OK, I’m not going to lie. I read about this website today that is called “a YouTube for pornography,” so I took a little “peek” to see what it was all about. Believe it or not, I try to avoid pornography, not out of prudishness, but from a belief in feminism. I was educated by intelligent teachers who taught me that pornography was anti-women, a patriarchal tool that turned capable women into mere sex objects.
I was sitting at my laptop watching Big Boob Woman and Muscle Chest Guy go at it on a kitchen table, doing it every way possible, including positions hat would require me to do a lot more exercise than the hula hoop on the wii-fit. The woman in the video was making so much noise that I turned down the speakers. I didn’t want my Orthodox Jewish neighbors to think I was a freak.
During this bland sex scene, I had thoughts. Not sexy thoughts. Not thoughts about feminism and how women are objectified. No.   I felt that the video was anti-MALE.
Let’s look at the female character. It was only a clip, so I don’t really know how she met the guy, but – for argument’s sake — let’s go with the old story that he is a plumber coming over to fix her sink. One thing leads to another and soon they are f**king on the kitchen counter. Typical.  We’ve all seen it.  I’m sure this exact situation has happened to most of the mommybloggers who read this blog.
If you look at the woman during the sex, she is having the time of her life. She is yelling at him to “do it harder,” throwing her head back and forth, and rolling around like an Energizer bunny. She is as demanding of him and his time, like a wife who wants to spend all Sunday shopping at the mall and buying shoes.
The guy seems unhappy, as if he isn’t even present. He is a robotic Terminator of sex.
You can almost hear him say, “I must pound her. I must pound her. I must show no emotion. I must pound her. Harder.”
At some point during the sex, he turns her over, face down like a fried egg in the skillet. I thought that during this brief intermission, their might be some conversation, or a joke told. Nope. The woman doesn’t even give the guy a “nice going” or some kind encouragement. She just wants MORE!
He quickly goes back into robot mode.Â
“I must pound her from the rear. I must pound her from this rear. It does not matter what side she is. I must pound her again and again.”
While the woman seems in heaven from all the thrusting, the guy looks like he is stuck on a hot subway in August. His face is as sour as a dill pickle.Â
As I watched the video, I felt bad for the dude. While he didn’t look very bright, he obviously spends a great deal of time at the gym, making his body buff. He is proud of his body, but when he jumps out of his clothes in one quick swoop, she hardly looks at him.  If anything, she goes straight for his penis, the one muscle he didn’t work on in the gym. Is that what we are to women?  A penis?
“I must pound her. I must pound her.”
I wanted to reach into my laptop and comfort the fellow.Â
“Relax, big guy. It is noble of you to want to give this nice lady several orgasms before you finish fixing the water pipes, but why not enjoy it yourself? I know what it is like to be a people pleaser, but sometimes you have to be a little selfish — to take care of yourself, too. Who knows? Maybe she might even enjoy seeing you having a little fun. It’s not all about her, you know?”
“Pound.  Pound.  Pound.’
My advice would fall on deaf ears.  The filmmakers want him to be a robot. And the woman, despite being an educated woman (she wore glasses that she takes off early in the scene), is presented as self-absorbed and uncaring about the man’s pleasure. She WANTS him to be a machine. How else can you explain the constant cry for “Harder! Harder!” like she is a drill sergeant at Fort Bragg.
Men, let’s talk privately for a second. Seriously, how many of us can make love to a woman for three hours straight, in fifteen different positions, without… you know… having to come…
Is it any wonder this guy looks like he is constipated. He’s been pounding her for three hours, still waiting for her to have her fifth orgasm. He is a SAINT!
Ladies, is this fair? I have no idea why women complain about these types of pornographic films. The female character gets all the attention and has all the fun! The man is practically her love slave. He is expected to act like a soldier in combat, refusing to enjoy himself – just so he can bring the woman to sexual ecstasy and have her nearly pass out!
Sure, at the end, the guy comes too, but by then, he is so exhausted, numb, and out of it, I bet you he doesn’t know what is going on.Â
“Uh, wait a minute. Did I just come OR was that my foot falling asleep?”
And even after his orgasm, he still isn’t smiling. Of course not. He’s thinking, “Holy shit, tomorrow morning I have to f*ck this woman for another three hours!”
These movies do more harm to men than women. These ridiculous lovemaking scenes screw up the minds of men. Think about the messages being sent to your own sons, brothers, and husbands:
1)Â You have to keep it up for three hours and never orgasm until the woman faints from intense pleasure.
2)Â Every time you make love, you are expected to do it in several complicated standing positions which can give you knee problems later in life.
3)Â Sex is not really sex without giving her oral sex for an hour, no matter how uncomfortable it is for those with weaker jaws.
4) Lovemaking is all about getting the woman to come. The man must never enjoy himself or smile. The man’s role is to be a human sledgehammer and repeatedly hitting her in the correct spot, like those Whack-a-Mole games.
5) And the most pathetic thing, is after all this work — and I mean hard, physical labor — the man isn’t even allowed to have his orgasm INSIDE the woman. No, he has to quickly pull himself out, so he comes all over the place, ruining the good sheets he just bought at Target.  What the hell is that all about? Men like to have clean sheets too!
Seeing these porno films has made me lose interest in sex. I can understand why women want sex, but what man really wants to go through all that effort, especially when he has HBO?Â
And god forbid, a guy has sex and doesn’t make it all the way through the three hour/twenty position love-fest! He feels all guilty and inadequate.
“Oh, you were fine,” the woman says.Â
Yeah, sure. We know the truth. You really want the robotic guy in the porno film.
#3 isn’t true???
Oh puh-lease!
1) Women have to want it all the time and be willing and ready.
2) The guys flip the women around as if they’re ragdolls, or as if they just can’t get comfortable with her body the way it is.
3) She always has to perform oral sex while ignoring that gagging thing at the back of her throat. Sure, you just TRY sticking a six inch thing in a four inch slot!
4) Lovemaking ends when the man comes. It’s the grand finale in which he turns over and starts snoring. A woman’s orgasm never gets that kind of “I’m exhausted now” respect!
5) She is usually the one that bought the sheets AND has to launder them.
At least the guy gets to actually come. I can never figure out if the woman does because she’s screaming the entire time. I think she’s faking.
Are you talking about xtube? I checked that out a couple weeks ago and had a similar experience. There’s this woman having a threesome with 2 men and the guy in the back keeps pulling out and putting his face up to her rear like he lost his cock ring and is trying to find it. Then he gives up on that and gets back to work. And the guy in the front has his hand braced on his lower back like he’s recovering from a slipped disc. The woman is the only one that appears to be enjoying herself, and it was just boring. I tried a couple other videos on there, same thing. No more xtube for me, not if I want any kind of libido.
Oh btw any woman having sex for more than 20 minutes or so would be very sore the next day. Honestly, ask any woman. If it’s taking longer than 10 minutes or so we’re thinking “come on already! What’s taking so long?!”
You’re kidding, right? No woman wants what you described. No conversation? Pounding? Target sheets?
Sounds like a male fantasy to me.
and…umm…there’s the ‘largeness’ issue with the human pile-drivers. Yeah. ‘Him as Big as REDWOOD’ killed my desire to see porn a long time ago. I mean, who can compete with THAT?
Miguelina — I’m just reporting back what I saw, like an objective reporter would for some big newspaper like the NY Times or Boston Globe.
As I read, I kept hearing in my head a song – to the tune of Searchin’ – “Gonna pound her….I’m gonna pound her, gonna pound her every whi-i-i-ich way… Oh yeah, I’m gonna pound her….”
Good one Рtouch̩.
😉
Very funny.
All of a sudden I’m hungry for fried eggs and dill pickles.
Damn you, Neil.
P.S. Thanks for making me your Blog Crush of the Day. I crush you too.
i actually read these comments, due to the awesome porn content and your mad writing skilz.
i have always wondered what woman likes to go for hours and hours. i can only come up with women in porn are the only ones equipped to do so (since they do the scenes over and over for days on end).
anything longer than 20 minutes is painful. i consider myself blessed due to my quick trigger.
i think the porn length is just b/c people like watching porn, just as much as watching sitcoms and they switch it up to keep you entertained.
My man is always pointing out the fact that just about every commercial on TV makes the man look stupid and the woman look beautiful. I guess porn is just another example!
Target sheets? What in the hell? And if he’s at her place, plumbing and all that, aren’t they HER sheets, that she has to wash? AGAIN?
The man better put some time in getting laid AND mucking up my sheets. I hate doing laundry.
redtube?
I know how to say, “you can come inside” in Japanese.
I’m curious now to see pornography catering to the female market or by women pornographers. Are there more scenes of the guy telling her that he loves her imperfections while he massages her feet and feeds her chocolate ice cream?
I’m with Finn I don’t think those women are actually getting off more than just screaming. I know I do not sound like that when I’m having sex.
Secondly I can’t even begin to imagine sex that lasts for three horus. I’d be happy for it to last 45 minutes. *sigh*
Porn is awesome. I don’t care what some feminist tells you. Snoop said it best: “They’re all just bitchez & hos to me.”
i like how you call them “filmmakers.” 🙂
Kat — well, I did go to film school.
There’s nothing un-sexier than porn.
As a pornoisseur (see what I did there?), you have to be very choosy in your choice of clips from redtube or xtube or youporn if you want to find porn gold. And be aware that “self-sucking” is not something that you want to see, ever.
The Whack-a-Mole line was my favorite. And Piglet–“blessed by a quick trigger.” That line is a keeper too.
Jeannette — Yes, it was redtube! How did you know?
Neil- women’s porn is called romance novels. Women are more stimulated by our imaginations than by visuals. Someday when I go back to finish my edumacation my thesis will be about romance novels; how they reflect the opposite of what women say we want, yet many of us devour them; and how they are in part responsible for our high divorce rate (not for the reasons you think). But mainly they are porn for women. Go pick up anything by Nora Roberts / Judith McNaught / Julie Garwood / Sandra Brown. It will only take you an hour or two to read, but will give you a much better idea of women’s porn.
Oh so if it wasn’t xtube, I bet you have since checked out xtube. Am I right? Am I right? 😛
Memarie — Surprise, surprise — my mother just happens to have ALL of these authors’ books sitting right HERE in the living room (along with a lot of mysteries about killers — I wonder what that means?!
Memarie —
I try to segment my day. Morning – blogging. Afternoon – twitter and Facebook. Evening — exploring porn sites.
So, that’s later.
You have completely changed my opinion of porn.
Robots need love, too.
Neil-
I recommend you take advantage of this unparalleled opportunity to explore the feminine psyche. And report on it. 😛
Gotta update your shizz man. That kind of action is old school. Of course, the porn of today is all about making the woman a victim with her still robot romancer now inflicting insult and injury. Now which style looks better?
Anon — really? You mean like slapping the woman around and calling her names? I tried that once, but she started criticizing me for being “too Pacino” and “not enough DeNiro.” That completely make me lose all interest in lovemaking for the night. Why can’t women be happy with what they get? I’m a writer, not a trained actor!
I’m sure they’ll revoke my Feminist card, but I have to agree – in part – with Neil.
I always thought porn was more anti-male than anti-female… in a LOT of porn the women have the “power”.
What they don’t show is that each three hour orgasmic delight is shot in 5 minute segments.
Do not ask how I know this.
Then again, the guys have the fluffers.
Why can’t women be happy with what they get? Mr. Ochka, are we looking at two different situations? Has someone complained about you lately? Screw ’em. Err, rather, leave them alone and find someone who appreciates a learning curve. Back to the porn, the women do look appreciative, in a primal way. Who is the #1 consumer of porn? THE MALE. These videos aren’t made for women, buster.
As far as the women having the power thing, I think that’s the point. I think a lot of men want women to take more control in the bedroom, just as women want men to take more control in the bedroom. Porn like this makes women feel self conscious, because it usually really ISN’T all that enjoyable, but we feel like men expect this melodramatic performance of ecstasy. I always have to roll my eyes when I’m watching a (non-porn) movie and the woman swoons blissfully when a man merely touches her breast. So then if my husband touches my breast and I don’t swoon he wonders what’s wrong with me. Damn Hollywood!
In romance novels, i.e. women’s porn, the man is always the one taking charge. The woman has to maintain a certain amount of innocence as per our puritanical society, or she feels dirty. In a bad way. Porn is about fantasy though, not reality, and I think that’s what the issue is.
Memarie — so I guess men get the hard job in both men AND women’s fantasies. In the male porn, we have to be robots and please our women. In romance novels, we have to jump in and risk our necks to save you.
How to respond…..In my opinion, it’s still geared to the male fantasy. The woman is having SOOOOO much fun…(fake..so fake..) and the man is detatched from himself and her turned into one human phallus. Not vulnerable to the womans body…not easily toyed with…not someone who would beg to get inside. Just an unfeeling taker.
In actuality, most men are very vulnerable to women during sex. Women have their way with men A LOT.
This is a man fantasy of being in control. Plain and simple.
But PS… Losing control…. is SEXY.
3 hours of sex for a woman = a yeast infection.
Neil- yup, you got it! 😛
Wendy — so this is more like the guy “getting the job done” better than the next guy. Building a better car, putting up a bigger skyscraper, showing the woman that he can give her more orgasms than any other man alive… type of thing…
And, I don’t like to brag or toot my own horn, but once I made love for 38 hours straight, without stopping, until the girl just dissolved into ashes from all the hot lovin’!
The first time I had sex I was afraid. But it was dark and I was all by myself so . . .
TRO – Old joke alert!
i always thought women’s porn was watching those decorating shows, i know i can watch those for three hours straight!
Yeah… kinda.. Like if a man was to objectify himself..what better way…right.
“Boy did I give that girl a ride or what”
I doubt very much that many say…i was so hot for her I came before she even had her panties off…
See what I mean?
Stud…
Wendy — I’m not sure your response is the typical one. I don’t think most women want a man to get so impassioned that he loses his control.
This was hilarious. I’m still laughing. Thanks.
FA
Not on a regular basis, but once in a while, I can think of nothing more flattering. To fully submit to the powe of a woman. To stop all performance and pay her physical homage, so to speak. To kneel at her feet and surrender…. Not so bad, prettu heady stuff.
The stuff of epic romance perhaps..not porn.
and then there is always an hour or so later….
This post – but especially the comments – divine, hilarious … But … I wonder – is YouTube for porn paying you, Neil? I mean, are you receiving commission for advertising on your blog? Because I know that I might have to go and “take a peek” to back up your story … I am a researcher, as you know – and a feminist – not to mention an activist …
yuck-feminists!
Seriously, would it KILL her to throw out the occasional “attaboy?”
Work, work,work…
Neil- women’s porn is called romance novels. Women are more stimulated by our imaginations than by visuals.
I think that’s a huge and untrue generalization. I’m a woman and I like watching (good) porn AND reading erotica. I know many women who get turned on by visuals…and also audio.
And that’s what I’ve always hated about male-centric porn. As Neil says, the guy stands there stone-faced and makes no noises and has to be too “masculine” to enjoy it. Of course, this is mostly because directors think the men watching the scenes don’t want to really know the guy is there; the think they only want to focus on the female. So they overmike her, and tell him to shut up. It’s no wonder so few women watch porn…where is the mutual enjoyment that happens in *real* sex? Who would enjoy having sex with a stone-faced, entirely silent man? In this way, gay male porn is better porn for women than a lot of straight porn, because at least the guys are free to act as if they’re enjoying themselves. At least one gets to witness male pleasure.
Neil, you asked what porn might be good for women and I don’t think anyone answered. It’s generally said in most of the thinking sex blog circles that the films made by Tony Comstock are really well-done films that are geared toward both males and females. You might want to check them out.
Thanks, Miss Syl — I’m sure some of my readers might check it out. It’s too bad that I don’t have much interest since I am pretty busy reading a 900 page book on German Philosophy 1815-1896 and I am trying to keep my mind focused on the world of ideas rather than…
But, thanks — for helping my readers.
And I would like you to wear a suit of armor please.
All Adither — at least that would make it somewhat fun — like dress-up.
If there’s one thing I know, it’s porn.
And one thing I really dont like to see in my porn is chocolate. All women arent Cathy comics, c’mon.
(cause chocolate looks like poop when you’re naked)
ROFLMAO – is that really a bottle of HP sauce on the table??? (totally missing the point, I couldn’t get past the sauce 🙂
uh oh.
seventies porn isn’t as inhumane as the ones today. women are hairy. men hairier. men don’t have donkey penises and they come pretty quickly.
for an moderate sexhaver a lot of porn is unsexy. But that’s because most of porn is for either virgins or professional porn-addicts.
Virgins an those who watch porn very seldom find that any naked woman is a turnon, so they tolerate the horrible hydraulics with fakebreasted 40-yearold anorecsiacs. any nakedness and sex will do.
and the professional porn wathcers don’t want romance or naturality. they want big boobs and extreme closeups of anal sex.
I guess average porn isn’t targeted for an average man. average man would like to have compassionate porn with natural looking women and without screaming and pounding. but because average men are only a small fraction of porn buyers (though there are a lot of them, they only consume once and a while, when virgins and professionals consume porn all the time ). thus most of porno is just sick and twisted.
and if you feel that the the longevity of male porn star is fiction or coercion, then you obviously haven’t tried venlafaxin. 225mg each morning and you don’t have worry about premature ejaculations. the only problem is that you yourself get bored before you’re orgasm. just like in the pornos