Next Week in Therapy


I’m sitting across from Brenda, my therapist. 

Therapist:  So, how did you feel about i?

Neil:  I was a little upset at her.

Therapist:  So what did you do?

Neil:  I withdrew.  I went into my room and wrote.  That made me feel better.  I think I do that too much.  I did that as a kid a lot.  I was an only child.  I always felt most comfortable just sitting around writing something.

Therapist:  What did you write last night?

Neil:  I wrote a silly blog post titled “If I Was Married to Hellga of American Gladiators.”

Therapist:  Hmm…

Neil:  Although no one reading it would know, I was probably venting about Sophia…

Therapist:  So, writing this blog is an important outlet for you.

Neil:  I suppose so.

Therapist:  Maybe it is a form of therapy for you.  A way for you to think about things.  What do you mostly write about?

Neil:  All different things.  Mostly funny things.  About Sophia.  I’ve even written about you. I mean not real stuff.  Well, sort of real.  I use different names for you, and your image has changed as time has gone on.  In the beginning, I made you into a hot babe therapist.  Once I wrote about being distracted because your legs were showing. 

Therapist:  Really?

Neil:  Yeah.  Silly stuff.  But you do have nice legs.  Jesus, I can’t believe I’m telling my therapist that she has nice legs.  Sorry.

Therapist:  It’s OK.

Neil:  But I’ve also written more serious stuff about therapy, like that I’m not an “adult” yet.

Therapist:  I’ve never done this with another client, but your blog seems a large part of your life.  Your fantasy life.  Do you think it would be a good idea if I read your blog?

Neil:  Oh, I was under the assumption that you had been reading it.  I even wrote about that.

Therapist:  No, I wouldn’t read it unless you asked me too.  Do you want me to?

Neil:  Sure.  Why not?

Therapist:  I don’t know too much about blogs?  How do people find you? 

Neil:  It’s sort of complicated.

Therapist:  Do a lot of people come to the blog?

Neil:  Well, it depends.  Right now I have a lot of people coming because I’m hosting this interview thing where people interview each other, but I have no idea how many of them are actually READING aything I write.

Therapist:  Let’s make next week a special one.  We’ll sit by the computer together and you’ll show me some of what you write on your blog.  I want you to show me things that can best help me understand you better.  Let’s make your blog part of therapy, since it seems to already be like that.  Or print out five posts that you want me to read.

Neil:  OK, but you DO realize I’m going to write about this on my blog tonight?

Therapist:  I have no doubt.

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42 Responses to Next Week in Therapy

  1. Donna says:

    FUNNY. And so true. I think writing in my blog has saved me a fortune in therapy bills.

  2. Carly says:

    I certainly think my therapist would have understood a lot more if she had access to my blog. That is a very good idea.

  3. Nina says:

    I am too busy writing my blog to remember to make an appointment with a therapist. Where do you find the time?

  4. tiff says:

    be proud of what you’ve written. No apologizing! Assert your fabulosity!

  5. sizzle says:

    i think that’s a great idea, actually. use what works for you. :)

  6. schmutzie says:

    Is it inappropriate if I say hello to your therapist?

    Hello, Neil’s therapist!

  7. Ash says:

    Neil, which ones are you going to choose? I’m so intrigued!

  8. Nat says:

    I am definitely reading it and loving it… beats my post about drooling over my RMT.

  9. blackbird says:

    My therapist doesn’t let me talk that long. Oh, and, I’m ACTUALLY READING.

  10. Neil says:

    And I definitely see where this idea of “falling” for your therapist comes from. You’re sitting across from her talking about these intimate things…

    Maybe I should have chosen a male therapist.

  11. witchypoo says:

    Do you think you can get yourself an “I’m Blogging This” t-shirt by the next appointment?

  12. Not that I’m reading or anything, but your therapist’s legs look like mine. Under the fat, of course.

  13. will says:

    My therapist has yet to see my blog and I’m ok with that.

  14. Cat says:

    I am reading this….see, right now, r e a d i n g.

    I wanna say HI to your therapist too (like schmutzie). “Hi”

  15. Greg says:

    My blog IS a lot like a therapist. Except that yours has nice legs and my blog is on its last legs.

  16. DaveX says:

    Be sure to get your money’s worth, and show her the Scary Maze Game, haha….

  17. Otir says:

    I am suspecting your therapist to be looking for new outlets for her practice. Be aware Neil, assert yourself and already plan on having a fee for any referral, she might use the comment box to lure in new patients, I’d be on the lookout if I were you.

  18. ajooja says:

    Man, I wish I had your therapist. She wouldn’t read my blog. She wouldn’t even read the posts I printed out for her!

    I’m so jealous.

    You can get fish tacos anytime you want too! (You know, since I’m being all jealous.) :)

  19. Nate says:

    Okay, that’s awesome – telling your therapist she has nice legs.


  20. liz elayne says:

    i have to admit that i would love to read an entire book of these conversations with your therapist. or a play…imagine them as a play…that would be fantastic. who would you want to play you in the broadway production?

  21. gorillabuns says:

    My blog IS my therapist. I never found one that would stop talking about themselves long enough for me to interject my problems.

  22. Isabel says:

    You are braver then I am. While I’ve mentioned my blog to my therapist, I’m not sure that I’d want her to read it.


  23. Kellyology says:

    I’m worried enough about strangers reading my blog, let alone someone who has actually seen me in person! You’re brave.

  24. Bemused says:

    You have one week to get a few ghost writers on your blog so you can confuse your therapist.

  25. Neil says:

    Isabel — But aren’t you already telling all this personal stuff to your therapist anyway? What exactly is ON your blog?! I love that my mother reads my blog.

  26. Does your therapist live in 1977? Because b/w those sandals and the chair…

  27. Funniest line of this post:

    Neil: Although no one reading it would know, I was probably venting about Sophia…

    Neil, everyone reading that post knew you were venting about Sophia. Or at least I did.

    Good luck with picking the posts. Be sure and let her read the comments so she knows what sorts of people you’ve surrounded yourself with.

    uff da (same as oy)

  28. HeyJoe says:

    Oh this is going to get twisted….

  29. Neil says:

    Not Fainthearted — Sophia said the same thing! I thought people would just think I was really into American Gladiators.

  30. witchypoo already said what my first thought was, you need an “I’m Blogging This” shirt to wear to therapy.

  31. oh oh, i see trouble ahead.

  32. Neil says:

    Is this “I’m Blogging This” a real t-shirt?

  33. MammaLoves says:

    Blogging as therapy?? We may put a whole industry out of business.

  34. V-Grrrl says:

    If one of my commenters is to be believed, my blog was part of a post-graduate project in Texas. Of course, the commenter was sure to tell me that his professors thought it sucked.

    I think he needs therapy. He assumed a woman’s identity and acted like a bitch…my loyal readers wrestled him/her down in the comments section, much like Hellga would have.

  35. piglet says:

    i just recently told my therapist about my blog, not sure if he’s reading it. afraid to ask.

    love your interview experiment idea, go you!

  36. margalit says:

    If it makes you feel any better, my therapist has read my blog for yours. In fact, every therapist involved with our family reads the blog regularly, as does most of the Special Ed department at my kid’s school. I don’t give a shit. I say what I need to, and sometimes the therapists have a lead in for the next session.

    Today, tho, I fell asleep during family therapy. Fast freaking asleep. Becuase I’m a really good mom!

  37. HOLY CRAP. I have had this EXACT conversation with my therapist (minus the American Gladiators stuff and all the people visiting my site thing). She thinks blogging is a perfect outlet for a mixed introvert/extrovert like me. In that I can engage when I want and disengage when I want.

  38. Karl says:

    Ack, the thought of my therapist reading my blog gives me chills. You’re a brave, brave man, Mr. Citizen.

  39. Neil says:

    Karl, I’ll ask the same question I asked someone else? Aren’t you already telling the therapist everything anyway?

  40. 180/360 says:

    The last therapist I went to told ME I had sexy legs. Somehow it just wasn’t as cool coming from a 70 year old, male doctor.

  41. Pingback: Citizen of the Month » Say Hello to Brenda, My Therapist

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