the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Need a Week Off the Internet

Since I seem to be having a mild nervous breakdown online ranting about everything under the sun, there is only one solution: get offline for a week!

I have never had any guest posters before on my blog. But you are in luck. I have arranged for FIVE of the finest and most popular bloggers to take my place on Citizen of the Month next week, all of them extremely well-respected and well-loved for their wit and wisdom. I am truly honored to have them replace me here at my home.

Starting at 1PM EST (10AM PST) today – THIS MEANS #1 WILL BE  THE FIRST PERSON TO COMMENT AT 1PM, NOT THE FIRST COMMENT IN THE MORNING — July 31st, the first five people FROM THAT POINT — new readers included — who write this comment — “I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month” will have the opportunity to write guest posts here next week.

But beware: I will be choosing your topic.

81 Comments

  1. CharmingDriver

    I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month

  2. kat

    i recently took 8 days off from the internet. best thing i ever did.

    enjoy your vacation, neil.

  3. Heather

    I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month.

  4. CharmingDriver

    Oh Dammit. I didn’t see the time constraint – Back @ 10AM – Now I have something to look forward to today!

  5. Marinka

    Me! I;m ready!

  6. Marinka

    I want to guest host on Citizen of the Month!

  7. always home and uncool

    “I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month”

  8. always home and uncool

    I needed to get that in now because I won’t be at the computer at 1 PM. Pretend I pulled a time shift on your ass.

  9. Sheryl

    Really we don’t mind your ranting. Rant already! But if you must take time off, I hope you feel better soon.

    Also, hey, no fair! I won’t be home then. I’m being discriminated against, this is time-ism!

  10. Heather

    Dammit! Naptime is 1p. I suck for not reading the restrictions.

  11. Mrs Mogul

    Ha haa! i was going to ask you to guest post on mine with some others..maybe in the future. Yeah we all need a break!! It’s AUG DAMMIT! Maybe one day I can guest post here and write a queens or nyc story or just write about the chinese food in queens Yummm.

  12. Miss Britt

    I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month

  13. Miss Britt

    Fuck. Can I post date my comment??

  14. ingrid

    I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month

    Think I’m too late though. :S

  15. vodkamom

    Crap- I’m always too slow. Too long in the shower, I guess.

  16. vodkamom

    HA!! Maybe not………………

  17. Rhea

    “I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month.” Really. You need to have the Jews well-represented here, and I’m willing to do that for you.

  18. Assertagirl

    Sounds like a good idea, Neil. This place can be downright overwhelming at times. Whenever I take a break I come back refreshed.

    I’m too late to guest post, but let me know if you still need anybody!

  19. Marinka

    If there is one thing that I excel at, it’s following directions. Damn it! I could never color inside the lines, either.

  20. sarah g

    I believe that you should have a clause, that anyone who didnt read your post and therefore completely overlooked your time line; should be out. (not really)
    … I just had a very good morning laugh at all of the eager friends you have : )

  21. Elisabeth

    I missed the deadline, but will probably enjoy reading the guest posts! Hope all is well!

  22. Rhea

    “I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month”

  23. Neil

    Starting at 1PM EST (10AM PST) today – THIS MEANS #1 WILL BE AT 1PM, NOT THE FIRST COMMENT — July 31st, the first five people FROM THAT POINT — new readers included — who write this comment — “I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month” will have the opportunity to write guest posts here next week.

  24. PocketCT

    looks like you are full up but I would love for you to choose a topic for me!

  25. Laura

    Enjoy your week offline. Try to find something purely joyful to do! 🙂

  26. Finn

    I’ll have to think about whether I want to or not and come back.

    Enjoy your break.

  27. sizzle

    I think taking a break from the internet is a very wise move. I felt great when I did it. Hell, I should do it MORE!

    Lucky for you I am late to the contest lest I go hog wild all over your blog.

  28. Neil

    Sizzle, can’t you read? The “contest” doesn’t start until 1PM EST! The first person will be the one who comments AFTER 1PM EST.

  29. Poppy

    I CAN FOLLOW DIRECTIONS! But I’ll be at my farewell lunch when your 1pm rolls around. Enjoy your week offline, I know I enjoyed mine.

  30. vodkamom

    I want to guest post. I just had to say it. dammit, it just came out.

  31. Jill - GlossyVeneer

    Look at the response… you should totally monetize this site, get guest posters forever and just watch the money roll in!

  32. anymommy

    Okay, apparently instructions are lost on your adorable readers! These eager comments are cracking me up. It’s not even 9 am PST, so I know it can’t possibly be 1 pm EST. It’s got to feel good to be so loved though. I don’t want to guest post – to much pressure, but I hope you have a wonderful week off!

  33. heartache heartburn

    i have a hard time coming up with my own topics! i can’t imagine guest posting for someone! at least you are choosing the topic! good thinking!

  34. Jack

    I was surprised that you didn’t ask for more pictures of your readers topless.

    Hey maybe you can still make that happen. Provide instructions that they’re supposed to send you a picture fully clothed and they’ll be naked.

    Sounds crazy, but who knows. That whole guest post at 10 PST/1 EST makes me wonder.

  35. AnnieH

    You’re going to picket every JC Penney store in the tri-state area there, aren’t you?? I smell ROAD TRIP!! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Windows down and radio cranked up. If you get bored, say the word and I will bring my lawn chair, homemade signs, and cooler full of beverage.
    Take care, Neilochka.

  36. Marinka

    I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month.

  37. CharmingDriver

    I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month!

  38. Linsey

    I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month!

    You’ll probably regret it. Dissatisfaction guaranteed!

  39. Fort Knocks

    I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month

  40. PocketCT

    is this in est or pst?

  41. Finn

    I want to guest post. Have you hit the five yet? It’s 1:08 here.

  42. Miss Britt

    not a duplicate comment stupid ass spam filter!!

    I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month

  43. natalie

    i want to guest post of citizen of the month…gulp…

  44. Miss Britt

    OK – I’m 2 people too late, but I’d just like to say – SOME PEOPLE CONSIDER A WEEK TO BE SEVEN DAYS!!!

    Ahem.

  45. ingrid

    I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month.
    Am I too late?

  46. ingrid

    time change utterly screwed me up. that and jetlag. that’s my excuse and i’m sticking to it!

  47. Katherine

    “I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month”

  48. Abigail M. Schilling

    I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month. (I’m confused what time zone you’re comments are in.)

  49. Abigail M. Schilling

    Also, YOUR, dammit. Eff.

  50. dan

    it’s not just that “I want to guest post on [checking notes] CITIZEN OF THE MONTH” – I think I’ve earned it. I brew my own coffee. I think about my audience. I obsess about details others don’t notice. I have lovely imaginary friends. And it’s 10:13 PST. What more can I do to convince you?

  51. Turnbaby

    I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month

  52. SciFi Dad

    I want to guest post on Citizen of the Month

  53. Neil

    I know the times on my WordPress blog are totally wrong. You can sue me if you so choose. But from my very accurate Timex watch (now available at a Kmart near you!), the five guest posters for next week are:

    Rhea
    Marinka
    CharmingDriver
    Linsey
    Fort Knocks

    My entire blog will be in your hands. You will get your topics tomorrow.

  54. Rhea

    Oh, yay!!! I must confess, I used the super-duper, most-accurate-time-in-the-world-online clock to post my comment at precisely the correct time. This clock and your Timex are obviously in synch.

  55. 180/360

    Shitsticks. I miscalculated Eastern Time. I am so retarded.

  56. shiny

    Dang! Too late. Oh well…

  57. Eileen Dover

    I protest.

    You’re biased against other world time zones. Oh, and like, biased against people who have real jobs and can’t secretly sneak and read blogs until (checks watch) 2:32 in the afternoon.

  58. Backpacking Dad

    I want to Guest Post on Citizen of the Month!!

    Drat.

    Only, like, an hour and a half late. I would be a very reliable guest-poster, though.

  59. HeyJoe

    I don’t want to Guest Post on Citizen of the Month. I’m not worthy. But thanks for the opportunity.

  60. Neil

    For those who have complaints about this “contest” being unfair because of time zones, etc, please call my customer service number for assistance:

    1-800-971-8866 and ask for “Menuel”

  61. sarah g

    Oh thank you today Neil.
    First, I laughed at your eager and anxious comments.

    Now, oh my, we get the number to your very ‘caring’ Menuel.

    OH. Laugher ensues. Enjoy your week away, stick to it! (we’ll miss you)

  62. will betheboy

    Damn, I’m too late. I’d happily post while you’re away. We can play blog swap, you can be me sometime.

  63. kateanon

    Oh, I’m just catching this and am late – but I bore enough people on my blog – why contribute to someone else’s demise?

    (Although on Twitter last night you did say you liked it better with less readers)

    Can I be the alternate, the understudy? You know, if someone flakes out or gets run over.

  64. PAPA

    I want to guest host on Citizen of the Month – for the NEXT time you go away. Can you do it? Is that like waiting at Best Buy 3 days before the new gadget? I have snacks.

  65. Memarie Lane

    I’m pretty fried myself, I’m trying to get my brother to guest post about toilet paper for me.

  66. Rattling the Kettle

    Great idea, Neil. I look forward to hilarious results.

    If they’re not hilarious, however, I’m going to blame you.

    I hope you can live with the guilt, and the dread of guilt. 😉

  67. AnnieH

    Neilochka,I left you a little sumpin’-sumpin’ for your time away at my blogsite. Would have sent it here but not that computer/blog savvy. Please don’t protest, it was on sale. Again, enjoy the respite and don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine. Promise… no wild parties while you’re gone.

  68. melanie

    I am so freakin untimely… darnnnnit!

    *sulkee-sulkerson in so cal*

  69. formerlyfun

    Put me on the list for next time, I’ll be your LA correspondant. Maybe I can do a feature on male grooming.

    manscaping and the manzilian

  70. apathy lounge

    Well…despite the notion that 69 is a meaningful number, I’m guessing I’m too far down the list to guest post. My loss.

  71. Danny

    Does your hiatus mean you can’t go online at all and check what people are doing on your blog? Do you really think you can do it? I think it’s a great idea to take a break but I’m skeptical that you’ll be able to pull it off (and I’m really talking about the fear that I don’t think I could do it!).

    What rants? I haven’t noticed you ranting more than normal. But I say go ahead and have that breakdown — they are vastly underrated. I remember one of my favorite lines from a movie — I think it was Sigourney Weaver who said, “I’m trying to have a nervous breakdown but no one is letting me!”

  72. Dana

    Damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I should get to my Google Reader earlier in the day. Drats!

    Yeah, I said it. And I’ll say it again, with even more emphasis: Drats!!!!!

  73. Neil

    Danny — go down one or two pages —

    http://twitter.com/Neilochka

  74. better safe than sorry

    so many eager commenters here that can’t tell time!
    honestly, i don’t see how your writing is showing you having a mild breakdown. but enjoy your week off.

  75. cruisin-mom

    wow, I’m a nerd…what the hell is twitter?

  76. Neil

    it is a popular micro-blogging system which is more like sending IM messages to a whole bunch of people at once and they can respond. Almost like an interactive comment section, but you pick and choose who can follow you and you follow. And you can only send very short messages at a time. It is addictive in a way because you feel like you are chatting with a lot of people, but it is a major time waste.

  77. cruisin-mom

    thanks Neil…I’m glad I didn’t know what it was.

  78. cog

    Good luck with your guest posters. I think I’ve been banned from guesting after I weirded out Halushki’s readers.

  79. gorillabuns

    I don’t understand guest posting.

  80. Pamela Detlor

    Have a great rest – I look forward to your return. In the mean time I’ll see what these five people have to share. Great topics!

    Cheers!

  81. veep veep

    a week off from the internet? is there such a thing??!!!

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