Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

If I Was Married to Hellga from American Gladiators

I’m waiting… for that apology…

Does this joust go with my shoes?

You know I don’t like green peppers in my kung pao chicken!

Why must you always flirt with Fury in my presence?

I thought your mother was staying at a hotel this time?!

I don’t care what you got from Netflix.  Tonight we’re watching Grey’s Anatomy.

Stop fooling yourself, Neilochka.  It’s not even close to Titan’s.   That one time we… it was… it was… like this…

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:   How Jack Bauer Has Ruined My Life


  1. she’s probably a really sweet girl.

  2. I’m not sure at what point men are supposed to be aroused…

    But I sure am!

  3. she must not know grey’s are now all repeats due to the writers strike. break it to her gently.

  4. oh, but the greatest thing is that she’s actually H-E-Double Hockey Sticks-ga. and she scares the dickens out of me.

  5. Kat — Really? Hellga?! I have to change my title now so I don’t offend her!

  6. She’s such a delicate little flower, isn’t she? 😉

  7. I happened to see “Rock of Love 2” for the first time last night. I think I saw her on there too 😉

  8. When did Sophia get the blond wig? 😉

  9. really! it’s her greatest… uh… attribute 😉

  10. You sure that isn’t Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in a wig???

  11. I had never even seen this show before last night. Sophia and I watched it. I was surprised how much Sophia liked the show! We were talking about it like it was a “real” sporting event. I also spent most of the show wondering if one of these female gladiators could kill me in the bedroom with a “patented scissor hold.”

  12. By the way, men — here is Hellga’s Myspace page:

    Now I’m off to see if I can make her my “friend” on Twitter!

  13. I am convinced that I got a massage from this woman in Europe somewhere. Into the room she comes, directing me with one of the few English sentences she knows…

    “Pluease gettingk undress”

    Scary as hell.

  14. I think someone suggested she get a Braziian and this was her response.

    Go Helga!

  15. Guess what, Mom — if you’re reading this — she’s Jewish! And she also loved reading The Kite Runner.

    Hey, Robin Coleman, aka Hellga, I see you just started a blog?

    How would you like to be part of the Great Interview Experiment? You’re a blogger like the rest of us!

  16. I think I’m in love.

  17. Hey, I don’t like green pepper in MY kung pao chicken either!

  18. WOW. She’s a terrific talent. Look at the anger in her eyes…Look at the emotion in her furrowed brow. This American Gladiator show is really just a jumping off point. You know she really wants to BE on Grey’s Anatomy. They’ll cast her as McGreasy, the new physical therapist that all the men swoon over…

  19. I’m with Dave. She’s dreamy.

  20. I think she would KILL in the bedroom.

    I personally like “Crush.” I say this as IF…I’ve ever watched this show.

  21. Neil,

    Her Myspace page says that she is MOT. In this wild and wacky world you never know what could happen.

  22. Ok, maybe it would help if I read all of the comments first.

  23. at least there is padding on the end of the stick…

    ew. helga is oily. :giggles:

  24. Jack – shayner maidel! (sort of means hot babe in Yiddish)

    Melanie — not Helga, HeLLga!

  25. I’m so scared right now.She could probably crush me with her bare hands…I suppose that’s part of her allure, huh?

  26. Churlita — but you are faster on your feet.

  27. Dude, I’m totally going to look like that after my triathlon.

  28. One does not tell Hellga, “Not tonight dear, I have a headache.”


  29. she’s HOT. i would totally do her.

  30. She reminds me a bit of an old friend. If we stuck a blonde wig on him this is what he would look like.

  31. Neil, credit where credit is due, you HAVE to be the most versatile blogger on the planet.


    Sounds like a good name for an alter-ego. Mine or yours, I’m not sure which.

  32. She scares me!

    She could easily snap me like a twig!

  33. You’d take out the damn garbage, wouldn’t you?

  34. You wouldn’t get away with calling this Amazon woman a midget, would you, Neil?!

  35. I actually know her – or knew her, EXTREMELY tangentially – through a couple of WT newsgroups on Usenet and a womens’ weight training list. And we share teh same masseuse, who used to try to get us together.

    She is an extremely sweet girl. But female BB’ers, well, that’s a whole ‘nuther thing entirely.

    I had NO idea she was Hellga. Weird.

  36. Good God. That woman could break me in half with one pinky.

  37. My favorite thing about Helga is her shin guards. I think I should start wearing shin guards.

  38. Strong and beautiful… She’s a Goddess…

  39. Me and Helga are in love so don,t talk about her like that in front of me. Okay?

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