the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

A Sh***y Post

For the first time in a very long time, I spent a good hour just looking at a blank screen.  I was thinking about why you come here to this blog.  I figure you come here because you like something about the writing.  Maybe I commented on your blog at some time, and then you commented on mine, and before you know it, we assumed we knew each other. 

There is a dark side to this.  If I start writing boring stuff, you will probably go away.  After a whole bunch of tedious posts — say, about my fingernails — only my mother would be left reading this blog.  My mother would not abandon me.  She would keep reading the blog no matter what.  That’s what mothers do. 

Sometimes, I’m afraid of writing something shitty.  I’m worried that you will drop me like a hot potato.  After all, there are plenty of other blogs out there.

It would be cool to write something really shitty.  I think I would enjoy writing something really shitty once a week.  Should I tell you in the tags or beforehand, so you know when I KNOW the post is conceived as shitty, opposed to when it just comes out shitty by poor planning or distraction?

For instance, this is a pretty shitty post.  I know it.  It is not an accident.  I enjoyed writing this shitty post.  I’m writing it on Notepad.  I can delete it or I can copy it and publish it on my blog so you can read it.  The question remains:  Why would you want to read it? 

I have no idea. 

No, that’s a lie.  I actually do.  I think I would enjoy reading it if YOU wrote it.  But I’m odd in that way.

A few days ago, some blogger wrote a comment where she said, “I love you, Neil.”  I took this nice comment as meaning that the person liked the current post, or that something in my writing connected with that person.  I know the person doesn’t REALLY love me. I’ve had this lovin’ feeling myself at times.  On my last count, I have been in serious love with seven female bloggers over the years, and three male bloggers.  These are bloggers who I have grown attached to in the most unhealthy of ways — caring about them way beyond normality, crying when they write about being miserable, laughing when they are happy, worried when they don’t blog, mad when they didn’t comment. 

I usually fall in love with a blogger because of her writing.   And then she writes something shitty, and the magic is gone. 

But gradually, I learn to respect her in a healthier manner, as I see that her writing that shitty post was important for her to write.  It reminded her that her writing is her own — and not others — and that if she wants to write something shitty, she should do it, confident that even if everyone thought she sucked, her mother would still read her blog.


  1. Kathy

    It reminded her that her writing is her own — and not others — and that if she wants to write something shitty, she should do it, confident that even if everyone thought she sucked, her mother would still read her blog.

    My mom still reads my blog, and treasures every shitty post.

    In all seriousness, I’m terrified that my writing is never good enough. Where did that come from? When I started blogging, I didn’t care — and it was good. I think it’s normal to start second guessing/ self-editing after a while. i guess the thing is not to get to hung up on it.

  2. better safe than sorry

    just because you think a post is sh*tty doesn’t necessarily mean someone who is reading it thinks the same, it’s just your opinion. you might write something that you think is your best piece of work and someone might not agree, another difference of opinion. i think bloggers in general should just write for themselves. you worry too much.

  3. Eileen Dover

    So, I’m guessing your post is all about me and my shitty posts and you’re saying you’re okay with me? We have a deep connection now?


    Seriously though Neil, as much as I love the talking penis, there is something about it when you open up and reveal the real you, and I appreciate knowing there are multitudes of levels of your thoughts and feelings. And because of that I respect you more.

  4. Not Fainthearted

    I read a lot of sh**y blogs. If yours turned into one, I’d still read it. My posts have been particularly sh**y lately. I’m sorry our magic has waned because of it.

  5. Otir

    I think that sometimes, contrarily to what you think, readers come to really like the blogger they read, whatever the quality of a post. Because they get attached to the person. And they don’t have to live every moment with that person, so a lot of problems are alleviated. But they actually love the blogger, and not only what the blogger writes. It’s called unconditional love.

  6. blackbird

    For shitty, that wasn’t so bad.

  7. Nat

    I try to write well but most the time it doesn’t work. I only write when I have something to say or feel the need to write something. Anything. Anyway, I’m with Blackbird. I liked this post.

    Your Mom reads your blog???? I don’t think my mom knows what a blog is.

  8. witchypoo

    To all who complain about an off post, I happily offer their money back.

  9. turnbaby

    Well that was some pretty good shit for a shitty post 😉

    When I first found out my mom was reading my blog it cause me to pause and giggle because the way I found out was her telling my sister that she did and that I was ‘naughty’ sometimes. Like this is something she didn’t already know?

    I have enough stress in my life without worrying over the blog–some days it’s spot on–some days it crapola. Shit that’s how it’s advertised in the header LOL


  10. Danny

    Your “shitty” is other bloggers’ “insightful.” You usually start judging your posts when you switch from funny, crazy Neil to reflective, emotional Neil, but people love both (and you’re incapable of writing a “boring” post).

    But I think your comment “that’s what mothers do” is off—I bet most mothers do NOT read their children’s blogs (and in some cases that’s just as well!).

  11. Karen Sugarpants

    Oh Neil, I wrote shitty stuff all the time and my mother doesn’t read it. Probably because she on a bender somewhere in Calgary.
    Sometimes, even when you think it’s a shitty post, it will get loads of comments because others can relate to what you are thinking or feeling at the time. I like your blog because you are honest, funny, poignant and often, I can relate.

  12. Kelliqua

    Shitty posts are the only reason I blog. Where else would I be able to get this crap printed?

    Entertainment is fun but getting to “know” the blogger through their writing even shitty posts is what makes a blog different than say a column, or a book.

  13. Yvonne

    Neil, I didn’t think this post was shitty. I don’t just read your blog for your funny writing, even though it did attract me at first. I’m honestly interested in what is going on with you at the moment, and personal blogs are all about that. Please just write what you want, the stats are meaningless. And yep my mum reads my blog every day and thinks the sun shines out of my arse.

  14. Finn

    I always think I’m boring the hell out of everybody. Especially since I don’t get as many comments as some of you… I always wonder what I’m doing wrong.

    My mom doesn’t read my current blog. But she has every post from my former one printed out and saved in a binder.

  15. natalie

    one of my favorite things about blogging is reading people who are being themselves. anyone can pretend to be perfection and only show the witty clever posts. it’s when you show your vulnerabilities, your soft side, your hurts, doubts, fears…all of that coupled with your clever wit and penis make you a blog to read!

  16. natalie

    oh…and i would wade through s**t to do so.

  17. Elisabeth

    To me, a really shitty post is no post. I am seriously thinking of completely revamping my blogroll, on which I have a bunch of blogs that have been dormant at best. I’m glad yours isn’t, because there’s nothing worse that visiting someone’s blog day after day and seeing absolutely nothing new. Those who can’t post at least three times a week should give up blogging.

  18. tiddleywink

    I agree with many of the commenters here; your more heartfelt posts are the ones I care the most about. This isn’t a shitty post, it’s vindication that we all feel this way from time to time. Who is reading me, and why?

  19. Diane Mandy

    Please! Unlike hacks like me, you’re a gifted, witty writer no matter what the topic. I visit your site and am always impressed. At the same time, I don’t sit in judgement of other bloggers, how they feel about issues, how they live their lives, or how well they write. The fact is majority of sites I visit are not well done, and I still visit faithfully. To be connected, albeit virtually, with an oil rig worker in Louisiana, a scientist in the Arctic, a writer in Los Angeles, a mother of two in Arkansas–is an amazing and humbling experience.

  20. sizzle

    It’s like dating. You test each other out. You have your honeymoon period. And then the faults/quirks start to show and you find yourself less enamored and yet, still compelled to know the person. Sometimes you break up. Sometimes you move in together. You just never know.

  21. lfar

    I don’t think I’ve ever been in blog love… but I’ve only been reading for a year… so maybe eventually I’ll find one that I super love. Maybs. We’ll see. I want you to name your blog lovers, though!

  22. Bec

    Blogs are like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re gonna get.

    And you my dear Neil are definitely caramel chews, or praline… Even your coffee cremes or weird fruit centred jelly things are like heaven to me!

    And I am thanking the almighty ruler of the Blogosphere (whoever that may be) that I was fortunate enough to find you.

  23. piglet

    i like your writing, even the shitty ones b/c you are honest. you write things that people think but cannot articulate.

    i was reading some of your back stuff trying to figure out what the hell happened between you and sophia (she’s beautiful btw) but i couldn’t figure it out.

    one of your posts mentioned your writing for the “blomopo” or whatever the fuck it was. you explained to sophia that you were doing it b /c an important blogger told us to do it and we’re sheep. i kept thinking about that one simple statement and how true it was. in fact, i woke up thinking about it. not in a weird way, mind you b/c that wouldn’t be “proper”.

    then i started thinking about how millions of bloggers just write every day without a “boss” breathing down their neck, paid vacations and bonuses. we participate in stuff with complete strangers b/c we enjoy it. we write about shit we love and shit we hate. all for free. (at least some of us, until you get famous and they actually pay you to write with is AWESOME.)

    so that is what i like about your writing, it’s real. i liken blog loving to dating. sometimes when you find a good blog you stick with it b/c it’s just too much energy to start up a new blog relationship. some times you just lose interest in a blogger but not b/c the blogger sucks, but i b/c we change.

    i wasn’t sure that i was going to be able to like you due to the whole mass following you seem to have and i need to know that if i am investing time in a writer, that they know i’m there.

    so, having said all that. you’ve not visited my blog (that i know of) and nor have you commented (that i know of) and i fully expect you to at some point in the very near future. mainly b/c i think you’ll love the shitty posts i write. or maybe not. i’ll still read you b/c i like your writing.

    and, i don’t know of anyone else that shared their blogs with their therapist. which i have done. but my therapist doesn’t have sexy legs. thank god, that would be too much of a distraction.

    well, i guess i’m about done with my ramble.

    power to the people and their shitty posts!

  24. Cara Hurley

    You worry too much (for a man).

    Take some time out and go read my blog. It’ll make you smile.

    PS: You have been on my blogroll for some time, but I bet you won’t know under which name until you click the link! 😉

  25. Arjewtino

    This is the best thing you’ve written in years.

  26. sarah g

    in all honesty, we’re all just faces/words/emotions on a computer screen.
    many come through to bind together. technology is great that way, to communicate.
    but it also gives you some level of anonymity, where you can share.
    you needn’t worry about us.
    write for you.
    those who are vested; will stay. why? becuase you’ve put energy out too. you reply to emails or comments. you interact. you do visit other blogs. etc. you reply to comments in the comments etc.
    you make it interactive. you create a personality that someone remembers, becuase you prove that you are a person.

    i dont happen to pray for dooce after i’m done reading her blog. but i’ll remember you in a prayer. its a matter of you reaching out.

    they are your words, that you chose to share with us. we chose to read them. we chose to share them or ingest them or not. you cant make that decision for us. the only thing you can do, is write what you need to write on your blog, for you.

    it is one place where you can sorta play the selfish card, a ‘this is my journal of me’; and we have to say okay. so that said.
    i havent found anything s***y thus far, and i’m pretty sure i won’t. you are too gifted.

  27. fringes

    If it makes you feel any better, you’ve written plenty other shitty posts before this one. We’re still here.

  28. Miss Britt

    Neil, sometimes it is the shitty posts that bind people to you. They are the ones that break through the persona and flash a glimpse of the real person we’re imagining is behind the screen.

  29. cruisin-mom

    I’m a mom…I guess I have to keep reading your posts no matter what.

  30. Marge

    A jewish boy without a rabbi to debate the finer points is bound to argue with himself. You do that a lot don’t you?

    Seems to me you need to go back and reflect on why you write. I like to read the stuff that is basically your stream of consciousness. I like to be vicarious like that. When you start writing with me the reader in mind, it’s a bit of a turnoff.
    Stop analyzing and just go with the flow.

  31. Caitlinator

    Sometimes I think it’s not necessarily WHAT you write, just THAT you write. Who reads it is unimportant as long as YOU’RE getting something out of it. What’s great is that people tend to enjoy your writing more when you yourself enjoy it. That sort of love for your work is contagious that way.

  32. chantel

    I don’t have a mom, I have to rely on you to keep reading my shitty posts. For over a year I’ve been posting shitty stuff and people kept reading. I imagine bloggers are like mom’s in the most faithful, unhealthy, obsessive ways.

    Shitty or not; I’ll keep coming back.

  33. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

    I post I write shitty posts all of the time. My readers keep coming back.

    Today is a great example. I posted pictures of a telescoping fork.

  34. Annie

    I know how you feel Neil, I think my posts of late are pretty bad, but I am low on time this week, so I just pray people won’t give up on me. I would never give up on you no matter how shitty the posts become:-).

  35. Neil

    Fringes… I love that comment! When someone can dismiss an entire post in one line… well, that is the reason to blog. Just to get that comment. Now this is exactly what that “love” thing is. I totally want to sleep with you… right now… because you wrote that line. A funny comeback is a real turn on!

  36. melanie

    you never loved me so I am SAFE! I love reading your blog shitty or not.

    I write really shitty entries, because I can. try and stop me!!! i dare you. 😉

  37. fringes

    The Neil Crush Seven speak their minds. It’s a rule of membership.

  38. Laurie Ruettimann

    Remember when you told me that you missed my old blog? I talked about that in therapy.

  39. Ellen Bloom

    I’m intrigued by your soap-opera life. Oh yeah…I like your writing too.

  40. Neil

    Laurie — I used to love your blog. And I had a big crush on you. Remember our almost meeting in Starbucks in NYC? And then you went and started writing a blog about… Human Resources?! That was like a knife to my heart. You became dead to me.

    Ellen — Hopefully, the soap opera is better than All My Children lately. The show gets worse and worse.

  41. mrsatroxi

    See, now we’re all totally jealous of Fringes. Who the hell can top making a man want them in two sentences? NEITHER of which included the words “sex” or “naked”. Dude.


  42. Theresa B.

    Ah, writing something shitty is the booger in the nose or stinky feet of your latest real life crush. The baggy sweatpants and messy hair of a celebrity caught in the pages of some cheap grocery store tabloid. What keeps me coming back is that you’re not afraid to be stinky or messy. That and you’re awesome commenters. All hail the host of this salon.

  43. Whit

    As one that makes his bread and butter off of shitty posts, let me tell you, there’s a market.

  44. Annika

    It’s always my shittiest posts that get the most attention. Blogging is weird. But you’re right, my mom will read my blog no matter what.

  45. MammaLoves

    I think my mom actually stopped reading my blog.

    How sad is that?

  46. plain jane


    No matter how shitty the post you’ll always have a warm place in my heart.

    I read the post on Spitzer first and any guy who has never been to a prostitute AND doesn’t even care to, is high on my list.

    I agree that prostitution should be legal. But do you know that 90% of prostitutes have been sexually abused as children? Read some “fun facts” about this “victimless” crime.

  47. HeyJoe

    Your shitty posts are better than my attempts to not be shitty.

  48. Katie

    To me, it doesnt matter if it’s “shitty” as long as it’s real.

  49. CuriosityKiller

    You and I are from different worlds, Neil. I can only PRAY that my mom doesn’t read my blog… and I can’t help but actually write shitty posts.

  50. Jan

    My mother is too self-involved to read my blog.

    Occasionally, when I write something especially witty, I’ll direct her there.

    Of her own volition, she can’t be bothered. Which gives me open license to complain about her without fear of retribution.

    My mom’s pretty tightly wound. She’d probably like you until she realized you wrote the word “penis” on the internet. She’d say, “who does that.” (sheltered,too.)

  51. Jennifer

    My shi**y posts nearly always come about when I feel some inane pressure to post SOMETHING. It’s when I remember that this whole exercise started – for me – as an electronic journal, and get back to writing for me, that I actually start to like my posts again.

    Of course, by comment count, the external realities are often exactly opposite of the above.


  52. littlepurplecow

    It feels good to be back.

  53. Ash

    A blog is a reflection of who you are – if you want to be fake-happy then that’s ok too, but if you want to reflect reality, and sometimes reality is pretty damn shitty, then shitty posts will have to happen.

    It’s a bit like the first few times you have sex with someone new. You’re trying so hard to make a good impression, to be good, to do the right things. Someone told me that we were having ‘Cosmo-sex’ once. You know, like the magazine? Then after a few times you get past the Cosmo-sex and you start having real sex.

    It’s a bit like that with the shitty blog posts. You’ve stopped having Cosmo-sex with your readers Neil – now we’re onto the real thing.

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