the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

We Talked About Eliot Spitzer in Therapy

I spoke about Eliot Spitzer in therapy yesterday. It was a weird conversation with Brenda. Usually, I walk into the office and we fiddle about until we fall into some sort of topic. Yesterday, I sat down and immediately said, “I think we should talk about sex today. Isn’t that what we are SUPPOSED to do in therapy?”

The conversation turned to the news about the governor of New York because, well, frankly, I’ve never been with a high class hooker. Or a moderately-price prostitute. Or cheated on my wife. Or even been to a Hooters. And THAT was on my mind.

Now before my female readers go, “Wow, what a wonderful fella,” DON’T. Who knows what would happen if I actually became governor of New York and had the opportunity to afford some high priced hookers. I’m sure Mr. Spitzer was a nice Jewish boy at one time also. Hell, now that I see what high priced hookers make, I might want to BECOME a call, uh… boy. Writing is slave labor compared to what they make! And they get free dinner, too!

Note: The following is a bit rambling and I may disagree what I say tomorrow, but I’m just spitting it out anyway.

Yesterday, on Twitter, I noticed some discussion about Eliot Spitzer. A woman was describing him in negative terms. She was saying that he was arrogant. She also made mentioned that a lot of high powered men feel the need to have sex on the side. After all, he wouldn’t be governor if he didn’t have big cojones. She was mocking him, but I have to admit, that to a guy like me, her negative portrayal almost made him sound cool, as if this super-powerful guy just has so much sperm building up in him that it had to go somewhere. Like he was a nerdy Superfly. Remember when I once wrote a post about some spam I got about some pill that could increase the amount of your semen so you could flood the entire neighborhood with your “seed” and impress your neighbors, as well as fertilize their lawn? Men are into that sort of stuff. I could even hear some guys talking about Spitzer in the locker room. “I bet you his wife wasn’t giving him enough p***y!” Even Spitzer himself only apologized to his wife for embarrassing her. He is more ashamed of getting caught than breaking his marriage vow. He probably thought it was a healthy release. Hey, he is a powerful man with powerful needs.

I’m no saint. And I don’t moralize. I enjoyed seeing your bras on my birthday. But, all in all, my sexual adventures are pretty tame. I pretty much went from hopeless nerd to being married. Why she married me is still a mystery. I never really had wild and crazy days, so that’s dangerous. Take that as a warning. Maybe I should go to a prostitute someday, just to see if I can do it. Almost like sex therapy. The idea of sleeping with some complete stranger that I’m paying for freaks me out and seems totally unappealing. But maybe it is good for a man to be able to just take some woman and be selfish about it. I bet you never get performance anxiety. You can come fast. You can come slow. She doesn’t have to have an orgasm. You can have sex standing on your head. You are paying for it! It’s sort of like going to therapy… but more interactive!

I am totally FOR legal prostitution. I feel that hookers are here to stay — who can refute thousands of years of history — so why not make it safe and get some tax dollars. Maybe we can let the Native-Americans run the prostitution rings? They do a pretty good job with the casinos. But don’t expect to see me with a prostitute soon. Not for any moral reasons. I just don’t think my personality fits the bill. And, in a way, that bothers me. Shouldn’t a man’s c**k go up just because a naked woman is in the room with him? I know… I know, it doesn’t work that way. But maybe I would be the governor of New York if I was more that type of personality.

I’m sure some of you have cheated on your spouses. In fact, I have spoken to a blogger who has cheated on her husband with a married man. Again, I don’t moralize. The woman was having some problems at home, and this was an outlet.

“How do you feel about the other wife?” I asked.

“Well, not too bad. She wasn’t satisfying him,” she answered.

It was another case of a man who just needed a lot of f**king — so what could he do?! He had no choice! It almost seemed to be part of his appeal!

Over the course of my life, whenever I wasn’t getting enough, I usually turned… well, myself.

My Penis: “Do we really have to talk about this…”

I’m just saying, as a dramatist, those exploits aren’t very dramatic. They are almost uncomfortable to talk about. I don’t go to my friends in the bar and say, “Hey Brad, John — you won’t believe how good my masturbation went this morning!”

But, they sure would be all ears if I told them that I just “did” a beautiful $3500 high-class hooker. Or I had an affair with the buxom brunette from the office.

OK, I’m going to stop this post now. Maybe I’ll finish it later. I’m losing my train of thought. Eliot Spitzer is probably resigning as I’m writing this. I’m sure there are thousands of blogs talking about him right now. I bet you that this is the only blog on Technorati that uses Elliot Spitzer as a segue into talking about masturbation.

Eh, this isn’t really about masturbation. It is about being a man and what his sexuality is all about. And how I somehow associate power and money and creative talent with the need to f**k a lot. Can you think of Picasso painting without visualizing him f**king all the time?

Tags: Eliot Spitzer, male sexuality, therapy


  1. Otir

    Prostitution is legal in France. I really don’t see why it wouldn’t be legal in the United States. What kind of problem do they have, that they fuss about sex, and not about violence?

    I am much more shocked at the president of the United States (no capital p intended) vetoing the ban of use of torture, than the governor (no capital g intended) of my State betraying the confidence that had been put in electing him there. But still I am disappointed at the fact that politics is so ruining of someone’s character. I really hope others will step up to the plate.

    And I don’t care that they masturbate and have sexual needs, that’s natural and healthy.

  2. Finn

    You write “sh***y,” “f**k” and “c**k” but “pussy” you spell out?

  3. natalie

    well now. there you go. you left me speechless.

    ok…think. think. think.

    i know there was something i wanted to say. hmm…

  4. Neil

    Finn… that was totally a “Freudian” mistake. As a man, the need must be so great, that I couldn’t even bother disguising the word…

  5. e

    Wow… The Elliot Spitzer thing has been on my mind as well, but more in the realm of disbelief and disgust. Sexual betrayal is the worst kind. His wife has to know that he premeditated his actions and knew that she would be hurt if she found out. I think over-hyped sexuality in men is just an excuse for them to be selfish.

    Men, if they are wanting a quicky, can masturbate and should. Why subject your spouse to the emotional heartbreak of being betrayed, when you can take care of business completely blame free? Men who cheat on their wives with hookers just seem like selfish assholes with no self control who are on some sort of power trip.

    Women’s roles in relationships are changing…This isn’t the 1950’s where women are either viewed as a sacred baby making vessel or a whore. Most women I know are accomplished wives and mothers who have sexual lives as well. I can cook, clean, and earn a living, but does that mean I don’t enjoy getting off?

    I’m sure guys would love to think that women want sex as much as they do. It takes work to fit it into our busy lives. Cheating with a hooker is like saying to your wife,”Sure, I appreciate all that you do for the family, but I’ve got needs and you’re too busy sorting my socks and making sack lunches to satisfy me.” It’s selfish bullshit… It’s all about instant gratification and the men who do that, obviously don’t see their partner as an equal, or a sexual being with needs of their own.

    Um, so… I guess my point is, get a copy of “She Comes First”, read it, and then grab your wife while she’s sorting socks and rock her world. She deserves it. Learn to give a little more, and it will change the dynamic of your marriage. Sex isn’t all about sperm, or what guys talk about in the locker room. It’s the cement that holds healthy marriages together.

  6. Pete Dunn

    I don’t even want to get into how much this spoke to me.

  7. bookfraud

    her negative portrayal almost made him sound cool, as if this super-powerful guy just has so much sperm building up in him that it had to go somewhere

    ha! when you combine a jew super-nerd who probably didn’t go to prom and had trouble getting dates in college with power and money, you get this. a broken, ex-governor with no foreseeable career.

    not to judge — i might have done the exact same things if i had been in such a situation.

    eliot phone ho because he didn’t have enough imagination to do what 99% of politicians normally do, which is have an affair with their secretary or such. what boggles the mind is he’d bother with an online escort service. they’re always getting busted. and he knew that.

    i’m in favor of legalized prostitution, if only to protect the prostitutes. unionize and force johns to get tested for stds.

  8. MammaLoves

    It’s an interesting question that you ask. Do powerful men need more sex, have more “seed” to spread? Is it a scientific fact? Does it all fall into the survival of the fittest theory?

    Interesting questions. Can men still be powerful and yet not virile?

  9. Neil

    Erin — your response was quite heart-felt. I don’t know the behind-the-scene story, so I tend not to get as moralistic about what happened in their marriage. It certainly is not something new to world history. I would like to think that I would act differently in that situation, but who knows? Power probably makes you feel powerful. His strength and ambition is probably something his wife found very sexy herself.

    I know that Sophia and I are always talking about the fact that the thing we must found sexy about each other in the beginning, is now causing most of the problems. Spitzer’s wife probably loved his aggressiveness that catapulted him to the top. It is probably this same recklessness and need to dominate that made him search out hookers.

    Women, here is the message! Only date and marry men without power and money! They’ll be thanking God every night that you come to bed with them!

  10. Marge

    “Eliot phone ho”
    Bookfraud made me laugh so hard I forgot the really mindnumbingly profound thing I was going to say.

  11. Turnbaby

    “”It’s all about instant gratification and the men who do that”” E

    To E –It generally is more about power and control–it’s quite different from the sexual relationship that exists in a marriage. It’s not always about the instant gratification itself. With this type of situation it’s more complicated than simply getting his rocks off.

    BTW – Neil–I totally caught the blatant use of pussy as well 😉

  12. Neil

    Turnbaby, Finn — I took care of the p***y. Thanks.

  13. Arjewtino

    Thanks, Neil. “…you won’t believe how good my masturbation went this morning!” is my new favorite expression.

    I guarantee I will use it this weekend.

  14. Neil

    Arjewtino — Just in case you are talking to literate friends, you might want to replace that statement with… “you won’t believe how WELL my masturbation went this morning.” You know those English major snobs.

  15. Marie

    I went straight from nerd to married too. My husband had some wild years, and sometimes I wonder if he ever misses that. I kind of miss not having had any wild years.

    I also think prostitution should be legal. I don’t see anything wrong with it honestly.

  16. churlita

    I’m sure I’ve probably said this on here before, but I still don’t get it. If you want to have sex with other people, why get or stay married. If you’re single, you can do whatever you want and not hurt anyone else’s feelings.

  17. Tuck

    My take is that poor Elliot had to pay for sex because nobody would give it to him for free!…not even the quite beautiful Silda.

  18. Neil

    Tuck — If the governor of New York can’t get any women for free, that sure makes NY women seem hard to please.

  19. d

    1. prostitution should be legal
    2. if you’re married, keep your dick/pussy in your pants. if you want to sleep around, make sure you’re single.

    i know it’s more complicated than that, but it really shouldn’t be. right?

    you don’t have to be married to get elected or stay elected for that matter. spitzer’s hypocrisy is what bugs me the most about this situation.

    also, the notion that ‘men have needs’ justifies their adulteration is utterly ridiculous. if your wife isn’t satisfying your ‘needs’, get a divorce and start fucking the brains out of everything you can.

    adulteration is the thrill of the taboo and, i think, a secret desire to get caught and thus to hurt your spouse.

  20. TRO

    Prostitution is not a victimless crime. If it were I would be all for it, but there are many victims, starting with the hookers, many of whom are abused by their pimps and clients, their children, and the wives and children of their clients. These problems exist even in France and Germany and other places where it is legal, and while some may see that as an argument for legalization, it doesn’t address the whole moral issue, which does exist.

    That beings said, there is no woman (or man I imagine) in the world that is worth $5,500 an hour for sex.

    I’m not even sure the cost of a spaghetti dinner was worth what I got most times during my dating years, but that is another story altogether.

    But then it isn’t the sex these guys are paying that price for, it’s the supposed security you are paying for – that no one will tell on you.

    Well, we saw how well that worked for the Gov, didn’t we?

  21. Dagny

    Once more I’ve got to say it. You’ve been hanging at the wrong bars. At my fave bar in SF, the guys often discuss their masturbation habits.

  22. Mr. Fabulous

    I have never been to a Hooters, either.

    Paragons of virtue. That’s what you and I are, my friend. Yesiree.

  23. wendy

    conflicted on this one. Sex is really important to most power guys. I think the desire of women to judge this is dangerous.

    I do think it’s selfish for guys to blame their decisions on “lack of” at home. However, I think it’s also wrong for women to judge men for wanting it all the time.

    I agree, if you marry a politian or power broker…you have to know what you are in for.

    If you want to change the rules half way in…likely he will too..and you may not like those new rules.

    Neil, but have you ever been to a strip club?

  24. Loralee

    You know, for your next birthday we could all chip in and buy you a high-end blowup doll.

    Then your penis could tell the guys at the bar that he hooked up with the most unreal, hot chick that morning.


  25. Jack

    I find it awfully interesting that so many people are able to say that they know why Spitzer did what he did and what the consequences of his actions were.

    The fact is that no one outside of the marriage really knows what is happening in it.

    You can’t say anything with any certainty.

    I am with the crowd that says prostitution should be legalized. It is not going away…ever.

    So legalize it, regulate it and try to make it safer.

  26. Bec

    Not having a clue who he was, I have just been finding it funny. Your penis really doesn’t want you to discuss your time together. Some things should stay private!

  27. Nat

    My colleague and I were discussing this at work. She and I would like to know what exactly he got for $3,500 to see if we would do it for that much. Because honestly, even if I moonlight twice a month, I could pay off the house pdq.

  28. Neil

    Wendy, you know, I don’t think I ever have been to an actual strip club.

    I did go to this club in Bangkok once… here’s the sordid story…

  29. Kelly

    I lean toward the legalize prostitution thing too, though there’s an opinion piece in the NYT today that raises a lot of issues. And while we’re at it, we should legalize (and regulate) the illegal drug trade too.

    “There is no woman (or man I imagine) in the world that is worth $5,500 an hour for sex.” -Tro It’s all about perceived value. Some people believe you get what you pay for. People pay that much because it makes them feel powerful (not the good power either).

  30. Neil

    I am fascinated by your comments to this post. Of course, this post is not really about Eliot Spitzer or prostitution… subjects that are only of mild interest to me… but about myself.

  31. melanie

    I think the irony here is that its all i want,and its what I dont have. which will turn out to be just the opposite when I have what i want. i probably wont want it anymore.

    yea. legalize it. i could use some part time work. 😉

  32. Rhea

    I agree with Tro. Prostitution is far from a victimless crime. When you buy someone’s body for your use it is slavery. If you wouldn’t want to do it, or have your daughter do it, then why is it OK for any woman to be bought and sold as a repository for a stranger’s semen?

  33. teahouseblossom

    I read that all that Eliot really wanted was blow jobs with no protection. That was the “not safe” aspect of it. And then he was able to justify not “cheating” on Silda.

    Well, according to some very reliable tabloid sources.

  34. Jack

    Prostitution is far from a victimless crime.

    Sorry, you can’t make blanket statements like that and expect them to stick.

    It is complicated topic. Like it or not there are people who go into it because THEY CHOOSE to do so and not because they do not have any other options.

    I would never say that it is all sunshine and roses or that there are not some very serious issues, there are.

    But the position you take is simply untenable.

    There are many reasons why it is the oldest profession in the world. It will NEVER go away.

    Better to legalize it, regulate it and try to protect those who are involved. Legalization won’t remove all of the problems, but it will go a long way.

    In a time when we are fighting two wars, have a huge deficit, problems with healthcare, education and immigration it is hard to focus on this.

  35. Los Angelista

    I’m really grossed out that he didn’t want to use a rubber. That’s just nasty.

    It’s about more than just wanting to get off because, as you say, Spitzer could just talk to the hand to do that.

  36. better safe than sorry

    i’d never heard of this guy until this happened and from what i’ve been reading it does strike me that most are more upset because of the hypocrisy. i don’t understand how his wife can stand up beside him like everything is fine, if my husband ever did something like that, i’d kick him to the curb and not look back. the front page of our paper has a story on the prostitute, she’ll probably be getting a recording contract out of this.

  37. suburbancorrespondent

    Um, there are lots of powerful men who don’t cheat on their wives. Being powerful does not require a lot of sexual intercourse as a side dish. He cheated on his wife, he broke the law, and he financed a business that uses people in a very immoral way. That prostitute did not see the bulk of the money. Even in high-priced prostitution, there are pimps taking at least half.

    Stop rationalizing behavior that is wrong, wrong, wrong. And being able to get away with it doesn’t make it right. What sort of a person does that make you?

  38. Three Ladies

    You paid your therapist to talk about Spritzer?

  39. Heidi

    And how long will Silda stay by his side? Set your stopwatches, GO!

  40. You can call me, 'Sir'

    Reading the comments is almost as enlightening as reading your post, Neil. I don’t condone what he did, but it disturbs me to no end how people seem to take great pleasure in skewering him for it. If folks spent as much time looking into the mirror as they did pointing it at others hoping to help them see how awful they are, the world would indeed be a much better place, as both compassion and empathy might be rules rather than exceptions. Everyone falls; it’s human.

  41. tiff

    Eliot wanted something maybe that he thought Silda wouldn’t agree to, but unprotected oral sex with your partner doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that your wife would balk at providing.

    Or maybe that’s just me.

    Still, I’m with the “legalize prostitution” thing. And while we’re at it, legalize pot too. A whole lot of us would be a whole lot happier people if that happened…

  42. HeyJoe

    What amazes me is how these high-powered, high-profile men are willing to risk their entire careers by trusting a call girl (or a white House intern) to keep her mouth shut.

    Aren’t they concerned that their exploits may end up in a book or a blog or the front page of the NY Times?

  43. Edgy Mama

    This post made total sense to me. I keep reading the news and thinking, “What? Federal charges? What are they talking about?” Then I remember that prostitution is illegal in this country. I guess I lived in Europe for too long. While morally, I disagree with the idea, I don’t think it should be a crime. Why should the government moderate our sex lives? Guess I should ask some of my gay friends that question!

  44. ingrid

    prostitution is legal here in the netherlands.

    on one hand, i like the protection for the women that this offers (in theory) on the other hand, they still have major problems with regulating the system. there are still huge mob connections and despite the fact that pimps are illegal, there are still major abuses. in fact amsterdam is initiating a clean up of the industry over the next year since it was no longer possible to ignore the issues that were emerging.

    if i had three hands, i would also say, quite definitely, that if i had a daughter, this is not a profession i would choose for her. “oh look honey, this university offers advanced blow-job techniques. you really should look into it. it is very lucrative. you can probably be financially independent in just a few years!”

    no, can’t picture myself saying that. somehow in the back of my mind, there is still something demeaning about opening your legs for pay. despite all of the logic that i can apply to this, the oldest profession.

  45. Atomic Bombshell

    Yeah, I hear that “he’s a big powerful man with big powerful sexual needs” argument. Strangely, I mostly hear that angle coming from women. Frankly, I think it’s a crock.

  46. Buck

    The extravagant cost was for discretion not for services. I don’t think she was doing anything gymnastic or out of the ordinary. He was paying all that money so that this remained a private “transaction.” Oh well, I guess in retrospect he might as well have gotten some $50 blowj*bs up in the Bronx.

  47. Lance Gheza

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