the writing and photography of Neil Kramer


One aspect of blogging I enjoy is taking some random element and squeezing it until it runs dry.  Such is the case with my web-cam.  So, until I return to reality, let me continue living in a fantasy world until the weekend is over —

Ladies and Gentlemen — the last entry in the Web-cam trilogy:

Today, I chatted with Haley, a female blogger who I haven’t spoken in months.  Haley had moved across the country and had stopped blogging for awhile.

During our chat, we talked about her work and my writing.  She told me that she had been keeping up with my life through the blog.

Haley: “Why did you really buy that web-cam?”

I told her that Otir was using Seesmic (a video blogging app) and had been trying to get me to use it.

Haley: “No, really…?  We’re friends.  You can tell me.”

Neil: “That is the reason.”

The conversation continued on without any more mention of the web-cam.  I had a feeling that she didn’t believe me.

After chatting for a half hour longer, I told her that I had to go.  My mother and I were off to have dinner at the local Dominican diner.

Neil: “Take care.  Speak soon.”

Haley: “Bye!”

Neil: “xoxoxox”

I paused for a second.  That was the first time I had ever written that sign-off — xoxoxo.  I’ve seen others write it, but I’ve never seen a man do it.  It’s OK when woman says that to a man, but… I worried that I looked too forward.  I didn’t want it to seem as if I was hitting on her.  I figured it was time for some damage control wth Haley.

Neil: “That’s the first time I ever wrote xoxoxo.  I’ve seen others use it.  I’m experimenting with it.”

Haley: “LOL.”

Good, she LOL-ed.  She isn’t upset.

Haley: “xo”

xo?  I found that odd.  Why was she giving me an xo rather than the full xxxooo?

Neil: “Why just xo?”

Haley: “Huh?”

Neil: “I gave you xoxoxo, and you just said xo.  Are you mad at me?”

Haley: “No, of course not.  xo and xoxoxo mean the same thing.”

Neil: “I don’t think so.  xo is like a tiny peck on the cheek.  xoxoxox is more intimate — like we’re actually doing it.”

Haley: “Doing it?   You mean… like f**king?”

Neil: “I was just joking.”

Haley: “I don’t think you were.”

Neil: “I was joking.  I was making a literary analogy”

Haley: “I think you want to f**k me.”

Neil: “I don’t want to f**k you.  I don’t really know you.”

Haley: “Oh sure, but that wasn’t going to stop you from taking out your c**k to show me on your web-cam!”

Neil: “I was never going to do that.”

Haley: “Well, that’s because you ended up buying  a cheapo web-cam that doesn’t work.”

Neil: “The only reason I got the web-came was to debate politics with Otir on Seesmic.”

Haley: “So how many times have you shown your c**k to Otir on Seesmic?”

Neil: “She’s a married woman.  A religious woman.”

Haley: “So are you saying religious women can’t be sexy?  I believe in the Lord my Savior Jesus Christ and I’m very very sensual.”

Neil: “Really?”

Haley: “You want to see my tits on my web-cam?”

Neil: “My mother is calling.  We’re going out to the Dominican

Haley: “Your loss.  I have really nice tits.”

Neil: “Maybe later.  xoxoxo”

Haley: “xo”

Neil: “Hey, why just xo…?”

Yahoo Messenger:  Haley is now offline.

And she then blocked me.

Truth Quotient: 31%  (I did IM xoxoxo to Melissa from “the Daily Minute” today and she only returned a xo, Otir did ask me to try out Seesmic)


  1. Alice

    heh, i enjoy the truth quotients at the end of these posts 🙂

  2. Black Hockey Jesus

    Tears in my eyes, Neil. That shit was funny. xo

  3. V-Grrrl

    And you really want us to believe this a Web cam post and not ANOTHER NEUROTIC SEX post?


    I’m too smart for you Neilochka. Haley has your NUMBER.

  4. V-Grrrl

    P.S. Should I have signed that with an “O” and let you wonder what that means?

  5. Pat

    And the real reason you bought the camera was?

  6. Neil

    Did I get it right or wrong? Is it xoxoxo or is it xxxooo?

  7. Non-Highlighted Heather

    i sign off with the xo a lot. to me, it’s affectionate, but platonic. if we met in person i’d greet you with a hug and kiss and the same as we parted.

    now if my o is on its hands and knees taking it from behind from the x, that’s a little more intimate.

  8. Jennifer H

    I also appreciate the truth quotient. This was hilarious.


    (It’s somewhere between xo and xxxooo. Forget it.)

  9. anymommy

    It’s always sex or food here. Comforting. This one made me laugh. It’s definitely xoxoxo. xxxooo looks like a cow with a funky accent.

  10. Memarie Lane

    That’s funny, on a forum where I post occasionally (about babies, you wouldn’t be interested), we get a lot of trolls, people who make up fake babies just to try to add some drama to their lives. A red flag to let us know someone is a troll is if they sign off with “xoxoxoxox.” Real people just don’t do that.

    And “xo” is at least better than “ox.”

  11. wendy

    The image of you with your willy in your hand in front of a web cam…makes me giggle. Doesn’t really seem your style. Now looking at girls boobs…yeah, that I could see.

    I find xoxo very intimate. Funny huh? Only use in with a couple of folks.

  12. Neil

    Wendy… I know you were in some way trying to compliment me, but you should know that men don’t like to hear the words “your willy” and “makes me giggle” in the same sentence.

  13. V-Grrrl

    I’m still waiting for the hot Velveeta footage…

  14. All Adither

    I prefer to sign off with an unambiguous XXX.

  15. Neil

    All Adither — if you weren’t my blog crush yesterday, I would make you again — cause that was a pretty funny comment.

  16. ingrid

    in the netherlands your give three kisses (left, right, left) when you part from friends. at first, i found it overly intimate (having never been a friend-kisser) but now i think its nice. i’ve started to find hugs really intimate and now reserve them for only people i know really well.

    there are all kinds of kissers.

    air kissers: _x__x__x_
    nose bashers: x>x>x
    fullonwetcheekkissers: xUxUx (where U = tongue = full on saliva)
    and the chaste little tiny pecks on cheek kissers: +++

    all this to say, it’s online, no stds, no babies. i say go all out: “fxf”

    just kidding.



  17. Neil

    Ingrid — no U at all?

  18. -RM

    you probably got the ‘xo’ b/c of where you were going, if you were going somewhere more ‘dangerous’ or ‘exciting’ you probably would’ve gotten more.

  19. better safe than sorry

    when i send e-mails to someone i know, i always sign off using “hugs and kisses”, when i leave a note for my kids and husband at home, i always sign XOXO and when i’m IMing, i sign off with a (K). i think you sign off with what you’re comfortable with, but don’t think you’re going to get the same returned back, maybe that person isn’t as comfortable, or maybe they are just lazy and can’t be bothered to type those extra xoxo’s.

  20. Finn

    If you want xoxoxox from me, you’ll have to pony up at least dinner. Maybe a movie. And popcorn.

  21. Neil

    Better Safe — Call me old-fashioned, but if I xoxoxo a woman, I do expect a xoxoxo back. A simple xo is like a slap in the face.

  22. wendy

    Oh come on Neil, Humour has it’s place in your pants!

    Laughing is sexy, right?

  23. NYCWD

    I don’t understand.

    I thought the idea was to get three in a row… like “xxx” or “ooo”… not… together.

  24. Annie

    Neil, you make me laugh until I cry :-).
    I think it is xoxoxo, and I like 3, it is better than 1.

  25. Neil

    Wendy — Yes, it does.

  26. ingrid

    lol. 😛 (note the tongue)

  27. Sully Sullivan

    Well you had me going. I thought it was 100% true and you had really stepped in it. Although 31% is still a lot of percent.

  28. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    LOL and xoxoxox

    P.S. Get your Brady Bunch groove on at my place today.

  29. melanie

    i…. will…. refrain… from….. XXX on…. my… webcam.


  30. Kyran

    my husband uses xoxoxo even in business emails with clients who he is friendly with. I am always telling him it is way too familiar and also? kind of icky-gooey.

    only your mom should sign off with more than one pair of xo’s.

  31. Neil

    Kyran — and what business exactly is your husband involved in? xoxoxo

  32. offendedblogger

    Whew, I’m glad you didn’t tell your readers about the time you showed me your c**k on the webcam. I would have had to break out those screenshots I saved to back you up.

    That would have been embarrassing!

    For you. :p

  33. 180/360

    I see that I am going to have to be more careful when we im. It could end up totally skewed on here.

    I always sign off with xxx- unless I feel sorry for someone and then they get some hugs thrown in.

  34. better safe than sorry

    you are old fashioned and you should know that if you give a woman a xoxoxo and she’s only prepared to give you a xo, you are going to get your face slapped. i’m surprised you actually left her those xo’s. maybe it’s that strong maternal presence in your life at this time.
    hugs and kisses

  35. peefer

    I love when conversations go completely downhill. Excellent dialog, Neil.

  36. Loukia

    LOL! I like xo more.

    Leaves more to the imagination…

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