My problem started when I was eleven years old. Our Hebrew school had a decent basketball team and we made it to the New York State Hebrew School championship in Albany. As a fundraising stunt, we were supposed to sell boxes of Peanut Brittle to our neighbors in order to pay for transportation. I hated selling things to other people. I felt like I was imposing on them. Chances are, most of neighbors would have bought a box from me, just because they know my parents, and my mother usually bought Girl Scout cookies from their kids. I just felt guilty asking people to buy things they really didn’t need or want.
Even then, I was a realist.
“Who in the world REALLY wants a box of peanut brittle?!” I asked myself. “That stuff is nasty and can crack your tooth!”
I sold two boxes. One to my mother and one to my grandmother.
Fast forward to today. I’m pretty much the same. There is no way you could get me to walk around my apartment building and ask neighbors to shell over their hard-earned money for some peanut brittle.
Rule #1 in therapy. A person will never overcome his fear until he fights it.
This is where YOU come in.
I would like you to buy some boxes of peanut brittle.
There is no cost per box because you will never actually get any of this peanut brittle. It is all theoretical, the aim being that I overcome my fear by asking you to buy it from me.
Please buy as many boxes as you want. Buy some for yourself. Buy for you co-workers. They also make excellent birthday and wedding gifts for family members.
I am pretty confident that most of you will buy a few boxes of peanut brittle from me. You seem to be a caring bunch and you realize that this will be a tremendous boost to my self-esteem. After all, I am in this limbo-land with Sophia and living here with my mother. I’m not feeling very manly and I really need a BIG BOOST!
Recently, Firefox promoted it’s new Firefox 3 browser by announcing a “Download Day.” They attempted to create a Guinness Book of World Record for the “most downloaded software” in one day. I’m not sure they achieved their ultimate goal, but they had 8 million downloads in 24 hours.
Imagine how cool it would be to brag to the women at BlogHer that I am a Guinness Book of World Record Holder! Talk about a line that will definitely get me laid!
So here’s the deal. I’m going to show you how much my cojones have grown since I have come to New York. I don’t want you to simply buy a few imaginary boxes of peanut brittle from me. I want you to buy SO MANY BOXES OF IMAGINARY PEANUT BRITTLE that I will become the undeniable GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORD HOLDER of selling imaginary peanut brittle in a single 24-hour day!
How many boxes of peanut brittle would you like?
No credit cards accepted for purchases under ten boxes.