.

  25. cruisin-mom says:

    wow, I’m a nerd…what the hell is twitter?

  26. Neil says:

    it is a popular micro-blogging system which is more like sending IM messages to a whole bunch of people at once and they can respond. Almost like an interactive comment section, but you pick and choose who can follow you and you follow. And you can only send very short messages at a time. It is addictive in a way because you feel like you are chatting with a lot of people, but it is a major time waste.

  27. cruisin-mom says:

    thanks Neil…I’m glad I didn’t know what it was.

  28. cog says:

    Good luck with your guest posters. I think I’ve been banned from guesting after I weirded out Halushki’s readers.

  29. gorillabuns says:

    I don’t understand guest posting.

  30. Have a great rest – I look forward to your return. In the mean time I’ll see what these five people have to share. Great topics!

    Cheers!

  31. Pingback: Copycat

  32. veep veep says:

    a week off from the internet? is there such a thing??!!!

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